YGDRASIL: A Journal of the Poetic Arts

February 2003

Editor: Klaus J. Gerken
Production Editor: Pedro Sena
European Editor: Moshe Benarroch
Contributing Editors: Martin Zurla; Rita Stilli; Michael Collings; Jack R. Wesdorp

ISSN 1480-6401


TABLE OF CONTENTS



                     Games for Married Couples.

                By D. Bruno Starrs. Copyright 2003.




INTRODUCTION


   This play was first directed by the author and performed by the 
   University of Melbourne Student Union funded amateur theatre group 
   'Selected Toppings' at the Beanland Performing Arts Theatre in 
   Footscray, Melbourne in September 2002 during the inaugural 3D Fest 
   with the following cast; 

   WOLFGANG . . . Gavin Williams 
   KYLIE . . . Olivia Crang 
   REYNALDO . . . Nick Compton 



   Games for Married Couples.
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   By D. Bruno Starrs. Copyright 2003.
   
   
   (A cheerleader 'type' bounces across the stage with a placard stating; 
   GAME ONE. 
   A referee's whistle is heard starting play. The curtain lifts to reveal 
   the interior of a modern apartment. There are two doors, one to the 
   outside, the other to the bedroom. The walls are like giant playing cards. 
   The furniture consists of sturdy black and white 60 cm cubes upon 
   which (like alphabet building blocks) are affixed various letters or 
   words. KYLIE, a young attractive, pampered socialite type -if there is 
   such a 'type' - is seated at the cubes that spell the word S.O.F.A., 
   dressed in a tennis outfit and filing her nails. She yawns. After some 
   time her husband, WOLFGANG, an older, sophisticated and arty type -if 
   there is such a 'type' - enters from outside. He is wearing a black 
   skivvy and beret and is obviously stressed but pleased to be home. He 
   casually tosses his G.U.C.C.I. bag and the keys to his S.A.A.B. onto 
   the T.A.B.L.E. cubes and waits for KYLIE to acknowledge his arrival. 
   She ignores him and enjoys his consternation. His confident veneer 
   begins to crack.) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Half to himself) 
   Gott in Himmel! 
   (To KYLIE) 
   Ach! Vat a fucking day! 6 am to 8 pm vithout a break und not von take 
   vorth ze keeping. I vouldn't vant to ever endure zat again! 
   
   KYLIE 
   (With sincerity) 
   Poor snookums. Tell me all about it. Did that famous American starlet 
   play up? Now what was her name again? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   You know zat she is called Brittany, und ja, she vas intolerate-able. 
   Such a demanding little child! She refused to come onto ze set unless 
   her fucking poodle vas zere as vell. Und, of course, ze mutt pissed on a 
   lead und shorted out half ze lights. Fucking unbelievable! I could kill 
   ze little Brittany brat - it vould so satisfying be - like throttling a 
   baby zat vas bawling at ze movies! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wolfgang, that's a terrible thing to say! You know how I feel about 
   babies! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Sorry, darlink . . . still, I shouldn't complain. At least I'll still 
   get paid. 
   
   KYLIE 
   And exactly how much are you going to make, Mr. Director? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Exactly vat I am vorth. 
   
   KYLIE 
   We can't live on that, darling. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Oh, you are in ze good form zis evening, you impetuous little upstart . . . 
   und vat vas your day like - did you even get up before ze noon? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, Heavens, no! But Chloe and I did manage to squeeze in a few tennis 
   lessons in between the daiquiris in the afternoon. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Hmm, I sink I vould have liked to have seen zat - you two pretty young 
   vives prancing about in your scandalously short skirts vith ze vite 
   bloomers showing ze peek-a-boo from underneath und driving your tennis 
   instructor crazy vith lust. Ze poor bastard - I hope he realises how 
   disposable he is . . . 
   
   KYLIE 
   And today was such a hot day . . . we were sweating all over . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Mmmm . . . our shirts were clinging to our bodies, and of course, silly 
   me, I'd forgotten to put on a bra . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ach, ja . . . zat is sounding good . . . you vere vet, nein? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wet? Oh, yes! In fact I'm starting to feel a little damp right now . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vell, vy don't you come over here, you sexy little vixen? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, are we going to do some rehearsing, Mr. Director? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja, but I vould like to audition you first. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Shouldn't you come over to the sofa, or should I say 'couch' - as in 
   'casting couch'?
   (KYLIE rearranges the S.O.F.A. as if smoothing sheets until the cubes 
   read L.U.S.T.) 
   So, how bad do you want it? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   I am vanting it bad! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Yeah? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ach, ja. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Well, you're not going to get it! 
   (KYLIE pushes WOLFGANG away and he chases her around the T.A.B.L.E. cubes. 
   Neither sees the door to the outside open slightly. They eventually stop, 
   facing each other over the T.A.B.L.E. cubes which they turn over cube by 
   cube until they are nose to nose. The cubes now read B.L.I.S.S.) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   So, it's going to be another night of sordid little love games, is it? 
   
   KYLIE 
   I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Director. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ve are going to play like ze cat und ze mouse. Or maybe ve vill play ze 
   kittycat und ze master? 
   
   KYLIE 
   The kittycat is the master. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Meow! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Pfft! 
   (The door shuts quickly but quietly as WOLFGANG jumps back) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Oh, you may be having ze sharp claws, darlink, but you're still no match 
   for me. 
   
   KYLIE 
   We'll see about that, Mr. Director - you'll soon be playing the part of 
   the naughty little boy sent to bed without his supper. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vould zat make you hot, darlink? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Pointing her 'mobile phone at WOLFGANG like a TV remote control) 
   Changing your channel would definitely improve my viewing pleasure. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ze question you need to ask yourself in zis audition is vether you're up 
   to it? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, I'm a 'method actor', Mr. Director - I live the part and consequently 
   I'm always up to it. The real question is - can you get it up? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Pointing his mobile 'phone at KYLIE. It fails to 'work') 
   I'm ze vun who calls ze shots here, darlink, remember? 
   
   KYLIE 
   That's all well and good, but what about your little Director's 'assistant'? 
   (KYLIE gestures with her 'pinkie' finger') 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   'Little', hey? My, my, my - you're going to have to be punished for zat 
   vun! Prepare yourself for ze spanking, young lady! 
   
   KYLIE 
   You're going to have to catch me first, Mr. Director! 
   (KYLIE runs around the B.L.I.S.S. cubes with WOLFGANG in hot pursuit. He 
   catches her and showers her with kisses. As he does the telephone on the 
   wall near the bedroom door starts ringing. There is a brief blackout 
   before a red spotlight is focussed on the telephone and then the lights 
   come up as before. The telephone continues ringing) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Deadpan) 
   Zat'll be ze 'phone. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Rock, paper, scissors? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vy not? 
   (They face each other and play a round of 'Rock, paper, scissors'. 
   WOLFGANG does 'scissors', KYLIE does 'rock') 
   
   KYLIE 
   Ha! You lose! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Damn! 
   (WOLFGANG goes over to the telephone. KYLIE sits at the B.L.I.S.S. cubes) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Wolfgang Schmidt. Speak to me. 
   (WOLFGANG glances at KYLIE and lowers his voice) 
   Brittany, are you fucking crazy ? I told you it is over being . . . Nein, 
   don't . . . Ja, vell, zis is not ze good time . . . Nein! You can't do 
   zat! . . . Vat? . . . You are? . . . Ze PVC und ze jodhpurs? . . .
   Alright, I'll be over coming in ze twenty minutes . . . Mmm, mein sch”ne 
   madchen! 
   (WOLFGANG hangs up) 
   
   KYLIE 
   Who was it, darling? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Flustered) 
   Oh, ah . . . Zat vas zis new editor vorking on zat last dogfood commercial 
   I vas shot by . . . He seems to have lost a feel . . . I mean deal . . . I 
   mean reel! He is so fucking hopeless. I'm going to have to go over to his 
   studio and sort it out. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Now? At this time of night? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Nervously) 
   Ja, vell, he's vorking to a dead-man . . . Um, dead-life . . . Um, 
   dead-line, zat's it! Ah, if he doesn't make it none of us get ze big, 
   fat chick . . . I mean crook . . . I mean ze big, fat cheque! 
   I'll be back before you are knowing it, darlink. You von't even miss 
   me. . . Nein, you von't even miss me at all. 
   (WOLFGANG kisses KYLIE on the cheek, picks up his keys and hurriedly walks 
   to the door) 
   
   KYLIE 
   Darling, hurry back - the game's just not the same when there's only one 
   playing. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja, I vill being right back to start over and pick up vere ve left off 
   ze second time 'round und repeat it all over again! 
   (WOLFGANG exits. KYLIE sits and contemplates the preceding events) 
   
   KYLIE 
   That's the problem with being married to a director - you never know when 
   they're telling the truth or just acting . . . Oh, well, might as well 
   have some coke - I know there's heaps left. Wolfie won't even miss it. 
   (KYLIE finds some cocaine in WOLFGANG's G.U.C.C.I. bag and prepares it) 
   Whoa, that's better. Shame I'm all alone though. This shit makes me sooo 
   horny. 
   (KYLIE rearranges the B.L.I.S.S. cubes to read A.L.O.N.E.) 
   Mmmm. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (Calling from offstage and startling the aroused KYLIE) 
   Hello? Anybody home? Door's open! 
   (REYNALDO enters. He is well dressed in a casual ensemble, cashmere 
   pullover draped over his shoulders and sunglasses propped on top of his 
   head. He adopts an exaggeratedly feminine posture and lisps) 
   Hey. 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Flustered) 
   Reynaldo! How are you sweetie? Mmm, nice threads! 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (Admiring himself and striking a catwalk model pose) 
   Yeah, pretty fine, hey. So, what's happening - Wolfgang about? 
   
   KYLIE 
   You've just missed him, baby. Care for a line? 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Well, I am going to the gym later - it'd give me a lift. 
   
   KYLIE 
   You know, Reynaldo, I could give you a real lift. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (Nervously snorting some cocaine) 
   Come on, Kyles, stop mucking around - you know that Chloe and I are 
   perfectly happy and I wouldn't jeopardise that for anything, not even for 
   . . . you. 
   
   KYLIE 
   But you're tempted aren't you, sweetie? Wouldn't you like to make Wolfie 
   jealous? I know I would. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   You're serious, aren't you? 
   
   KYLIE 
   I can be just as bad as him you know. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Actually, Kyles, I think I'd better be going. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, yeah, sure . . . Listen, Reynaldo, I was just kidding, you know. It's 
   just part of the games we play. And, like, the coke makes me stupid. But 
   sometimes I get so pissed off at Wolfgang! I can never tell for sure what 
   he's up to. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   He loves you, Kylie, I know - I work with him. Look, I really gotta speak 
   to Wolfgang and tell him the news - seems we got the second 'Chump' 
   commercial. 
   
   KYLIE 
   What? 
   
   REYNALDO 
   You know, the dogfood ad we just finished. They loved it - especially the 
   editing! I'll just give him another ring. 
   (REYNALDO tries to call WOLFGANG on his mobile 'phone) 
   Hmm, "Not turned on or out of range". Tell him to give me a buzz when he 
   gets back. See ya! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Um . . . Reynaldo, let's keep this between ourselves, huh? 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Mum's the word. Oh, and thanks for the coke - I'm gonna have a great 
   workout now! 
   (REYNALDO exits and KYLIE sits) 
   
   KYLIE 
   Jesus, I could do with a great workout . . . 
   (Dreamily) 
   Especially with him. 
   (Thinking of WOLFGANG, KYLIE sits bolt upright) 
   What's that bastard up to? Lost a reel my arse! And not answering his 
   mobile! Is he playing in another comp? Or am I just being paranoid? 
   (KYLIE rearranges the L.U.S.T. cubes until they read S.U.S.S.) 
   Have I lost him too? 
   (A referee's whistle is heard. Lights fade to black) 
   (A buffed jock 'type' bounces across the stage with a placard stating; 
   GAME TWO. 
   A referee's whistle is heard and the lights come up to reveal the same 
   scene as before, except S.U.S.S. is now C.O.O.L. and A.L.O.N.E. is now 
   L.I.V.E.S.) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (After a painful silence in which he seems unable to decide what to say, 
   he eventually speaks, but faster and more aggressively than in GAME ONE) 
   Gott in Himmel! 
   (To KYLIE) 
   Ach! Vat a fucking day! 6 am to 8 pm vithout a break und not von take 
   vorth ze keeping. I vouldn't vant to ever endure zat again! But vith my 
   luck it is being a repeat performance tomorrow. 
   
   KYLIE 
   (With a little more animosity than in GAME ONE) 
   Poor snookums. Tell me all about it. Did that famous American starlet 
   play up? Now what was her name again? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   You know zat she is called Brittany, und ja, she vas intolerate-able. 
   Such a demanding little child! She refused to come onto ze set unless 
   her fucking rottweiler vas zere as vell. Und, of course, ze mutt started 
   humping ze continuity girl's leg! Fucking unbelievable! I could kill ze 
   little Brittany brat - it vould so satisfying be - like throttling a 
   baby zat vas bawling at ze movies! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wolfgang, that's a terrible thing to say! You know how I feel about 
   babies! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Sorry, darlink . . . still, I shouldn't complain. At least I'll still 
   get paid. 
   
   KYLIE 
   And exactly how much are you going to make, Mr. Director? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Exactly vat I am vorth. 
   
   KYLIE 
   I can't live on that, darls. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Oh, you are in ze good form zis evening, you impetuous little upstart . . . 
   und vat vas your day like - did you even get up before ze noon? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, Heavens, no! But Chloe and I did manage to squeeze in a few tennis 
   lessons in between the daiquiris in the afternoon. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Hmm, I sink I vould have liked to have seen zat - you two pretty young 
   vives prancing about in your scandalously short skirts vith ze cute 
   little cottontails showing ze peek-a-boo underneath und driving your 
   tennis instructor crazy vith lust. Ze poor bastard - I hope he realises 
   how disposable he is . . . 
   
   KYLIE 
   And today was such a hot day . . . we were sweating all over . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Mmm . . . our shirts were clinging to our bodies, and of course, silly me, 
   I'd forgotten to put on a bra . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ach, ja . . . zat is sounding good . . . you vere vet, nein? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wet? Oh, yes! In fact I'm starting to feel a little damp right now . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vell, vy don't you come over here, you sexy little vixen? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Cynically) 
   Oh, are we going to do some rehearsing, Mr. Director? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja, but I vould like to audition you first. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Shouldn't you come over to the sofa, or should I say 'couch' - as in 
   'casting couch'? 
   (KYLIE rearranges the C.O.O.L. cubes until they read C.O.L.D.) 
   So, how bad do you want it? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   I am vanting it bad! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Yeah? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ach, ja. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Well, you're not going to get it! 
   (KYLIE pushes WOLFGANG away and he chases her around the L.I.V.E.S. cubes. 
   Unseen, REYNALDO opens the door from outside, pokes his head onto stage 
   and watches them. They eventually stop, facing each other over the 
   L.I.V.E.S. cubes which they turn over cube by cube until they are nose to 
   nose. The cubes now read S.W.E.A.T.) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   So, it's going to be another night of sordid little love games, is it? 
   
   KYLIE 
   I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Director. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ve are going to play like ze cat und ze mouse. Or maybe ve vill play ze 
   kittycat und ze master? 
   
   KYLIE 
   The kittycat is the master. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Meow! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Pfft! 
   (Both REYNALDO and WOLFGANG jump back. REYNALDO exits) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Oh, you may be having ze sharp claws, darlink, but you're still no match 
   for me. 
   
   KYLIE 
   We'll see about that, Mr. Director - you'll soon be playing the part of 
   the naughty little boy sent to bed without his supper. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vould zat make you hot, darlink? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Pointing her mobile 'phone at WOLFGANG like a TV remote control) 
   Changing your channel could really lift your ratings! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ze question you need to ask yourself in zis audition is vether you're up 
   to it? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, I'm a 'method actor', Mr. Director - I live the part day after day 
   and consequently I'm always up to it. The real question is - can you get 
   it up? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Pointing his mobile 'phone at KYLIE. It fails to 'work') 
   I'm ze vun who calls ze shots here, darlink, remember? 
   
   KYLIE 
   That's all well and good, but what about your little Director's 
   'assistant'? 
   (KYLIE gestures with her 'pinkie' finger) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   'Little', hey? My, my, my - you're going to have to be punished for zat 
   vun! Prepare yourself for ze spanking, young lady! 
   
   KYLIE 
   You're going to have to catch me first, Mr. Director! 
   (KYLIE runs around the S.W.E.A.T. cubes with WOLFGANG in hot, hot pursuit. 
   He catches her and showers her with kisses. As he does the telephone on 
   the wall near the bedroom door starts ringing. There is a brief blackout 
   before an orange spotlight is focussed on the telephone and then the 
   lights come up as before. The telephone continues ringing) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Deadpan) 
   Zat'll be ze 'phone. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Rock, paper, scissors? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vy not? 
   (They face each other and play a round of 'Rock, paper, scissors'. 
   WOLFGANG does 'scissors', KYLIE does 'paper') 
   Ha! You lose! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Damn! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Smirking) 
   Now don't be playing ze sore loser. Answer ze 'phone. 
   (KYLIE sighs and goes to the 'phone while WOLFGANG sits) 
   
   KYLIE 
   Kylie's cubbie-house, rooms by the hour! 
   (After a glance at WOLFGANG, KYLIE lowers her voice) 
   Brittany, darling, I was just thinking about you . . . Hey, what's up, 
   baby? 
   (Shocked) 
   What? . . . Oh, my God! Are you alright? . . . No, they're just scum . . . 
   You're right, they just lose all sense of morality. Their lives become 
   sick , um, games . . . Of, course, baby, I'll be right there. I'll look 
   after you . . . Twenty minutes max . . . OK, hang in there. See you soon. 
   (KYLIE hangs up) 
   I can't believe it. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vat's happened now? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, ah . . . 'Felicity's' been mugged by some jucking funkie . . . I mean 
   fucking junkie . . . with a dirty great big sting . . . I mean thing . . . 
   I mean syringe! Um, they took her money, cards, keys, mobile 'phone - 
   everything! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   How could she call you if they took her mobile? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Irritated) 
   I don't know, Wolfgang, ever heard of a public 'phone box? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Sorry! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Anyway, I'm going into town to pick her up . . . I mean give her a lift . . . 
   I mean, um, take her home. I'll try not to be too long. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   But I thought ve vere going to have some fun. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wolfie, don't be such a . . . baby. I'm just calling 'time-out', and, 
   well, you'll benefit from a chance to re-charge your batteries. But 
   don't wear yourself out practicing on your own, 'cos you know it's more 
   fun when there's two playing. See you soon, Mr. Director. 
   (KYLIE exits) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   If zis is a game I must have missed ze kick-off! . . . Gott in Himmel! 
   Vat a fucking day! 
   (WOLFGANG does a double-take) 
   I sink I am deserving a drink - or two. 
   (WOLFGANG mixes himself a stiff drink) 
   Mmm, zat's better . . . Now I vonder vat zat bitch is up to . . . Zis 
   whole mugging thing sounds very suspicious to me . . . Ach, I'm just 
   being paranoid. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (Calling from offstage) 
   Hello? Anybody home? Door's open. 
   (REYNALDO enters. He is well-dressed in trendy skating gear, gold chains 
   and bandanna) 
   Hey. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Reynaldo! 
   (Sarcastically) 
   Hey, man, nice threads! 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (Admiring himself and striking a rap artist pose) 
   Yeah, pretty fine, hey. So what's happening? Kyles about? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   You've just missed her, buddy. Care for a drink? 
   
   REYNALDO 
   No, thanks, man. I'm going to the gym later - it'd bring me down. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Rearranging the S.W.E.A.T. cubes to read M.A.T.C.H.) 
   Vell, you know, Reynaldo, I'm going to bring you down anyvay - vy are you 
   alvays looking for my vife? 
   
   REYNALDO 
   What? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja, you are alvays checking her out - vat's ze matter - losing ze interest 
   in Chloe? 
   
   REYNALDO 
   You've lost it man - I'm not interested in your wife! Chloe just wanted 
   to borrow her tennis racquet. She's starting lessons tomorrow. And anyway, 
   you can't talk - everyone knows about you and Brittany! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Reluctantly) 
   Vell, zat's all over now. 
   (With authority) 
   So, Mum's ze vord, right? You tell Kylie and I'll tell Chloe about . . . 
   Vell, I'll think of someone. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Man, you can be an asshole, Wolfgang. If I didn't have to work with you 
   I'd sort you out once and for all. I'm outta here. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Reynaldo, vait a second. Tell me - and ze truth now - are you on steroids? 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Get fucked, Wolfgang. 
   (REYNALDO exits. WOLFGANG is amused) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ha! Vat a loser! A mere spectator! 
   (Suspiciously) 
   So Chloe starts lessons tomorrow, hey? Very interesting - or am I just 
   being paranoid? Ach, who cares. I am too exhausted to worry about it. Man, 
   vat a day. Vat a fucking day! 
   (WOLFGANG rearranges the C.O.L.D. cubes to read F.E.A.R.) 
   Hmm, almost lost it today vith zat Brittany slut . . . Better be playing 
   it careful . . . Don't vant zat to happen. 
   (A referee's whistle is heard. The lights fade to black) 
   
   (An elderly couple 'type' hobble across the stage with a placard stating; 
   GAME THREE. 
   A referee's whistle is heard and the lights come up to reveal the same 
   scene as before, except F.E.A.R. is now D.E.A.D. and M.A.T.C.H. is now 
   B.O.R.E.D.) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Storming in angrily) 
   Gott in Himmel! 
   (To KYLIE) 
   Ach! Vat a fucking day! 6 am to 8 pm vithout a break und not von take 
   vorth ze keeping. I vouldn't vant to ever endure zat again! Sheesh! It 
   feels like I've done a double shift! 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Dripping with extreme insincerity) 
   Poor snookums. Tell me all about it. Did that famous American starlet 
   play up? Now what was her name again? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   You know zat she is called Brittany, und ja, she vas intolerate-able. 
   Such a demanding little child! She refused to come onto ze set unless her 
   fucking pet verevolf vas zere as vell. Und, of course, ze mutt ate ze 
   leading man! Fucking unbelievable! I could kill ze little Brittany brat - 
   it vould so satisfying be - like throttling a baby zat vas bawling at ze 
   movies! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wolfgang, that's an absolutely fucking unacceptable thing to say! You 
   know how I feel about babies! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Sorry, darlink . . . still, I shouldn't complain. At least I'll still get 
   paid. 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Deprecating) 
   And exactly how much are you going to make, Mr. Director? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Exactly vat I am vorth. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Even you can't live on that, darling. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Oh, you are in ze good form zis evening, you impetuous little upstart . . . 
   und vat vas your day like - did you even get up before ze noon? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, Heavens, no! But Chloe and I did manage to squeeze in a few tennis 
   lessons in between the daiquiris in the afternoon. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Hmm, I sink I vould have liked to have seen zat - you two pretty young 
   vives prancing about in your scandalously short skirts vith ze leopard 
   skin G-strings showing ze peek-a-boo underneath und driving your tennis 
   instructor crazy vith lust. Ze poor bastard - I hope he realises how 
   disposable he is . . . 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Teasing mercilessly) 
   And today was such a hot day . . . we were sweating all over . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Mmm . . . our shirts were clinging to our bodies, and of course, silly me, 
   I'd forgotten to put on a bra . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ach, ja . . . zat is sounding good . . . you vere vet, nein? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wet? Oh, yes! In fact I'm starting to feel a little damp right now . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vell, vy don't you come over here, you sexy little vixen? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, are we going to do some rehearsing, Mr. - Huh! - Director? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja, but I vould like to audition you first. 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Angrily) 
   I'm not going anywhere near that filthy 'casting couch'! 
   (KYLIE moves to rearrange the D.E.A.D. cubes, reads them and changes her 
   mind. The cubes are left reading D.E.A.D.) 
   So, how bad do you want it? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (With malice) 
   I am vanting it bad! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Yeah? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ach, ja. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Well, you're not going to get it! 
   (KYLIE fearfully runs away and WOLFGANG chases her around the B.O.R.E.D. 
   cubes. Unseen, REYNALDO - naked except for a bathrobe - opens the door 
   from outside, stands in the doorway and watches them. They eventually 
   stop, facing each other over the B.O.R.E.D. cubes which they turn over 
   cube by cube until they are nose to nose. The cubes now read F.I.G.H.T.) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Threatening) 
   So, it's going to be another night of sordid little love games, is it? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Now frightened) 
   I . . . I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Director. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ve are going to play like ze cat und ze mouse. Or maybe ve vill play ze 
   kittycat und ze master? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Defensively) 
   The kittycat is the master. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Meow! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Pfft! 
   (Both REYNALDO and WOLFGANG jump back. REYNALDO continues watching 
   from the doorway and, with his hand in the pocket of his robe starts, 
   ahem, pleasuring himself) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Oh, you may be having ze sharp claws, darlink, but you're still no match 
   for me. 
   
   KYLIE 
   We'll see about that, Mr. Director - you'll soon be playing the part of 
   the naughty little boy sent to bed without his supper. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vould zat make you hot, darlink? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Pointing her 'mobile phone at WOLFGANG like a TV remote) 
   Changing your channel might just keep your show on the air! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ze question you need to ask yourself in zis audition is vether you're up 
   to it? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, I'm a 'method actor', Mr. Director - I live the part day after day 
   after day and consequently I'm always up to it. The real question is - 
   can you get it up? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Pointing his mobile 'phone at KYLIE. It fails to 'work') 
   I'm ze vun who calls ze shots here, darlink, remember? 
   
   KYLIE 
   That's all well and good, but what about your little Director's 
   'assistant'? 
   (KYLIE gestures with her 'pinky' finger) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   'Little', hey? My, my, my - you're going to have to be punished for zat 
   vun! Prepare yourself for ze spanking, young lady! Or maybe ze spanking 
   is not good enough. Maybe I vill just be having to kill you! 
   
   KYLIE 
   (With very real fear) 
   You're going to have to catch me first, Mr. Director! 
   (KYLIE runs around the F.I.G.H.T. cubes with WOLFGANG in hot, hot, hot 
   pursuit. He catches her and lifts his hand as if to strike her. As he 
   does the telephone on the wall near the bedroom door starts ringing. 
   There is a brief blackout before a green spotlight is focussed on the 
   telephone and then the lights come up as before. The telephone continues 
   ringing) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Deadpan) 
   Zat'll be ze 'phone. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Um, rock, paper, scissors? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vy not? 
   (The animosity dissipates considerably. They face each other and play a 
   round of 'Rock, paper, scissors'. WOLFGANG does 'paper' as does KYLIE) 
   
   KYLIE 
   It's a draw. Now what? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   I don't know. 
   (They look at each other, unable to decide. The ‘phone stops ringing. 
   REYNALDO shrugs his shoulders, closes the door and exits) 
   Ach, fuck it! Now zen, I vas about to give you a vell deserved spanking. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wait! I've got a better idea. Let's do some coke. I'm sure you've got 
   some left. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Yeah, O.K. Although I don't exactly a pick-me-up need. 
   
   KYLIE 
   I'll just cut up a little then, you big stud, you. 
   (KYLIE prepares the cocaine from WOLFGANG's G.U.C.C.I. bag) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   You know, I can't get over zat little bitch on ze set today. Such a 
   spoilt little baby! 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Snorting a line) 
   Enough with the babies! You do know what day it is today, don't you? Do 
   you hate me that much? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vat? Today . . . Today . . . Oh, I'm so sorry, darlink - I completely 
   forgot. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Well, let's not dwell on it. And enough of the games - eventually they 
   get out of hand. Let's just relax and forget about the kittycat and the 
   master. For a while at least. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   My problem is I am being such a fathead - I don't know how to properly 
   play. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Mmm, I love it when you get all humble. 
   (KYLIE snorts another line of coke) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Und I love ze vay you are doing zat - you look so . . . in control. 
   
   KYLIE 
   I think the word you're looking for is 'horny' - you know only too well 
   what this stuff does to me! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   I do love you, honey, don't you ever be forgetting zat vun. 
   
   KYLIE 
   And I'm rather fond of you, too, darling. Here, have some coke. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   No, sanks, darlink. I'll just mix myself a drink. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Whatever rocks your cradle, just don't overdo it. That stuff'll kill you, 
   you know. 
   (WOLFGANG mixes himself a stiff drink) 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (Calling from offstage) 
   Hello? Anybody home? Door's open. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Come on in and join the party, whoever you are! 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (He enters wearing a tuxedo, white cashmere scarf and a spray of flowers 
   in his button-hole) 
   Hey. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Reynaldo! How are you, sweetie? Mmm, nice threads! 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (Admiring himself and striking a pose like Rodin's 'The Thinker') 
   Yeah, pretty fine, hey. So what's happening? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Angrily) 
   Oh, ve vere just making ze babies - vat does it look like ve are doing? 
   
   REYNALDO 
   That sounds nice. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vell, sanks for ze interest, but ve can menage - I mean manage - all on 
   our own. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Don't mind him, Reynaldo. He's in a sulk 'cos of that Brittany Starrs 
   actress. Ruined his day apparently. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Oh . . . So, you know all about that? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Do I know all about that? I'm not so sure . . . Do I know all about that, 
   Wolfie? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   You know about everysing, darlink, you alvays do. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Oh, I almost forgot, Kyles. Chloe sent me over with a new racquet to 
   replace the one you smashed over that instructor's head. Jesus, these 
   pro athletes - they think they can make a move on my wife? I'm just glad 
   you were there to protect her, uh, honour. Chloe said you really let him 
   have it! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Huh? Oh, oh, that was nothing. We get that all the time. He just forgot 
   the rules of the ga . . . the rules of civilised society. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Anyway, I left it down in the car. Back in a few minutes. 
   (REYNALDO exits. There is an uncomfortable silence) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   So who are you screwing? Fernando, ze tennis instructor, or Reynaldo, ze 
   man for all seasons? 
   
   KYLIE 
   What the hell are you on about? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vat am I on about? I'm on about you und Chloe getting all hot und bothered 
   und vith ze tennis instructor - or somevun. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Yes, that's right. We both jumped his bones and gave him the time of his 
   life - right there in the middle of the tennis court. He truly knows how 
   to please a woman - in fact, he knows how to please two women. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Slut! . . . Tell me about it. 
   
   KYLIE 
   You sick little puppy, you. But you actually do think I'm screwing around, 
   don't you? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   I just hoped you used ze protection - all three of you. 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Calmly but viciously slapping his face) 
   Is that what you wanted, Mr. Director? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ow! Hey, I vas only joking. 
   (WOLFGANG tries to embrace KYLIE) 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Pulling away) 
   Uh, uh, you're out of bounds, fella. If you wanna play, go find a wannabe 
   starlet. Oh, yes, Mr. Director, I know you get up to stuff with your 
   actresses. But hey, I'm liberated. I know you're just a male. But that 
   doesn't mean you don't get punished - I am going to make you suffer. For 
   example, you'll never guess who I am sleeping with - and it's not Reynaldo 
   or Fernando. It's someone I can rely on to perform everytime - unlike you. 
   Someone who doesn't have to shoot crappy dogfood commercials - unlike you. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Shut up! 
   (WOLFGANG pushes KYLIE and she falls to the ground. Regaining her 
   composure, she dusts herself off and gets to her feet) 
   Jesus, I'm sorry, Kylie - I didn't mean to do zat. I just lost it for a 
   second. 
   
   KYLIE 
   I know you didn't mean it, Wolfie. That's why it's 'Round One' to me. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vat? 
   
   KYLIE 
   You lost control so I won. I'm the kittycat and the master, while you are 
   the pussy! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Oh, no, no, no. If anysing I von - you slapped me first. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Ah, but I chose to slap you. As you yourself admitted, you lost it. You 
   pushed me, not knowing what you were doing. You forgot that the game has 
   rules - limits. You can't afford to lose control when you play with me, 
   darls. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Alright, if it vill making you be happy, I vill admit you von. Now let's 
   forget about zese games und have a little fun. 
   (WOLFGANG again attempts to embrace KYLIE but she again pulls away) 
   
   KYLIE 
   I don't think I'm in the mood anymore. But if you put in a little effort 
   I could be brought around. I'm talking about some serious wooing, 
   loverboy - but first you're going to have to regain my respect. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Regain your respect? How? 
   
   KYLIE 
   By winning the next round. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Fucking hell, more games! . . . Hmm, alright, I know . . . But you'd 
   better be ready. Zis time I'm not holding back. I vill draw upon all my 
   professional expertise - zat vich you so readily denigrated a few moments 
   ago. I'm going to put on a little show for you. A little psychological 
   thriller vith ze vorking title - 'Ze Trophy.' 
   
   KYLIE 
   Don't hold back, darls - hit me with your best shot! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Placing a chair centre-stage) 
   For you, darlink, a ringside seat. 
   (KYLIE sits in the chair and WOLFGANG blindfolds her with his large silk 
   handkerchief. He exits to the bedroom) 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wolfie, darling, you've gone all quiet . . . is this part of the show? . . . 
   Wolfie? . . . I don't think I like this, honey . . . You're not going to 
   do anything stupid, now are you? I know I said go all the way . . . 
   Wolfgang, are you still there . . . Wolfie? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (From offstage) 
   Vat's ze matter - can't you handle ze suspense? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Irritated) 
   Just hurry up and let me have it! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (He enters wearing KYLIE's old school uniform and a wig) 
   I'm right here, darlink, und I take great pleasure in presenting 'Ze 
   Trophy.'
   (He inserts a tape or CD into the S.T.E.R.E.O. cubes and an old pop song 
   begins to play - maybe Kylie Minogue's "I should be so lucky". He dances 
   to the music like a teenybopping young girl) 
   
   KYLIE 
   Man, that song . . . it was in the charts for what, 8 or 9 months? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Yeah, zat's right. But you must be concentrating und try to be guessing 
   who I am. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, duh . . . Too easy . . . You're Wolfgang Schmidt - the Academy Award 
   winning director . . 
   (Laughing) . . . Of your dreams. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Bzzz. Close, but no cigar! Remember, zis is a performance zat is going to 
   be pushing you to your psychological limits. Perhaps you are needing ze 
   visual clue.
   (WOLFGANG removes her blindfold and dances around in front of KYLIE who 
   bursts out laughing) 
   So, who am I? 
   
   KYLIE 
   I don't know, but you sure look cute - like one of your starlets on the 
   set! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   OK, zen . . . you are needing another clue. Let's just say zat I'm a 
   mythical figure from ze future - a future zat never had ze chance to 
   develop to . . . vell, to maturity. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Hmmm . . . Do I actually know this person? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   You did. I vas very close to you. To both of us. 
   
   KYLIE 
   What do you mean? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   I mean I no longer exist. I am . . . dead. Vat you see is vat I could 
   have been after ze first day at high school. Vith you in ze tuck shop 
   serving or on ze P & C committee working. I am vat could have been . . . 
   Vat is now lost. 
   
   KYLIE 
   You're . . . dead? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja, sanks to, vell, sanks to you. 
   
   KYLIE 
   (As WOLFGANG's meaning dawns on her) 
   I . . . I can't believe you're doing this. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   You've guessed? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Choking back the tears) 
   How could you make fun of the miscarriage? How could you even suggest it 
   was my fault? You're a fucking animal! You're sick! You know our . . . our 
   baby is the one area out of bounds! 
   (KYLIE storms over to the S.T.E.R.E.O. cubes and brings them crashing to 
   the ground. The music stops abruptly. She fumes) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   I'm surprised you didn't see it coming. It vas ze next inevitable step 
   ven you said not to hold back. And anyvay, it's good for us - it's called 
   'drama therapy'. You know, cathartic . . . Hey, you sink I haven't 
   suffered too, sinking about how she vould have made zis a real family? 
   (KYLIE storms off stage. WOLFGANG, dejected, throws the wig onto the 
   ground and paces. He shouts offstage to KYLIE) 
   I'm sorry, OK? 
   (Then laughing to himself) 
   But I definitely von zat round. Und now I vill be getting ze action! 
   (KYLIE enters carrying a length of rope and swigging from a bottle of 
   vodka) 
   
   KYLIE 
   Sit! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Sitting timidly on the D.E.A.D. cubes) 
   Ja, honey, vatever you say. 
   (KYLIE tries to tie him up but WOLFGANG pulls away) 
   Hey! Vat you are doing? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Don't you trust me, darling? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Nein, not in your present mood. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Look, I'm over it. We both know these games are played at great expense 
   to our sanity and eventually one of us always says something stupid. But 
   you've earned some fun with that last little effort so I'm going to treat 
   you to a nice old-fashioned strip-tease - real raunchy like! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vell, OK, but don't be doing somesink crazy now. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Me? Do something crazy? Never . . . there. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   It is being a bit tight actually. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, don't be such a . . . baby. Anyway, you're going to get a kick outta 
   this! 
   (KYLIE sets the S.T.E.R.E.O. cubes up and plays a sexy tango. She 
   commences to strip-tease and takes off some of her clothes) 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (From offstage) 
   Hello? Anybody home? Door's open! 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Starting to appear and sound drunk, KYLIE tosses aside the now empty 
   vodka bottle) 
   Well, now, we have company. Such great timing . . . I wonder who it could 
   be . . . 
   (KYLIE gags WOLFGANG with his silk handkerchief. REYNALDO enters with a 
   tennis racquet, now dressed in revealing gym clothes with oiled muscles 
   and looking tanned, relaxed and confident. He smoothes his hair and soaks 
   up KYLIE's admiration) 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Hey. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Reynaldo! How are you sweetie? Mmm, nice threads! 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (Nonchalantly striking a bodybuilding pose, or if the actor is slight of 
   build, a tennis lob) 
   Yeah, pretty fine, hey. I had to change a tyre - some fucker stuck it 
   with a dirty big syringe! Didn't wanna get grease on the tux so I changed 
   clothes. Um . . . why's Wolfgang wearing a dress? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, he's rehearsing a new part. 
   (KYLIE sidles up close to REYNALDO. They lock eyes, circle each other 
   slowly and pose like figure-skaters. Mechanically, silently, KYLIE seduces 
   REYNALDO with her eyes as she rearranges the F.I.G.H.T. cubes to read 
   P.L.A.C.E. She is breathless as she rearranges the D.E.A.D. cubes 
   WOLFGANG is sitting on to read L.A.S.T. He appears too shocked to resist) 
   Mmm, sweetie, I think you could do with a pre-match massage - in the 
   bedroom. You know, tonight is 'Games Night' and apparently . . . 
   (Glancing at WOLFGANG) 
   . . . anything goes . . . Even a workout with the opposition . . . 
   (KYLIE exits into the bedroom with the bewitched REYNALDO. WOLFGANG 
   struggles and goes red in the face. The 'phone rings. KYLIE pokes her 
   head back onto stage after a few seconds and moans ecstatically before 
   reaching across and answering the 'phone) 
   Kylie speaking . . . Brittany, darling! . . . Come on over, there's a 
   lovely young man I'd like you to meet . . . Yes, like the time with 
   Fernando. Yes, that's right - 'ménage a trois' . . . Mmm, just let 
   yourself in - the door's always open . . . Oh, Reynaldo, that's 
   fantastic . . . Hurry, Brittany, hurry! 
   (KYLIE hangs up as WOLFGANG struggles madly. She mockingly addresses him 
   in his accent) 
   Now, now, Volfgang - Don't be playink ze sore loser! 
   (KYLIE withdraws to the bedroom, giggling. WOLFGANG triumphantly breaks 
   free but as he does a referee's whistle is heard indicating 'Full time'. 
   He slumps. After a pause he reaches for his mobile phone and starts 
   dialing. He stops and pauses again) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ach, fuck it! 
   (WOLFGANG points the phone to his temple and pulls the 'trigger'. A loud 
   gunshot is heard and the lights immediately extinguish) 
   
   CURTAIN.
   
   
   
   Copyright (c) 2003 D.Bruno Starrs
   


CENTIPEDE

A New Age: The Centipede Network Of Artists, Poets, & Writers
An Informational Journey Into A Creative Echonet [9310]
(C) CopyRight "I Write, Therefore, I Develop" By Paul Lauda

       Welcome to Newsgroup alt.centipede. Established 
       just for writers, poets, artists, and anyone who is creative. A 
       place for anyone to participate in, to share their poems, and 
       learn from all.  A place to share *your* dreams, and philosophies. 
       Even a chance to be published in a magazine.

       The original Centipede Network was created on May 16, 1993. 
       Created because there were no other networks dedicated to such 
       an audience, and with the help of Klaus Gerken, Centipede soon 
       started to grow, and become active on many world-wide Bulletin 
       Board Systems.

       We consider Centipede to be a Public Network; however, its a
       specialized network, dealing with any type of creative thinking.
       Therefore, that makes us something quite exotic, since most nets
       are very general and have various topics, not of interest to a
       writer--which is where Centipede steps in! No more fuss. A writer
       can now access, without phasing out any more conferences, since 
       the whole net pertains to the writer's interests. This means 
       that Centipede has all the active topics that any creative 
       user seeks. And if we don't, then one shall be created.

       Feel free to drop by and take a look at newsgroup alt.centipede

YGDRASIL ONLINE
  Ygdrasil is committed to making literature available, and uses the
  Internet as the main distribution channel. On the Net you can find all
  of Ygdrasil including the magazines and collections. You can find
  Ygdrasil on the Internet at: 

    * WEB: http://www.synapse.net/~kgerken/ 

    * FTP: ftp://ftp.synapse.net/~kgerken/

    * USENET: releases announced in rec.arts.poems, alt.zines and
              alt.centipede

    * EMAIL: send email to kgerken@synapse.net and tell us what version 
         and method you'd like. We have two versions, an uncompressed 
         7-bit universal ASCII and an 8-bit MS-DOS lineart-enchanced 
         version.  These can be sent plaintext, uuencoded, or as a 
         MIME-attachment.

YGDRASIL PUBLICATIONS LIST

  . REMEMBERY: EPYLLION IN ANAMNESIS (1996), poems by Michael R. Collings

  . DYNASTY (1968), Poems by Klaus J. Gerken
  . THE WIZARD EXPLODED SONGBOOK (1969), songs by KJ Gerken
  . STREETS (1971), Poems by Klaus J. Gerken
  . BLOODLETTING (1972) poems by Klaus J. Gerken
  . ACTS (1972) a novel by Klaus J. Gerken
  . RITES (1974), a novel by Klaus J. Gerken
  . FULL BLACK Q (1975), a poem by KJ Gerken
  . ONE NEW FLASH OF LIGHT (1976), a play by KJ Gerken
  . THE BLACKED-OUT MIRROR (1979), a poem by Klaus J. Gerken
  . JOURNEY (1981), a poem by Klaus J. Gerken
  . LADIES (1983), a poem by Klaus J. Gerken
  . FRAGMENTS OF A BRIEF ENCOUNTER (1984), poems by KJ Gerken
  . THE BREAKING OF DESIRE (1986), poems by KJ Gerken
  . FURTHER SONGS (1986), songs by KJ Gerken
  . POEMS OF DESTRUCTION (1988), poems by KJ Gerken
  . THE AFFLICTED (1991), a poem by KJ Gerken
  . DIAMOND DOGS (1992), poems by KJ Gerken
  . KILLING FIELD (1992), a poem by KJ Gerken
  . BARDO (1994-1995), a poem by Klaus J. Gerken
  . FURTHER EVIDENCES (1995-1996) Poems by Klaus J. Gerken
  . CALIBAN'S ESCAPE AND OTHER POEMS (1996), by Klaus J. Gerken 
  . CALIBAN'S DREAM (1996-1997), a poem by Klaus J. Gerken
  . THE LAST OLD MAN (1997), a novel by Klaus J. Gerken
  . WILL I EVER REMEMBER YOU? (1997), poems by Klaus J. Gerken
  . SONGS FOR THE LEGION (1998), song-poems by Klaus J. Gerken
  . REALITY OR DREAM? (1998), poems by Klaus J. Gerken
  . APRIL VIOLATIONS (1998), poems by Klaus J. Gerken
  . THE VOICE OF HUNGER (1998), a poem by Klaus J. Gerken

  . SHACKLED TO THE STONE, by Albrecht Haushofer - translated by JR Wesdorp

  . MZ-DMZ (1988), ramblings by Igal Koshevoy
  . DARK SIDE (1991), ramblings by Igal Koshevoy
  . STEEL REIGNS & STILL RAINS (1993), ramblings by Igal Koshevoy
  . BLATANT VANITY (1993), ramblings by Igal Koshevoy
  . ALIENATION OF AFFECTION (1993), ramblings by Igal Koshevoy
  . LIVING LIFE AT FACE VALUE (1993), ramblings by Igal Koshevoy
  . HATRED BLURRED (1993), ramblings by Igal Koshevoy
  . CHOKING ON THE ASHES OF A RUNAWAY (1993), ramblings by I. Koshevoy
  . BORROWED FEELINGS BUYING TIME (1993), ramblings by Igal Koshevoy
  . HARD ACT TO SWALLOW (1994), ramblings by Igal Koshevoy
  . HALL OF MIRRORS (1994), ramblings by Igal Koshevoy
  . ARTIFICIAL BUOYANCY (1994), ramblings by Igal Koshevoy

  . THE POETRY OF PEDRO SENA, poems by Pedro Sena
  . THE FILM REVIEWS, by Pedro Sena
  . THE SHORT STORIES, by Pedro Sena
  . INCANTATIONS, by Pedro Sena

  . POEMS (1970), poems by Franz Zorn

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   Games for Married Couples.
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   By D. Bruno Starrs. Copyright 2003.
   
   
   (A cheerleader 'type' bounces across the stage with a placard stating; 
   GAME ONE. 
   A referee's whistle is heard starting play. The curtain lifts to reveal 
   the interior of a modern apartment. There are two doors, one to the 
   outside, the other to the bedroom. The walls are like giant playing cards. 
   The furniture consists of sturdy black and white 60 cm cubes upon 
   which (like alphabet building blocks) are affixed various letters or 
   words. KYLIE, a young attractive, pampered socialite type -if there is 
   such a 'type' - is seated at the cubes that spell the word S.O.F.A., 
   dressed in a tennis outfit and filing her nails. She yawns. After some 
   time her husband, WOLFGANG, an older, sophisticated and arty type -if 
   there is such a 'type' - enters from outside. He is wearing a black 
   skivvy and beret and is obviously stressed but pleased to be home. He 
   casually tosses his G.U.C.C.I. bag and the keys to his S.A.A.B. onto 
   the T.A.B.L.E. cubes and waits for KYLIE to acknowledge his arrival. 
   She ignores him and enjoys his consternation. His confident veneer 
   begins to crack.) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Half to himself) 
   Gott in Himmel! 
   (To KYLIE) 
   Ach! Vat a fucking day! 6 am to 8 pm vithout a break und not von take 
   vorth ze keeping. I vouldn't vant to ever endure zat again! 
   
   KYLIE 
   (With sincerity) 
   Poor snookums. Tell me all about it. Did that famous American starlet 
   play up? Now what was her name again? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   You know zat she is called Brittany, und ja, she vas intolerate-able. 
   Such a demanding little child! She refused to come onto ze set unless 
   her fucking poodle vas zere as vell. Und, of course, ze mutt pissed on a 
   lead und shorted out half ze lights. Fucking unbelievable! I could kill 
   ze little Brittany brat - it vould so satisfying be - like throttling a 
   baby zat vas bawling at ze movies! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wolfgang, that's a terrible thing to say! You know how I feel about 
   babies! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Sorry, darlink . . . still, I shouldn't complain. At least I'll still 
   get paid. 
   
   KYLIE 
   And exactly how much are you going to make, Mr. Director? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Exactly vat I am vorth. 
   
   KYLIE 
   We can't live on that, darling. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Oh, you are in ze good form zis evening, you impetuous little upstart . . . 
   und vat vas your day like - did you even get up before ze noon? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, Heavens, no! But Chloe and I did manage to squeeze in a few tennis 
   lessons in between the daiquiris in the afternoon. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Hmm, I sink I vould have liked to have seen zat - you two pretty young 
   vives prancing about in your scandalously short skirts vith ze vite 
   bloomers showing ze peek-a-boo from underneath und driving your tennis 
   instructor crazy vith lust. Ze poor bastard - I hope he realises how 
   disposable he is . . . 
   
   KYLIE 
   And today was such a hot day . . . we were sweating all over . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Mmmm . . . our shirts were clinging to our bodies, and of course, silly 
   me, I'd forgotten to put on a bra . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ach, ja . . . zat is sounding good . . . you vere vet, nein? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wet? Oh, yes! In fact I'm starting to feel a little damp right now . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vell, vy don't you come over here, you sexy little vixen? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, are we going to do some rehearsing, Mr. Director? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja, but I vould like to audition you first. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Shouldn't you come over to the sofa, or should I say 'couch' - as in 
   'casting couch'?
   (KYLIE rearranges the S.O.F.A. as if smoothing sheets until the cubes 
   read L.U.S.T.) 
   So, how bad do you want it? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   I am vanting it bad! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Yeah? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ach, ja. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Well, you're not going to get it! 
   (KYLIE pushes WOLFGANG away and he chases her around the T.A.B.L.E. cubes. 
   Neither sees the door to the outside open slightly. They eventually stop, 
   facing each other over the T.A.B.L.E. cubes which they turn over cube by 
   cube until they are nose to nose. The cubes now read B.L.I.S.S.) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   So, it's going to be another night of sordid little love games, is it? 
   
   KYLIE 
   I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Director. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ve are going to play like ze cat und ze mouse. Or maybe ve vill play ze 
   kittycat und ze master? 
   
   KYLIE 
   The kittycat is the master. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Meow! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Pfft! 
   (The door shuts quickly but quietly as WOLFGANG jumps back) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Oh, you may be having ze sharp claws, darlink, but you're still no match 
   for me. 
   
   KYLIE 
   We'll see about that, Mr. Director - you'll soon be playing the part of 
   the naughty little boy sent to bed without his supper. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vould zat make you hot, darlink? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Pointing her 'mobile phone at WOLFGANG like a TV remote control) 
   Changing your channel would definitely improve my viewing pleasure. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ze question you need to ask yourself in zis audition is vether you're up 
   to it? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, I'm a 'method actor', Mr. Director - I live the part and consequently 
   I'm always up to it. The real question is - can you get it up? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Pointing his mobile 'phone at KYLIE. It fails to 'work') 
   I'm ze vun who calls ze shots here, darlink, remember? 
   
   KYLIE 
   That's all well and good, but what about your little Director's 'assistant'? 
   (KYLIE gestures with her 'pinkie' finger') 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   'Little', hey? My, my, my - you're going to have to be punished for zat 
   vun! Prepare yourself for ze spanking, young lady! 
   
   KYLIE 
   You're going to have to catch me first, Mr. Director! 
   (KYLIE runs around the B.L.I.S.S. cubes with WOLFGANG in hot pursuit. He 
   catches her and showers her with kisses. As he does the telephone on the 
   wall near the bedroom door starts ringing. There is a brief blackout 
   before a red spotlight is focussed on the telephone and then the lights 
   come up as before. The telephone continues ringing) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Deadpan) 
   Zat'll be ze 'phone. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Rock, paper, scissors? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vy not? 
   (They face each other and play a round of 'Rock, paper, scissors'. 
   WOLFGANG does 'scissors', KYLIE does 'rock') 
   
   KYLIE 
   Ha! You lose! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Damn! 
   (WOLFGANG goes over to the telephone. KYLIE sits at the B.L.I.S.S. cubes) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Wolfgang Schmidt. Speak to me. 
   (WOLFGANG glances at KYLIE and lowers his voice) 
   Brittany, are you fucking crazy ? I told you it is over being . . . Nein, 
   don't . . . Ja, vell, zis is not ze good time . . . Nein! You can't do 
   zat! . . . Vat? . . . You are? . . . Ze PVC und ze jodhpurs? . . .
   Alright, I'll be over coming in ze twenty minutes . . . Mmm, mein sch”ne 
   madchen! 
   (WOLFGANG hangs up) 
   
   KYLIE 
   Who was it, darling? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Flustered) 
   Oh, ah . . . Zat vas zis new editor vorking on zat last dogfood commercial 
   I vas shot by . . . He seems to have lost a feel . . . I mean deal . . . I 
   mean reel! He is so fucking hopeless. I'm going to have to go over to his 
   studio and sort it out. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Now? At this time of night? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Nervously) 
   Ja, vell, he's vorking to a dead-man . . . Um, dead-life . . . Um, 
   dead-line, zat's it! Ah, if he doesn't make it none of us get ze big, 
   fat chick . . . I mean crook . . . I mean ze big, fat cheque! 
   I'll be back before you are knowing it, darlink. You von't even miss 
   me. . . Nein, you von't even miss me at all. 
   (WOLFGANG kisses KYLIE on the cheek, picks up his keys and hurriedly walks 
   to the door) 
   
   KYLIE 
   Darling, hurry back - the game's just not the same when there's only one 
   playing. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja, I vill being right back to start over and pick up vere ve left off 
   ze second time 'round und repeat it all over again! 
   (WOLFGANG exits. KYLIE sits and contemplates the preceding events) 
   
   KYLIE 
   That's the problem with being married to a director - you never know when 
   they're telling the truth or just acting . . . Oh, well, might as well 
   have some coke - I know there's heaps left. Wolfie won't even miss it. 
   (KYLIE finds some cocaine in WOLFGANG's G.U.C.C.I. bag and prepares it) 
   Whoa, that's better. Shame I'm all alone though. This shit makes me sooo 
   horny. 
   (KYLIE rearranges the B.L.I.S.S. cubes to read A.L.O.N.E.) 
   Mmmm. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (Calling from offstage and startling the aroused KYLIE) 
   Hello? Anybody home? Door's open! 
   (REYNALDO enters. He is well dressed in a casual ensemble, cashmere 
   pullover draped over his shoulders and sunglasses propped on top of his 
   head. He adopts an exaggeratedly feminine posture and lisps) 
   Hey. 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Flustered) 
   Reynaldo! How are you sweetie? Mmm, nice threads! 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (Admiring himself and striking a catwalk model pose) 
   Yeah, pretty fine, hey. So, what's happening - Wolfgang about? 
   
   KYLIE 
   You've just missed him, baby. Care for a line? 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Well, I am going to the gym later - it'd give me a lift. 
   
   KYLIE 
   You know, Reynaldo, I could give you a real lift. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (Nervously snorting some cocaine) 
   Come on, Kyles, stop mucking around - you know that Chloe and I are 
   perfectly happy and I wouldn't jeopardise that for anything, not even for 
   . . . you. 
   
   KYLIE 
   But you're tempted aren't you, sweetie? Wouldn't you like to make Wolfie 
   jealous? I know I would. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   You're serious, aren't you? 
   
   KYLIE 
   I can be just as bad as him you know. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Actually, Kyles, I think I'd better be going. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, yeah, sure . . . Listen, Reynaldo, I was just kidding, you know. It's 
   just part of the games we play. And, like, the coke makes me stupid. But 
   sometimes I get so pissed off at Wolfgang! I can never tell for sure what 
   he's up to. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   He loves you, Kylie, I know - I work with him. Look, I really gotta speak 
   to Wolfgang and tell him the news - seems we got the second 'Chump' 
   commercial. 
   
   KYLIE 
   What? 
   
   REYNALDO 
   You know, the dogfood ad we just finished. They loved it - especially the 
   editing! I'll just give him another ring. 
   (REYNALDO tries to call WOLFGANG on his mobile 'phone) 
   Hmm, "Not turned on or out of range". Tell him to give me a buzz when he 
   gets back. See ya! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Um . . . Reynaldo, let's keep this between ourselves, huh? 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Mum's the word. Oh, and thanks for the coke - I'm gonna have a great 
   workout now! 
   (REYNALDO exits and KYLIE sits) 
   
   KYLIE 
   Jesus, I could do with a great workout . . . 
   (Dreamily) 
   Especially with him. 
   (Thinking of WOLFGANG, KYLIE sits bolt upright) 
   What's that bastard up to? Lost a reel my arse! And not answering his 
   mobile! Is he playing in another comp? Or am I just being paranoid? 
   (KYLIE rearranges the L.U.S.T. cubes until they read S.U.S.S.) 
   Have I lost him too? 
   (A referee's whistle is heard. Lights fade to black) 
   (A buffed jock 'type' bounces across the stage with a placard stating; 
   GAME TWO. 
   A referee's whistle is heard and the lights come up to reveal the same 
   scene as before, except S.U.S.S. is now C.O.O.L. and A.L.O.N.E. is now 
   L.I.V.E.S.) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (After a painful silence in which he seems unable to decide what to say, 
   he eventually speaks, but faster and more aggressively than in GAME ONE) 
   Gott in Himmel! 
   (To KYLIE) 
   Ach! Vat a fucking day! 6 am to 8 pm vithout a break und not von take 
   vorth ze keeping. I vouldn't vant to ever endure zat again! But vith my 
   luck it is being a repeat performance tomorrow. 
   
   KYLIE 
   (With a little more animosity than in GAME ONE) 
   Poor snookums. Tell me all about it. Did that famous American starlet 
   play up? Now what was her name again? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   You know zat she is called Brittany, und ja, she vas intolerate-able. 
   Such a demanding little child! She refused to come onto ze set unless 
   her fucking rottweiler vas zere as vell. Und, of course, ze mutt started 
   humping ze continuity girl's leg! Fucking unbelievable! I could kill ze 
   little Brittany brat - it vould so satisfying be - like throttling a 
   baby zat vas bawling at ze movies! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wolfgang, that's a terrible thing to say! You know how I feel about 
   babies! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Sorry, darlink . . . still, I shouldn't complain. At least I'll still 
   get paid. 
   
   KYLIE 
   And exactly how much are you going to make, Mr. Director? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Exactly vat I am vorth. 
   
   KYLIE 
   I can't live on that, darls. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Oh, you are in ze good form zis evening, you impetuous little upstart . . . 
   und vat vas your day like - did you even get up before ze noon? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, Heavens, no! But Chloe and I did manage to squeeze in a few tennis 
   lessons in between the daiquiris in the afternoon. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Hmm, I sink I vould have liked to have seen zat - you two pretty young 
   vives prancing about in your scandalously short skirts vith ze cute 
   little cottontails showing ze peek-a-boo underneath und driving your 
   tennis instructor crazy vith lust. Ze poor bastard - I hope he realises 
   how disposable he is . . . 
   
   KYLIE 
   And today was such a hot day . . . we were sweating all over . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Mmm . . . our shirts were clinging to our bodies, and of course, silly me, 
   I'd forgotten to put on a bra . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ach, ja . . . zat is sounding good . . . you vere vet, nein? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wet? Oh, yes! In fact I'm starting to feel a little damp right now . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vell, vy don't you come over here, you sexy little vixen? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Cynically) 
   Oh, are we going to do some rehearsing, Mr. Director? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja, but I vould like to audition you first. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Shouldn't you come over to the sofa, or should I say 'couch' - as in 
   'casting couch'? 
   (KYLIE rearranges the C.O.O.L. cubes until they read C.O.L.D.) 
   So, how bad do you want it? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   I am vanting it bad! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Yeah? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ach, ja. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Well, you're not going to get it! 
   (KYLIE pushes WOLFGANG away and he chases her around the L.I.V.E.S. cubes. 
   Unseen, REYNALDO opens the door from outside, pokes his head onto stage 
   and watches them. They eventually stop, facing each other over the 
   L.I.V.E.S. cubes which they turn over cube by cube until they are nose to 
   nose. The cubes now read S.W.E.A.T.) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   So, it's going to be another night of sordid little love games, is it? 
   
   KYLIE 
   I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Director. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ve are going to play like ze cat und ze mouse. Or maybe ve vill play ze 
   kittycat und ze master? 
   
   KYLIE 
   The kittycat is the master. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Meow! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Pfft! 
   (Both REYNALDO and WOLFGANG jump back. REYNALDO exits) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Oh, you may be having ze sharp claws, darlink, but you're still no match 
   for me. 
   
   KYLIE 
   We'll see about that, Mr. Director - you'll soon be playing the part of 
   the naughty little boy sent to bed without his supper. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vould zat make you hot, darlink? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Pointing her mobile 'phone at WOLFGANG like a TV remote control) 
   Changing your channel could really lift your ratings! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ze question you need to ask yourself in zis audition is vether you're up 
   to it? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, I'm a 'method actor', Mr. Director - I live the part day after day 
   and consequently I'm always up to it. The real question is - can you get 
   it up? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Pointing his mobile 'phone at KYLIE. It fails to 'work') 
   I'm ze vun who calls ze shots here, darlink, remember? 
   
   KYLIE 
   That's all well and good, but what about your little Director's 
   'assistant'? 
   (KYLIE gestures with her 'pinkie' finger) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   'Little', hey? My, my, my - you're going to have to be punished for zat 
   vun! Prepare yourself for ze spanking, young lady! 
   
   KYLIE 
   You're going to have to catch me first, Mr. Director! 
   (KYLIE runs around the S.W.E.A.T. cubes with WOLFGANG in hot, hot pursuit. 
   He catches her and showers her with kisses. As he does the telephone on 
   the wall near the bedroom door starts ringing. There is a brief blackout 
   before an orange spotlight is focussed on the telephone and then the 
   lights come up as before. The telephone continues ringing) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Deadpan) 
   Zat'll be ze 'phone. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Rock, paper, scissors? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vy not? 
   (They face each other and play a round of 'Rock, paper, scissors'. 
   WOLFGANG does 'scissors', KYLIE does 'paper') 
   Ha! You lose! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Damn! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Smirking) 
   Now don't be playing ze sore loser. Answer ze 'phone. 
   (KYLIE sighs and goes to the 'phone while WOLFGANG sits) 
   
   KYLIE 
   Kylie's cubbie-house, rooms by the hour! 
   (After a glance at WOLFGANG, KYLIE lowers her voice) 
   Brittany, darling, I was just thinking about you . . . Hey, what's up, 
   baby? 
   (Shocked) 
   What? . . . Oh, my God! Are you alright? . . . No, they're just scum . . . 
   You're right, they just lose all sense of morality. Their lives become 
   sick , um, games . . . Of, course, baby, I'll be right there. I'll look 
   after you . . . Twenty minutes max . . . OK, hang in there. See you soon. 
   (KYLIE hangs up) 
   I can't believe it. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vat's happened now? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, ah . . . 'Felicity's' been mugged by some jucking funkie . . . I mean 
   fucking junkie . . . with a dirty great big sting . . . I mean thing . . . 
   I mean syringe! Um, they took her money, cards, keys, mobile 'phone - 
   everything! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   How could she call you if they took her mobile? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Irritated) 
   I don't know, Wolfgang, ever heard of a public 'phone box? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Sorry! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Anyway, I'm going into town to pick her up . . . I mean give her a lift . . . 
   I mean, um, take her home. I'll try not to be too long. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   But I thought ve vere going to have some fun. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wolfie, don't be such a . . . baby. I'm just calling 'time-out', and, 
   well, you'll benefit from a chance to re-charge your batteries. But 
   don't wear yourself out practicing on your own, 'cos you know it's more 
   fun when there's two playing. See you soon, Mr. Director. 
   (KYLIE exits) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   If zis is a game I must have missed ze kick-off! . . . Gott in Himmel! 
   Vat a fucking day! 
   (WOLFGANG does a double-take) 
   I sink I am deserving a drink - or two. 
   (WOLFGANG mixes himself a stiff drink) 
   Mmm, zat's better . . . Now I vonder vat zat bitch is up to . . . Zis 
   whole mugging thing sounds very suspicious to me . . . Ach, I'm just 
   being paranoid. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (Calling from offstage) 
   Hello? Anybody home? Door's open. 
   (REYNALDO enters. He is well-dressed in trendy skating gear, gold chains 
   and bandanna) 
   Hey. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Reynaldo! 
   (Sarcastically) 
   Hey, man, nice threads! 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (Admiring himself and striking a rap artist pose) 
   Yeah, pretty fine, hey. So what's happening? Kyles about? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   You've just missed her, buddy. Care for a drink? 
   
   REYNALDO 
   No, thanks, man. I'm going to the gym later - it'd bring me down. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Rearranging the S.W.E.A.T. cubes to read M.A.T.C.H.) 
   Vell, you know, Reynaldo, I'm going to bring you down anyvay - vy are you 
   alvays looking for my vife? 
   
   REYNALDO 
   What? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja, you are alvays checking her out - vat's ze matter - losing ze interest 
   in Chloe? 
   
   REYNALDO 
   You've lost it man - I'm not interested in your wife! Chloe just wanted 
   to borrow her tennis racquet. She's starting lessons tomorrow. And anyway, 
   you can't talk - everyone knows about you and Brittany! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Reluctantly) 
   Vell, zat's all over now. 
   (With authority) 
   So, Mum's ze vord, right? You tell Kylie and I'll tell Chloe about . . . 
   Vell, I'll think of someone. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Man, you can be an asshole, Wolfgang. If I didn't have to work with you 
   I'd sort you out once and for all. I'm outta here. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Reynaldo, vait a second. Tell me - and ze truth now - are you on steroids? 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Get fucked, Wolfgang. 
   (REYNALDO exits. WOLFGANG is amused) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ha! Vat a loser! A mere spectator! 
   (Suspiciously) 
   So Chloe starts lessons tomorrow, hey? Very interesting - or am I just 
   being paranoid? Ach, who cares. I am too exhausted to worry about it. Man, 
   vat a day. Vat a fucking day! 
   (WOLFGANG rearranges the C.O.L.D. cubes to read F.E.A.R.) 
   Hmm, almost lost it today vith zat Brittany slut . . . Better be playing 
   it careful . . . Don't vant zat to happen. 
   (A referee's whistle is heard. The lights fade to black) 
   
   (An elderly couple 'type' hobble across the stage with a placard stating; 
   GAME THREE. 
   A referee's whistle is heard and the lights come up to reveal the same 
   scene as before, except F.E.A.R. is now D.E.A.D. and M.A.T.C.H. is now 
   B.O.R.E.D.) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Storming in angrily) 
   Gott in Himmel! 
   (To KYLIE) 
   Ach! Vat a fucking day! 6 am to 8 pm vithout a break und not von take 
   vorth ze keeping. I vouldn't vant to ever endure zat again! Sheesh! It 
   feels like I've done a double shift! 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Dripping with extreme insincerity) 
   Poor snookums. Tell me all about it. Did that famous American starlet 
   play up? Now what was her name again? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   You know zat she is called Brittany, und ja, she vas intolerate-able. 
   Such a demanding little child! She refused to come onto ze set unless her 
   fucking pet verevolf vas zere as vell. Und, of course, ze mutt ate ze 
   leading man! Fucking unbelievable! I could kill ze little Brittany brat - 
   it vould so satisfying be - like throttling a baby zat vas bawling at ze 
   movies! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wolfgang, that's an absolutely fucking unacceptable thing to say! You 
   know how I feel about babies! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Sorry, darlink . . . still, I shouldn't complain. At least I'll still get 
   paid. 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Deprecating) 
   And exactly how much are you going to make, Mr. Director? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Exactly vat I am vorth. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Even you can't live on that, darling. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Oh, you are in ze good form zis evening, you impetuous little upstart . . . 
   und vat vas your day like - did you even get up before ze noon? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, Heavens, no! But Chloe and I did manage to squeeze in a few tennis 
   lessons in between the daiquiris in the afternoon. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Hmm, I sink I vould have liked to have seen zat - you two pretty young 
   vives prancing about in your scandalously short skirts vith ze leopard 
   skin G-strings showing ze peek-a-boo underneath und driving your tennis 
   instructor crazy vith lust. Ze poor bastard - I hope he realises how 
   disposable he is . . . 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Teasing mercilessly) 
   And today was such a hot day . . . we were sweating all over . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Mmm . . . our shirts were clinging to our bodies, and of course, silly me, 
   I'd forgotten to put on a bra . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ach, ja . . . zat is sounding good . . . you vere vet, nein? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wet? Oh, yes! In fact I'm starting to feel a little damp right now . . . 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vell, vy don't you come over here, you sexy little vixen? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, are we going to do some rehearsing, Mr. - Huh! - Director? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja, but I vould like to audition you first. 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Angrily) 
   I'm not going anywhere near that filthy 'casting couch'! 
   (KYLIE moves to rearrange the D.E.A.D. cubes, reads them and changes her 
   mind. The cubes are left reading D.E.A.D.) 
   So, how bad do you want it? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (With malice) 
   I am vanting it bad! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Yeah? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ach, ja. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Well, you're not going to get it! 
   (KYLIE fearfully runs away and WOLFGANG chases her around the B.O.R.E.D. 
   cubes. Unseen, REYNALDO - naked except for a bathrobe - opens the door 
   from outside, stands in the doorway and watches them. They eventually 
   stop, facing each other over the B.O.R.E.D. cubes which they turn over 
   cube by cube until they are nose to nose. The cubes now read F.I.G.H.T.) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Threatening) 
   So, it's going to be another night of sordid little love games, is it? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Now frightened) 
   I . . . I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Director. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ve are going to play like ze cat und ze mouse. Or maybe ve vill play ze 
   kittycat und ze master? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Defensively) 
   The kittycat is the master. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Meow! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Pfft! 
   (Both REYNALDO and WOLFGANG jump back. REYNALDO continues watching 
   from the doorway and, with his hand in the pocket of his robe starts, 
   ahem, pleasuring himself) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Oh, you may be having ze sharp claws, darlink, but you're still no match 
   for me. 
   
   KYLIE 
   We'll see about that, Mr. Director - you'll soon be playing the part of 
   the naughty little boy sent to bed without his supper. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vould zat make you hot, darlink? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Pointing her 'mobile phone at WOLFGANG like a TV remote) 
   Changing your channel might just keep your show on the air! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ze question you need to ask yourself in zis audition is vether you're up 
   to it? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, I'm a 'method actor', Mr. Director - I live the part day after day 
   after day and consequently I'm always up to it. The real question is - 
   can you get it up? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Pointing his mobile 'phone at KYLIE. It fails to 'work') 
   I'm ze vun who calls ze shots here, darlink, remember? 
   
   KYLIE 
   That's all well and good, but what about your little Director's 
   'assistant'? 
   (KYLIE gestures with her 'pinky' finger) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   'Little', hey? My, my, my - you're going to have to be punished for zat 
   vun! Prepare yourself for ze spanking, young lady! Or maybe ze spanking 
   is not good enough. Maybe I vill just be having to kill you! 
   
   KYLIE 
   (With very real fear) 
   You're going to have to catch me first, Mr. Director! 
   (KYLIE runs around the F.I.G.H.T. cubes with WOLFGANG in hot, hot, hot 
   pursuit. He catches her and lifts his hand as if to strike her. As he 
   does the telephone on the wall near the bedroom door starts ringing. 
   There is a brief blackout before a green spotlight is focussed on the 
   telephone and then the lights come up as before. The telephone continues 
   ringing) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Deadpan) 
   Zat'll be ze 'phone. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Um, rock, paper, scissors? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vy not? 
   (The animosity dissipates considerably. They face each other and play a 
   round of 'Rock, paper, scissors'. WOLFGANG does 'paper' as does KYLIE) 
   
   KYLIE 
   It's a draw. Now what? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   I don't know. 
   (They look at each other, unable to decide. The ‘phone stops ringing. 
   REYNALDO shrugs his shoulders, closes the door and exits) 
   Ach, fuck it! Now zen, I vas about to give you a vell deserved spanking. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wait! I've got a better idea. Let's do some coke. I'm sure you've got 
   some left. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Yeah, O.K. Although I don't exactly a pick-me-up need. 
   
   KYLIE 
   I'll just cut up a little then, you big stud, you. 
   (KYLIE prepares the cocaine from WOLFGANG's G.U.C.C.I. bag) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   You know, I can't get over zat little bitch on ze set today. Such a 
   spoilt little baby! 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Snorting a line) 
   Enough with the babies! You do know what day it is today, don't you? Do 
   you hate me that much? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vat? Today . . . Today . . . Oh, I'm so sorry, darlink - I completely 
   forgot. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Well, let's not dwell on it. And enough of the games - eventually they 
   get out of hand. Let's just relax and forget about the kittycat and the 
   master. For a while at least. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   My problem is I am being such a fathead - I don't know how to properly 
   play. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Mmm, I love it when you get all humble. 
   (KYLIE snorts another line of coke) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Und I love ze vay you are doing zat - you look so . . . in control. 
   
   KYLIE 
   I think the word you're looking for is 'horny' - you know only too well 
   what this stuff does to me! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   I do love you, honey, don't you ever be forgetting zat vun. 
   
   KYLIE 
   And I'm rather fond of you, too, darling. Here, have some coke. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   No, sanks, darlink. I'll just mix myself a drink. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Whatever rocks your cradle, just don't overdo it. That stuff'll kill you, 
   you know. 
   (WOLFGANG mixes himself a stiff drink) 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (Calling from offstage) 
   Hello? Anybody home? Door's open. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Come on in and join the party, whoever you are! 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (He enters wearing a tuxedo, white cashmere scarf and a spray of flowers 
   in his button-hole) 
   Hey. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Reynaldo! How are you, sweetie? Mmm, nice threads! 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (Admiring himself and striking a pose like Rodin's 'The Thinker') 
   Yeah, pretty fine, hey. So what's happening? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Angrily) 
   Oh, ve vere just making ze babies - vat does it look like ve are doing? 
   
   REYNALDO 
   That sounds nice. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vell, sanks for ze interest, but ve can menage - I mean manage - all on 
   our own. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Don't mind him, Reynaldo. He's in a sulk 'cos of that Brittany Starrs 
   actress. Ruined his day apparently. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Oh . . . So, you know all about that? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Do I know all about that? I'm not so sure . . . Do I know all about that, 
   Wolfie? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   You know about everysing, darlink, you alvays do. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Oh, I almost forgot, Kyles. Chloe sent me over with a new racquet to 
   replace the one you smashed over that instructor's head. Jesus, these 
   pro athletes - they think they can make a move on my wife? I'm just glad 
   you were there to protect her, uh, honour. Chloe said you really let him 
   have it! 
   
   KYLIE 
   Huh? Oh, oh, that was nothing. We get that all the time. He just forgot 
   the rules of the ga . . . the rules of civilised society. 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Anyway, I left it down in the car. Back in a few minutes. 
   (REYNALDO exits. There is an uncomfortable silence) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   So who are you screwing? Fernando, ze tennis instructor, or Reynaldo, ze 
   man for all seasons? 
   
   KYLIE 
   What the hell are you on about? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vat am I on about? I'm on about you und Chloe getting all hot und bothered 
   und vith ze tennis instructor - or somevun. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Yes, that's right. We both jumped his bones and gave him the time of his 
   life - right there in the middle of the tennis court. He truly knows how 
   to please a woman - in fact, he knows how to please two women. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Slut! . . . Tell me about it. 
   
   KYLIE 
   You sick little puppy, you. But you actually do think I'm screwing around, 
   don't you? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   I just hoped you used ze protection - all three of you. 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Calmly but viciously slapping his face) 
   Is that what you wanted, Mr. Director? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ow! Hey, I vas only joking. 
   (WOLFGANG tries to embrace KYLIE) 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Pulling away) 
   Uh, uh, you're out of bounds, fella. If you wanna play, go find a wannabe 
   starlet. Oh, yes, Mr. Director, I know you get up to stuff with your 
   actresses. But hey, I'm liberated. I know you're just a male. But that 
   doesn't mean you don't get punished - I am going to make you suffer. For 
   example, you'll never guess who I am sleeping with - and it's not Reynaldo 
   or Fernando. It's someone I can rely on to perform everytime - unlike you. 
   Someone who doesn't have to shoot crappy dogfood commercials - unlike you. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Shut up! 
   (WOLFGANG pushes KYLIE and she falls to the ground. Regaining her 
   composure, she dusts herself off and gets to her feet) 
   Jesus, I'm sorry, Kylie - I didn't mean to do zat. I just lost it for a 
   second. 
   
   KYLIE 
   I know you didn't mean it, Wolfie. That's why it's 'Round One' to me. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vat? 
   
   KYLIE 
   You lost control so I won. I'm the kittycat and the master, while you are 
   the pussy! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Oh, no, no, no. If anysing I von - you slapped me first. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Ah, but I chose to slap you. As you yourself admitted, you lost it. You 
   pushed me, not knowing what you were doing. You forgot that the game has 
   rules - limits. You can't afford to lose control when you play with me, 
   darls. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Alright, if it vill making you be happy, I vill admit you von. Now let's 
   forget about zese games und have a little fun. 
   (WOLFGANG again attempts to embrace KYLIE but she again pulls away) 
   
   KYLIE 
   I don't think I'm in the mood anymore. But if you put in a little effort 
   I could be brought around. I'm talking about some serious wooing, 
   loverboy - but first you're going to have to regain my respect. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Regain your respect? How? 
   
   KYLIE 
   By winning the next round. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Fucking hell, more games! . . . Hmm, alright, I know . . . But you'd 
   better be ready. Zis time I'm not holding back. I vill draw upon all my 
   professional expertise - zat vich you so readily denigrated a few moments 
   ago. I'm going to put on a little show for you. A little psychological 
   thriller vith ze vorking title - 'Ze Trophy.' 
   
   KYLIE 
   Don't hold back, darls - hit me with your best shot! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Placing a chair centre-stage) 
   For you, darlink, a ringside seat. 
   (KYLIE sits in the chair and WOLFGANG blindfolds her with his large silk 
   handkerchief. He exits to the bedroom) 
   
   KYLIE 
   Wolfie, darling, you've gone all quiet . . . is this part of the show? . . . 
   Wolfie? . . . I don't think I like this, honey . . . You're not going to 
   do anything stupid, now are you? I know I said go all the way . . . 
   Wolfgang, are you still there . . . Wolfie? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (From offstage) 
   Vat's ze matter - can't you handle ze suspense? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Irritated) 
   Just hurry up and let me have it! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (He enters wearing KYLIE's old school uniform and a wig) 
   I'm right here, darlink, und I take great pleasure in presenting 'Ze 
   Trophy.'
   (He inserts a tape or CD into the S.T.E.R.E.O. cubes and an old pop song 
   begins to play - maybe Kylie Minogue's "I should be so lucky". He dances 
   to the music like a teenybopping young girl) 
   
   KYLIE 
   Man, that song . . . it was in the charts for what, 8 or 9 months? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Yeah, zat's right. But you must be concentrating und try to be guessing 
   who I am. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, duh . . . Too easy . . . You're Wolfgang Schmidt - the Academy Award 
   winning director . . 
   (Laughing) . . . Of your dreams. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Bzzz. Close, but no cigar! Remember, zis is a performance zat is going to 
   be pushing you to your psychological limits. Perhaps you are needing ze 
   visual clue.
   (WOLFGANG removes her blindfold and dances around in front of KYLIE who 
   bursts out laughing) 
   So, who am I? 
   
   KYLIE 
   I don't know, but you sure look cute - like one of your starlets on the 
   set! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   OK, zen . . . you are needing another clue. Let's just say zat I'm a 
   mythical figure from ze future - a future zat never had ze chance to 
   develop to . . . vell, to maturity. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Hmmm . . . Do I actually know this person? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   You did. I vas very close to you. To both of us. 
   
   KYLIE 
   What do you mean? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   I mean I no longer exist. I am . . . dead. Vat you see is vat I could 
   have been after ze first day at high school. Vith you in ze tuck shop 
   serving or on ze P & C committee working. I am vat could have been . . . 
   Vat is now lost. 
   
   KYLIE 
   You're . . . dead? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ja, sanks to, vell, sanks to you. 
   
   KYLIE 
   (As WOLFGANG's meaning dawns on her) 
   I . . . I can't believe you're doing this. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   You've guessed? 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Choking back the tears) 
   How could you make fun of the miscarriage? How could you even suggest it 
   was my fault? You're a fucking animal! You're sick! You know our . . . our 
   baby is the one area out of bounds! 
   (KYLIE storms over to the S.T.E.R.E.O. cubes and brings them crashing to 
   the ground. The music stops abruptly. She fumes) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   I'm surprised you didn't see it coming. It vas ze next inevitable step 
   ven you said not to hold back. And anyvay, it's good for us - it's called 
   'drama therapy'. You know, cathartic . . . Hey, you sink I haven't 
   suffered too, sinking about how she vould have made zis a real family? 
   (KYLIE storms off stage. WOLFGANG, dejected, throws the wig onto the 
   ground and paces. He shouts offstage to KYLIE) 
   I'm sorry, OK? 
   (Then laughing to himself) 
   But I definitely von zat round. Und now I vill be getting ze action! 
   (KYLIE enters carrying a length of rope and swigging from a bottle of 
   vodka) 
   
   KYLIE 
   Sit! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   (Sitting timidly on the D.E.A.D. cubes) 
   Ja, honey, vatever you say. 
   (KYLIE tries to tie him up but WOLFGANG pulls away) 
   Hey! Vat you are doing? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Don't you trust me, darling? 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Nein, not in your present mood. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Look, I'm over it. We both know these games are played at great expense 
   to our sanity and eventually one of us always says something stupid. But 
   you've earned some fun with that last little effort so I'm going to treat 
   you to a nice old-fashioned strip-tease - real raunchy like! 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Vell, OK, but don't be doing somesink crazy now. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Me? Do something crazy? Never . . . there. 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   It is being a bit tight actually. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, don't be such a . . . baby. Anyway, you're going to get a kick outta 
   this! 
   (KYLIE sets the S.T.E.R.E.O. cubes up and plays a sexy tango. She 
   commences to strip-tease and takes off some of her clothes) 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (From offstage) 
   Hello? Anybody home? Door's open! 
   
   KYLIE 
   (Starting to appear and sound drunk, KYLIE tosses aside the now empty 
   vodka bottle) 
   Well, now, we have company. Such great timing . . . I wonder who it could 
   be . . . 
   (KYLIE gags WOLFGANG with his silk handkerchief. REYNALDO enters with a 
   tennis racquet, now dressed in revealing gym clothes with oiled muscles 
   and looking tanned, relaxed and confident. He smoothes his hair and soaks 
   up KYLIE's admiration) 
   
   REYNALDO 
   Hey. 
   
   KYLIE 
   Reynaldo! How are you sweetie? Mmm, nice threads! 
   
   REYNALDO 
   (Nonchalantly striking a bodybuilding pose, or if the actor is slight of 
   build, a tennis lob) 
   Yeah, pretty fine, hey. I had to change a tyre - some fucker stuck it 
   with a dirty big syringe! Didn't wanna get grease on the tux so I changed 
   clothes. Um . . . why's Wolfgang wearing a dress? 
   
   KYLIE 
   Oh, he's rehearsing a new part. 
   (KYLIE sidles up close to REYNALDO. They lock eyes, circle each other 
   slowly and pose like figure-skaters. Mechanically, silently, KYLIE seduces 
   REYNALDO with her eyes as she rearranges the F.I.G.H.T. cubes to read 
   P.L.A.C.E. She is breathless as she rearranges the D.E.A.D. cubes 
   WOLFGANG is sitting on to read L.A.S.T. He appears too shocked to resist) 
   Mmm, sweetie, I think you could do with a pre-match massage - in the 
   bedroom. You know, tonight is 'Games Night' and apparently . . . 
   (Glancing at WOLFGANG) 
   . . . anything goes . . . Even a workout with the opposition . . . 
   (KYLIE exits into the bedroom with the bewitched REYNALDO. WOLFGANG 
   struggles and goes red in the face. The 'phone rings. KYLIE pokes her 
   head back onto stage after a few seconds and moans ecstatically before 
   reaching across and answering the 'phone) 
   Kylie speaking . . . Brittany, darling! . . . Come on over, there's a 
   lovely young man I'd like you to meet . . . Yes, like the time with 
   Fernando. Yes, that's right - 'ménage a trois' . . . Mmm, just let 
   yourself in - the door's always open . . . Oh, Reynaldo, that's 
   fantastic . . . Hurry, Brittany, hurry! 
   (KYLIE hangs up as WOLFGANG struggles madly. She mockingly addresses him 
   in his accent) 
   Now, now, Volfgang - Don't be playink ze sore loser! 
   (KYLIE withdraws to the bedroom, giggling. WOLFGANG triumphantly breaks 
   free but as he does a referee's whistle is heard indicating 'Full time'. 
   He slumps. After a pause he reaches for his mobile phone and starts 
   dialing. He stops and pauses again) 
   
   WOLFGANG 
   Ach, fuck it! 
   (WOLFGANG points the phone to his temple and pulls the 'trigger'. A loud 
   gunshot is heard and the lights immediately extinguish) 
   
   CURTAIN.
   
   
   
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