WORD SYMPHONIES 

by

Klaus-Jens Gerken

(2006)

      Thanks to Heather Ferguson for the edits

PROLOGUE

The first disgrace

Tell them what you are saying
and they still don't understand

*

WORD SYMPHONY I 

(Refer: Mahler Symphony II)

"Fate"

I

You start with 1 note:

b flat major

caught in the middle
of an argument
between two cats

in the halls of parliament

and pianoforte displaces
seven drums and the master violinist
throws confusion to the wind
and becomes Beethoven
wild hair
broken ears
and what silence
wrought such noise

Mozart was a dilettante
compared to this
horse of a monster

laughter fills the aisles
priests bow down to elohim
and displace her form

so b said to mozart chickenshit
when m denuded his talent
and spat on B's desire
"you are like a nerve to me
raping harvest moons."

M went on to greater things
200 hundred years later
won an oscar
and made pretty noise
B created a great complexity
maybe jazz
and something M wd never have
understood
and who can argue where that went?

Sometime we don't know
knowing we don't know
sometimes the hammer needs a wall
sometimes we need to suffer
and always the law is a petty argument
to creativity

I have nothing left
but words and
understanding
they have nothing left
but pretty lawns and their
neighbour's attitude
their children are their harbour
their wives a true receptacle
(do they ever understand each other?)
they compromise
and the blasé live in peace...

There's a moment where the
shattered shatter
and refuse to take this anymore
the world is not a piano
the world is what you do with it
but the concrete matters to the LAAAAAAAW
the individual conforms
and that is RAW...
they don't like that
(give three cellos and a crash--
the Beatles even had a cord for that)

Help or maybe just a Hard Day's Night
Will we ever get it right?
The frozen surface of a bowl
of water will not satisfy a thirsty cat
And we kill each other in cruel places
Compassion bleeds another curse
And who are we to just assume
Assuming is for those who blow
the promise to the need of something else

The Fly The Planet The Last Rites
dormant on my shelf refuse to void the brilliance
whatever form they take
or fake
assuming has to be the great escape
take responsibility for nothing
save face
don't stick your head too far
above the crowd
toe the line
get it right
ask no questions
just accept

Dawn and microscopic particles
explode
into a new dimension
how cruel we humans are
tearing things apart

Hollow article
Miss you
Down beat
Crazy desperate
instability blues
no one knows we don't exist
love me baby
hold me baby
do me this and
do me that
and what is ultimately left
alzheimer's
and a faded photograph
somewhere trodden on the street
off in a garbage heap
and the never remembered you
the never remembered them
only history remembers history
and individuals succumb
like dying sperm
into a broken womb
dark ages
expanding sun
no present to communicate
through past events
...darkly

cheques
i write cheques
because they don't want me to
i have a rotary phone
because they don't want me to
i pay no attention to the status quo
i pay attention to myself
i like marinated herring
i like smoked eel
(i mistyped "sliked ell"
which i find more fitting)
i listen to the stones
slow blues confront me
i watch whale music
the day the earth stood still
i drink red bourgogne
gogne
pronounce that
this is a symphony for 'ell's sake
saké won't do
get a burning vine
christ in an autumn fog
smoke of sacrifice
burnt offering
twin towers
to another god
held captive
by human thought

the gods are dead don't you know
the present gods are politicians
and terrorists
ludwig on napoleon
eroika
fields of gentle breezes
golden flowers
covering
rotting corpses
and no one sees the earth
in all its splendour
small blue orb
dribble by religion
into a hoop
score one for the stupid
score one for the powerful
score one for the mindless
score one for you and me
dismembered
of rationality and hope
trick or treat on halloween
why wear masks
when you have a message
legitimate?
why wear masks at all?

II

So Ludwig had a thing
about his sister-in-lay (law)

sick twisted as he was
he still had curly hair
...on his head
frozen ear
and ivory fingers
defiant to the end
Ludwig was the peeping tom
to our hearts
minds
digging in our souls
a thousand shovels in each brain
digging digging digging
what we may not know
and he ain't police
desperate semi-human gadgets
twisted tuned manipulated
to whatever rules the sanction validates
they hate you one day
love you the next
when the "law" changes
they don't think
i don't like people who don't think
you can't talk to them
they don't talk to you
they have a mission
to destroy

I am just a human being
bread upon this planet
sinking dust
trying to make certainty of what is not
i am star
i am star
i am a broken member from afar
a string does not connect
we break
we break
"just like a little girl"
in the comfort of humanity
strutting like a giant ant
across the raw domain of insecurity
Hold on Hold on Hold on
the wire is a slingshot
and the forest rides upon the moss
of live grenades
London harbours rape my mind
and 9/11 never happened
in another time
line
we are here because we have to be
there is no solution otherwise
hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah
death destruction and more pain
revel in salvation
the lord is just the lord is just
the lord is just when rich nations seem
to need HIM most

SHE is never there to argue and combat
SHE is MARY MAGDALEN SARAH EVE and whomever else
she washes feet
she spits out children
she OBEYS her HUSBAND
she is silent
she is PURE
she is everything
for GOD's sake she's a WHORE
She's a woman
She's a slave
Make no mistake
she's always been a slave
a slave with power over men
never realized
WOMEN RULE THE WOLRD
THROUGH SEX
and the shelter they provide
their offspring
Men just form 'pretend' societies
socialize in wolf garb
and howl at the moon
Women keep the world alive
Women keep the world alive
Women keep the world ALIVE
Monks like me just write it down
to let the cat out of the bag
and the cat's out of the bag
the cat's out of the bag
the cats out chasing mice
the cat's out chasing mice
we say very nice
nice nice
nice
woman in a vice
lots of men advise
what will happen when
men cannot pretend
women in the end
women in the end
spare the rod for men

III

What is God's purpose?
Dante made a mess
Popes are rarely blessed
Does one ever live
next to holiness?

IV

since 1-1 cannot = 0
and since zero can't exist
so
Where did we begin
how did we begin
since everything we do
is in the past
what is the present
is there a present
this is the enigma
nothing out of nothing
is still nothing
but out of nothing
something came
whether next to us
or some divine being
it makes no sense
we exist
we are here
yet we cannot be
here or anywhere else

but we exist
plain and simple
we
exist

the universe exists
the beyond the universe exists
the beyond that exists
and so forth so forth so forth

what is forever?
what is never?
what is what can never be
but is?

"I think, therefore I am"

Maybe that's all there is

Maybe thought is light

Maybe thought is nothing

I'm just human...I sure don't know...
and if God, or Buddha, or Allah, or whatever
ants call their gods...and if that God knows
I bow to him or her or them
because I don't think they would know either

Maybe a quark does
Maybe a quark just exists and doesn't care
how or when or why

dark

dark matter
things that can't be seen
but a butterfly sees things differently
and we are just amazed at the beauty
of its wings

Why must we be gods
and never the
beauty or the truth

why must we be false aromas
because we smell no flowers
why must we be darkness
because we hate the light
why must we be anything
but ourselves naked
the way we are...

hope is not a radiance
hope is simple forwardness

two cellos
darkness death and love
unison then counter measure
slow like indecision
but decision nonetheless
hope beyond a loss
loss beyond a hope
where do we begin
end
where do we belong
what are we
are we that other planet we search for
probably
we are not ourselves
we are someone else
something else
we may never even be
in a stolen moment
of eternity

woodwinds
nature
hope
future
future
mess

conglomerate or
personal
public
private
communicable
contained
the human virus spreads its curse
across a moldy planet
heathened by a trembling sun
today we might exist
tomorrow never knows

666

WORD SYMPHONY II 

(Refer: Beethoven Symphony V)

"The Rant"

			 "The Lie 
			  by Sir Walter Ralegh

			  Go, Soul, the body's guest,
			  Upon a thankless errand;
			  Fear not to touch the best;
			  The truth shall be thy warrant:
			  Go, since I needs must die,
			  And give the world the lie.

			  Say to the court, it glows
			  And shines like rotten wood;
			  Say to the church, it shows
			  What's good, and doth no good:
			  If church and court reply,
			  Then give them both the lie.

			  Tell potentates, they live
			  Acting by others' action;
			  Not loved unless they give,
			  Not strong but by a faction.
			  If potentates reply,
			  Give potentates the lie.
			
			  Tell men of high condition,
			  That manage the estate,
			  Their purpose is ambition,
			  Their practice only hate:
			  And if they once reply,
			  Then give them all the lie.
			
			  Tell them that brave it most,
			  They beg for more by spending,
			  Who, in their greatest cost,
			  Seek nothing but commending.
			  And if they make reply,
			  Then give them all the lie.
			
			  Tell zeal it wants devotion;
			  Tell love it is but lust;
			  Tell time it is but motion;
			  Tell flesh it is but dust:
			  And wish them not reply,
			  For thou must give the lie.
			
			  Tell age it daily wasteth;
			  Tell honour how it alters;
			  Tell beauty how she blasteth;
			  Tell favour how it falters:
			  And as they shall reply,
			  Give every one the lie.
			
			  Tell wit how much it wrangles
			  In tickle points of niceness;
			  Tell wisdom she entangles
			  Herself in overwiseness:
			  And when they do reply,
			  Straight give them both the lie.
			
			  Tell physic of her boldness;
			  Tell skill it is pretension;
			  Tell charity of coldness;
			  Tell law it is contention:
			  And as they do reply,
			  So give them still the lie.
			
			  Tell fortune of her blindness;
			  Tell nature of decay;
			  Tell friendship of unkindness;
			  Tell justice of delay:
			  And if they will reply,
			  Then give them all the lie.
			
			  Tell arts they have no soundness,
			  But vary by esteeming;
			  Tell schools they want profoundness,
			  And stand too much on seeming:
			  If arts and schools reply,
			  Give arts and schools the lie.
			
			  Tell faith it's fled the city;
			  Tell how the country erreth;
			  Tell manhood shakes off pity
			  And virtue least preferreth:
			  And if they do reply,
			  Spare not to give the lie.
			
			  So when thou hast, as I
			  Commanded thee, done blabbing--
			  Although to give the lie
			  Deserves no less than stabbing-- 
			  Stab at thee he that will,
			  No stab the soul can kill."
			  ca.1592

I

First contact
shadow clone
of generations

waves of grass
across the plains of madness
blood red green the lie appeals

to those who know so much
they know nothing
hollow trumpet

where the world begins
where the world must end
where the less than being was
contained

Hope is such a monstrous thing
it ties us to a stake on an ant hill
in the middle of nowhere

desert island
Caliban's soup
made of straw

We are not the "hollow men"
we are hee-haw jackasses bellowing
in a twisted hurricane

They never wanted us to contact them
they were content to be civilized
in their ritual savagery

After all they had gods
where every natural occurrence
was sacred

Then we came along
WE CAME ALONG
WE ASSAULTED THEM

we who took our right from GOD
for GOD and we forced them to repent
FOR WHAT?

for being savage not like us?
we who claim no innocence
but blame it on a woman

our fall
not theirs
so we we who fear the most
fell them

what hollow madness is this
what hollow victory
must we always vindicate ourselves

blame others
for our madness
how Baraka would smile

and Zarathustra would look upon the world
and argue back again his argument
and join Lear in a dark damp cave

Remember how the werewolf anticipates
your every move
and rips your soul apart

that is us
3/4 of the world lives in poverty
and we count pennies

and even deny ourselves
because we've become so greedy
we count pennies
bottom line
not each other
not ourselves

we've become the books
not the book keeper
bureaucracy we cannot question

set of rules no one wants to challenge
cold uncompromising hollow
we've become a video game...(trite)

click here click there ride the wave
kill the target no big deal
they feel for those who do not feel

but who are they
from one point they are us
from our point they are them

and no one gives a damn
as long as the money rolls in
as long as politicians can afford to grin

it's strange i want to hear oboes now
woodwinds quiet meadows brushed by calm
breezes spring flowers yellow gold and purple

strange i want a movement to begin
that tells me there is something else
than a calculated entity replacing our humanity

at war at war at war we are
they tell us
with whom?

"you hit Greco"
"Greco hits me"
"what profit's in that?"
"we need a stable government."
or some such thought from Star Trek
our Shakespeare...

and come years from now,
a legacy we probably managed to achieve
to what detriment?

II

Longius
Spear
Hitler
Hate
split open
the debate
no one wants

al qaeda
twin towers
no escape
saladin
jerusalem
templars
holy blood and
holy grail
henry the 8th
how else could
a king
top a pope?

sometimes silly
sometimes mad
for the real to recycle
nature must be mad
indeed
nature recycles EVERYTHING
one atom makes many
humans are a plague
parasites upon a rock
obsessive digging makes a lock
upon the human brain
nothing there an ant can't gather
greater substitution
lollipops for ak47s
i'm sure the moderate
would lick their lips
luxury in place -- blow it up
i have a nice home; family -- blow it up
i get a great education -- which teaches me
to blow it up
I am not like you
I enjoy your comforts
just ain't the way I think
blow it up

hey...life's an adventure
and that's the truth...
why go on living in fear
you might die anyway...why fear
once you're dead you'll never know it
only those who survive spread revenge

III

When I was young
i looked up at the stars
from a garret in Cuxhaven, Germany
West Germany then,
Cold war hate
misinformation
and wondered
what was out there
but what was there is here
and that took a long time to congeal

we have made a mess of things
because we do not see
and because we do not see
we only see the tether not the rope
we only see the regulations not the hope
we are creatures of fear
and the more we fear the more rules we make
to constrain ourselves

We are ruled by fanatics
and fanatics will use every means
to gain control
In the mid-east, it might be religion
in the west, it's more psychology
to dehumanize
catalogue 
label us
make us "other"
we see it every day
we are categories to the police
to politicians
and Freud just smiles
from his silly grave
no penis to erect his twisted
fame upon

As a child I saw the universe
a great adventure
as an adult I see the curse of earth
and how twisted minds
refuse to see
money goods and labour
nothing else matters to them
they don't see the universe
and wonder anymore
they just see the profit in their enterprise
and would kill everything to get it
they enslave everyone
whether by communism dictatorship
or democracy
all the same
systems to control individuals
and stifle individual thought
there are no "criminals"
there are just those who break the rules
and to treat everyone like dirt
is an injustice to the human race

I don't know what the future will hold
Maybe an asteroid will kill everything on earth
tomorrow
maybe Bruce Willis will save us
I have no way of knowing
No crystal ball can cast such bold reflection
refraction or solution
and who knows what the Bilderbergs talk about
with their secret meetings
and dark security
sure makes a case for secret societies
and conspiracies
and whatever else they refuse to tell us--
that we've been duped for centuries
maybe even millennia is our conjecture
but governments couldn't function without
covert operations
that's always been a fact
and we are duped into thinking otherwise
ultimately there is no communism no dictatorships
and no democracy
there is just the ruling class
them and us
they tell us what we "need" to know
they tell us
we can't tell them anything
what's best for us is best for them
as long as they decide what's best

as a child there was wonder in the universe
in nature
in others
every moment was an adventure a discovery
then adulthood struck
and rules became the measure
don't do this and don't do that
and why is not a valid question
no longer allowed to decide for one's self
what's right or wrong
to trust one's own judgment

as a child I trusted my judgment
was wrong many times and learned
grew stronger because of it
common sense prevailed
laws have no common sense
common sense needs reason
and reason needs trust in others
to concur
laws need no concurrence
just statistics and psychology
expertise
those with degrees are smarter than those
without
end of discussion
that's the law

they allow us to read orwell
because they know we won't see it coming
well we didn't
and it's here

As a child I had hope in the future
as an adult I just wish to be a child again
not today
but yesterday

IV

selected genocide
selected judgment

selected knowledge
selected eyes

all-pervasive government
where's the microchip beneath our skin

not yet but soon will be
to get a birth certificate

regulated lived
outlined in a manual

deviants are not allowed
the ministry of control

demands we be the same
"for the common good"

and as for entertainment
keep us entertained

with all the things we cannot do
roman society

thirst for blood abated
by the games

that's what TV's all about
or beheadings "over there"

humiliation's another thing
the public courts

lived and reputations ruined
where found guilty or not

it's a tabloid society
bakes the melting pot

what would they think
coming here unannounced

how are we prepared to speak to them
without guns or heavy armour

our fear betrays our words
of peace and bravery

war is sane if we strike first
immoral if they protect themselves

how can we be gods in judgment
without understanding what they seek

do not talk to them but kill
do not understand them but destroy

the evil is not in fear
the evil is in words

manipulated phrases
twisted logic

right and wrong thinking
covert politics

christmas eve ww one
soldiers on both sides singing

christmas carols
and then they stopped

meeting on a soggy field
soaked in the death of many

and shared a cup of coffee
smiles and common bonds

the next day they were fighting
no longer human beings

but soldiers
shackled to their "duty"

Lester Pearson said
On Front Page Challenge:

"My favourite Christmas was
the one in 1940--middle of the blitz
when a bomb exploded just outside my window
shattering the glass but else did little damage
I went over to drown out the
noise of the falling bombs by turning
the radio to the German shortwave
(which i had been listening to) and
found the most beautiful Christmas carols
coming from the same source that brought us
this terrible destruction
and I thought that if we just could
understand what gave us this beautiful music
and this terrible destruction from the same source
we might just be able to understand
how to envelop peace..."

And lest we forget
humanity is reason

society is common sense
politics too often mirror

insanity
I fear

6614

WORD SYMPHONY III

(Refer: Mahler Symphony I)

"Remembrance"

I

My father had an apple orchard
in Stickenbuettel
suburb of Cuxhaven
after the war
where I flew kites
which got tangled in the twisted trees
and where one tree
gave three different
flavoured apples

my father also kept rabbits
which he treated cruelly
and I was mad at that
I could never see any creature harmed
I was five or six
rhubarb and peas
carrots and tomatoes
kartoffel and cabbages
whatever else
the ground was dark and rich with nutrients
even after my father came to Canada
he had a green thumb
and had the most amazing garden
where no neighbour could grow anything

I would ride on the handle bars
of my father's bike
as we rode through the rural streets
early Saturday morning
the old oak trees lining the cobblestone streets
and friends saying guten morgen
the men tipping their hats
and the women nodding
it was a civil atmosphere
after so much destruction
10 years on
and the bunkers no one could dismantle
still a concrete monument
to a time no one dared even whisper about
let alone believed had happened

Hitler was a solid wonder in 1933
with the communists about to take Europe
the populace inflamed with economic hate
and tribulations
rationalized their plight
and took the "lesser" evil
history would judge the "greater"
but history is hindsight
and hindsight rationalizes differently
thinking it knows all the angles
we can be wrong at both ends

my father never spoke about the war
he was wounded near Stalingrad
my mother told of torture
and said it was not right
but things as they were
a gun at one's temple is not
conducive to free speech

we lived first in a new housing development
row houses cobbled yards between developments
no trees and where the kids played soccer after school
I once stuck my finger in an open electrical socket
behind a chair and got myself electrocuted
but I survived although my mother turned a shade of white
I had never seen before my father remained stoic
he's ok we've got work to do

I have a picture of me and my parents and our spaniel Bingo
I looked all of five but couldn't have been older than three
judging from the years we lived there
that always bothered me because there was a rumour
that I was not my parents' child but adopted
but I have my maternal grandfather's disposition
to drink and his receding hairline
and I hope his intellectual ability
(though somewhat squandered after all
he was the only school master in his village
and deciding to build a youth orchestra
learned all the instruments himself--so I've been told
by my mother--so he could teach the kids)

he died one day after the doctor told him to quit
drinking
so he decided to clean the attic
fell down the stairs and broke his neck
I like to tell my doctor this
to show him how ridiculous our present
faith in regimental health has become
If die we must
at least let us live a good life
a lengthy life without a purpose is just wasted
i guess
others probably won't think so
and they have that right
although with today's bombardment
and preaching I sometimes wonder
how we ever survived to get here
without knowing what we seem to know now

anyway we moved from there
to william heitzig strasse
between a mill and an apartment building
into a garret on the 3rd floor
across from the hotel concordia
where the sailors used to bring their girls
there I had my happiest childhood memories
and my worst
my father had just opened his own barber shop
next to a slaughterhouse
in a small deadened street

Cuxhaven then as now was the out port of Hamburg
servicing the ocean liners and large ships that couldn't
negotiate the Elbe safely
and also was a fishing port
for trawlers fishing off the shoals of newfoundland
before my father opened his barber shop
he worked as a security guard by the alte liebe
i used to accompany him at night sometimes
and we would check the freight trains and jump
into a boat and check the harbour for any smuggling
activity - sometimes it frightened me - other times I was ok
I was only six or seven and it all was a dark and deep adventure
to a little boy - sometimes I was left with some of the women
working the bars when things got too rough and they always
treated me as if a favourite son...sometimes they would
bring me home...the smell of beer and their bodies
always remained with me
strange to end up in a land where this is frowned upon

anyway I used to bring my father his lunch
which Bingo held in his mouth stopping
by the smoked fish booth on the way where
they always had something special for Bingo and me
it was such an adventure and all the folks on the way
knew us and there were no safety issues for a little kid
like there are now--dirty old men were tolerated
and kids knew just how to handle them
it's a sad society we live in these days
where kids are unable to experience the freedom i did
but then there was the darker side no one spoke about
the landlord baby sitting and the things I saw
guess they all left an impression
but we dealt with it-revenge is such a killer

so my father brought me home some of the display tubes
from his shop window that I wanted
I couldn't understand why there was nothing in them
and they looked as if the real deal
they were so fragile and i treated them as air
one day my father took me to see rumplestilskin
at the local theatre
half way through I cried and wanted out of there
it made me sad and when I was home and safe
there was music on the radio and i asked my parents
is that mozart beethoven schubert
although i had never herd that music before
and certainly not the names
after all i was all of six years old
and my parents were amazed
after that each sunday afternoon
i sat before the radio in our tiny living room
listening listening gathering
instinctively what i understood was me

it was a magic time
my parents seemed to be happy
my mother cooking in the small kitchen
gas stove (the most modern)
my own room
and the sink in the hallway
where sometimes we pissed 
when the shared toilet down the stairs was occupied
I would have to drag a chair close to do so
but managed
and then the day I fell down two flights of stairs
and got knocked out
they thought I broke my neck but was ok
kids are so resilient
but I made the most of it
and got to stay home from school for a number of days
and when i couldn't sleep my mother would give me
brandy in warm milk to soothe my nerves
as recommended by our doctor
different days and different ways

I would play with Bingo in the yard
and he would jump the cast iron fence dividing the property
from the warehouse next door
and when i was too busy with school
Bingo would bring my father his lunch 
he would later be the only dog given a citation
by the city for civil service
when we came to canada we left him behind
with the neighbours and he died soon afterwards
although the neighbours pretended he was fine
I remember my mother crying hysterically
when she found out
at the time we were living on Nelson Street in Ottawa
a run down semi duplex
where we sheltered several stray cats

My mother always loved animals
she could never see them hurt
she once when we were living on Wilbrod Street
went to claim one of her cats stolen
for university experiments
and tore into the institution and released
every creature captive there
she got her cat back but the cat was never the same
shaven head and embedded electrodes
she wandered away one night never to be seen again
my mother got a write-up in the Ottawa Journal
I was saddened to the bottom of my heart
a most wonderful cat destroyed
because of human greed

After my father left for Canada...
(incidentally on my 9th birthday
birthdays i never celebrate to this day
my mother held a party for me
and i was ringed by my friends singing birthday songs
and ran away to my bedroom
i cry at parties till this day)
but before that i was hit at school
by my teacher frau beschorner
for being late to class and knocked to the floor
--teachers were allowed to hit kids those days--
(discipline was everything in German schools)
I recovered sat at the back disgraced
and told my mother when I got home
she alerted the authorities and I was taken to Hamburg
for a psychiatric examination
playing with the puzzles i remember the doctor
being furious "this child should never have been brought here"
and then the fuss began
I was somehow special with a high IQ...
these parents are not smart enough to care for him etc...
switzerland a special school for gifted kids...
no wonder my parents left the country...
but obviously that wasn't all of it
my parents argued didn't get along
and i was left alone that night

the days were hollow and my father sent gifts
plastic airplanes which i shared with friends
and the ocean voyage with my mother in July
after a doctor said that I wd die
if I didn't see my father - bunch of hokey
made up by my mother which haunted me for years

Sea sick and some fun
Columbus on the lamb
Kids will have their fun
everywhere they go

II

Canada
Diefenbaker Prime Minister
Quebec City
Shack by the harbour
Photograph
My mother crying
Leaving civilization behind
isn't easy

Montreal was better
my father met us
drove us to Ottawa
one room on Cobourg Street
blankets on the floor
arguments
a child just doesn't care
a child wants to feel secure
this was no security

Moved to Nelson street
(first of many moves)
Hottest august on record
my mother draped all windows
with wet bed sheets
couldn't believe the heat
thought the world was burning up
and from my room
i could hear their arguments
at night

I was placed in a German diplomatic school
out of place and desperate for friends
these kids were German specialty
they would go back home
I was nothing to them
and I would have to stay
I objected to what I can't remember
but i objected
and was disciplined
I recall my mother furious
trying to call the embassy on a shared phone
shouting at the other caller to get off the line
with that I was placed in a public school
osgood public school
year of nuke alerts
hide in basement under desks
don't look at the light
great year for kids
i was placed one year back
for my age
because i couldn't speak the lingo
but still made friends fast
and learned the lingo in a month
they gave me a signed edition of Stevenson's
Rhymes for Children which was my first
introduction to poetry
I was all of ten years old

We moved several times
Once because the landlord on Nelson street
was a Jew from Stalingrad where his
family had been butchered and he blamed my father
there was a moment a gun may have been involved
but no harm came to either
and we moved to Wilbrod Street
and there I was frightened with a mask
after a party and left alone one night
and invited some girls up
11-year olds we found out can't do too much
when afraid of being caught

We weren't there long
moved back to Nelson Street
after my father and the landlord reconciled
that winter i skated in the park
and did some pre-extreme sports down the steep slope
on Nelson Street
same winter i first fell in love
and had a broken heart when a friend
stole her away from me
same year polly came
cat adopted us
and stayed the next five years
memories of high snow
friends and I was happy there

then we moved again
when my father became the manager
of a barber shop in Elmvale Acres
to our own house in the suburbs
i went to elmvale public school
became a crossing guard and
help flood the rink in winter
even played baseball and was called out
when i slid into first base
but then made a game winning save
in left field and all was forgiven
i also had my first girlfriend
and you know can't even remember
her name...such is old age and memory
but i do recall her features
and when we lay together on the floor
before the fireplace looking at my stamp collection

the same year we had an ice storm
on my birthday in april
and in june drove to new york
in out buick 55
what a car
120 and no vibration on the interstate
we visited relatives in flushing ny
with a replica ship bay in their basement
they had a teenage daughter
i fell in love
of course she didn't notice me 12 years old
so I sulked in the car on the dark street
they came and got me
said never to do that again
because it's not safe
the first time i heard those words
next day I got lost
on the subway and the cops had to find me
the view from the empire state building was
as they say these days awesome
the way down was weird
two fast elevators and almost weightlessness

getting back a funny incident when the owner
of the house we were renting tried to replace a
picture window and it broke over his head
that year I met david parton
who lived a few blocks down
future poet doctor and member of the group
writing songs and playing long
into the night
but that was later
first we moved again to Nelson Street
and then to our own house on Atwater
I was 14 then
and we had rex our german shepard
and polly had left us in the interim
when we lived in the white house
across from elmvale shopping centre
where i grew up
got kicked out of bible school
for asking too may questions
and stayed home from school for three days
when kennedy was assassinated
history is more important my mother told
the school for an excuse
13 then it made a formative impression
into country music then
the beatles hit

III

beatlemania
who would have thought of that
they passed through Cuxhaven
and molded themselves in Hamburg
the north sea salt air does that to people
it's rough and rock and roll has no escape
but to surf the tide

i didn't like them when they first appeared
didn't think they were "the ultimate"
that had to wait until the stones
rolled with their first album
in a friend's basement where the playboy
poster on the wall was a great distraction

this was on a new suburban development
and disregarding the workman's shack
filled with nudie posters and other plastered images
we were a fairly good bunch of andrenolized boys
we even had a haunted house we dared ourselves into
and one night a friend camping cut an axe into his arm
thinking it was someone else trying to injure him

just regular suburbanites
kids down the street had a nascent rock group going
father had a barber shop on kilborne avenue
burnt down one year but that later
and i played gibson in my front yard
or chess with constable heirhoff down the street
indeed a lot of cops lived there
their kids i thought were potential criminals

beaten up once and battered by planks
in a field they called me queer...said we hate
your guts...and when i told my parents they
confronted them and were told no way...and all of 16
i was beaten up both by them and my own
because, they said, I embarrassed them. I learned that moment
the law is always right. I learned that moment
lies prevail if corruption infiltrates.

and the jams continued...dave and i had a good group
wrote some good songs...good poems
and sucked the beatles up and i the isb
or blues project i still think was the most advanced group
in the early 60s and then zimmerman and i
left the academic world for my own indiscretion...
barber school ... three months over winter
business...accounting and even literature arguing
shakespeare keats and poe...

but then Ottawa won the Grey Cup that year as they
would the next...and Bobby Fisher won the crown
of pawns against more pawns...and I was locked in a room
forgiving a few past years with buddha's blessed understanding
well...maybe not...picasso died that year and I painted
some good canvasses and wrote some shitty poetry...
i was learning, one of the surviving members of the
group of seven told me...too stupid to know the worth of that
then

I used to think my blue journals meant everything
but now they're in my closet falling apart ... I used to
read them once in a while but the gates done closed and today
seems more important than decades ago...did i do things right then...
who knows...all i know is i survived to reach this point
and where that leads how can anyone know...death tomorrow...
years from now...fate has a nefarious attraction

i just write the poem...you are the reader...you decide
what's good for you or what you can intake...it's a wonder we can share
what's in the mess we make. I guess life belongs to that genus
"common mistake". There's no other reason for it. Why would I think
otherwise hoping for mistakes, and a common solution?

IV

and here we are
a monkey's paradise
dogs howling
fools paring
what noise is there to make
to get ears hearing
what flash
to get eyes seeing
what blast to shake the mind
that we are all the same
experiencing the same feeling
the same vulnerabilities
the same aches and pains
we all are young
we all grow old
then what is it
that short circuits us
into believing we are different
and somehow have to change the world
it can't be that difficult
we've all seen the earth from the moon
so what's preventing us to be alike
what's preventing us to talk to each other
what's preventing us to shake hands

6614

WORD SYMPHONY IV 

(Refer: Mahler Symphony IV)

"The Denial"

I

Jesus never died for us
he died for himself

Reprise

I was thrown out of bible school
for asking too many questions
I was 12
I wore a silver leather jacket
they did not approve of
and they complained
we (my parents and I),
did not give enough in donations

So I was told not to come back
unless I changed my attitude
and accept their teachings

The same winter I collapsed
foolishly not wearing a hat in mid-winter
almost collapsing from the cold --
In bed a week recuperating
our doctor said to get rid of all the fossils
on my shelves -- not hygienic he said  
I still miss the fossil footprint
I found when they built St. Laurent Blvd
And once got stuck in the mud
when I tried to negotiate the artificial hills
We were living in the White House then
with Polly across from Elmvale Shopping Centre
It was also when I stole a Playboy from the local pharmacy
and stupidly brought it back because I didn't think it was right
to steal - of course got caught - they told my dad and 
banned me from the store
I was 12 years old...what's a kid to do?
no one ever remembers "young"
adults embrace a universe all their own

so we throw the key away
and never again think about it...
heaven wasn't made for that
and neither was the world
a key element we never thought about
was continuity
life goes on
it doesn't stop
even when someone breaks the law

we seem to think punishment is a deterrent
well it's not
emotions can't be stopped
feelings can't be stopped
cravings can't be stopped
and how do you regulate a mindless urge?

you can't

we can just say you do that
and this is the punishment

but none of that deters
and don't mention what statistics rot
manipulated for the populace
for jokes to be reelected

my cats on the Hill know
who's right or wrong

too many people find themselves
lost scrounging for a sane commitment
to a world they never knew or will
sad in desperation
I don't know what to do with them
broken on the sidewalk
drugs ravaging their veins
and who would want to grasp their hand
unwashed possibly diseased and say I care

There's a world out there
lucrative that we don't know about 
slaves upon our master's prowl
it's a silent insecurity
we have accepted
praise the lord
and forever shut your trap

No one likes those who ask "improper questions"
especially in a public forum
that's reserved for those who rule

I was reading Zarathrustra
in my high school library
and I asked what it was about
confused in my teenage mind about
the philosophical embellishments
told not to read that
read what's good for you
grade nine
ask your teacher what to read
this is not for you

i read it at home
without their supervision
and got a hell of a head start to sanity
than they'd profess

It's like I see a woman's vagina
and I know instinctively what to do
and now there are all these regulations
telling me that sex's ok if I follow all these rules

Just a man I lay me down
into a grave of inability
uncertainty
a thousand years ago we never would have survived
had we rules like this...

I guess one never knows
unless one opens up
and sees beyond the means of those who cut
our values to the minimum

they spoke about adam and eve
cain and abel
i asked 
rather naively
incest
the roof they landed on
was shocked
that was before kennedy was murdered by the mob
and the beatles crawled out of hamburg's slums

a different time
doors were still unlocked
and neigbours had no enemy
but the odd skunk
and desperate cat
high on hormones

but the world was locked 
in a desperate struggle
nukes and vietnam

we watched assassinations on tv
and schools were bare and simple
in their survival
i was german
called a nazi then
saluted and clicked my heels to make them laugh
got disciplined for that
got disciplined always for something they
didn't like
funny that
i thought
what stupidity to deny
an open mind

watching gibson's jesus now
blood and guts and gore
they did a better job with the creature
of the black lagoon
jesus thrashed to hell
and two thieves still pristine
debating what was happening

most stupid movie i ever saw
and some would cry
in desperation
thinking fantasy is real
others threw up
raptured
this is god?

i frolic in the jungle of purport
everything is nature
and if i don't watch my step
i get eaten
such is life
we have forgotten
such is life we have refused

II

so what does one thing have to do with another
kill an insect deliberately
and your grandchild might die
prematurely
and with that the world may change

we all have that power 
and we advance it every day

we command our future
and everyone else's
as they command ours

a plant a flower
a desperate struggle
to survive

it's a potent legacy
in a universe so vast
or maybe so small
we don't want to think about

how do we measure scale
an ant is small compared to us
but has a regulated society

who can say we are more advanced
just because we've had more weapons of destruction
ants must have a justice system

because I've seen ants kill other ants
so what's their conversation like
do they have a god -- of course not

silly thought
only we have gods
and sometimes only one

looking at the universe i despair
not because we cannot understand it
but because we refuse to

we are a simple pond
with frogs a-plenty
only the frogs are us

weapons of human destruction
we kill ourselves
with ignorance

From a fan:(sic)

"I cant believe what your saying. The best poets in the world don´t volunteer 
their services, otherwise they wouldn't be the best in the world. Sorry I'm a 
writer and that means that I write for money. Not a volunteer, an intern, a 
charity worker or a charitable organisation. When I go to the supermarket I 
have to pay for things. I don’t ask the people there to volunteer their services 
and goods, anyway if I did I’d be laughed at. Which just about sums about my 
present response to your ´offer´. I'm working to make money for you and you 
shouldn’t pretend that our relationship is about art or aesthetics or poetry. 
You can of course pretend such a thing but your pretence isn't fooling anyone. 
If your website can survive and thrive then you can afford to pay the authors 
you publish, even if its just a token amount. The reason you don’t is because 
of one single thing: greed. That's all. You can afford to pay the people you 
publish but you don't because your a greedy bastard who doesn't want to pay 
for anything. You want other people to do everything for you. I'm sorry but 
I'm not getting involved any further with you. There is no such thing as a 
free ride or a free meal ticket."

I just smile 
I have to smile 
I am forced to smile
Wood knocks on wood
Brains knock on fear....

III

Voices
I dream voices
I dream words
I dream visuals
I dream epics
I dream futures
I dream harmony
I dream destruction
I dream in colour
I dream serials
I dream connectivity
I dream hope
I dream escape
I dream a different life
I dream a different reality
I dream what you can't
I dream my own reality

sometimes when we sleep
our world becomes complete
the outer shell flakes off
and we are what we seek

tongue in cheek
maybe there's a further level
we've not understood
or just didn't have a ladder to

like a pyramid in Bosnia
great slabs of stone
man-made or just a freak of nature
do we gather only the evidence we want
or do we ignore a fallacy

hard to say
we write history the way we want it perceived
never how it was
and never how it is

jesus never died for us
take a moment to reflect on judas' role
without him none of this would be
so is the act an evil or a blessing

the bread and silver are as one
one does not exist without the other
is the antidote a poison
or the other way around

the puppet play continues
as the modern changes the past
the past must change the modern
but who pulls the strings

jesus never died for us
we had him die for us
we made him what he is
not what he was

Marx said religion is the
opiate of the people
so is politics then methadone
no hope either way

the need to get to the top of the ladder
is a power unlike any other
manipulation
not participation

those opposed will not be tolerated
don't ever think there's a free press
there isn't
freedom is a werewolf
howling at the moon
come dawn
they all wear ties and suits
and no one knows a thing

so I hear voices they don't like
shut me up
discredit me
kill me if you must
and you will kill me
that's the nature of the beast
and yes
there is a 666
there is a secret cabal
there is a grand conspiracy

they don't even hide any longer
the bilderbergs are here
the bilderbergs are here
and if they can keep their secrets
anybody can

we are just the little men
little people
the others
those who pay your rent
serfs
slaves
call us what you will
beethoven rammed your door
refusing to be a servant anymore
mozart bowed like shit
wasn't that enough

they've prepared us longer than we think
radio
tv
novels
even video games
star trek especially
ever thought how most of what was there
is now

but one thing never told
is 84 is here
we never noticed it
we were drugged
by a fantasy
lotus land of the mind
where the future obscures the present
and none of this exists
1-1 cannot equal 0
blind sockets to an over-ripe sun
we will never get to number one
how much we try to rectify
botched reasoning

wall after wall
after wall

wailing
dry
or
crumbling

but granite walls exist
steady in support
of some clear omnipotent sign

comes once on a clear day
and never comes again

as the cop repents into a dogma
of discipline
and reaps the wayward sheep
with cop means
(before psychology was faith)
and holds a wand over all
like a great magician
HE will come again
HE did not flee
HE died upon the cross
Pure in body and in thought

Women may have swaddled him
but they were only human
only later were they allowed 
to wash his wounds
as a wife would do

Rabbi they called him
the Talmud states
No man can be a Rabbi
unless he is a family man
meaning married
legally
under Jewish law
Saul then Paul
said NOT
but Paul was Roman
Jesus Jew
(I keep asking through all of this 
who the hell was "He who will be called
Emmanuel"?) Certainly wasn't Jesus.
(Maybe Judas?)

Must have been someone else,
Maybe "The son of the father" Barabbas
Set free on that fated night
that saw Judas throw pennies in the gutter
hang himself
and the rock deny the "saviour" three times
before the cock crowed

so how important was Jesus to rouse
the head rabbi from sleep
and the king?
and why were they so adamant
for his crucifixion?
was he maybe the real king
real pretender to the throne of judah?
that would be the only solid reason
to get rid of him

but maybe i am dreaming
lotus land realities
(so there are no pyramids in europe
north america or china? - 
we have not exactly been blessed
with open observation have we?)

my cat sleeps on the sofa
curled up and comfortable in his world
i am at my computer
writing this and maybe writing cryptic
missals to those who wish to be --
just like me

but the hope of any future is the madness
of its artists poets writers visionaries
those called seer then or shaman eating sacred mushrooms
or smoking strong tobacco
drinking cocoa was another high
we've accepted
mushrooms much too powerful

not a sedative
a jolt into the future
thus hallucinogens are banned
they reveal something of our unstable mind
they loosen us
give the poet breath
forced to choke in a closed mind

we ban things that make us unproductive
or give us the truth
in politics the lie is always given
and we are smiled upon
tolerated
money-makers
for the powerful and rich

there I've said it
take me in control
restrain me
I who dare the speak the truth
You are shadow-insignificance
Yet you survive
because your name is GOD

and my cat sleeps contented
on my broken scratched-up sofa
knowing nothing of the outer world
of human desperation
he just eats and purrs his life away
and we don't purr and we don't eat
at least the way we should

government gathers on us
tents us
lest we escape
they shame us into wanting what they want
democracy/dictatorship
it's all the same
just a different guy at the top
same secret agents
same police
same war machine
(the one with money wins)

and so they pulled Jesus to his cross
(funny they left Gautama, the Buddha alone)
and then of course Mohammed (this will get me killed)
raped and ravaged Arabia in a final conquest
in the name of GOD/ALLAH
The name of Abraham
The name of Jesus (prophet)
The name that can't be mentioned
(Cover up - your name is Shame)

Thus we rape our women
Thus control our men
thus we fulfill our "purpose"
thus "we will not sin"
so slit any throat that disagrees with "us"
"we are perfect" "god is peace"
"we kill in the name of god"
"we revel in the blood"

from Nepal to Burma
from the Middle East to Iraq
from Afghanistan where they let the poppies grow
because the economy would collapse
not where we believe
but in the great U.S. because the underground
controls the show

Bin Laden's daughter in New York
pursuing an acting career
says she talks to her father every day
his sons are in major "American"
universities and they don't know where he is?
just like they didn't know where the 
x gestapo officers were after the war
as CIA agents?
They just don't wanna capture him.
6.6 in a world of 5.5 he can't be THAT anonymous.

WWB made space flight secure
German technology
So why wd no German and Japanese torture
have benefited modern society
(don't reveal a thing)

My father (I said this before)
was shot at Leningrad
(he was just a barber)
and my mother talked about torture
and "they shouldn't have done that".
That was in the dead of winter
they paraded their Russian prisoners nude
into snow-covered fields 30C below
and dowsed them with cold water
laughed and who would know...

So we ignore the Japanese
dousing bound prisoners 
same temperatures with water
till they froze and then
they wd break their legs
no feeling till the agony 
of their death survived

and still we mourn the six million
and never the ten million in Russia 
(now our coveted partner [in crime])
and never the 100 million chinese
(they don't look like us)
and they say politics isn't racist
politics categorizes
dehumanizes and selectively
controls the population
what it thinks

(and "it" is right
the population is an "it"
not a person or collection
of persons...just an "it")

why can't every death be murder
why does it have to be them or us
why do we refuse to talk
we are murderers just like them
they see us as the aggressors
we see them as the aggressors
they threaten us
we obliterate them
human understanding drops a notch
no one talks
no one understand the other
bullets fly
coffins lie
draped in flags
all a lie
give them all the lies they want
"give them all the lie"

war will never be over
till the last one dies

IV

the united states
afghanistan
iraq
iran
north korea
hitler made a mess
the burning bush does more
justified aggression
preemptive they call it now
and the laws are suspended
profiling
detention without charge
even torture
justified
(but within human means)
sound familiar
but when did we ever 
listen to the screams
they are them
and we are us
we are right
and they, of course, are wrong
so we kill them
notice we don't talk
give ultimatums 
but that's not talk
they're out to get us
we get them
no one wants to know
what the other side's about
both at fault
but then
war is big business
why melt it down

funny (sad really)
what we did to american natives
and we drag confession on our knees
for 6 million killed in one world war
and give nothing for the multitude
trampled on to create "democracy"
they can't participate
we kill
we destroy
and it's ok
they kill
they destroy
it's evil
where's the line
who's the judge
is one life worth 
more than another
is one crime less than
the other

selective dialogue

Spot on the wall waiting
Max exploring the ladies' washroom
and me getting water for the colony

selective dialogue

all is well
ritual sunrise
flag full staff
soldiers dying in Afghanistan

their war
not ours
and the night is lonely
to survive
everybody cries
everybody hurts

sometime

sometime
all the time

all the time
we cannot grieve
all the time we fall
and cannot get up again
without another's help

every time we reach out
and nothing's there

scary ain't it

to cry when no one hears
to die alone
when no one's there

and they want us to believe
there's a higher cause
a new level of insanity

i have embedded in my mind
certain resonances

of the future and the past
of the non-existent present

we grieve the world and its solution
a billion years is just a microsecond
no one cares about

in the time-line of the universe
we are already gone
never having been resolved
into a future

it's a new level we must compromise
to find a future and survival

but we have a mess
a drug called religion
twisting us into a convolution

i would have thought
the great globe of our earth
would have shook them to the core

but mind control adjusts
no one is allowed to think
that is "our" control

our greatest fear
that others think for themselves
outside the organization

it's about control
and "freedom" worse than anything
is the worse control

it tells us to believe
and we believe because we have
radio tv newspapers

in short, we are "free" to pursue
what they give us
and we should be grateful for the gift

chains
rusted chains
chains we cannot cast

off

6626

WORD SYMPHONY V 

(Refer: Anything by Handel, or Borodin for that matter...Korngold goes to Hell here)

"Sloth"

I

Sex

I have always wondered why
women wear skirts
is it tells us " women are open"
and men
who wear pants have the decision
to make
to whip it out

II

so what's the fuckin problem world
the president has sex with an intern
still does his job
what's the fuckin problem press
before the war you kept it quiet
used your discretion
now it's embarrass the hell out of everyone

III

Fragment:

People are NOT money
They are Human beings -- everyone
NOT resources
But Individuals
Not a collective institution
Political correctness has gone too far

IV

Catullus

I hate and love. Why?
Bi.

6810

WORD SYMPHONY VI

(Refer: Hoelderin; Goethe; Bach) 

"Virtu"

I

There's something to be said about angels
who never cross your path
like politicians who rule by
not interfering in the order of things
good thing bad thing I dunno
there's harmony in everything
might be a pyramid in Bosnia
might be just a pile of rocks
History will tell
I guess
Even distortions have a nest
It's a wonderful arrangement
knowledge and conjecture
fact and hope
purpose and commitment
the micro and the scope

I would hollow-think
any desperation dervish-dance
where the truth walks in
you can cross the dust at Akhum
and think to see the ark
they won't let you
like they tore down Jesus' grave
in L'ang d'oc shepherd’s field
where truth becomes a lie
and the money tree develops Ygdrasil roots
disgracing common human decency 

Life has become a desperate lie
why why why
just because the "politician rot"
is the hottest item on the threshing floor
Moses represents

I do not believe in GOD
I believe in a universe that is alive
dynamic and secure as long as we have a common goal

Right now we do not

We falter and explain
explain explain explain
meaning nothing
nothing
nothing
(repeat ad nauseum)

How can I be anything unless
you acknowledge me
How can you be anything unless
I believe in you
Death that you envelop
Destruction you fear but 
inflict on others

Have you no morals left?

Or are you just a political organization
paper paper paper?...
I wd suggest your paper paper paper
becomes flesh flesh flesh
and that flesh is yours
who make these wars and killing
you who have no conscience
you who hide behind bombs
I wish I could wipe the lot of you
from the face of the earth
you have no right to exist
"Terrorist" or "respondent"
you are all the same
"Those who do not talk
die in shame"

I pity all of you
for the barren earth you will inherit
and who should be a 
pleasure unto yourselves? 
I say: masturbate among yourselves
you will have no other

II

Two abandoned kittens on the hill
PUBLICATION: The Ottawa Citizen DATE: 2006.08.16 EDITION: Final SECTION: City PNAME: City Editorial PAGE: B4 BYLINE: Klaus J. Gerken SOURCE: The Ottawa Citizen WORD COUNT: 213 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't leave kittens -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To the person who so thoughtlessly abandoned two small kittens near the cat sanctuary on Parliament Hill this week: You are wrong to think that abandoned cats will be readily accepted by the other cats in the colony or, in the case of kittens, find their way to the sanctuary in search of food. It takes the caregivers months to introduce a new cat into the colony, and in most cases newcomers will be chased away by the other cats. The caregivers take all abandoned cats to the Ottawa Humane Society -- if we can catch them. That is what you should have done in the first place. I might add, because of your thoughtless actions, I slipped and tumbled down the hill trying to catch your kittens. You have cost me bruised ribs, pulled muscles and other injuries. Unfortunately, the kittens were frightened by the crowds and had disappeared by the afternoon when I returned to look for them. I hope we will find them soon. If not, I am afraid to think of what terrible deaths await them, from starvation or from attacks by other wildlife. For more information and photos of the kittens, please check the Cats of Parliament Hill blog which is located at users.synapse.net/kgerken/CatsBlog.HTM. 

III

There was hope when g-d made dust
There was something lost when the d-v-l made hope

Twice returned the d-v-l snickered
Once lost g-d delivered

Genesis
Penises..the d-v-l laughed

and Bob Zimmerman
was the best alternative

to whatever new g-d there was
but Elvis made a good impression

they're just waiting for the gospel
like the Mormons gotta be waiting for

whatever polygamist to return
(may the earth fill up with those)

May I be one the drunkard slobbers...
He may indeed...get 20 girlfriend

have 20 children and you'll be safe
after all, you haven't "married" anyone

so what the point? Sautonious had a 
laugh at that (and many other things)...

just one emp made his life a mess
else he wd have out stripped Juvenile

with views of human decrement
(living christians told us so)

pointed fingers -- they do now
human hollowness can never change

gay gay gay straight straight straight
ug ug ug - (Fred just barfed)

I hold on Ulgliano 
leading down a dark and rugged path

twisted harmony excited dreams
windows to the world outside...shut

it's mess out there
dark sky coming

better dig a shelter
share with no one else

there's a hot wind comin'
and I won't be involved

I'm just a fuckin' poet
I now nothing of the worlds

I just observe the sorrow of the children
when those who make no peace
can't explain

explain what they challenge me
explain yourselves i say

just explain yourselves
causes are not everything

and children are the future of the world
adults just have to die

IV

Penises hold breath
Vaginas spurt...

(a deliberate substitution)

6930

WORD SYMPHONY VII

(Refer: REM - "He wears a dress on stage")

I     

The kid just jumped off the cliff
like a welterweight pounds a heavy 
and ends a ferret in a cave
poised to stick the wood in mud
and rev to one more night
of everybody loves
in a heated debate like a cross
purpose deliberate candlesticks
burning in the cinder-wood of harmony
curtains swaying where the moon
does not cross purpose with the waves
of however dust manages on Mars
a fear of hopelessness in man alone among 
the desert of the universe
                           present is 
the curse we
             always feel
                         from Dylan
and the Dead or Freddy at the harbour
drinking sailor songs 
                      smoke in lungs
and Reeperbahn harmony where girls
just come and go like fireflies
                                pack of lies
the underground is fully functional
and the cops just disappear
money's in the gutter everywhere...

But I was brought up there
and no harm done 
                 Gutter snipes
were perfectly alright
(there was a guiding light)
and alcohol was everything
after prim and proper post-war smaltz

I don't see anything in History
today can offer better...in fact
we do it worse...we abandon people...
Our own kind mean less and less

A police state in the making?
Already here.
A welfare state in the offing?
Already here.
Health care denying the dying?
Already here.

What's not here is compassion
Just a bunch of laws
Black ink on a recycled piece of brown 
Paper...a politically correct
thing to do...nothing's any different
stabbing a wholesome truth in the back...

Goo Goo cha joo...
Yellow mustard...etc
Have we begun to mellow? Bright eyes 
blue with hate? Never -- where's the nanny
bound head and foot in yellow ribbon
in the well? after all...we must be well.

Something's gotta be done.
Get the constable...bull...
get whoever has his panties up.
The judge maybe...but where's he/she
coming from when shaving cream won't matter
and the cat's out of the bag...
(my almond tree just sagged)
a shame we had to kill it -
Port gets so expensive
we had to opt for Sherry...
not that it matters
we hardly ever get sober enough 
to go to any pubs...
Hitler was right you know,
the Brits really are a laugh...
and so commute the 'nucks...
and off course the yellow ducks...
from coast to coast
we wave the red white flag
and Dylan does his swagger
and Jagger does his waggle
and millions starve I argue
I am inconsequential
walk the streets alone
have no telephone
watch, record and listen
gather information
hope there is a reason
hope it all makes sense

II 

           "Tattoo in his underpants"

Corporate engineering
hung by too much tape
one fat tie too many
give a woman rape

hollow are the welters
hollow are the studs
women who have known me
wash me in their suds

Give me one more reason
For nothing to be there
Because if we had nothing
I wouldn't really care

Tripe o tripe the triple
swift me in the gut
the dagger is serrated
and the blood just common blood

My cat is in the alley
Sees what's going on
Holly-whore retreated
And no one got it on

There's always one reason
For denials of the truth
GC always kept it open
mouth shut - broken tooth

I haven't seen a dentist
in many million years
I'd rather chase a rabbit
and play with rabbit ears...

and my cat destroys whatever
cummerbunds it holds
in a final forced dimension
nicked by d's mr. jones

there's a public here
ostrich opens up
where I develop teeth
sharks develop policy

I no longer please 
to
            forsake
one suicide is enuf
I never cared for anyway

Walk the streets at night
praising shadows for their
             disaffect
light bulbs blunder in the haze

maze
maze
maze
x amaze

who we haunt is shadow-cream
fluff pastries in a dream
purposefully connected
to a chain
circle down the drain
and remember truth is an allusion
fulfils fate and purpose
giant penises provide
horse manure
and the all too naked women
swoon to g-spot archeology
whether there's a pyramid
where a mountain once existed
women want real bread
blood demands it

and yet we glaze
and yet we glaze...

III

Do you know where this is coming from?
God rides my bicycle
I don't ride
never learned
friend tried to get me
tumbled, bike and all,
into a cesspool...

8 year old has wisdom
don't deny what we have to say
as "children"
that's disinformation
tools like artificial claws
broken clocks forced by labour
to give time
maybe just a dinosaur out of step

what was I thinking
when  understood?

I was perfectly level
when the plunger twisted
and became a wind
no fart could improve upon

nothing in this wine-time
window where we never where
blood confusion dirty game
nigger votes when we are lame

give me something tame

IV

where the tiger is
are the herbs of good
and we will never find a solution
because we hate too much
it's a simple mantra of reflection
when the bottle's empty
we either solidify our dreams 
or go to sleep
and the many dreams I've had
are sometimes more my life
than what you (the reader) comprehends
i can't be more promiscuous
than rant reflects the truth
and sir walter stones a whole society
wherefore Pound confined to cage
writing cantos in his head
there's a welfare poets can't accept
no matter how lucrative the bow
to whatever latest prize
I slumber in solution
Autumn leaves upon the ground
There was a moment I can't recall
before insanity
now our norm
happenstance gathered
where a silly substitution
wrought a mask
and fairy tales are daily news
obscured by history
and ignorance
mounted on indifference
the hill where shallow walked
and history refused again
to make a purchase at the penny store
(i came for you before she said
i said yes
and where's the universe between your eyes?)
and where it gets it where it goes
snow upon a penis hotwired with vagina
there's a history out there
long lost we have forgotten
what we are...

Mozart slips into his shoes

21 oct 06

WORD SYMPHONY VIII

(Refer: Pulp - Common People)

I   

Fast between the shadow
where a voice is seen
and death committed
by a fallacy

they visualize a universe
we have never seen
and our fantasy is clean

how we have evolved
wooden sticks to death destruction
small territories
we see the earth from the moon
and close our eyes
god can never be that powerful
and just for that

kill me
it just means the destruction
of your universe

i don't understand you
i don't want to

TERRORIST

evil twist upon society
they drop a virus here
and that is fear
and we do their dirty work
and kill ourselves...

how stupid can you get?

because our tabloid society
can't ignore them
we live for their hate
we evolve their hate
we make their hate
we are their hate

and their hatred is our
self-destruction
the do nothing
release the germ
and we succumb
to nothing

why are we so stupid?
why do we love the death
we fear so much?

poison arrow garment
rich underwear
hate me with a pencil
erase me with your hair

loop me in death's shadow
life's a fowl disease
i cannot connect the reason
for life yet death
and TERRORISM

NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE

and yet every evening 
we rationalize the news
society against society
individuals be dammed

isn't that were the problem is?
dehumanize dehumanize
brainwash brainwash brainwash
the nation not the person
the good for all

hardly any purpose
to the trip
the leader takes...

II  

(Refer: Beatles, Get Back - Naked)

Fuckin fool
the razor blade scratches where it can
blood is not a medium
it's the ink of generations
history
denial
inventory

it flows where you scream
not on a movie screen

she ate my apple
what more can I say
and left

pilot froze
jesus rose
and the pope explained
why anything
had to be like anything
isn't what is just is?
i never understood it otherwise...

the universe fluctuates
and we just hate each other
small territory
infinite universe
just kill each other
why the hell not
the dress differently
and follow a holy book
written for a tribe of nomads
and nothing the there makes
any sense today...

but sleep in our eyes
is a set demise

but then do scattered atoms matter
when reassembled
where they've been?

I have never been to my parents grave
after I buried their remains
As ground is ground
they are in my mind
not in the earth somewhere
simpletons read gravestones
offspring’s remember
	NOTHING'S GONNA CHANGE MY WORLD
	
they who remember need no monuments

III

I forever simple
hope for no solution
dreams cannot displace

whatcha want whatcha want
when the arrow penetrates
and Adam dreams a thong

Eve smiles wistfully
I dig a pony she sighs
and Adam collapses

in a mood for apes...
and Charlton Heston explodes
into someone's nervy daughter

note quite something now
to care about...the leaves are
off the trees
and the Beatles died years ago

The long and winding road
refuses to get out of the way
somehow we stumble in its path

and make our way to insincere
moments we refuse to know
have been forever and a day

And Oh don't ever tremble
where the blood accepts the pain
death is no destruction
where rain meets rain

and the cats bring substitution
where the wine is just a song...
so long so log so long
Ich bin
die grosse heimat
Ich bin
myself
Ich bin
Klaus-Jens 
finally
myself

IV

The future glows

without us

The future grows

...

Between the wisdom and the harmony
there is sometimes reason
to repeat an effort

21 Oct 2006

WORD SYMPHONY IX

(Refer: The Rolling Stones, A Bigger Bang; Beethoven's denial of the 3rd)

I

there's a terror in the argument
good begets the good
whatever book you read
whatever "truth" believe
there's a moment you refuse
yourself
and do no good
become the person
you always were

and a wonderful experience
awaits you
glowing thunder
gunshot to the abdomen
"Hi Mister Lennon"
truth is just too good to 
pass over without ignorance and hate
violence has become our only death-debate
and we have nothing left
what has become the purpose of our existence?
death

so let's get it over with
I'm sick and tired of waiting
and watching it all
drop the bomb
nuke us all
you have the power
we are just the "people"
who pay taxes to support you
you know something
"they" are not the enemy
you are the enemy
the government "elected"
by those who are so conned
to believe this is democracy
it's just another form of fascism
Hitler just did it better
and the rest of the world grew upset
because he had it right
and you for fuck's sake 
still have it wrong...

kill kill kill
and keep on killing
build more arms
you are just the worst of the alarm
no ones responds to anymore
United States of Aggression
freedom for all
as long as there is profit
to tax

when was the last time 
you believed in humanity?

but you never have
or else you would have saved Africa
but you did not
no resources there 
bananas don't drive your cars
and genocide doesn't happen
unless the country we can't talk about
says something's wrong

criminal

yet you can't be prosecuted can you
you struck that deal with the other
criminal...and now we have you
standing on your pedestal
spewing all your verbal lies
and condemning men to death

criminal

you observe no laws but your own
hatred 
spawned by a fear you have created
there is nothing left in your argument
you rot before my eyes...

criminal

how did you ever justify
becoming the garbage of the universe
USA
useless sanction of approval

criminal

dogs bark
yet they have a reason
to attack
men with guns do not
they just kill
because 

criminal

and I haven't brought religion
to the core
I smile because I think it's funny
GOD accepts us murdering
and yet we worship HIM
it's all right
it's all right
there's a greater darkness
where there's light

criminal

the assassin rules the world
third planet from nowhere
and the only hope we have
is to ignore him
we'll never do
and as such are doomed
i'm old and don't have to face
that future
and regretfully, or respectfully
have no children i know about
who will face that world

criminal

who will show us what is real
who will show us what we are
scavengers building on the earth

ours to command
ours to shape
ours to destroy

criminal

and this will be my legacy
their nihilism against my hope
their blindness against my vision

criminal

they will and must destroy me
they cannot live with me
and cannot live without me to hate
as an example
nazi principles
they cannot respect themselves
unless they can hate those who are against them

criminal

in power we can't touch you

criminal

in power you can kill me
arrest me destroy me

criminal

you have no solution to anything
you are just a false god who pretends
to save the future...

only for himself
(my apology...even... for herself...
politically correct we must so
twisted be...)
and corporate identity

criminal

and that is where we are
lost beneath the stars

one small planet
one huge hate

how do we ever manage
to get a date?

my sperm may be an aggressive spurt
your cervix chooses

we have all a thought in this
and deliciously expose the fault
we crave upon

WE WANT OURS!

and that is

Criminal.

II

No substitution.
No value.
No hope
for the vanquished
just for the victor

and the victor's 
history

the mount the cause
and the solution

yet only one solution's viable
little earth
alive and well
soon to devour parasites
that have preyed on it too well
in the past
Gaia remembers
Gaia has been patient for too long
Gaia forces the equation
we can't get

Gaia, not like we,
won't get it wrong...

III  

(Refer: The Beatles - Get Back - Naked)

There's a long line of diamonds in the sky
sometimes falling to earth
what a miracle
since the spot is miniscule
and the ants who kill themselves
on this chunk of mud
mean nothing
the wind still settles like a curse
through different fur
and nothing's gonna change this world
where the enemy creeps upon ourselves
because it's us

nothing's gonna change my world
nothing's gonna change my world
nothing's gonna change my world

jia guru deva
jia guru deva
jia guru deva

and there may be broken hearted in the world
there will be an answer in the world
let it be

I can see no perfect moment
Beethoven died composing his tenth symphony
and Mahler so did too
both heralded achievement
and both met the Beatles head to head
where they succeeded and gave up

There is a moment in destiny
I see now
where it all comes together
a focal point
a matrix
the moment of expansion
the moment where it all came from
mother's milk
the egg's growth
still beyond comprehension
but the birth of all
and we have not achieved it
but it's all around
and in its context
all this killing doesn't matter
nothing we have achieved matters
nothing we have done cared about matters
we are nothing but a one in a multitude
infinite

we can never achieve personal perfection
the buddha never was for us
jesus never was for us

the buddha was for what we must become
jesus was for what we might become

and we never found that message
we never understood the simple thing
we hid in a complexity

life is such a simple thing
we ignore
that we have never understood
what life is for

IV

I hold my head in my hands
in the glow of a monster

there is no excusing it

they bombard me with electrons 

glowing screen I place my thoughts

memory chip so small I step upon
and history won't remember

so ironic
this great age of communication
will be the darkest age of all
not even paper will survive

I'll mean nothing
you'll mean diddly squat
dylan won't be known
beatles won't be known
nothing we have done
will be found beneath the broken stones
that will be left
telling there was something here
and maybe they'll find a scribble
of a scrawl before my age
because they can't decipher plastic

nothing's gonna change my world
nothing's gonna change my world
nothing's gonna change my world

let it be

whisper words of wisdom

there will be an answer
let it be

so the point of no solution is the
point of no return

yet we must and we must be better
to return

what we have lost we gain
again
in a better earth
we have known the past
we will never have to know again

27 Oct 2006

WORD SYMPHONY X

(Refer: Klaus Gerken weeps and rejoices (where's the difference?))

I

where was the universe when
it wasn't created

where was the universe before the sperm
hit the egg

and masturbated
into your psychological profile

and where were you when death took hold
another longing for

redistribution
nowhere

not here 
not there
not anywhere

because the universe exists
nowhere

it just exists here

no one asks the greater questions
no one wants the greater questions

no one can answer them
people just want to be secure

with their pacifiers
their religion
their everyday mundane
existence

no change
no disturbance
no conquest of an everest
no moon-shot

just a perfect harmony
in a universe of harmony

god is great
satan is here to tempt us

if i don't kill you here
you will kill me there

so perfect is "your" solution
it leaves "me" with no other

how has your "god" given you that?

you will kill me for asking
you who are the shadow of your god

one cross saves
one cross crucifies

and the nails are your solution
for the thoughts you cannot process

and as he vinegar is my wine
the wine is your vinegar

your are a shadow of conquest
a feeling of regret

cowering
beneath a hollow surface of solution

you masturbate hate not semen
but masturbating semen kills

and you kill
you kill with hate

and the devil
your devil
saves your righteous soul

you who cross the great divide
and taste salt waters
leaving all to thirst
because a god is all you have
to conquer you

desperate dust
is what you are
30 floating universes in your souls
and you have to be in this one

your tomb had a best moment
your life did not

a favourite of anyone
who encroached upon your sacred territory

adam or an ant
eve or a religion
a serpent or a god
a god or an asp

i have to piss
be back in a moment 
to finish this...

and where was the moment
god made adam
and god made eve
and god made an eel
a crustacean
a monkey
a horse
good when he made a cat
don't quite know a dog
but the earth was good
and the firmament had stars
and noah built an arc
where every creature was incestuous
(of course we can't think that -
1+1 is 3 and there has to be another
in interpretation)
god's the general genius
of the universe
we find is now finite
with an infinite arrangement
infinite arguments
and infinite possibilities

yet on this planet we have one
tow the line
or simply fade away

jesus faded away
and they resurrected him
he had nothing to do with it
he just simply said I am HE
the king of the jews
and that was his death sentence
he wasn't a prophet
he was just a true pretender to the throne
of david
and they crucified him
otherwise he would have had 
no true significance

(but i am not scholar
and they say otherwise -- 
conjecturally)

i am here to tear apart the seams
i am here to tear apart your dreams
your most precious perceptions
i am death to you who think you have a meaning
i am life to you who care to dream
i am whatever you want to be
destruction has no purpose in your soul
no meaning whatsoever
and hate is just demeaning
it does not exit
neither does evil
we are all just human beings
and no matter what we have done
gross or not
deserves some type of understanding

there is no such thing as evil
it's been perpetrated on us
it's a nail in out collective coffin
even Hitler was a good guy in his mind

II

there is fire where the past walks in
or the commentary
the dust jacket after the bomb
caesar killed millions yet
he is a hero
macbeth not
hamlet a tragic figure
so king lear
but hannibal a fiend
who had to be defeated
why

history dictates
our solutions

there's something grievous here
something we must but
can't quite see

home

what is home
and what comprises
our security

what makes us nervous
and what makes us secure enough
to love and have a family

that's what war is about
that's what peace should be about

why did the crusaders rape jerusalem
why did the saracens kill all

and why did montfort say
at the siege of ....
when asked "How will
we know who are Christians
and who are Heretics?"
"Kill them all" he said,
"God knows his own."

Such a perfect moment.
we have not begun to understand
history and what it has to teach

30 years is our existence span
that is all we have to learn
and beyond that there is nothing

history is like a time warp
it repeats itself over and over
again

just read a hundred years of
newspapers
30 years the same

and we do not remember
or don't want to because it makes us
feel old

and the kid's don't complain
they just go through the same loop
we did - just a few more gadgets

but always the same rebellion
the same growing up
the same cycle

there's little difference
between Egyptian, babylonian,
Greek, Roman, or any other
society...they all grew up the same

said the same thing
were the same trouble
and grew up

some didn't
but then the "law"
took care of that

and some had more privilege
than others
the law is never all pervasive

we chose
we chose
we chose

the victors win
the victors win
we know not what
maybe just their destitution
for having destroyed the other
maybe just their "greatness"
at being now the one and only
letting nothing in
but their own

as the victor 
we chose
as the conquered
they chose

does one ever compromise
is there no solution 
to our lies?

III

3 days sober
and I needed drink
to violate a sober psyche
with a volatile solution

I needed to write this poem

It was paramount in my being
It was beyond my sober range
So I wrote this
The best I could

My failure may be a blessing
to get into your mind
because with all the words
you will never be able to get into mine

and that's the way I want it
the more your read these words
the more you will become confused
the more you will have to think
and you can't do that
can you...mr. whoever...

I left the question mark out
It was a rhetorical question
no need for an answer
the man wd have no answer
and unfortunately dylan had neither
but it doesn't matter
the poet is a shadow
following all of us
observing
a "seer" a "voyeur"
as Rimbaud said
outside society
on the peripheral
observing everything
the police don't like that
but a poets primary responsibility
is to the truth
what he see is what he knows
what he understands is where he goes

IV

gibbon moon above tall buildings
lighted windows
small case for deliverance
the first to see you 
look out your window
can call the cops
and the cop's approach is
always guilty...contrary
to the constitution
but they don't care
they don't talk
just beat you on the head
and figure it all out later
no compromise
no talk
just destruction
hate
fear
mostly fear
and they have the guns

i have been in their clutches
and don't want to be so again
i wake up a 4 and go to work at 5
home at 330 because i work
compressed hours 
feed my cat
read and answer my email
prepare some food
drink some wine
watch the news
and go to bed

and next day
if not the weekend
repeat the dull experience

and maybe some days
after a few wines
and some good music
I write verbal symphonies
to compound the good

nannadum nannadum nannadum
dum

31 Oct 2006

WORD SYMPHONY XI

(Refer: Blake - Jerusalem)

I

fusil oil
fuselli
marat
quantum measure
stoned
dancing naked in the woods
barabbas-jeshua
hanging on the cross
no other way
to get back to the beginning
what is in me
what is lost
is my sole purpose
to explore
vox clamentis
desert termites
babel
ziggurats
pyramids
stairs to god
a god
one god
we have many
all the same
yet perfectly content
to let us fight it out
god of plenty
god of fright
god the might
clout

single purpose
blood red scream
starving children
caught between
rebel armies
in the fold
red crusades
search for gold
what is bleeding
bleeds to earth
no one sees it
no one hears
single purpose
what most fear
money starves them
shed a tear

"feeds us plenty
why then care?"

the world's no menace
the world's a rock
the parasites on it
who should care
ants a-plenty
step on ants
pray there's something
more out there

echo silence
human howl
mounting batter
roast the fowl
once cremated
dust is dust
we eat flesh
because we must
survive what cannot
be a loss
institutions
falter
rust is rust

A million years of
human remains
time killed them
time's to blame
time will kill us
are we sane -
enough to notice
who's to blame?

gather moments while you can
the past and present
future merge
everything you think exists
every dream is a reality
every denial is a curse
a frozen hearse
multi-universe

dylan screams his mr. jones...
bones
bloody bones
we build our future on
yet in denial
hitler gave us medicine
volkswagens
cottage homes
highways
lots of other things
medicine maybe through torture
but we denied we used it
yet we did
many many would be dead
had we denied the opportunity

two world wars made us
west
rebuilt the ruins
west is strong now 
east watch east

watch everything
everyone
be afraid of death
you will not notice
when it comes

watch for them
anonymous fear
bloody fools
they'll get you anyway

live life well
it's all you can 
do
let them kill you
after all
you'd do the same
to them

you see
diplomacy delays
action that retaliates
diplomacy is words
sentences, paragraphs
and verbal sparring
war is bullets, bombs
and death

diplomats are chickenshit
who condemn soldiers to death
you rebuild a country when they want to
chickenshits just grab what they can

there is no knowledge of complacency
no civility
no "what the fuck
you do not understand?"
they will never understand
the common self sufficient mind
they control
and we obey
except at controlled manipulated
election times
so what's so democratic
with only two viable candidates?
that's not democracy
that's manipulated dictatorship

and i fall to my knees
and dig my fists in mud
and cry for those mormon children
all your laws could not save
you who say you are the brave
but you are nothing
robots who change as the law commands
yesterday you condemn
tomorrow you embrace
the law gives you a clear glass eye
you think at home
you do not think at work
"the law is what i do"
one-trick pony
when I wake up you may be
at my nose with a gun in my face
because I did something wrong 
years ago that wasn't a crime then...
but everything's retroactive now
isn't it...? (Let Zimmerman do this shout --
I just sound like a drunk Leonard Cohen)

Isn't it?
Isn't it something?
Today's society judges history...
the past...
we even repent for the past
we even give money for what we didn't do...
it's become a guilt community
seven generations...
we are so manipulated by the past
we cannot see the future
let alone the present
and yet we speculate upon what cannot be
but ignore what can be must be
shrivel in responsibility
there is an honest hope we come together
in the next generation
beyond this planet's dust
when it dissolves in the fires of our sun

sure
4 billon years is a long time
how long I say will YOU last?

II

   Maximin Gruenhaeuser herrenberg 2002 Riesling Kabinett

"There's a grape in every bottle"
someone said of Canadian wines
"There's a grape in every bottle"
Sure
So we drank it anyway

It was 1971
And "Sauterne Hill"
Or "Wasps' Nest cove"
were our hang out places

away from the cops
who once so unceremoniously
one time
descended on us
drinking in a wooded area
beneath the Hill
in droves...
Danny broke his arm
when they tackled him
down the hill sliding to the river
Danny's dog ripped one cop's pants
right across his ass
and he slid into the water
by the sewer outlet into the 
polluted slush
of the Ottawa river
we are just having quiet fun
i got out ok
some others the other's weren't amused
being picked up naked
"in the act"

no charges laid

hippies had their moments
and "narcs" were a piece of cake
to spot
with their semi-dirty jeans
and their ultra-polished shoes
they never got it
we were ok
it was a cops and robber's game
and no one ever got hurt
--except Danny, who was ultra-pissed

(not so now -
we don't even know our cops)

even Danny's dog survived

it was at the great party
early june i recall
if i remember anything
where i had sex with three 
different women on sauterne hill
among a thousand others
and no cop bothered us

the wine (and drugs) flowed freely
tabs of acid
mescaline
lots of weed
and heavy hash
and one or two did shot harder stuff
but that was the exception
not the rule

we were young and feeling good
and music ruled
I borrowed someone's "Let It Bleed" album
and never brought it back

once someone "borrowed" five bucks from me
to set us up to go and fight a revolution
in some south american country
sure man
here's five bucks
make the call
hire the boat
and off we go
fighting for the great white north

smiling was a great disease those days

(wish it could be now)

sauterne hill off course
was the ground by the National Arts Centre
bordering the Rideau Canal
and the NAC had the greatest book store
where I sat for hours in easy chairs reading
Thomas Wolfe
Clayton Eshleman's Caterpillar Anthology
Hemingway
and a hundred other books 
I could not afford to buy

Across the street was the National Art Gallery
in the Lorne Building
where I used to live days at a time
admiring Piccaso, Cezanne, Thompson, Sisley
and others...

There was one Van Goth and that was GOD

Ill maintained, we used to hang our own
paintings in the hall and no one noticed

great gathering place on the top floor cafeteria
where we "poets" used to meet
and exchange ideas overlooking the University
of Ottawa...and other empty spaces
soon to be exploited...

Never really got anywhere...
Sold some drawings on the Sparks Street Mall
one September day
Nights...well there were dark places
you took your girls...

once in a side door staircase...
well that's a story we won't go to here...
pretty maybe
drunk for sure
there's a lot of personal history
none wd like to talk about...

Sherry's on the Mall was a great
meeting place...
watching and meeting girls
Officer Scott always kept a watch
knew us all
(no one ever was humiliated like
these days)

don't smoke that joint here
go into the alley 'round the street
we all admired his pretty suit
and respected him
here's to Scott McDonald
greatest beat cop Ottawa ever had

and then of course those 
House parties lasting years
Randy was a wiz at that
until I sat buck naked
on the neighbour's chimney
playing masters of war
and he got annoyed
sporting a shot gun
and bad blood pressure
"Calm down, Man" I said as I slid down
his roof...and fell into a bush
saving my bottle of rum...
bad vibes bad drugs bad manna...

Ok he said
"don't let it happen again"
we were neighbours then
took care of each other
good or bad

times have changed i guess
times have changed

1969
it was never thought 2006
would ever be "1984"

III

(Refer: David Bowie)

The "Man who fell to earth"
had a bottle in his hand  
dry mouthed withered
sun-drenched like a hobo
leathered skin
in front of 20 different
channeled tvs
thirsting beyond the edge
alone
false persona
stadium dreams
frozen moments
desperate mirror
blacked-out image
no moon seen
janus-faced
turn around
and you're dead
fifty scorpions
on your small head
dead

*

a shadow came to my door tonight
she was blond and oh so willing
i was shaking like a black red dog
she kissed me you been drinking

i voted not to conquer her
she already conquered me
she left her clothes and fled like lint
into a dusty sea...

was i dreaming was i sane
who's to tell and who's to know
she did not share my bed with me
but her scent's a moorish blow

she said she'd be back on the back
of a devil black bitch horse
and I believe here when she come
she'll take me for the worse

i cannot ride i cannot sing
i have a broken violin
and yet i play the sweetest tune
i will ever hear within

*

they murdered me you know
that i'm alive i'm willing
a ghost is all i claim to me
the man has lost his shilling

----

it was a dark and stormy night
the teller told his tale
it was a dark and stormy night
he began to wail...

----

*

my favourite scene from " The Man who came to earth"
was on the peer, by the lake
when David Bowie was still in his room
but people saw him in a monk's robe, hooded
standing by the water
we se something amazing
something that shouldn't be
couldn't be
yet he was there
and whoever saw him
was amazed

you cannot be
you are not real
so what's this deal

why don't you speak to me
my saviour
my salvation

i am not who you think i am
i am who you know i am

look upon the waters
what is the reflection
waves of moon
upon the earth
cycle of fruition
fourth night
Norma
killing her own child
Luna
Diana
Hyperion
all who worshipped
at "The Lady of the Lake"...
Lake of Nemi...
seeking what already is
always will be,
our eternity...

as the universe is immortal
life must be immortal
that's why there’s such a common pull
towards religion
and regimented being...
the universe evolve by common laws
it cannot deviate
from those laws
yet we interpret laws we cannot understand
and build them to our own inadequacies

x does not exist remember?

There is someone standing at the door
she is waiting for someone to let her in
she is pacing up and down
she reads the headlines from a newspaper
finally someone rushes through the door
she follows in her shadow
we do not know if she id home
or somewhere else visiting
maybe she just forgot her keys
maybe something much more sinister
at least she gained some ground
and some adventure will develop
among an infinitude
all real
all us
all them
over and over again
for eternity

X does not exist remember?

aye and there the rub...
twist a jelly in a bowl
and it shapes the jelly or the bowl?
on a quantum level both shape both

so what are we
at that level to be bold enough
to kill another
or hold court
and decide what laws should govern
the rest of us...

what are we at that level?
and what are we at the greater level
of the universe
micro/macro
chose your vision
squint your eyes
pray forgiveness
nothing dies
the universe recycles what it needs
what it needs

what is it?
an entity
more than we can conceive?
or just a bunch of matter
our telescopes reveal?

So what's beyond "there"
dontcha wanta know?

IV

Meal Time

Where's the sauce?

9 November 2006

Word Symphony XII

I

(Refer: The End - The Doors 1967)

the time is beyond time
past and present
future hope
no one copes

what lead you here
will never lead you back again

kurtz hid in the jungle
mad as any hatter
or was he more sane
than any of us

believe not what they tell you
you know it is a lie

this is the end
my only friend

in a world consumed with hate
we've come to love too late
no one serves himself
in closed debate

even in a parliament
a congress
senate
damn debate

they have a clear agenda
on their pedestal
the people after all
are just chattel in their yoke

what have we become
a desperate slave

don't debate

there is hollow heart
where no one can depart
from the crowd
think out loud
in a cell
only
     ... truth knows well...

*

there's a shadow in the sun
where the royals have their fun
there's a moment you believe
there's a moment you deceive

there's a horse that pumps up blood
in a sea of human mud
no one need deny
why these children cry

i'm a stranger to the cross
i don't believe the loss
and what can be the gain
when the brain
               parks itself?

there's a bright spot of collusion
in a world of no solution
time goes on
in a desperate song

*

war is all we have
to struggle with the past
and make the present more productive
and the future our new hope

our new illusion
this is what we want
this is how we want it
this is how we get it

war

*

let's have some fun:

Good ol' Georgie boy gonna make Iraq his toy
and  bring them Liberty
felt so good he thought that he would pee
He he he he

Rump the Terrible quoted unknown parables
Said "They've got "MD's"
Pressed he laughed a' loud "We will make 'em free"
But as he read the morning news
His fist went through the floor

Thud thud Dubya's basketball
bounced through the wooden shed
Thud thud Dubya's basketball
said "Ol' Saddam is dead"

Morning came again, the rice was grain again
And no one was amazed
"We knew all along that he was crazed"
Not wishing to display himself he ran into the bath
The newsmen could not fathom this and had a slothful laugh

So he directs the war
With paper from a roll
And no one knows what drives his crazy soul

Thud thud Dubya's basketball
bounced through the wooden shed
Thud thud Dubya's basketball
said "This dictator's dead"

Rump the Terrible washed his head in rum
And wrote upon the wall
"The Iraqis now will worship basketball" He he he he...

*
And now we know
who Dubya's Basketball always was
as it dribbled through the outhouse
and the mud...
*
there's a passion to commitment
one believes or one doesn't
it's got to be that simple
once collusion gets a hold of you
you're no better than a bouncing ball
kicked around by others

*

i'm trying to knit together loose ends
a million voices
a million feelings
a million commitments
one heart

*

across the great divide a poem's only
what the waste becomes
hordes of conquering
mounds of evolution
wars
famine
genocide
a poem is a living god
no one worships
ever seeing
ever knowing
never known
but always there

*

and what is a poet?
trouble for the insecure.

*

There is a dark road leading nowhere
There is another leading home
Kick a pebble to see
which path you take...

*

In the heart of madness
is a grain of sanity;
if we only knew which one...

*

And in the end
when we forced Armageddon on ourselves
because we believed it had to come
we judged ourselves
and lost

my only friend

And in the end
where the deer and the antelope are misaligned
in a world where headlights kill
and no one cares - nature
encroaches on us - not us on nature
we are gentle gods with the right to kill
whatever is not our religion

our book is holy
our book is all there is
everything else is sacrilege

come on... dontcha love another war?

my only friend

And in the end
there is no poverty
no suffering
no hate
just a clear light
that shines upon the cross
of retribution
all will live as one
"in perfect harmony"
rose coloured glasses
and then "their" god
gasses all of us...

so insecure we are
we have to hate another to survive

society's a great big lie
isn't it?

my only friend

in the end
in the end
in the end

*

there was never a voice
where a voice was never heard

*

my cat loves to play with string
there's a new ocean forming in ethiopia
i don't know a thing

i don't now a thing
where' s the hope in this
the universe explodes

and forms another universe

now because of -1
i know everything

II
her only world is drugs
she does not know herself or any other
she fights for her survival
5 kids and 37
she's beautiful but worn
she's a woman who just needed a place to stay
we didn't even have sex that night
it's the first night I'll spend with you
and i'd rather just sleep on the couch
ok i said and went to bed
in he morning time goes slowly
and she wakes slowly bundled in her sheets
I have to tell her she has to leave
because I have company coming
it makes me feel like a fuckin' hypocrite
she phones a shelter where she can stay
and borrows a blanket
they just provide a bed
i didn't know she was homeless
she talked about her kids and a bad relationship she was in
i thought she just wanted a one night stand
i was reticent at first
but she was adamant
i like to get into the men i go home with
i was hung over and didn't resist 
after her third kiss

*

i am very tired tonight
the wine drops a heavy appeasement
and gently wobbles me to pre-dream-thoughts
drifting like a fast aroma through a midnight aire...
mozart muzac fumbles past
even bach's whiter shade of pale
turns the turnstile one more time 
on a disc jockey's misdemeanor...

from back to the future
to back to the present
to hula-hoops and nuclear physics
it's all the same
the sane physics that saves us
kills...
can hat be avoided?
no it can't
your kitchen knife cuts meat...
cuts meat...
dead or alive
food or slaughter
you decide
voters of he purple joke
they call democracy
with only two candidates
big money in their balls
their vaginas
their spit that promises
nothing they can gather
in a plastic bag 

i love the way the kids behave
rugged loose and no solution
when i first came to Canada
(the free and mighty - damn the arrow)
she sequestered me
and i responded
rugged youth pouting anger
marlon brando way
kuriac and progeny
toilet paper
roll the dice
go out there
and confront your future

there is nothing less than doubt
to explain the future
we accept it
delusional -- we have to move on
eye for an aye - truth for a truth 

manufactured

it happened
when no one was looking
surprised and conquered us
so what is the voice we never listen to
gadda be our own
gadda be our own that
places us in jeopardy

and which voice was that?

*

they say Mozart never scribbled anything
his manuscripts and scores were perfect
Beethoven on the other hand
scribblers of invention
over and over again crossed out
discarded 
refused
sweat into an alleyway
rages the great master
and disciple mahler
M just postures pink fluffed-up wigs
and showmanship
perfect
elton john

B is John Coltrane
Thelonious Monk
Charlie Parker
The Blues Project
maybe even Tom Waits
masters of the desperate
struggle

true music is emotion
never melody
it forces the listener to think
not lounge

true music
rattles you

III

   "There is a crack in everything
   That's how the light gets in
   That's how the light gets in"

 			L. Cohen

There was once a green meadow
where concrete is now
there was once a deep harbour
where a King can bow low

*

So the treasure's still lost
and Tom Waits' the boss
and the needle hits a nerve
and the world gets more absurd

over and over and over again
they tell me
we're on the eve of destruction
 
and have we aged so much 
to forget
what mattered to the young
now matters to the young no longer
wake up old man
we the young are your future
our future
what have you to offer us?

we offer wisdom
history
experience
your wisdom
your history
your experience
what relevance to us?

relevance to everyone
relevance to none

these are the stones we walk upon
splintered stones
bloody feet
bloody nails
lacerated skin

they who do not listen
can't believe
and those who don't believe
can't listen

one stone thrown
one spittle spat
one who spits upon you
one who steps one who steps over you
collapsed

when does the community become the guilty?
when does the law become the crime?

the nazi and the nigger have a lot in common
at least to a nine year old a school boy they did
I saluted when they called me that
I saluted and was punished
I gave them what they wanted
I defused what they threatened
and I got punished
1959 I was always the "Nazi kid"
and they say it's a better "regulated
law abiding" world today

well it's not

it's even worse
as a nine year old I can't defend myself today
i punched a bully then
and the teachers knew who won
they were only upset at my return salute

no cops in schools then
and mass communication has no effect
bullies were taken care of by a knee to the balls
(the girls always knew how to handle thugs)
and the boys growled at each other
and maybe threw a few fists
I was assaulted once by three thugs who were
police officers' sons...they didn't like me
because my father was a barber...they surrounded me...
in a field...they punched and kicked me...one hit me
with a wooden plank...bloodied I crawled home...
my mother was upset...she confronted their parents...
I made an appearance...and my mother hit me, punched me
kicked me in the living room because i embarrassed her
in front of the neighbours...i said you were badly hurt..
why did you have to make me out a liar...du bis dumm!

i was never the same again...
violence had no place in my heart after that...
and i knew there would be no one
on my side ever again...for life.

IV

the final movement
of the final symphony
how to pull it all together
how make a choral splash

that's what they have wanted
that's what they won't get
i'm only someone human
and what you get might write this line
without ever knowing it's a curse
ah...don't we long for firsts
largely getting rotten
apples in a hearse...aka a
garbage can for those who we've departed
when they did no longer matter

did no longer serve

seniors confined
in a "gentle" prison
no rich food
no wine
no...well, questionable...drugs

but when one's dying
shouldn't one have everything
one craves...

maybe for seniors we just dig graves...

let's end here.

21 November 2006 / 21 December 2006

*

Epilogue

final disgrace

let silence speak
lest I say something 
the rabble might agree with

617 10 aug 06

Copyright (c) 2006 Klaus J. Gerken
Published by Ygdrasil Press 2006