Nothing is impossible
for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
An optimist
can always see the bright side of another's misfortune.
Lincoln once
had to walk nine miles to borrow a book. Now they close
the libraries on his birthday.
A book is a
success when people who haven't read pretend they have.
Advertising
is the art of making whole lies out of half truths.
There's a dead
fly in my soup. Yes. It's the heat that kills them.
What are the
quickest ways of spreading news? Tele-phone, Tele-gram,
Tele-woman.
A psychiatrist
is a man who goes to the Moulin Rouge and looks at the audience.
If you were
my husband I'd give you poison. If you were my wife I'd
take it.
Definition of
handicapped golfer. One who is playing with the boss.
Congratulations
on getting your B.A. Now you have to buckle down and learn
the other 24 letters. And this time, get them in the right
order.
Psychiatrist
to patient. I've got good news for you. It's not a complex;
you are inferior.
Modern art is
when you buy a picture to cover a hole in the wall and then
decide the hole looks much better.
There are three
kind of people in the world. Those who can't stand Picasso;
those who can't stand Raphael; and those who have never
heard of them.
When a girl
marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the
inattention of one.
