THE BLOOD BENEATH MY FINGERNAILS by Klaus J. Gerken Fame ~~~~ In 1971 a critic said to me If you die now I can make you the greatest poet Who ever lived I said i have No intention of Dying he said Too bad You will never Be known 28 apr 02 Scalpel ~~~~~ What if we had no scalpels And no skilled surgeons to use them? What if we had to rely on Aztec butchers Tearing out the tender hearts of children Offering to God the blood HE obviously Craves Be happy with what you have Tomorrow may be worse... 8 May 2002 PILLS & SUICIDE & John Prine Started off with Gevre-Chambertin '99 Ended up after two bottles Aveleda Vinho Verde 2000 After 5 hours and The French Connection II In a state most beautiful And useless I might add That's when Heather called And I couldn't answer the phone Just put on John Prime's CD "In Spite Of Ourselves" And blew my mind into O b l i v i o n Sometimes this feels good At other times I don't now I look at empty bottles of medication Remember Karen's poem "One pill makes it better" The whole bottle solves forever A difficult equation. So here I get together With thoughts about myself And "what's not real to make it through the midnight hours" Works like magic in my broken hair I'd rather go bald than die Snicker snicker oink oink oink I haven't a sense of sensibility I'm just crazy But the smile upon my face And the cats upon the Hill Make the politics of sensibility Seem so far away And connect me to a reality That fuse together Retractable expectations And philological obligations And make us realize that whatever Binds our differences together We will always be apart And that the one thing we do not Understand about each other Should be the one thing that Fuses us together Because we should all have that Momentous curiosity Of wanting to know What is different about the other That we cannot know about ourselves. Difficult to fathom My future tonight depends On whether I want to drink another Bottle of wine Or just fall asleep Sweating like a hog Running around the yard Chased by a horde of autumn butchers I look at the chaos of my study And remember that Christ never died for us And that Saul always said that Priests should be at least married once And that widows should marry again If they did not join the Priesthood Most irrelevant When I don't know what to say J.P. sings about fools Makes me smile From barflies to old hippies Rummaging the past for loosing their respect In an age that differs Shallow pools o deepest ocean (Swallow some more wine) And know the future is not common But the present rules Whether it's true That "The love we take Is = to the love we make" It was a wonderful experience To be a part of it Not another "justification" Of another war But someone sharing a vision Of peace No matter how irrational In a world at war But at least the newspapers didn't For a time dwell of murderers (Leaders is a better name) Peace will only walk upon the world When war will be called murder And "God" will no longer be the catalyst Referred to as being "on our side" Be that as it may With my final glass of wine Who's believe this drunkard anyway? This is getting to be a longer poem Than I wanted I just wanted the first two lines And hope that someone picked it up I guess the elaboration just got out of hand Here it's raining Hope there's sunshine where you gather And pray for peace and love and harmony. 9 May 2002 LIES 3 days at home now Self exile Broken clown Painted face Evil eye They will never understand So why bother explanations The Internet kind of haunts me It's a blessing and a curse And I don't know which is better 15 years ago my study was my sanctuary My cloister Where I became one with books and dust And unfinished canvasses And no one entered I did not let in Now the world before my fingers I no longer travel in my mind I just gather photons on a screen And pretend reality is somehow there Reality left a long time ago I just didn't see it I just fell right in And argues my reflection In a deeper well Poison is cheap When damaging yourself I wept in silence Arguing a volcano of responsibility I could not handle I wanted to be alone I thought isolation would bring me closer To the truth I only found there was no truth And that society protects the best liars But then there won't be any 15 minutes fame for me I won't have it And Andy Warhol was wrong He couldn't predict the future He just lied about it And we believed him And that is where we kill ourselves Where we sell our souls away (Not that I wd think we have a soul) And in "reality" Our future depend on our past fiction Without we would gather dust And gnaw raw bones And die at 19 Now we are at ease We have everything And still want more That's the modern way Smile have a parade And have the prom queen blow you (That's the boy's way -- I don't know About the girls--they say virginity's A sweeter thing) And when the sun rides We all get in our cars And go to work Work -- and what is work Roman slavery was less absurd At least one never starved Minimum wage being what it is Is welfare And welfare is jail The loss of freedom The lower status Don't ever say it though Don't ever complain It's not the thing to do You'll be thought an upstart A counter-productive individual You complained You rebelled We'll dismiss you You will lose your pension You will have to sit on some street corner And make ands meet We won't care for you We are just society We make the rules We don't give a shit how long you worked for us How long you were loyal I moment One slip-up One excuse is all we need And don't say we are threatening you We are But just don't say it Just society Pierre was such a fool But I'm here And I'm comfortable And I have my study and my books And my music And sometimes My women And at other time My cats And then there is the silence The aloneness And the not needing anyone And the disturbances My mind discourses Discussions with the universe And the News Yes the News Less we forget that 5 second clip That tell us everything Arguing our perceptions into a Cinderella Platitude We believe this because we are told That can't be true because it's not newsworthy Totalitarian governments tell you only what they want "Free" societies tell you everything In 5 second intervals And tell you what's important You don't even have to think It don't concern you Let it go It don't touch your life You your wife your kids your job's Are all unaffected Don't worry about the hundreds who died here Or there or what oppression is practiced In another state Not your problem That's what the evening News tells you Free society God bless our country President Prime Minister TV personality There are time I am glad That I won't last more than Another 30 years Because what coming Will make Orwell's '84 seem like a cake walk Now that I've shitted upon everything I smile Sun's coming up through my window George Harrison's Not Guilty On my shitty speakers (former girlfriend's phrase) And a Vin Rose On a Friday morning 8 a.m. Could Heaven be much closer? 10 May 2002 WOMAN, CHILD AND MAN So Who do I promise restitution to Cro-Magnon Neanderthal Ape? I was once of the opinion Society mattered It doesn't matter anymore Reproduction does Reproduction rules Reproduction makes the laws Anything other is a crime (Even though the law states otherwise) The crucifiction wasn't Beggar, Beggar, Christ It was Man, Woman, Child It was the resurrection of the family The cruelest part being The church who won the war (I'm sneezing sneezing can't stop sneezing) Slaughtered more than Hitler ever did My eye is sore Pita bread is stale Mahler wafts his 1st symphony 2nd movement 3 blind mice Perhaps he was the better And we the worse Ships were turned away And ovens melted gold Even my mother Gun at her head Named the Colonel Jew Everybody has his price But I've said all this before This poem is no struggle It's a restitution Wind howls and rattles windows A long long time ago Woodshed Playing "doctor" with the neigbour's daughter When I cried Remembered nothing And years later Nothing happened "Dirty old men Dirty old men Coal in their pants Coal in their pants" We took care of ourselves No suicide bombers No al-kaida No US coalition No war of any kind Just plain promised Delivered Invasive fear Kids today don't know that Never had a cell phone Portable TV Or DVD recorder Life was different then And more human We took care of ourselves Didn't need no law enslaving us I feel very old Tired and empty A horse that cannot draw a carriage (Passengers are not amused) I no longer walk in the fog I no longer speak to girls who walk the street Searching for the next complacent needle I just sit in a room with books Scattered Helter-Skelter on the floor And occupy a situation I cannot control I could say the TV brings the world to me But it doesn't It's not reality Reality is when I touch a cat And others touch the cat And is the cat still there When in a black box YES Meow Meow Meow As long as we keep silent We will disappear Our mouths may be disaster But at least we cut an ear And of course the empty cavern We nurture to control Hate is never mentioned And love is just too cruel Perhaps a better metaphor Is just leave drugs alone But "God" demands resilience And a sizable genome 10 May 2002 SOCIAL AWNING -- JAZZ Beethoven quivered Child of disrespect Cops did nothing but deliver What they were meant to get Nothing is so simple Blood does not divine The arctic like a daemon Fleshes up the wine I would rather see you naked Than to see you as a judge The sky is blood red purple I was touched where I was touched The more we rake he poison The past has gathered moss We refuse the future offering And wallow in the mud So the notes of our survival Are difficult at best In a rumplestilskin alley We gather what you bless And bless you make commitments And daggers wore the night Into a silver alley Where daggers bled the bride And I was half the human I would have been but born Hitler would have killed me Canada only scorned And now I lost my papers I was shifted in the wind Foolish prayers saved me But ugly prayers win I pray to all my women I hope they find a heart I was never lonely A target for the dart And so you paint your purple Horticultural lips Spandex is essential And Jesus does the splits Half frozen in my moment I want to melt like wax A resurrected penis A respected sax. 10 May 2002 MOTIVE X left Still listening to JP after the Rolling Stones and I don't know (tell me your opinion) I'm just drunk as hell awaiting restitution maybe that's salvation Just don't think it's got the traction Where mud's the solution Desert is war There's no pet scorpion Where we place our denials From Holy Devils to Suicide Bombers We just place the cause Into a well defined abomination Gather yours I'll gather mine They gave us this We'll give you that Be silent Don't squeal No pigs allowed Jesus was a traitor The Romans had good steel So Bin Laden is a god to someone (Jesus dies for less) And the poison of the purpose Replicates the flees On the skin of parliament Haunted pure and simple By the ghost of Chamberlain When Hitler spat upon the ordinance Of secular insolvability 60 years later we still toe the line Haven't learned a bit Death is still too simple And life's a burnt croissant Each recovery's remarkable Each birth a future gamble But what's it matter We won't be around So what is left to prove My underwear is clean My health card readable And maybe those who left me Might ring my doorbell With a child or empty salutation My door is open to everyone I decline the opportunity Of any explanation Poets like a failing satellite Glow and fall to earth Advent of possibilities New leader New respect I falter in my purpose I crush the blood red rose And violate the whore who enters me Give me breath Give me breath The stars are all I gather When I cannot gather breath And somehow I survived Wrong fur Wrong hide Wrong skin I just wanted purpose They just wanted fun (More or less they wanted money) Being on a budget I could have that But that's a different matter Cuxhaven and the Hotel Concordia Across the street On a Friday night 6 year old kid And I remember her well And I remember him fondling me I dismissed it all of course What's a lad to do We took care of ourselves And grew up happily I became a poet She became a whore He became a banker And a funeral for Jorgen Who never had a chance Sometimes there's the other end When this does not conform There's a voice Deep inside of me That does and does not scorn 10/16 May 2002 Ocean ~~~~ (Fragment) It was yesterday I parted Monks and virgins disparate Quite generous the duty was "We provide the medicine And you provide repast" (Gather poison Gather masks) And the saviour died Upon a common cross And no one made amends (The council elected James) And James denied Saul and therefore all the enemies became the exiles the common church advanced God gave me grace It was never like this when I was a child ---------------------------------------- Looking For The Next Best Thing ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Looking for the next Bob Dylan Looking for the next James Dean Looking for the next John Lennon Looking for the next best Looking for the next best Looking for the next best thing Looking for a Janis Joplin Looking for a BB King Looking for a drunk Jim Morrison Looking for the next best Looking for the next best Looking for the next best thing Looking for an Evis Presley Looking for a Rolling Stone Looking for the fab four Beatles Looking for the next best Looking for the next best Looking for the next best thing Shadow boxing just doesn't cut it Muhammad Ali would agree Those who follow follow Those who falter flee Looking for a Robert Johnston Looking for the next King Kong Looking for a Bridget Bardot Looking for the next best Looking for the next best Looking for the next best thing Looking for a TS Eliot Looking for an Ezra Pound Looking for the bitten "apple" Looking for the empty shroud I don't know who has it I don't know who will come next Maybe our greatest heroes Will have to be long dead Looking for the next Picasso Looking for the next Van Goth Looking for the next Da Vinci Looking for the next best Looking for the next best Looking for the next best thing I don't understand it I don't know what's wrong Who is left to copy Who will write the next great song? Looking for the next Beethoven Looking for a Gustav Mahler Looking for a grander Bach Looking for the next best Looking for the next best Looking for the next best thing Looking for an Alec Guinness Looking for a soiled white coat Looking for a human sasquatch Looking for a great white hope Looking for the next great Hendrix Looking for the 3 Supremes Looking for the lost soul singers Looking for the next best Looking for the next best Looking for the next best thing Looking for the next Bob Dylan Looking for John Lennon's ghost Looking for the lost great moments Headed for the empty coast Looking for the next best thing Looking for the next best thing Looking for the next great ghost 22 May 2002 POLITICS ~~~~~~~~ Stepping on my toenails You squashed my head Hip you were to gather Branches in my bed It was fingernails and shoe horns And the moment Jesus bled But never as I held you Had you made a pristine bed You say you knew my brother Your nose was like a sponge Yesterday you'd vomit Today you'd sign my book I haven't really told you You haven't got a voice One egg cracks another Old friends ain't a choice 28 May 2002 In Praise of a Reliable God ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Never accept me as honest I'll stab you as any felon would There are hawks without feathers and talons And there are sparrows without any good So you want me to be your great lover I'd rather the blanket were wet You have never replaced the false moments With anything I would regret Honey where were you when lightening Struck promise in soggy salad I was never a monk blow his vespers But God that salad was bad And now I just follow the crutches And praise where some tenor threw up. 28 May 2002 Bono in Africa ~~~~~~~~~~ So Bono wants to be John Lennon Bono will never understand John Lennon was a hero Bono's a collage 28 May 2002 Salt ~~~ I swallowed your indifference I kissed the great white curtain And now with nothing shallow You wet my pristine bed. Nod me one more nodule Nod me one lopped head. 30 May 2002 Justice ~~~~~ Charged with murder His wife walked in He didn't kill me Justice I walked out on him Justice shrugged his shoulders Murderer he's not Must be aggravation After all he had a sword 5 years in the slammer For something you have never done But could have The audience was silent ------[this is a line] (time it) The next case ambeled on.... 30 May 2002 ROSE ~~~~ Hot as hell and sweating There is nothing I can do Nature has its purpose A fool is just a fool And a poet must remember The heather and the sage And where roses fear to crumble The poet makes his stage 30 May 2002 ETHICS ~~~~~~ You just don't get it do you This is so much different Your whole life revolves around Prestige and who you know Then let me tell you this You are not much different Than the child working in a Diamond mine in Columbia For 16 cents a day Even he's got his pecking order And you are far below So stop telling me how my poetry Could earn a better wage I would rather die a drunken beggar Than compromise a page. 30 May 2002 SUICIDE The cats don't want me You don't want me Suicide Caligula commission Horses in the mission Suicide Sex without a murder Cappuccino bladder Suicide Lost in my commitment Cats refuse the brain-dead Suicide I was never one to worship Priests who own a bull pit Suicide ' Come to me and level Fish I cannot angle Suicide You the perfect woman I the perfect semen Suicide Have you lost the mother Have you lost the son Suicide Where the voices offer Diamonds not the powder Suicide Give me what you haven't Take me to the seventh heaven Suicide I will mask your murder Chefs who fold bad batter Suicide Close me and I open Open me I close Suicide Powder my commitment Resurrect what "it" meant Suicide Pills that cost no money Bees who make no honey Suicide I don't know what I know You don't know what you know Suicide Answer me with questions Poison my impressions Suicide Politicians murder Beggars go no farther Suicide Cats control the moment Human traits are stolen Suicide Why are we together Voices sever nerves Suicide 8/9 June 2002 High school ~~~~~~~ You haven't found me yet I was there when the nova exploded I was paramount turning the key In a lock of substitution I was yours for the cat-paw solution And I was yours for the moment Neither knew the other but we knew The telephone wouldn't ring but did But it's all a crumpled second (an old man crumpled down-- Recalling past endeavours Recalling past regrets And for one flash remembered The girl he never met). Pray for no regret... 11 june 2002 BREAKING NEWS I'm taking 3 days off I want to set my sights On a suicide bomber I want to know what makes him tick I want to be with him As he blows himself up Or maybe it's a "she" Traitors don't discriminate Holy war or not Innocence is pure And the Koran makes that distinction Don't ever claim a right of purpose Even I beside you Know the folly of your game... 11 June 2002 WORDS I CANNOT SPEAK ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Glass of wine for breakfast Early morning fog lifting Outside my widow Reviewing photographs Taken the day before Half discarded images Don't know what to do Don't know where to go Don't know what to write So I'm writing this Frozen into time Words I cannot speak. 13 June 2002 Testament ~~~~~~~ Someone asked me What might be My final poem... No hesitation: The one I never wrote... . 13 June 2002 FROZEN TULIPS Perfect equilibrium Colours didn't hesitate And telephones refused to sing Anal sex is what she wanted And a world cup substitution Wasn't real Sometimes I hated done deals But losers always win in politics And politics rub naked ladies the wrong way (Look away) Look away When was silence "yesterday" No fool I break each silence like a shadow breaks a blade of grass Tender moments Not dogma Raises individuals to God Oh how foolish I remain human Among children without purpose Thinking foolish game are their presentiment Casting lures for 'tainment... Where vermin never hesitates (Had the keeper of God's ethics ethics There's be no one left alive) I'll tan God's royal hide... So where am I to go with this Poem I can't finish God won't resurrect me I Won't resurrect God Just prepare a turkey sandwich And smoke the edge off stale blue cod... 15 jun 2002 "WE DEMAND!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~ There are no stars We see shine anymore There are only clouds Clouds of destruction Thick clouds Dark gray...black Obscuring everything Every sensibility Sharp lightening Rolling thunder A serpent devouring Everything within its path Not of hunger But of greed Blind hate And fear Above all fear Fear of the unknown Because we do not want to Know each other We covet isolation Religious Political isolation We covet ourselves Above all We demand our morals Our standards Our GOD We DEMAND And so they also DEMAND Their morals Their standards Their GOD and they DEMAND Just as furiously and as VIRTUOUSLY as we do Hypocrites all All the great words written All the great sensible words written All the peacemakers All the pacifists (Strange that "fist" should be In Pacifist) All the great philosophers Statesmen Holy men Holy women All those who gave their lives For peace Martyrs of every race Colour or Creed Men Women Children Those beings we derogatively call "Animals" All life on the once so lush green Earth All life in the universe All for naught Because we can't settle difference Because of stupid ideologies That started far in the past Where once they may have Made some sense But it's a different world And some refuse to accept that And some will cling to a vision Of a world that never was And never will be And that is the greatest tragedy Closed eyes And no new visions No new answers To say that Peace will eventually Prevail Is an illusion There will never be peace Until all beings believe In one GOD And who will be Hero enough To confer that A new messiah A grand catastrophe Even after mass destruction Tribes continue It's in our genes And unless we accept that Unless that we accept that we are Territorial "Animals" We will never have the insight To lay down the weapons We so indiscriminately stockpile And why do we stockpile Borders Borders are the branches of all Political diseases And that will never change Plastic Bent on strategy Damn humanity My political stability Depends on you subjugation This is what it's all about Subjugation Dehumanization Don't think of the "Other" As a fellow human The other belongs to "that" Other political entity That clan They don't shit like us They don't eat like us They don't copulate like we do Their children are just fodder For their politics Sacrifices to their GOD They have no emotions They just hate our guts But then I have to work with them I tip my hat when we pass each other by I am cautious He is courteous But I know what's behind that smile I know he'd kill me if he could And I'm ready And he knows that So he won't strike first How proud I am to be so PREPARED He'll never get the first strike in And the "other" smiles And thinks the same Tips his hat Goes to work And sells the "other" goods The "other" needs to survive And neither see themselves In the iris of the other No two should be so far apart I often visit the cats Of Parliament Hill In Ottawa Canada's Capital There are 19 now Although the caretaker Rene Speaks of 26 I know he counts the oldest Who have passed away (And who can blame him) He's done this lovingly And without pay For 17 years I know the names of all And I have observed them Sleeping or interacting with Human visitors Or other forms of life They seem at perfect harmony Yet in the evening and at night Their territorial instincts Begin to emerge They chase each other They hiss They fight (but no claws showing) But they are never vicious They don't draw blood They live in harmony A harmony they impose upon themselves But they also chase strange cats away Bu sometimes let others in To keep the colony at a Steady population But I have also seen them keep One white cat out Only letting her eat at feeding time But any other time she's an outcast And she's one of the most affectionate I think it's jealousy Not pretty But an acknowledge "human" emotion It still doesn't kill Or invoke all out war There is an understanding Of the rules and regulations (As cats know rules and regulations -- You might think it strange, but sometimes I have the feeling watching them They are much closer to our primal Instincts than we are ourselves -- these cats Own us -- we serve them) Of what their colony represents And it represents a harmony We ever sanctify between ourselves As a world species And (don't swear at me) We are a world species Unfortunately dominant We've dominated everything else So now we have to dominate each other And cut ourselves to shreds How proud are we for this Very proud At least in the spirit of destruction From the corruption of our leaders To the manipulation of our law enforcement Officers It's a free-for-all Only the powerless recoil Those who pay the usury The palaces are not Surrounded by moats To keep us out But to keep the vermin in No wonder the world has been Wracked by revolutions Spearheaded by pitch forks Not cannons or F18s Believe it or not The blade of the guillotine Is still sharpened Every night in a human dream Not for the "enemies" we presume to have But for the "democratic" leaders Who've lead us so astray Many sleepless nights Tortured what I have come to Believe I will never be complacent about war Or death Or human rights I can just write this And if it's not enough Then so be it Here I am It's so easy I don't hide But I know hate will never Confront me eye to eye Indeed I DEMAND IT 19 June 2002 All Poems Copyright (c) 2002 Klaus J. Gerken Published by Ygdrasil Press 2002