KNOTS FROM
THE UNDERGROUND
c.i.a. seeks to
KEEP FEAR ALIVE
by
GARY OLSON
_________________________________________________________________
Gary
Olson
is a member of the Political Science Department at Moravian College
in Bethlehem, PA.
According
to C.I.A. director John Brennan, the quota for creating new ISIS
recruits is falling behind, and “this threatens an ominous
and even crippling ‘enemy vacuum’ for the United States.”
Even
though U.S. drone strikes continue to kill scores of innocent
people, not enough of their relatives are seeking revenge by becoming
suicide bombers, hence a dearth of helpful propaganda for the
war on terror.
Compounding
the problem is a heretofore unknown whistleblower going by the
name of Truth Teller. Teller’s revelations include internal
C.I.A. studies confirming that “the primary grievance motivating
terrorism is Western and especially U.S. military intervention
and occupation in the Muslim world.” He or she goes on to
assert that “revealing this finding would undermine public
support for Washington’s policy, threaten our control of
the region’s natural resources and curtail profits flowing
to the military-industrial complex.”
And while
the massive surge of refugees created by U.S. intervention in
several countries has stoked the xenophobia essential for fear-mongering,
officials worry that “it has yet to produce enough bona
fide ‘I Hate America’ sandals on ground.”
Faced
with the dire crisis, the C.I.A. has proposed Operation: Keep
Fear Alive, under which desperately poor, homeless and angry Muslims
can volunteer to be drone strike victims. Each one must film a
video during which they vow to behead Americans, shout “Allah
Akbar,” and agree to be easy targets. The family of each
deceased will receive $75,000 dollars, an all-expense paid trip
to Disney World and a private audience with Mickey Mouse.
Apparently,
the C.I.A’s most vexing moral issue is that the agency might
be engaging in unfair labour practices. At present, the offer
is only being extended to Muslims; but, according to Teller’s
leaked documents, “Contingent on future events, the agency
does not rule out tweaking the program so that non-Muslims may
avail themselves of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”
According
to Director Brennan, the projected cost of the program is $750
million, but, given the urgency of the terrorist shortage, the
budget is open-ended. Whatever the cost, officials consider it
a “trifling sum” if it serves to legitimate U.S. national
security interests, including the Pentagon’s $1 trillion
budget.
Finally,
as they proceed with this ruse, one member of U.S. national security
establishment betrays officialdom’s contempt for ordinary
citizens by quoting H.L. Mencken’s assertion that “nobody
ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American
public.”
Gary's
Knots from the Underground Satires:
Modest
Proposal: Franchising Beheadings
The
Zika Virus & Big Pharma
Also
by Gary Olson:
Cultivating
Empathy
On
the Birth of ISIS
Can
Capitalism Save Itself
Manufacturing
Memory
Unmaking
War, Remaking Man
Rifkin
and Singer
