Canadian Rockhound: Murphy's Law

The Contributions of Edsel Murphy to the Understanding of the Behaviour of Minerals and Mineral Collecting
By Larry Rush, Guilford, CT
It has long been my consideration that the contributions of Edsel Murphy, specifically his general laws delineating the behavior of inanimate objects, have not been fully understood or appreciated. It is probable that this is, in part, due to the inherent simplicity of the laws themselves. The following corollaries to his well-known "Murphy's Laws" have been derived by me based on years of experience and hundreds of test occurrences. I have taken the liberty of appending friends names to these phenomena, with an absolute conviction that the experiences are universal in nature, and that every collector has found each of them to be true.

Murphy's First Law:
If anything can go wrong, it will

Laws of Weather
Lannie's Law: Any week of five consecutive clear and sunny week-days will have rain, sleet or snow on Saturday AND Sunday.
Pete's Principle: Cloudless days will overcast at the point when you reach the mine access road.
Edward's Extension: The precipitation will begin when you reach the half-way point of the access road.
Ervin's Further Extension: The intensity of precipitation will increase in direct proportion to the distance walked on the access road.
Ellie's observation: All precipitation will cease the instant you return to your car.

Laws of Equipment
Charlie's Principle: While visiting the one quarry of the year where hard-hats are required, a quick glance in the trunk will prove that yours is home in the garage.
Ray's Corollary: That garage will prove to be greater than 200 miles from the quarry.
Dick's Law: A dropped tool will land in a vug where it will do the maximum possible damage to the specimen. (Also known as the law of selective gravitation).
Stewart's Enigma: The laws of chemistry prevent a man-made chisel from being stronger than basalt.
Ronnie's Rule: Upon returning to the car after a six mile hike from the dumps with a 150 pound sack of rocks, it will be discovered that you left your new pry-bar at the site.
Cook's Conundrum: It is impossible to lose both hands of a set of gloves at the same time. It is also impossible not to lose one hand of a set of gloves.
Andy's Auxiliary: The glove lost from your second set of gloves will be the same hand as the one lost from the first set. (Can be extended to an infinite series of glove sets- known as the Law of Arithmetic Glove Loss Progression).
Allen's Axiom: The only tool left at home will be the one needed most on a field trip.
Carl's Extension: Most of the other tools which you did bring on a field trip will not be needed.

Laws of Field Collecting
Sandy's Law: The need to go to the bathroom increases with the distance away from the facilities.
Doug's Theory: Black flies do not live in the woods until you start to dig, at which time and place they instantaneously appear to hold their annual convention.
Ollie's Observation: The distance to crystal groups in narrow vugs always equals your arms length, plus six inches.
John's Theory: In apparent defiance of Moh, when trimming matrix, berylwill break before feldspar.
Sally's Observation: The best crystal of the trip will be found lying on the surface by a ten year old who will be heard to exclaim, "Is this rock any good?".
Jack's Law No.1: The mine owner will always point out a hole to dig in where "someone pulled out a fantastic bunch of azurite last week!".
Jack's Law No.2: No azurite will be found in said hole.
Jack's Law No.3: It will take you all day to discover the truth of Jack's Law No.2.
Rick's Rule: The attractiveness and desirability of a crystal pocket is in inverse proportion to its accessibility in the wall.
Pattie's Premise: The enthusiasm of any one under the age of 18 on a field trip with their parents expires at the beginning of the sixth minute at the site.
Morry's Misery: The level of enthusiasm maintained while digging in old dumps is inversely proportional to the number of snakes encountered.
Danny's Dilemma No.1: All paths to collecting sites have more uphill sections than they have downhill sections.
Danny's Dilemma No.2: All paths from collecting sites have more uphill sections than they have downhill sections.
Danny's Dilemma No.3: The same paths double in length during your collecting period.
Alfred's Awful Discovery: The vulnerability of fingers to hammer blows will be demonstrated at least once per field trip.
Irv's Irritation: The person in the hole two feet to your left (substitute right, back, or front) will find a museum piece, while your hole will be barren.
Larry's Law: The best crystal pockets are devilishly designed to be in vertical walls placed a minimum of five feet above your head.
Fred's Frustration: The safety factor of overhanging rock in a quarry wall is highest when there is no mineralization there.

Laws of Cleaning, Storing, and Saving Minerals
Ron's Rule of Rock Wrecking: The last intended blow of the hammer will always smash the crystal.
Ron's Rule of Rock Wrecking II: The only crystal smashed will have been the best one collected that day.
Cash's Criticism: An agate will orient itself to be sawn so that the ugliest portion of its interior is exposed.
Ralph's Rule: Acid baths will destroy the specimen while cleaning the matrix.
Pat's Principle: Those specimens which have been wrapped with the greatest amount of tissue will fall from your hands while unwrapping.

Laws of Shopping, Swapping, and Shows
The Swappers First Rule of Trading: Any specimen received in any swap is less valuable than the one you traded.
The Swappers Second Rule of Trading: The value of specimens received in a mail swap is always exceeded by the cost of your postage.
The Swappers Third rule of Trading: The frequency of specimen damage in the mail is directly proportional to the frequency of "FRAGILE" markings on the package.
Smitty's Sorrow: Your worst enemy's first place prize crystal on exhibit in your clubs centennial show will be inferior to the one you decided not to show.
Willy's Woe: The specimen you have always wanted will be spotted (cheaply priced) on the dealers table NEXT to the one where you just spent your last dollar.
Kevin's Rule: The other trader never needs what you have the most of to swap.
Laurie's Law: The impact of a dropped flat of specimens will do the worst damage to the best piece, and no damage to the worst piece.
Ben's Premise: The size and quality of verbally described crystals increases by a factor of two each time the collecting tale is told. (Also known as the Fisherman's Law).
Robert's Response: The listeners mind will compensate for Ben's Premise by decreasing by a factor of two for each collecting tale.
Fisher's Frustration: No one who is present ever wins a mineral show door prize.

Copyright ©1997 Larry Rush
383 Saw Mill Road, Guilford, CT 06437
E-mail: lrush@cshore.com
This article may not be copied, distributed or reprinted in any form without the author's permission. To contact the author, please use the e-mail address provided. If you are unable to contact the author, please contact the Canadian Rockhound. Authorized reprints must acknowledge the author, original source and the Canadian Rockhound, and include the website URL address of the Canadian Rockhound.
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Document Number: CR9701204

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