A Night with Yoric A Poem 2010 by Klaus J. Gerken II Fine line missed Yoric where the core is eaten the flesh is shed sometimes the substitution doesn't lead to victory sometimes the substitution works toward the next whatever promise we respond to hopelessly rather hope not a weakness in the strategy a leap into the forwardness not yet established in the exigencies of our dismemberment we come upon a moment out of step with time or place where future time does not exist nor present but the past is our endeavor to retain that which makes this NOW secular where the spokes of living congregate all is there each spoke represents experience at the end of each spoke we are in time bleed towards the centre it holds us there central future past and present centrifuged to one time one moment one point still alive when dead and dead when still alive the universal all encompassing not GOD but SELF and there is a spoke for everyone every planet solar system galaxy cluster of galaxies universe upon universe a lotus blossoming opening to something greater than perception ( the higgs bosom we will fine is "composed" from particles beyond our measurement from another universe another dimension another reality ) we cannot measure by our measure our measure is an ant's antler crushed by a boot humans are the parasites on gaia fear her retribution. 14 Jul 10 * crab apples. remember how good they were? sour to th' extreme? the violent belly ache after? consuming them? as a man i can remember... what? as a youth i used to... what? don't you know or understand? what? i used to have a name and be a man... what? please believe me if you can... i am old but not insane i cannot speak but have a brain i have eyes and i can see i have ears and i can listen i have thoughts i cannot find expression to verbalize to you why treat me like a zombie? i am whole just like your stare... when i am dead i won't be there... but alive i am alive alive as you are dead don't touch me you are dirt you treat me like i'm dirt an object no a human an ant is more magnetic why not step on me i cannot move my limbs i cannot move my body i only have my brain how wonderful we are consequence of thought even useless slaves are bought. * 8 Jul 10 115am There is absolutely no breeze. no air. my cat is reconsidering his ownership but there is no place to go. we are stranded in a wasteland muddy swamp 10 million years ago a valley without mercy why build a city here ? * 146pm HH: Keep up the writing. Maybe some day when it is finished it will make interesting reading for me. I always thought a poem was something you could memorize -- you could never do that with that poem or your poem. I think he/she must have been writing a novel and poem is not the correct cataloguing for that. KJG: The "memorizing" concept went out with the mid 20th century. Ezra Pound's Cantos, William Carlos William's Patterson, Zukofsky's "A", Olson's Maximus Poems, Berryman's Dream Songs. A host of others. Poems are to instruct, construct. All great poets have written epics: Chaucer, Spencer, Milton, Pope, Byron, Tennyson, Browning etc. And I cd list Non English: Pushkin, Goethe, Hugo, Holan. You get the idea. A poem is an idea constructed into a great tower of meaning and freedom. Not just Houseman, Poe, Keats, what we memorize in school - The Red Wheel Barrow but not Patterson. HH: WOW, I get the idea now * for HH we leave things open thoughts first of all wounds least but both supplement the "other" both rancid thought and wounds fester destroy thoughts: meaning wounds: life the hollow truth of lies cement both * 625pm 34/44 i am fertile i am pregnant with poem my cats laugh a me... * 9 July 2010 1204am notice. there is a still wind blowing ravens caw cats claw window screens use vinegar someone said did. dracula. divine fog. what moves is not human not beast not r e a l i t y a civil dream of c o n s e q u e n c e spirit (maybe ) I hold reserve the fact- ual meaning of a verb " " shuffle it in a deck of cards joker wild deuce collects he who functions properly functions not at all proper emissaries to the fall... and where i have climbed a mountain they have s u b s t i t u t e d after all a finger pointed at the sky "know i why?" "i know why!" there is a monstrous argument how byron died we have shelley's word yet H I S T O R Y ' S ideals 9 Jul 10 Thunder Rain Humidity * they burned his body on the shore as, christ, who said it? die for me no more. at dogana's steps rancid water he reflected clear who built his universe from dante's arrogance through hell on ice while all around him burned. so who is real here Flaubetr's aloofness Eliot's "I" the "know i why?"? lie! * the legacy of two women 1 lamp 2 kittens ( photographs i keep forgetting photographs... ) 9 jul 10 103pm * 11 Jul 10 curtains closed 1035am to the sun bruno under the desk sleeping jasmine in the doorway * 1127PM beginning to cool down how after 18 years you stop publishing a magazine? * 13 July 2010 you don't. when everything mounts to you from others you cease to listen when Michelangelo was questioned about one of his sculptures he handed the critic his chiseled the critic handed it back we hope so * what is there has always been there in stone in words in life what is chiseled is our attitude to life to words to stone * and there's the rub aye flesh and stone the hand that holds the bone pulse and forever cold we may seek an "afterlife" so small beneath it all no atom vanishes ceases to exist continue we must the eternal lotus folding inward out outward in rain replenishes the eternal shout of existence * my cat bruno next to me next to my computer sleeping in a most awkward place wires and my scanner purring away after a long tummy rub he need the love he sees me give the kittens he should know how much more he's number one the boss none of the kitten will or can ever replace him we just have to accept the love of all here is all of us together a unison bruno and the kittens get along... * so n is back with her bf 4 months almost 5 looks good gained weight left in a red mini-van * reflecting on the past 4 years nichole leanne daisy crystal retirement what i was i wasn't what i am i am 1 lamp 2 kittens surreal is just a word * i want to leave this and work on the cuxhaven poems 9:45PM i am slowly understanding that time is not necessarily free just like a diamond in a tree glistens even though the finger is a skeleton 1036pm * 14 July 2010 Howard Robertson "Well, that's daunting, for sure. I'd have to be certain it was my destiny to write the poem before I committed to years." here's a riddle just how do you determine destiny? * for NA "but that was a long time ago," she said. "an old man doesn't remember time," i answered. * Tired of cold cuts, I sacrificed a lamb to the oven. Hollowed be thy name! * Did you know that 15 July 2010 Old age makes me forget * 20 July 2010 the office chair was left behind for a purpose not that anyone though of it at that time but now comes in handy as a make shift wheelchair pulled hamstring cant walk even with a splendid cane before that tree days walked with a putter painfully then walked to the store and ripped pain the worse since i fractured three ribs 08 of a fall on ice 28 feb back while holding on to groceries i should have let go lay there for almost ten minutes no one stopped to ask if i needed help two girls giggled across the street and walked on on old imam walked around me in his robes entering his mosque i remember looking up the sky was clean and felt no real pain just numbness in my side when i finally did manage to get up still holding the groceries bags i slowly walked home put them away and then after many hours the pain began like daggers between my ribs stabbing my lungs until breathing was almost impossible i couldn't sit down lie down or stand up i managed to contact my doctor (his office was closed) and he recommended something for the pain it helped a bit i was able to rest for a while but at night it came on in waves in panic mode i phoned 911 and they took me to the hospital because i passed out in front of them 8 hours later sitting with my head on a desk i finally saw a doctor he gave me something for the pain and the anxiety took and x-ray and sent me home. it was winter i was in shorts an a tee shirt there was snow on the ground no taxi would take me since i had no money no wallet no id until finally one did and a nurse had phoned my building i was coming and had no way in i asked the cabby to come up to my apartment and gave him 35 for a 15 dollar ride then went to bed and slept for hours don't want to go through tat again so this time staying home office chair cane and a lot or perseverance all i need. 108pm thursday * 22 July 10 immobility is a curse to the poet's behind. * one syllable is not enough it has to B R E A T H E inandout s l o w l y fast at last a revelation on the page one letter per page explained by copious notes in eternal volumes of pedagogy i am he as you are me and WE are all... foolish enough to believe it the teacher knows fact the pupil instincts cut the instincts down instill the facts that's P O E T R Y not raw instinct academic inandout don't even breathe slowly . so i sit here (in pain hamstring so bad for the first time drinking drinking in 3 days ) writing this not because of proper nouns ./;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; or my cat running across the keyboard... is there an 'official' way to write? and who made it so? i write this out of necessity not to crave YOUR favour you established minions of colonial river rafts "only ottawa poets need apply" and "please provide academic credentials" blake would have engraved your face you so much admire and write your PhD thesis on keats a barber's apprentice pulled from the garbage heap by misguides raphaelites who would never understand what he was all about discoveries! cleat thoughts delivered and then slaughtered resurrected to another life do you really know how filthy chaucer and shakesphere are in the words we now so much admire? we no longer know the meaning invent the matter to our tastes and what pound did to lac d'oc is an abomination song not high art the lady couldn't read or write and maybe even the poet had a scribe transcribe as modern rock groups (Beatles?) has others score for them we read things what we want into things never into syllables nouns or salvations verbs (no such word, but there is a town: Po Box 1533. Higley, AZ 85236. Phone: Not Available.) that's where poetry begins. * 111 AM wine half done leg fine if don't move guess i did too much e x e r c i s e today 7x walking w/ a cane just too much pressure on the hamstring lots of rest required but i can be but not in pain a patient man * i'm setting myself up for the fall tomorrow the wine dictates a measure of my blood acting on the nerves and with head already spinning i need to solve the one equation no one yet is cognizant of (well maybe van impe but that's a whole lotta ifs...) )as if a whole lotta ifs mattered( there is a manifesto out there that expounds that only Faith knows but there's a whole lotta Faiths accusing the other of contraband there's even one G D for each none can understand if they could there wd be unity among the clans so, there is this one god who isn't clear whom we should fear clear? lets see: a pretender to the throne of david real crucified a misogynist John later ousts the political party of James Joshua's twin and brings heaven god and somesuch wondrous third party into it ...a ghost we believe and the vatican is created slaughtering millions over the millennia for doubting (especially women they loved torturing women pride and joy naked quivering flesh burning) and the we have a conqueror desert tribes small bands GOD SPOKE to him love everyone but destroy the infidels no belief hell small thoughts turned into THE BOOK 5 times prayer and obedience... same god different name just one of those things kill god kept silent and a lot of clans took the message to mean KILL in a big way we still do it today * 149am 23 jun 10 * 23 July 2010 baby steps no other way * 11x walking sore is the muscle that no one hit she CAME back and the next day the PAIN began . * 3 years * 24 Jul 10 bad day the anxiety flourishes like a sad monster in the closet frightening the child in me humidity and pain do not mix no relief soon 638pm * Ring Around the Rosie 1955/56 Cuxhaven Germany This photograph A quite street Quiet houses Steep red clay roof tiles Quaint open windows with lace curtains Knotted oaken trees Early Spring Castng dark shadows --Ancient Saxon warriors frozen in a mime of time dancing Microscopically unraveling their history to no one but themselves -- And on the sunny street 9 children 4 boys 5 girls holding hands in a circle the boys in shorts the girls in flowing flowing skirts the youngest girl in the centre of the ring playing Ring Around the Rosie Their shadows forming an interactive weave connecting them to a greater web through time like the oaken trees and the warriors dancing One of the boys in a long sleeved jacket dark shorts and blond hair is me Dancing and he is raising his knee the same knee 56/57 years later would shut me in my home for ten days because an injury and something those young children could never at that stage comprehend or may intuitively already know The present and the past forming a clear interaction in a photograph. 28 July 2010 * I come from the past and there is a curtain closing behind me all the time curtain after curtain and i cannot find my way back except through memory or books or photographs or stories however far-fetched old men tell sitting on park benches playing chess or checkers "you cheated" "No I didn't" "yes you did" old men accusing old men like children accuse children I come from the past where my future hasn't been written yet and i wouldn't want it to be you speak of "Destiny" but destiny is a permutation it exists only in our philosophy not in space/time where there is only action and reaction no noun verb or conjunction it does not know our anticipation it takes age a natural decay it does not embellish it forms changes procreates and unless it is alive knows none of this it has no beauty for our eyes it is our eyes enthralled by its beauty we can see the universe the universe does not see itself or us we are part of it not apart death only brings us closer to it since there is no death in the universe a distribution and redistribution of matter I come from the past where i sleep each night in my dreams. 29 July 2010 * penalty there is a deep forest where no one goes. a formation of shadows that no one knows. there is a hidden path and i can tell you where it leads - pine covered - where silence bleeds droplets into a musty non-human ground. children refuse to go there adults found a different meaning - rake the forest bare of any hope there will one day grow sprite new seeds. no one here kills rage and anger - and we hope a sacrifice is made of honey wine and mead. pour libation unto earth is said to cope... and still reality has disappeared and weed grown tall neglected upon the stubble field of dope... we stand in silence refusing that we so desperately need. 30/31 July 2010 * Poets We do no so much argue But discuss ars poetica The way of silence Quiet hopeful meanings Not half truths Not movements Current Past or Otherwise We are Poets after all We raise the level Not noun or verb But with finger pointed To the sky We are Poets after all And only we know why. 31 July 2010 1:09 am * Chartreuse "This day", some day 1605, a "mysterious manuscript" delivered to Carthusian monks by said Marshal Francois Annibal d'Estrees with a formula for an "elixir of long life" with the color of ripe fresh Anjou pears and a herbal garden aroma bold, medicinal given first to the very ill sold commercially first 1640 green yellow to the masses hence we wander here. this place, 405 years on history between wars between tastes evolve mutate words upon wet parchment faded mute invisible almost but to an artist's eye "Y dronken" in the margin "Y dronken all" and a single stain from a single drop of chartreuse! 31 July 2010 * Song: Wei City The morning rain settles the light dust on the road to Wei city Green is the colour of the new willows - green Again I urge you to drink One more cup of wine with me For When you leave Yang pass no old friends will follow. Wang Wei (c 750) Trs. Klaus J. Gerken 31 July 2010 * apparition at a bus stop the pretty magnolia tree stands all alone in a desert of sand. 31 Jul 10 * ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] Rising (Jasmine) So, slowly I drift into another day; blueberry muffin and leftover wine for breakfast. Isobel atop the TV, watching a silent screen, Jasmine on the floor relaxing near the study door, Bruno probably in the bedroom Somewhere. What would the morning be without the cats? So quiet now I can hear the fan in the other room - the low rumble of the city stirs awake 5:45am alone. 1 August 2010 * The Fly Jasmine is licking her lips Following intently the shadow of a fly as it sails across the room She has not yet seen the fly Only the shadow she makes an eh-mow noise and leaves the room. 1 Aug 2010 * 4 Aug 10 Heat/Humidity #2 The heat might crackle but the humidify bites. * Heat/Humidity #3 worst of all when the sun diffuses behind a cloud of haze so hot! * Invalid 17 days now cane crutches muscles will not strength endure 17 days shut in cane crutches office chair to get around and the humidity appalls totally. * From: KLAUS GERKEN To: Maria Jacketti I am trying NOT to think about the weather; my body is encased in it. Missed the Wednesday appointment with doctor due to emergency in apartment. Smoke detector went off for no reason (humidity?) and trying to shut it down I twisted my bad leg...badly. The superintendent finally came and fixed it. He said about half of the tenants are severely affected by this heat. So today I am a very grumpy old man. Try for my second appointment tomorrow. If that's a no go I'll wait for Cynthia to come by after 8 and go to the hospital. I am so sick of this. It's a fun 84F/106 with humidity here. And that's still rising. k * Annus Mirabilis "The year without a summer, 1816, as they called it. Keats published O Solitude in Leigh Hunt's Examiner and began Calidor in Margate, by the sea And Shelley, 2nd trip, with Mary to Switzerland met Byron wrote Hymn to Intellectual Beauty and Mont Blanc George Gordon Byron, 6th Baron Byron left England, after Lady Byron, 16 Jan that year left him settled, Villa Diodati by Lake Geneva kept indoors by "incessant rain" of "that wet, ungenial summer" Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein. * Thunderstorm sonnet They come in waves of darkness, these storms Crashing thunder through the stagnant air Amazing volleys like an avalanche careening Down a mountain side...it slides upon us So prepared, yet unprepared for the ferocity Unleashed. Cloud burst awash with needle rain waving like a serpent down the street. Wild wind blowing curtains in as unwound sails flopping wildly, unstirred, untamed, unmanageable vessel beneath the purple transformation of the clouds. And with a base drum heart-stop wham the lightning cracks a jagged path to earth. And then a silence, so dramatic, ears of sensory perception despair they will not ever hear again! 510m * 5 Aug 10 reflections in a pond on a day where rippled magnets stir the air convoluted double-dare doubt not one thing doubt another walk on crutches flash light x-rays is it this or is it that turale and turaloo is it me or is it you three trips in a cab bad leg and crutched served me well this day the day of crutches it could be this but i don't know my x-ray lighter's not aglow flashlight's failing what is that flaw or fracture need a new set HOSPITAL bring them back i refused walked enough and who you trust reads x-rays by candle light? but as evening dulls the brain the pain remains soon we must begin to take this seriously... one leg functioning is not set normal. 1027pm * answering MC-R and yes i still have my beard... longer now... cynthia wants me to shave it off... i like it i said... makes you look lazy she said... maybe on a physical level i am these days... but the important mind's ok. * i am a wounded animal ancient ancestors would have left behind as useless to community: bait for continuity. 10.50pm * "I do not answer doors" sonnet someone knocking on the door i don't know for sure just nodded off should be made of sterner stuff but flesh is flesh, mind's mind somewhere inbetween comes sex scruffy king, his common x sat forever on a lie one chop, one died privacy is one more matter lay the head upon the platter Bourne-Jones would be amused Einstein blew the fuse...]]]]]] 1130pm * 6 Aug 2010 tired bruno wants me to come to bed cat with no conscience my cat! 1250am * who can write when in pain? damn deluded poet insane. * banged my head against the table do more damage man, of that you're able. * no brainer leg's a goner 110am * 6 Aug 10 Fracture One leg chair of wheels cats get under it not sure what to do doctor and hospital tomorrow something's got to give it gave * Hospital Poems (Sarah's Section) I Broken "Everything's broken" Dylan There's a fix it here and a fix it there But the hospital's mostly waiting. Soldiers wait Mostly for war Patients wait Mostly to heal Soldiers become patients Patients become soldiers But the waiting's the most difficult We move at 11 We postpone to 3 Then 7 Then 8 Then late tonight Maybe even tomorrow But you cannot move Stay in bed Urinal Bedpan "I'm not shy" "I've seen too many naked bodies, believe me." Sarah II Boredom Walls collapse around you at night "At least you have a view" Hot clammy sun sweat encased (Everything's broken) Tylenol/Loranzapan Can't drink water Dry mouth "Maybe tomorrow" Cynthia will feed the cats." Prisoner - Broken When will something heal? III Meet me there across the broken bridge of sighs The water lilies reflect a green green sky (Pound) The pound catches the ripples of that sigh Inaudible A haunted word a murmur - neigh Beyond the farther horizon we have made to gather harmonies we deeply crave - It is note one the other as the way It is all - we may not liken rise to fall but they are Harmony - Harmony is all - A gathering of tribes some call it (Eshleman) A Vortex sift or centrifuge the bringing together the wise the fool the Yggdrasil where ash and acorn suffer this ABANDONMENT Sorely do we get profess to patent knowledge in the shadow of the oak What ruse is this that lets us hide the path to understanding all? So meet me where the thistle speaks draw blood to soak into the ground beneath our subjugation fallacies of faith intertwined forever through knowledge of the past IV Raven's breath Caw! Caw! Blue quicksilver wings gathering the breeze of substitution For we are not who we make out to be (Substitute chorus by the Who here) Sometimes at night we see it side-reflected in a window shadow-wise glance-delivered phantom fleet-foot Organ grinder Paris Blues Settle me a trumpet Cat. and just as fleeting then alone collar up chill -censuring fog like wilderness these are the familiar streets (Kavafis) You are the familiar street we never leave physical or mentally our ghosts will haunt them when we die the streets of our togetherness apart - but does not stop our willingness to start Anew - V Ferlinghetti has it wrong there isn't just one Cony Island of the Mind there are many - one for each truth at least or each pavement stone on the sidewalks of New York or the leaves of grass in Central Park Walter(?) correlated the effect with trumpeted precision likewise there was not one cross but many to burn upon - Christ's dying was committed not on set of god but man who betrays me here I will pick - and may that stain forever be him more I have close, I will want - and damned right thy crucifixion his brother James - not HI (various sources) So the lineage stayed pure - the St Claires survive till this day Powerful in the realm of man and God alike - So the Coney Island of the Mind splinters - it xxxxxx a week(?) of virtual lice(?) co-operations - the underground that is Manhatten even 911 ships are found - burial mounds plastic hearts - chinese trinkets and the like - we just love the tunnel - one more step - into the make-shift realm of fantasy Ferlinghetti would have liked. VI The voice that sings Not wilderness but Tea-cup Covent Gardens masques of slid (amadris?) Upstairs Downstairs Aldernon Swinburne in the mix verbal passion - Strauss Firedance Bolaro and same Ice The wilderness is blacked from every mod Top hat perambulation down the avenue Rou Morgue Mallarme's Poe Concocted Fit to dream And the vice cries to (mahilise) the desert sands grain by grain to fight the infidel may a curse be on HIM Image maker top hat where indecent flesh they all sunbathe nude on the riviera if you have the dough while subjects get flogged for showing a toe... VII One rationalizes ones beginnings Poets do We don't just spring from nothing into being fully blaze we crawl before we walk and walk before we fly and many times while walking fall and get up again But once we fly we crash only once and never fly again but like a phoenix rising we reinvent ourselves forever and forever through our art shaping words and meanings into a future of these )owls)? in others and ourselves. VIII as this will be my home 7 days minimum make the best of it! XIX white ( ) blue cerulean sky striped by lightning blue w.... blood inside looking out! XX noon no food till operation while a day or two away tum yum growls XXI what must my friends be thinking of this silence when they write to me? XXII to walk again with screws in your leg is a new invention otherwise doomed XXIII it's a surprise to me that so many writers take the word count seriously! XXIV 130 silence after visitors to next patent leave wish i had my laptop wd make writing that much easier farting and pissing all day I wonder since I'm not allowed even water to drink where does all this piss come from? and bed pan with two pretty nurses watching now that's something elegant! 10pm XXV No Zero did not Create the Big Bang But Zero did create The fact that it was postulated 0 <> ( -1 + 1 ) ( -1 + 1 ) = 1 2pm whereas ( 0 - 1) = 0 ( 0 + 1) = 0 1 - 0 = 1 1 + 0 = 1 Does the turkey go to war with his head cut off it's an expedient supposition to a fallacy yet we send our Mathematics into war with just such a premise - 10 / 1 = 10 10 / 5 = 2 10 / 2 - 5 1 / 1- = 1/10 etc... XXVI SUM ( 0 ) = 0 is False Because that supposes 0 exist and has substance SUM ( 0 ) = Nothing XXVII Master asks pupil to collect rocks Pupil asks why? Master sends pupil to collect rocks. XXVIII Moon hides the Plaides My lovers cannot seem I am sad tonight - I bathe in the shadow of the full moon! XXIX Saw Canada geese fly North Early morning South window Civic Hospital 7 AM (?) Sign of early Fall And long Winter Finally hope for a reprieve From this oven heat! XXX In a Hospices They cannot take away the boredom But the pretty nurses treat us well. XXXI Civilization was begun not with agriculture but when men and women had set behind closed doors XXXII Do not poison me with lies I have eyes! XXXIII Cancelled surgery today Tomorrow then Allowed bland dinner Potatoes Meat Raw string beans Juice and tea So on call from midnight Can come at any time wake me up and send me home. XXXIII One wonders Wanders Next horizon Sun's a-glitter on the salty sea "hoist sail on that swart ship" Libation to the earthen pit deep dug - ram (storyland)? out of Pound via Divas' dusty volume heavy bung mid-treasure ne'er imagined - Such... it has come to be forth upon Journey after step forced not out of here but there North Star always hanging low and aft - Swing westward Oh sweet chariot Circe is waiting with her pigs... Nesukia farther on - Dreamworld's favourite son Ulysses Dubliner. First sensibilities Had to heighten where the money was... BLAST you Pound (Ezra Loomis) Lustra Vortex Imagism Movement Only in retrospect Debatable Movements cannot FORCE the world to learn years on Henry "A" and so much Ruckus No one understood Dylan, Schneider, Ginsberg Eshleman Caterpillar Sulfur the list goes on - and quiet ottawa quaint ottawa provincial ottawa refuses cosmopolitan ideals Time to go shopping beyond the physical borders beyond the Canada Council Grants x x x They say basil is good for the sinuses so should poetry expand the mind Explore, express the vast unsolvedness of greater possibilities - the ash tree waits hanging from the firmament shedding acorns to a hollowed ground below- HATCH THEM grow a tree know the branches carry sap Blood of Odin Sanctify his memory God of War AND Poetry x x x there is no Pavarotti moment to a point just favorable possibilities wave carry forth sometimes a shock interferes Splash - We have shape and we have form - Heraldic head facing west Gaudier-Brezna Dead an War! Cathay for inspiration - Rupert Brooke there too But never wrote like that - Service, McCrae, _________ Blast through shrapnel searing Volleys of the word prepared for all not just academics x x x Picasso died 72 Pound a few months later 2 giants who opened the bottle and let the furies out forever changed the world and its perception this was the conception of the modern world through it's past. x x x Unlock the Lock! XXXIV Orange glow of dusk West SSW Dark descending on the room Shift of nurses Same questions every day Name What day is it _________ Temp Push foot forward Push foot back Check Heart Check Lungs Check BP They gave me food today cancelled surgery maybe tomorrow? I want this over with Not allowed out of bed So can't phone anyone - C is taking care of the cats thankful for that - Some people have good families all alone I wait the future will appear! XXXV Do what thou will! Hie! Hie! Nothing's permanent In a human form But substitute the quantum The cosmos Substitute Zero for the matter That exists There is the conundrum What exists? XXXVI OR 730 Post Op 1130 Back in room 1230 C for visit 2 hours Sunday 9 Aug 10 XXXVII What reason hollers "in the mire: Strong thick echo Electro static fog When the hurly burly's done Blunt hollowed e'em Yoric ponders no regret Holan's never far away On his island 10 year exile could not silence him Two poets talking Red rose on a Sunday morning Thorn upon a broken thorn The fisherman's design Glowing cinders 'neath the fortress Faggot upon faggot piled The cage of institution will construe Metro (?) meaning Hollow is the grounded fear sing glory in excelcius the heart of darkness clamors near We want the world and we want the world NOW Dislodge Dislodge the iron claw Caw! Caw! Borne of whence we came and ARE in awe near or far Excalibur we do not follow an ideal unless preceded by a king dancing... x x x This thing where the crown of thorns lies vicious and the springtime is delicious from thicket unto thicket we hear Auduart Auduart Time now to depart And be renewed in start By the beating of the heart Auduart Auduart [EP] XXXVIII Requisition Peace Da Vinci and his toys The mode and the employ The attack on paper Never made it to the Battlefields to say a notebook is impressive is not a quite ideal substitution for machines that can be built for real and kill for real to pass the Sang Real past a prayer's edge - Excalibur Red Red x x x And they escaped by clinging to sheer cliff from the citadel after midnight while the rest surrendered early morning mist walked into a cage of flame the civil and the soldier last Cathari and the treasure speculation - Small treasure indeed to be carried down a mountain or just the grail? the Sang Real? Lacrima Christi Sage King Serpent Yhwh God - to claim a lineage pure and fleeting like the snow falls in spring - yet ever lasting! Depart! Depart! x x x La Bella Donna Frowe Vogelweide: Beneath The Linden "Beneath the linden on the heather there were our second bower was, there might you find them both together lovely broken flowers and grass. before the forest in a dale, tandaralei, lovely sang the nightingale. When I came walking to the meadow; there was my love awaiting me. there we had our meeting, lady mellow, forever joyful will I be. kissed he me? a thousand times: tandaralei, see how red's this mouth of mine. There it was that he hath made so richly from the flowers around, a bed. that surely will be laughed at innerly, by one passing by this stead. from the roses he could fain tandaralei, see where it was my head had lain. That he did lie with me, if anyone found that out, by god, ashamed I'd be, what he there did with me let no one know of that, save him or me, and that bird so very small, tandaralei, that will say no word at all." (Walther von der Vogelweide) Belle Canto Rita Stilli poem Hederlin Fragments Zarathrustra "After 30 years' silence" Wang Wei Milerepa Conway's return * "SILVER MORNING It was on a silver morning Just past the break of day The sun shone through my window My thoughts turned far away To when my life was younger In springtime like today I met a fair young maiden Who stole my heart away I was with her every morning Every night and every day We sat here by this window Throwing dreams away And feeling so much bolder Than e're we were that day O how I loved that maiden Who stole my heart away I woke up one cold morning Before the break of day I looked out of the window To see her steal away At that my heart grew colder And ever since that day I've cursed that cruel young maiden Who stole my heart away." 76/77 "No one writes like that anymore." BM X X X The poem presents itself; Not the poet. XXXIX 610 AM Shift my rump Awake curtains blowing from the fan the other patient's running stoke minor scratch is mine compared to him sky a solid overcast SOLID FOG murky 10th of August Two Thousand and Tem Nurse tells me Physio will get me walking today seems so soon but be glad to get out of this bed sore rump otherwise ok no pain Pencil bro ke Damn! XL Solid fog no horizon anywhere XLI Menu Br Apple sauce Rolled oats Whole wheat toast Peanut Btr Tea Lunch Crackers Shepard's Pie Creamy coal slaw Fruit cocktail Tea Supper Apple Sauce Sweet and Sour Chicken Mashed potatoes Fruit Salad Tea XLII curtains flow shadows cast close blinds feel the cool air circulate physio today don't forget to thank kind doctor who brought new pencil shift get comfortable such is life and life again cynthia visited yesterday wonder what marie, maria, heather are thinking maybe out by friday monday aug 9 XLIII on the edge leading vortex to oblivion mash potato heart bleeding soul comfort through the window ART thou ready to forgive? low instinctive compassion must be learned (if not earned) slight of hand walking cry_____ down one wonders the world "looks" different than but is it? there is no shame in truth. those who master would be ill master not themselves - OM turn the prayer wheel a hundred times and generate but dust you don't just go through the motions the one-armed juggler says you do? nothing short about it no short-cut here - GOD may but the devil makes no mistake... XLIV Marie says A damsel and a white knight Marie P. writes Tapestry colours and the way the vanishing point merges with the castle door 1973 basement studio great library of buddhist books the year of my mother's pleurisy bedridden many months - Hot in here! - tried to phone T. O. Legrave high school art teacher 66/67 hillcrest high was told he died that year '73 later found a painting of his arte shop st laurent shopping centre but couldn't afford it (? check journals) late group of 7 came to see my paintings couldn't understand the msg eg. ART Ave Q one year before europe only 2 Paris paintings left and a few torn drawings 1984 parents destroyed hundreds of paintings drawings and notebooks stored in basement of their home - Needed the space they said - never thought to contact me - never painted again till 87 Louise 915-257 Lisgar Street Ottawa Father died '84 Mother '91 Shannon/Johanna by that time DND and living quite alone - 30 years 28 jan retirement 6 aug hospitalized Broken tibia (Hip) ass still hurts XLV Blue blue the waving grass Green green the sky above The nominative cyclotron Is something to behoove The matrix for the bee is large The termite builds a mounds More technical than mankind's hope For something that abounds We are so small beneath our skin We have not far to fall I sometimes wonder how we got So tall - Blue Blue the milk blue sky Green green - it's all peripheral. 848 AM XLVI Notes on Rear Window (Layout of courtyard) XLVII Sonnet you bounce a drumstick off a drum TIGHT Ripples on a clear still pond the south horizon beckons me. XLVII Alone The silence and the voice The echo does not hesitate! XLVIII Thou hast just quickened thy step, death, over me, But thou cannot wreck havoc with my destiny! XLIX Blaise Cendars Trans Siberian Railway Willy Nelson and the Highway Men singing City of New Orleans Highway 61 Revisited Dylan Kuriac On the road Ulysses Joyce Homer Hamburg 8 years old Frau Beschorner grade school Punched me in the head psychiatric assessment small towns early morning darkness passing light i remember passing lights the games they had me play round peg square peg easy puzzles "Why is this child here?" this child has an iq of ___! I went from there to here... Great journey no noun no verb does not exist in nature just the being physical reality state of journey through there <--> there <--> there can there ever be a "here" ? x x x History pulsates with each new generation mutates never what it was never there to begin with just as the present doesn't exist until tomorrow - ON ANY LEVEL only the cat knows FOR SURE - or is that a separate reality altogether Time / Dimension / History ? Tonal or Atonal Symphony ? Deuce me through philosophy x x x Harmony Everything IS harmony L Physio walked to hall and back 1130-1145 chair now rump glad to be out of bed Bandage tight staples no pain but pain or is that the meds? x x x "you are kind of young to have this type of injury" Physiotherapist Did very well first time up (shaking) You'll be going home walking half loranzapan sweating pill fr pain not hungry Lasagna tea peaches LI Ponder the equation if zero exists 0 x 0 = 0 square 0 0 x 1 = 0 square 1 0 x 2 = 0 square 2 etc Monday 9 Aug 10 LII Pupil asks Master "How do you survive?" Master says to Pupil, "Thrive!" LIII Pupil asks Master "What means life?" "Life means O" Master smiles. LIV "What is dharma?" pupil asks Master raises hand to grasp... LV Where there is a wall There is a ladder to climb it! If there is no ladder Build one! LVI "The spear of Longius whoever thus possesses such possesses Europe" sought after by Hitler Annexed Austria WWII beginning of technology theory before that Darkness twines the ages Forceful drunk with power Usury = Power path of least resistance Poland and Alsace no trenches there second time around And Hitler's Jewish disporada the world would send them back and history is changed forever until the truth returns - where one thing is inviolate fear runs through their loins Laws that dictate thinking are not Laws but gags - The metronome counts time steps of time... "preserve your memories, they're all that's left you" ... Doctored! LVII Master raises pupil Pupil says "No need to" Master says "Get out of here" Pupil praises master Master bows Always acknowledge What is given you With a smile. LVIII Never been to Hong Kong and Yan Luck book store But have a Hundred Chinese Poems Printed there... LIX Sprite sprite the gazelle A fleet-foot Achilles Only a cheetah can catch a gazelle in full flight a lion a wounded one fleet-foot Achilles LX Getting restless Want to move out of here home among my books correspondences cats Tuesday 10 Aug 10 815 AM LXI Mind don't want to Think no more broke down Heat stifling LXII Flying high and witness the horizon's curvature see the cerulean blue turn purple black velvet where the stars shine with their own planets their own distinctiveness that we soon will gather in us as part alien and part our own as humanity expands outward we reach inward to others and ourselves but never forget searching for that "other" planet we ourselves already are the "other" planet that we seek - LXIII DAO SOURCE KUNG MY PAIN IS TRANSITIONAL AS ALL THINGS ARE TRANSITIONAL IN THE MULTIVERSE YING/YANG REPOSITIONED BETWEEN ACTION AND REACTION PRESENT AND ACCEPTANCE MASTER NODS EYES CLOSED WITH A SMILE IT DOES NOT TAKE MUCH "LET US GO THEN YOU AND I" "BARBERA, BARBERA "THE RAIN KEEPS US APART!" "WHEN THE EVENING IS SPREAD UT AGAINST THE SKY" THE FOG SPREADS ITS CANVAS LIKE A LIE "YE WHO ENTER HERE" AND DANTE WALKED A FROZEN PATH THROUGH HELL - "YOU WHO KNOW ME, KNOW ME WELL -" BOTH THE YANG AND YING ARE ONE LIKE KING AND QUEEN ARE ONE AND TRIAD WITH THE SON SO WE QUESTION OUR SURVIVAL EVERY DAY AND HANG UNTO THE FOGGY MESS FOR AOURSELVES WHEN ALL IS CUT AND CLEAR THE MIDDLE PATH IS PLIABLE DO NOT FORGET THE MIDDLE PATH RETURN "AH THEY RETURN" THE TRAVELLERS FROM THE DESERT WHERE 3 TREES STAND AND ONLY TWO ARE SEEN AT ANY ONE TIME (OJUN AND BATAL 84) THAT IS WHAT THEY TOLD ME - THAT IS THE ILLUSION OF THE TRUTH - THAT IS THE JOURNEY HOME. LXV "Somer is ecumen in Laud sing cuccu" solstice Blue stones Sphinx Grand gallery Orion 10,000 years ago Nazca 2 worlds the ancients knew what we just REDISCOVER! they journeyed east while we go west... How much have we learned Wiped out superior civilizations with swords and the disease? x x x Stones placed so tight together a razor cannot penetrate stones so massive we cannot place them one atop the other - even now... (how is poetry placed?) Word upon word until there can be other so a history is pieced together stone upon tight stone shards of monuments and palaces (we ruined them to build our own) Arrogant society! yet we who so destroyed cement our own dark ages shifting electrons through a maze of quantum switches all our eggs in one sweet basket no monuments no palaces to last a thousand years Born from turmoil two great and we tell ourselves we are on the verge of knowing everything! KNOW NOTHING! As long as lust for money paves the way petty profit in one man's pocket WE KNOW NOTHING! WE WILL NOT BE SEEN! Cherish thy own moment Thou wilt not be seen! The fog conceals the dream SCREAM! LXVI So here we are going home Thursday have to rent a walker by then hopefully Cynthia will stop by tonight or Wednesday she cd do that for me - If worse comes to worse I can use the crutches and hail a cab order it from home - (50 per month - check White Cross) always a way to get by - signed papers for para-transpo just in case I need more therapy - but might not be necessary. Once I'm home, I'll be ok. House-bound for at least several weeks - a month before I can progress to a cane... Haven't a clue who pays for this and how... Hope the phone still works the cats dislodged it from the table Again! 330pm sat on side of the bed for an hour More therapy and walking tomorrow - Wednesday. LXVII The hangman's beautiful daughter laughs and clowns and dances by lake Nimi, black, bottomless and cold where a king is sacrificed each year for a privilege and continuity... Royal sacrifice, Royal resurrection The hangman's beautiful daughter smiles. LXVIII Dreamt of old friends around the table and cats --- 11 Aug Wednesday 2010 x x x this is how other people live not a recluse like me 704 am x x x 910 am back to lying down up for about half an hour sitting on the side of the bed Read paper police officer tazered but not charged for aggression toward other police officers 5 times disciplined in the past once for firing a gun in a locker room sure take care of their own - x x x exhausted leg sore pain meds exercises man walks amazon Dave with stroke why do I complainer? Dr said wound healing well just lying here is the pits and I don't feel like moving this morning 519 am had a good piss rump still sore - how will I survive when home? x x x 920 scratch bum feels like scratching off my skin!!! x x x In Deserta Arabia - Daughty Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire - Gibbons Gargantua and Pantagruel - Rebelais The Human Comedy - Balzac Books to re-read when I get out of here x x x 1045 - Side of bed standing Sitting physio will phone Cynthia about what to order for the apt - LXIX I have made poems all my life I have painted embraced photography philosophy history cosmology Read the greatest literature But what have I really done? No children no home - save my apartment only Cynthia Goddess of the Mn to help me now- Broken Hip Broken Old Man LXX Not dancing yet But getting there - LXXI Discussing fine wine with a nurse who's never had one - Delicious! LXXII Diamond glitter in the sun Both strong and fragile peace is won! LXXIII Baudelaire Verlaine Rimbaud Jarry Applolinaire Breton Cendars Pound Eliot Joyce Barryman Ginsberg Ferlinghetti Holan Dylan where it stands NOW! LXXIV It seems to be a book these days Not the content "I published a book of poetry -" The poetry is not substantial Just the cover. LXXV 340pm Too tired to walk again For now Rest LXXVI Don't like waiting Don't like not knowing Sarah says stay calm I should...but... LXXVII Bed's uncomfortable But don't feel like getting up 16 + one half hours Don't know how to get the crutches home with the walker LXXVIII Tomorrow at this time I will be home again I will tend my correspondence and be with Bruno Jasmine and Isobel I will make supper for myself I will talk to Marie, Maria, Heather - I will reassure them I'm alright They must wonder where I am - but they will have guessed by now. Not hungry - Sarah said "At least you ate a little" I wonder how I'll sleep tonight? or at home for that matter? Alone - here there's constant monitoring and the nurses are so kind At home I have only myself and my mind. LXXIX Leg will get better by dec this will be just a distant memory - hope to hell that's true! r heaven r the Guggenheim or salt lake city or whatever works the best - LXXX Stone upon stone Placed in running river To represent Man's intervention. LXXXI 730 Restless 11 Aug 10 Slight headache Tingling toes Very tired - Wednesday shift my head uncomfortable I am apprehensive abut returning home alone - LXXXII 2am bathroom 6am awake The notebooks of Thomas Wolfe The hospital is stirring awake 7am up gathering all my things Jeans T-shirt underwear wallet glasses etc Walker is defective Right brake doesn't work have to mention that when I phone 3 hours - not a good morning pain when I move leg hot humid already x x x 8am pain meds - BP 134/74 apprehension pharmacy downstairs just waiting for dr to assess me - x x x 815 breakfast "If you're going home you got to eat" They are trying to find someone to fix the walker for me x x x it's coming 1 year 2 years 1o years 20 - x x x lets get home to my cats correspondence and ask the dr about wine - x x x 1 hour 20 minutes x x x Dr in to check staples wound said "Looks good. you're going home today" Another dr will be in with prescriptions and then good to go asked abut wine said if I don't take it same time as the meds should be ok 830 x x x 835 -walking hurts - pain meds should work in another 10 minutes or so - they also told me I can adjust walker at the bottom but handle's ok - x x x 850 - washed face brushed teeth refreshed waiting on prescriptions and go home - x x x 9am Physio said good to go just waiting to get the needles out Apprehensive as hell but no choice - I sd they treated me too well got lazy if I lie down again I won't get up today - don't forget prescription for the walker x x x 1015 exhausted - in hall a bit standing _______ toilet: where's the door? x x x 1120 1/2 Loranzapan Dave says "I'm gonna miss you you helped me a lot" I said "we helped each other going to check on you by phone" asked if cynthia could stop by and visit I sd I'd tell her - 1050 AM x x x cant stand waiting! x x x what's the ________ ? x x x 1111 gave up waiting lying down getting some shut eye x x x I was supposed to be out of here by 10 Sarah: Blame Ortho not me! x x x some sleep resting lunch chicken sandwich cranberry sauce molasses cookie tea Dave's family visiting x x x 1pm -Sarah wakes me - GO HOME! Fini 6 - 12 August 2010 Klaus J. Gerken * 19 Aug 10 "...all differences are small, and it is always small differences that are decisive. One has only to refuse a casual opportunity, and the curve of one's life commences a long slow bending away from what it would have been." - Hugh Grant, The Pound Era. the proverbial butterfly and the time traveler millions of years ago when one thing changes all things change must change future changes in the past are part of time part of what we are became become heed the words horatio we are all bending slowly imperceptibly more like waves even light cannot move in a straight line each quantum particle pulls us in a new direction the water i stand in now is not the water i stand in now it does not exist we do not exist * quiet time quiet sifting sands of time there is nowhere to run and nowhere to hide the thistle grows thick where the meadow is wide and the wind pantomimes shadow where the leaf fails to slide unseen breathe quiet wind quiet beyond the shadow is a shadows being shattenblick all is done 3:39pm 20 August 2010 * survival comes with regeneration royal lineage blood line guarded armies in the field or armies in the grave we protect the one who protects the many only in a democracy do we heal the wounded * 'They stop before every house the Dodola keeps turning herself round and dancing: "we go through the village the clouds go into the sky we go faster faster go the clouds they have overtaken us and wetted the corn and the vine"' (Frazer) and wetted the corn and the vine... odin on the yggdrasil white lightning finger touching energy what went on strange brew to form not life but consciousness as children play ring around the rosie maypole crop circles everything is circular the farthest and the nearest spot and in the centre of the vortex silence * and everything we have a word for is not reality but our perception of our own "reality" what is out there we cannot describe as the Word is not the world reality is not a state we inhabit either in space or time * 21 Aug 10 Pole-weary Horn-traveled Wind-torn Sea-tossed Beggar-hollow Eyes hollow frame bent seeing what there is to see beyond * Sing: "I bring you a betel leaf to chew, Dab the lime on to it, Prince Ferocious, For Somebody, Prince Distraction's daughter, to chew, Somebody at sunrise be distraught for love of me, Somebody at sunset be distraught for love of me. As you remember your parents, remember me; As you remember your house and house-ladder, remember me; When thunder rumbles, remember me; When wind whistles, remember me; When the heavens rain, remember me; When the cocks crow, remember me; When the dial-bird tells its tales, remember me; When you look up at the sun, remember me; When you look up at the moon, remember me; For in that self-same moon I am there. Cluck! cluck! soul of Somebody come hither to me, I do not mean to let you have my soul, Let your soul come hither to mine." (Frazer Golden Bough) * the itch heals... * Fini A Night With Yoric I_2 3552 21 aug 10