Selected Poems From: DYNASTY by Klaus J. Gerken (1968) DYNASTY RETURN ~~~~~~ I am just a bird drowning in an ocean, An ocean of people and life: The overwhelming odds are against me To leave behind this drive. Once a bird is flung from its path Into the sea, It cannot escape Unless it is free. There is a possibility of death, And life; But his chances are odd And he must strive. His drowning will be a great feat, A great deed among his enemies. 1966 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- MY POET, - FOR A TIME ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hence, in words my poet weeps Like the restful night asleep: Is grace in wonder to behold. Or is it time that told Thee words of love and joy, To sing and to employ The words that mar a poet's life That come to go And go to come, For the rightful fury with all its storm? Behold the beauty, to adorn That priceless tear, and pull the thorn To relinquish the pain That has time, and so forth, time again Come to reason with his lines, To find for them, better rhymes. So hence, my poet weeps Like the restful night asleep. November 1966 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- THOUGHT XVII ~~~~~~~~~~~~ The evening sun dies in its last breath, Strolling across the far distant horizon in the west. To send me so far across the sky's eternal path Is to send away one so small To a land that has, with its might, risen so tall Above the trees that in thunder fall: A land that reaches far beyond any horizon Of all the other worlds and hardening prisons That form together to sing verses of any unforgettable visions In a sky covered in richly coloured lights of many clouds Of star births and any other unmentioned meteors that freely run about. So, all thou foul hands of the sky, Hold on to the trumpet's all. October 1966 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- THOUGHT XIX ~~~~~~~~~~~ The ramparts high above the moon, There where glideth the afternoon, Lives the weaver at his magic loom, Ever weaving, spinning, making, All the whyle that he is singing: - Is it worth then, to bring in the beginning? The death of his last pose? Oh how the clouds of dust rose Far above the extreme most. Is there a beginning here? Is there any need to fear? The light of the moon goes ever on, Never ceasing, never lifting, ever drifting. October 1966 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- THOUGHT XXX ~~~~~~~~~~~ Is it the number of remembrance days and weeks That tell us of the old and weak, Who for so long have given in to the meek From times so undecidedly unforgiving? But yet, who knows of the joyous singing That fills the street in the wint'ry beginning? Had time but planned the silent nights; Had time but given the verbal rights To hand down through the reality of the holy night. Yet it is well that a plan doeth not exist In this time that still binds, and betrays, with a kiss. It is well, and time may now rest, For all that has been, may be no more. November 1966 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- INDIFFERENT RAIN ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The green leaves are no longer green As they lie upon the icy ground With the winter snow falling all around. The low hanging clouds Line the edge of the sky: the sun no longer is seen, There is no sun, there never has been. What is the truth, when truth is a lie? What is life, when life just lives to die? The songs that quietly flow through the air, The love, the friendship, is no longer there. Only utter chaos and infinity is everywhere. The leaves are no more; The sun has departed; The unknown lives on. And there are no more meaningful songs. The day's darkness Makes it hard to find one's way. It is already hard to find the right words to say; And all time is now, time past. There is no more need to speak cold bitter words: The rain speaks for me. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE GULL ~~~~~~~~ The sea is full of fish, as empty as it is. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- SOCIETY, AGE AND GREED ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Give a thought to an old man Lend a penny to him Lend a lie to him So that you may see him weep for more --------------------------------------------------------------------------- BEGINNINGS ~~~~~~~~~~ I The forest the wild starlike beauty forever and forever never ceasing always moving changing clinging to life. II The disorderly order perfected in its own accord striking out reaching out to find the infinite unseen horizon of life. III And on the border of that wild forest the grins of sand lie together shifting each with its own immortality infinite but never free. IV The waves gently fill the caverns and cover the cryptic inscriptions washing away the sand leaving small pools of life trapped in an immortal paradox of time and space until the liberator returns from his final quest. V And along the shore what is more beautiful than life left untouched by the hand that hold the sorcerer's wand to change ashes to ashes dust to dust beauty to beauty life to death? VI Ever watch it all ever see it all ever hear it all the sounds and sighs of life? The cycle of process The cycle of fruition through the universe? VII And beyond the sea where the horizon meets both sides of infinity what would lie there? What dreams perhaps. Perhaps life and death relived over and over again to present a new poem to read a new sight to see for the seeing and the blind a new song to sing for the singers and the mutes a new path to walk upon for the searchers and the lost a new miracle for me and you. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- FRAGMENTS OF A SOLITUDE RITUAL ~~~~~~ In three hours and a half He slowly kills a calf. What for you ask and to satisfy what? (His religion is his own and he is prone to die in a little while anyway) Now the question is this: could he not have stopped to pray for the calf? Yet he prays for himself... And the calf the sacrifice... March 1967 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- PHARAOH ~~~~~~~ Complicated calculations predict the god-like spectacle that becomes the eclipse; And men, panic stricken, fall to their knees and pray to their gods. Peace offerings are made, and temples are built as the death ships Bring their newly crowned king to shores of his eternal heaven. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- SONNET ~~~~~~ Soon come he will, Soon in the night so still: So spake he, and all did laugh. He set the warning upon them, - the final thought. And who did listen to those words, Those which the prophet spake unto the world? Go now, no more look back. Remember Sodom and Gomorrah. But still they did attack, And they did look and laugh At his final thought. The prophet wept. The night slept, As the final day did end For the city of the earth. April 1967 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- DEFEAT ~~~~~~ Rimbaud defeats Who can remember his fondest wish. in the ember I repeat: of what is? The terrorizing streetlamps cry out for peace but in their homes, who's at ease? Who can please the truth of these disturbances? The form takes its shape: Recognition is falsification of the perfect lie in every situation. The streetlamps die In constant anger as they cry, lives my life wherefore, why? in the dying ember? Truth is safe: All is quite. September 2, 1967 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- RESURRECTION ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ He rose out of the ground so cold; He rose from his grave, so brave and so bold. And then he touched the hand of the one Who restored to him the light of the sun. They walked along the road together Both seemed strange as if they should be never. They walked along and came upon a hill; It looked familiar, the air was very still. No one stirred as the reborn man performed his task, That which of him the other man had asked. And then all was at an end, he paid the cost, As the created nailed his creator to the cross. October 1967 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- SONNET ~~~~~~ Greenest life to death be true, Such that mankind may come to you. Ah, the once green hills of conquest are bare, Yet no one knows the river of death runs everywhere. And such is life, and life is such, For it be wrong for mortal man to touch The pure serenity within life's liquid air. O hark! the angels from a conquered land Between the two opposing hands Of he who knows, "Beware!" Yet who knows not enough before his birth That he may be struck down within a sea of mirth? Yet for him who stands alone, beware, For he is life and death, and everywhere. January 3, 1968 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- VOICES ~~~~~~ Semi-mechanical voice patterns captivate the gentle wind. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- NIGHT SONG ~~~~~~~~~~ And when the sun descends and the ghostly noises within the quiet frontier of the fearful dark bring their remembrances upon the unsuspecting stranger lying deep within his dreams of frightful utterances and naked nightmares; then the master will appear and teach his reality to us... and we will listen with our ears in plaster such that the silent cold will not disturb the pain of memories within the shadow of our holy life. And when we see the starlight in the sky, we will rejoice in silent wonder, never asking why or how this joyous miracle came to be; for our eyes will be blinded by the light and our voices silences by the sea of memories in the quiet serenity of night. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- CRUSADERS ~~~~~~~~~ The crusaders all fell for you beneath their holy cross of iron, for your dark eyes of flame and empty tears of shame. Just as the broken-eyed christ child died for the right to show his love beneath the light of unshaken memories of the future from which you extracted your fire of ice and smite to capture for him your religious rite with falcon wings and emerald eyes. And then you waited at the castle door to seek repentance and justice ever more. You shook with fear, the cold was near when you dwelt outside the caverns near Peter the Hermit's grave, where you died for the cause of honour, justice and pride. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- WISH ~~~~ Sometimes I wish to die: yet death lies just beyond my reach, and I am allowed only to grasp my broken heart and mend it once again. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- MEMORY ~~~~~~ When my memories of you were swallowed by a whirlpool, I tried to laugh, yet only tears came. When I asked if anything had remained, a voice came from the deep: "Only pain, my son, only pain." --------------------------------------------------------------------------- REALITY ~~~~~~~ I I felt you near me When the rain cast me adrift. I cried out, But you were silent upon the shore. II For a moment I was Jesus And knelt to pray. I knew no faith; Your silence had wounded my soul. III In constant anger, my mind Tore at your image. Yet you were only a ghost To a broken soul. IV I wept silently and wanted death: You whispered for the sky to fall. And between us two Stood an ocean of torrid images. V I was struck blind by your god With his eyes on fire. And as I wept, My shadow concealed your wishes. VI The sky broke the restlessness Of your thoughts and extracted, From the depths of your silence, Visions of laughter. VII The sound of your laughter Tore apart my mind. I should have known your truth Knew no distances. VIII Then I came to realize You were not a mere woman; You were a goddess: The mother of God, the daughter of Love. IX Then awareness struck like thunder From within life, And the movement of your soul Captured my eyes. X The sea scattered like fog, And left me standing here. Beneath your feet You saw the empty sea of truth. XI Your laughter broke with tears Of desperation: I stood naked, You realized that you were dead. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- ALBUM OF EXQUISITE TASTES I You are driven to the edge of your sanity: You are a god, the beggar of the skies. You depart, and a pulsating idea Is substituted in your place. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- II The body decays; the soul burns; The state of emptiness is cold and earns Its place of destined folly Known only to him who knows no other sin. Our God! the father of our souls! Why have you loaded these stones upon our backs, Broken yet! by the ice of friendless terms, In righteous frolic and fairer dreams? Yet this despicable ensemble of naive, Written upon a slate of burning memories, Stands hidden from the greenery of automated voices And the mind-ridden scars of friendship. And who, in his quiet thoughtfulness, Would ever think to detest the state Of fabled caricatures carried around In an envelope prodding, "May he rest in peace" ? --------------------------------------------------------------------------- IV Fearless animator of instinctive ways! do not reclaim the poisoned smile of your rotting brotherhood and shattered women at your side. Down the streets and through the bars, you ram your battered instincts down, through a life that conquers while it dies for another breath of poisoned wine. So kiss the dew from Heaven's lips and smear the dullness from her hips, inside those lucid days and sleepless nights your flame has always burned without delight. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- X I lie on my empty bed out of boredom I watch a flake of dust gently falling to the floor Distance so lonely Frantic love sad dreams these are the thoughts of my beating heart. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- XIV Vowels of Recognition ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1. Old Future A - aggressive instinct dark nights - barred doors E - presumptive essence glory beyond recognition I - aborted love - (insanity) mutilated abstractions O - fearless restrain diluted souls - reason for sin U - impersonal - beyond recognition free stand beyond religious capitulation Old future - personal belonging - selfish pride - Sound degrades the medium - vowels stream past - faster than light - slower than understanding - beguiled imprisonment of mystic sounds. 2. New Future A - vessel of exploration romantic instance of young Ulysses E - eastern rebirth passing glances - daylight I - island of solitude despondency prevailing in jungles of love O - darkest beginning with "A" sacred light - sword of plight U - death beyond hell timeless instinct - golden ether Y - Sol - father of our birth purgatory of religious reason New future - wayward past - essential talent- to snuff out old flame and kindle the new. 3. Past A - desolate darkness - sorcery feverish eclipse - worship of gauls E - dawn of pious men honored graves - father of Jesus I - sword of fire - burning cross ghostly hammers - nails of truth O - gold - lead - elementary beauty green before pride - greed beyond love U - alchemy - heretics - burning love serpents - toads - warlocks - YHWH - OM "A. R." --------------------------------------------------------------------------- XVIII Members of Hellfire clubs dawn nightgowns and dance in the boulevards - sing nursery rhymes and give scarlet flowers to nocturnal virgins who giggle at the thought - however absurd it may be. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- XXIV Young Apollo staggers in the air with golden blossoms and hemlock rains; smiling down upon the submerged stare of Lucifer's atrocious sacked domain. Castings of ambrosial scented flames resume to fling about the diadems to jeweled begotten beggars who sustain Jove's timeless requiem sung to mediocre hems. And so, with glistening eyes the day resumes to follow sacred songs of love's abuse - detailing fearless rites that exhume solitary martyrs in recluse. Such within their darkest sacrilegious chant they plaintively tolerate their tenant hand. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- XXX He clenches his fists in thunderous bliss. He loves in a dream; Repugnant it seems. Beyond ecstasy He's never so free As when he's alone Beyond his God's home. Ecclesiastical songs Sacrifice the thongs Of lover's dead abuse In monstrous recluse. And finally he Finds nothing to be, In gentle elate Become a poet's debate. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- XLV I've studied greek. What for, you ask? For some rejected whore. I've mastered latin. What for, you ask? For another false investiture. I can't see pointless change; I've no need for primary grievances. Why, you ask? My answers would only extract Voiceless consternation, Thoughtless action From your self defeated brain: Your dragons of a thousand chinese nights... Your motionless love. - I do not Want to be your piteous puppet; I do not wish to be the siamese cat You mutilate and sacrifice before you pray To your one and only "pious" God. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- XLVII THE HOLY DEVILS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The breath of voiceless extravagance! "Please save the prostitute!" With deliriums of unorganized sodomy, holy Devils chant religious devotions to their masters, with mute Refrains! "A breach of promise! All's well. Save him! Save him for me!" They stand, intoxicated with grief! Their shameless posture, too, Deserves the greatest pity! In a solemn procession they Dance in gestures of gravest joy, which only the eyes of the few May be saturated with, or else, be struck blind at their say. Blindness! Shadows of a hollow truth! Immersed in dust! The wet clay, Redder than their blood, purer than their brain; their shadowed instance! It leaves no desire; their sexless qualities are not theirs. "Stay! Leave us not despondent in the deep dark abyss of remembrance! We prefer to love, but cannot resume our acquaintances!" In bottomless alleys, they fear for survival. Exquisite Tastes make their mouths water; nothing to quench their false pretenses With but salt; the eloquence of tears, for ageless parasites! In orgies of ecstasy, they roll in sour perfume, dousing All who appear before their sacrificial alter, in hoards! And those praying parasites giggle in malicious craving Fits, delirious! - Never knowing when to sever the cord. Embedded in some gloucocious situation of felted Ideals, collapsing in bitter restraint, - "It's a lie! It's all A lie!" - They settle for inherited rites of exalted Visitations and regulated exemption from the call. Disgracing their infinitesimal vows, to sanctify their grief- Infatuated slaves, these pantegruelian monks, bellies Filled, (overflowing yet!) clothe themselves in their chief Finery, as eloquent as felted golden fevers! "Prepare the seeded lamb for the sacrifice!" - NO! the slaughter! The conservative slaughter! Cast away the soul! - The body Will burn for freedom's sake; for love of god and the sole daughter, The mother of their saviour and only redeemer! They see With deafening sorrow and blinding shadows of a God-fearing Race! Free from the poison of gifted minds. There is no need for Other minds! God thinks for them! The slaves of poverty's dying Infatuation! Half dead from awareness, they bolt the door. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- From RUNNERS Part II CREATION ~~~~~~~~ Hemlock locks the iron of mind melting eclipses. The dawn of Man. Who is he? What does he want? He is Man and he wants Love. Is this thing he wants able to be manufactured? It is not. Then how may we present to him this gift? You will consume his flesh; and from his rib create a mate for him to seduce. Give him Woman for she is Love. Name him Adam, he will be Man. Name her Eve, she will be Woman. They shall love. We shall then let their joy lead us: then we shall love also. Note: Runners is a long poem in three parts covering 25 pages of Dynasty. It is concerned with the interaction of religion gods and mankind. This part tells how the gods created mankind to learn from them, since the gods themselves were omnipotent and could not feel. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- To Susan - A Song ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We parted yesterday it seemed Beyond the silver sky You wore your smile so carelessly And I - I asked you why You turned around and helplessly Kissed the dew away And I knew that all History Could never make you stay. Between the parted steps of time And relentless mysteries Your religion towered perfectly Like deep philosophies And I stood there so very proud Though torn between the two My life would now be enmity Between those lies and truth. There before the curtained hour We met in hail and rain Your eclipsing hands and stardust eyes Saw right through my game I guessed at once the ordained hour Relentlessly agreed And I just wished to feel your hand Warm my memories. Your smile it chose our deep embrace In iron galvanized By poets of the instant past And all their hungry eyes You wanted only this or that But I could not agree And when the rhymes flooded shadowed paths You set all animals free. We wept at bitter memories In some lost caravan We transversed all society On the back of some white swan And you smiled as if the earth Was born for us alone And then I realized that it was only good When the sun no longer shone. And we sat beneath a maple tree The father of the earth I read from some anthology For all that it was worth Then the sky adorned your beauty Like nothing I had seen Your youth stood above you like a halo And stood in the dream. And when the night was over And I - I could not see You brought to me some candles And lit them endlessly Until your face was lit up Like an angle of the sea And I - I wondered by my troth What you did see in me. And I brought you some more poems Tortured by my hand You read them with compassion Before my fevered stance Then I realized the truth Before absurdities The golden flower of the expanse Had left you selfishly. There beside the gentle wind Your love flowed endlessly So before the prophets interfered You stood beside of me And all the prophets knew your name Like some far distant night So I read Faust and fell asleep Upon your shoulder to die. We loved each other perfectly Like some old magic charm I waited for you to appear I didn't mean no harm It was only that between your time Draped in deepest blue I saw the paintings in your mind Before they all came true. And I waited silently For one far absent word But found you loved him more than me And I could not be hurt I turned to rock before your eyes It was not justified Your lovely hair your smiling eyes Were hidden deep from sight. Then I read the Golden Bough And some of Wordsworth too And saw that between the two My love was just for you And later beyond eternity I gently laughed out loud And forcefully resented it When you cast me out. I prayed to God beyond his lie And helplessly I cried You broke my heart - it would not do I felt as if I had died But love is deeper - far more deep Than shadows of a lie And I realized the truth in you And finished with my strife. I released myself from foolish bonds And laid all pains away Before my pious ecstasy And graveyard alley ways I knew your love was far beyond Heaven's rose of day But the gods would only worship you While I could only pray. And the music flowed so silently Through the ether of Golden sadness and sweet dreams Of romance and of love There like an endless symphony The trumpets sounded mort And my ever trembling lips forgot Syllables of every sort. I remember how you loved to speak Of children and their joy You loved all life and all of youth Like some goddess from Troy And in the sunshine of the sky Friendship shook our hands As love bade us a sweet farewell I was blind - I failed to understand. My tears flowed in rivers of Martyred images Ancient tragedies of time Enveloped in sweet excess Of prodigious vortices And after thoughts and pain You could not know - you couldn't have Innocence is all a game. I loved you like the father of Your persuasive soul Inverted in some time and space Of ageless matters full Of severed arteries and sands In drunken centuries Dreams and curses it was true They wanted me released. And so I sank to statehood In some far distant Camelot You were there - the queen of hearts Who I was - I forgot And on wings of golden wax We flew to distant worlds Of heavenly joy and martyred love The wind danced in your curls. We awaited opportunities And reached for distant suns You were my queen - I was your king And under love we were one We transversed distant shores And erased past obstacles You were me queen - I was your king A jester without bells. The vision vanished beyond hope Without the thought of you Yet vast differences existed Outside of dreamworlds too And the multitude in exaltation Produced sonnets filled with grief From beyond the hurricane Where fishermen are stranded beyond the reef. Still we existed beyond despair My mind was torn apart In deep despondency I wrote Another poem for your heart And I loved you truly when you left To dance in unknown lands Under the ordained arch which was built By carpenters' soft white hands. You wore your dress so gallantly As you sat upon the stool And all the poets relentlessly Ran around like fools The tried to do justice to Your so perfect smile But they were dumb - the could not speak Their blindness was their style. So your dark hair eclipsed the moon And cast all hate away For Jesus to knew of your love He died with a kiss insane The philosophers all bowed to pray To gods they did not know Then in melancholy you declared The earth was consumed in snow. We played checkers under midnight rains And wandered round the moon We sought for beauty in the sun It's prophesy came much too soon I did not know - I could not see I joined some unknown ministry Your voice was my command I held on as if it was your hand. You cut your hair and became a nun I stood in priestly dread I wondered then I joyous gloom Why all the skies lay dead My shadow cursed the soul around Your perfect outlined eyes Only then but only then I saw - I realized. You saw the tears within my eyes And did love you so You then dried them with your smile But I - I could not go despairingly your voice made plain The intervention of "It's time" You departed with the bleeding heart Which Once you knew was mine. The angles said that memories Were all that I had left And in my pain I did not know What you did expect Your voice commanded love to come Your voice took it away You departed with a sad goodbye More you did not say. When I turned around to witness The dying flames of lent Your voice released you of its vow And I - I did repent My legs did tremble and my mind Would not compute The insane commandments of the deep And all was gone for good. Like a figurine you danced upon the waves While the poets watched and then You stood atop the universe And waved to all of them I stood in pious revelry Like lies consumed in flames It is as is - O it must me Like this it shall remain. Heaven cataracted worthless troops Of dismal deafening storms The thunder roared as if insane I could not understand the forms You smiled as if the earth was fixed In fire and in rain It brought the joy of a million births In love that must remain. The sky it now does weep In exalted tears of night My face was pale - the silence sinned With eyes consumed in plight And far beyond the parted seas Of universal fame Satan laughed and God resolved That it was all a game. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- DYNASTY I - DYNASTY ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Heaven, Earth and Purgatorio Waste their bodies and condemn their sins In torrents of elite damnation, Like the fearful cause of dreaded ends. And they, men of every sort, within their Own divinity, substitute Desire over love, and sink below The haggard kneeling of the destitute. "Have we not earned the right?" But no! They could Not resist! "Repentance's delicate Words are too rigorous for us. You Decreed this knowledge far too late!" Drunk within their own repugnant daydreams, Their minds stem forth like slashing thunderbolts. And limbo is the only bona fide Existence known. And none found courage to turn back... None could substitute their lies for the attack... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- II YOUTH ~~~~~ Once I too rejoiced when the assaulting butterfly caressed the pregnant dawn; when the fermented daydream and gentle laughter of wings bore my mind from the decayed path of reality. I too wished to run in some field, glorifying all of nature and reputing downcast memories. Aye, but those days are gone forever. My mind became a cloister where life was cast aside and desire and jealousy was substituted in its place. I foolishly decreed that I was above love, that I understood the riddle of God: then, finding knowledge, I substituted books for friends. I went through volumes of self pity and hate. I worshipped the poets of youth; then, before realizing their truths, I cast them into the flames and bore their shadows in my soul. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- III DESTINY ~~~~~~~ Old friends were there, never to be seen again. Childhood was there. Tears were also there. Only the tears remained. The giant barge left the dock. The sea rocked us in its convulsions. Very softly. The green waters were the first exploration. The first expedition. The unknown. The sky expanded its empire. The sea frolicked in its abstraction. Both the same: although, one content; the other, an Emanthian conqueror seeking perfection. I was the sky. I sought God. I and my youth. The sea held our survival in its hands. Its strong hands! The soft hands of eternity! Very softly. Very smoothly it held us. The children entrusted to his judgment. Like clouds racing toward the sun, we too raced to meet our future destiny. Our minds were open, our hears closed. We fled from our ancestry, our heritage, our language and our customs. We regretted nothing until it was much too late! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- IV COMMITMENT ~~~~~~~~~~ I With body and soul frozen I stepped into the void. Mountains of ice appeared before me. I was immune to the threat of summer. The rivers were wine and the blue serenity receded into night. I was immune to the threat of summer. I became insanely jealous of the country air and mountainous terrain! I would wish only to be left alone. Alone, here where the bell tower never sheds its hollow refrain. Here where it is best to resort to death, rather than the fulfillment of the soul. In meine freiheit bin ich froelich! The glacier played tricks with my eyes, like some kaleidoscope of ancient procedure! A leaf fell from a low hanging branch and I rejoiced when I found the milk of virgin mothers. The tree became a symbol for my God. I prayed to it! As the whirlwinds danced around my mendicant childhood the tree was struck by the thunderbolt of Zeus' anger and I fled! I fled the playful glacier and disagreed with the mountain solitude. The echoes wept. II The procedure stated that my hands would have to be washed because of this aphrodatious malady. I prayed! My prayers were answered. First by Zarathrustra, and then by Faust! I became confused. My confusion lasted through the night and awareness degraded my position. III The monotony of chasing away the predators became so malignant that I could do nothing else. I became invincible. My position was clear. I could not but take a stand. My cell was just too small. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- V SUFFERING ~~~~~~~~~ I do not know what inspired me toward these pregnant abominations, these annals of heartbreak. O Diana, hunt down for me, the golden fleece, such that I too may view its pureness, its gentleness, the serenity of its innocence. I must be mad! Mad with ambition, power, criteria, the mode of prolexic souls! O ambition! Totalitarianism! Limit to my ability! You have deserted me now! You have caged another mad individual for your grueling tests! My heart is heavy with grief's desire...etc. My mind stems from abominable ruins. Past difficulties exist. I will be my own downfall. - A Roman historian of undefined glory! Les mort de ses yeux! The death of his eyes! I desire his passion! The emperor's passion! The passion that devastated a century! A different world, dimension or universe. The passion of a heavy heart! Glory and loveliness have passed away ne'er to come another day... * * * With my vocal cords frozen, my eyes struck blind, my ears boxed, I went out toward where truth lay hidden, behind the shelter of my room. I pillaged the corners of my mind for reality and life, but found only frantic dreams! At first I was content, later in my satisfactions I was found to be rebellious. I turned to avarice and spite! Before my mind was opened to touch the lingering thoughts of awareness, I sank deep within the bottomless pit of decay. I consorted with the devil and bore despondency upon my back for his ungratefulness! The extreme poverty of youth bore my shouts! My shouts of anger. My voice was weak. It could not be heard. I plundered the philosophies. I substituted my own in their place. I did not understand their arguments. I acted too hastily! I disputed truth I placed self above all! I sank into the quicksand of depression. The elimination of the soul! Then I saw you burn the books.... I wanted immortality! I wished for the impossible. To be a Poet! My search brought only dissatisfaction. I took to the greater poets. I imitated their voiced, their obsolete language! I wished to be like them! I cursed the present and glorified the past. The simple past. In loose terms, I produced deliriums and countless other phobias. I procured moods, those undecipherable sentences of unknown origins masquerading as poems. But cast them away, scorning them for their lack of perfection. Total disobedience! * * * I left my childish fancies for other words. I still knew no life, so I flung my anger against it. (I could not have foreseen! O Mother Earth, I could not have foreseen!) * * * I drew my authorities from seers who could not see! From poets who could not write! I even concluded that artists did not exist! ...For there are no free minds yet. And because there are no free minds There cannot be any artists. Yet I worshipped and characterized their plight! I conjured up my own set of rules. I became my own magistrate, and condemned myself! O utter hell! Misery beyond conception! All I know is that it all had a terrorizing effect. They expropriated my voice! And I cursed them for their effect. In desperation, my mind became shut as if indifferent. I recreated lost dimensions, regretting nothing but life itself. I even praised death! * * * Rustic elements hampered my productive usefulness. I became a monk, a mindless beggar: all within my own repugnant dreams! And I desired nothing else. I cursed childhood; despised children. I sang my praises to a god, and despised him too! Nothing could excite me. My instincts were too deeply hidden, and my emotions...my emotions...MY EMOTIONS...were non-existent! I could not laugh, sing, dance...I could only bring ruin to those who wished to know me. I could only harm those whom I wished to befriend. I could only despise them: love was non-existent in my Tartaric ambition. I took a vow of silence and remained in utter solitude until the first glimpse of dawn came to show me the far distant gate: the previous gate to existence! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- VI BELIEFS ~~~~~~~ Hideous beliefs! They will be your last fatal mistake! Auspicious brethren! Speak not against your younger fancies, do not use your tiger jaws against yourselves! It will only deepen the darkness and bold the door, committing you to the ghostly realms of solitude. Once I too was as you were, full of despondency and grief. Full of sordid tears. Like a fish, I was not content with my domain, I sought bluer seas, only it was by the hook that I sought it. Realizing my mistake, I struggled and repented, yet all too late. The sharpness sank deeper into my flesh. O the pain! Desire over desire! And all for my false beliefs! All for betrayals! I became a Judas! Transfigured formless minds to, and mingled joy with, desire. - I forsook friendship for greater things, and embraced extinction. I became traitor to myself. Smallness, oneness, The fortunate coincidence of self. But it would not do. A traitor will always desire his own end, and mine was clear. * * * Fools! They were all fools, and I joined them in their silent vigil. I recruited their souls, formed armies of mutated bodies and sold them into slavery! I became a god. The opiate and death-defying transgressions became my heroes: and I believe them! My blindness became more and more apparent when they deserted my own devious silence. They stood where no one dared, - in pious shame! and I wept for them in my toleration! What a fool I was! Ages passed in dreamworld fantasies. With them I grew stronger. I grasped for, and received total existence. My dreams were very powerful. I desired worship. They would not suffer for me, and I commanded revenge upon them. I dawned my rusty armour and, believing myself impregnable, went against them on the field of battle. Proud and honorable! Like some errant knight. I witnessed their laughter! One god against a multitude. My suicidal tendencies overshadowed cowardice. I attacked. Striking the first blow, never seeing the flow of blood. Regret A Fantasy Bloody shapes struck out at me with time consuming instances, sabres in hand, like some hard ridden boxer, his brain cage creeping through his almost bald head. "Never," I reclaimed to declare that all final products were insane, "will I chop off their fine masculine heads!" Only I had the blood infested blade in my trembling hand, stained bright red! And their blood glowed like rivers into the already dry ocean. Their blood! Never mine! - There I was, floating in their stately pool of blood of past endeavors. There was not one soul still alive! I did not know, nor did I care, they had sinned against my godliness! My nerves were driven beyond tension. I knew no one. Only I was left, and one alone is a wish unfulfilled. The words still rang through my insane mind: "Never will I chop off their fine masculine heads!" And never has one been so adored as they who were fed to tender flies; like soft voices in the shameless winds, scattered throughout the frenzy of a delicate order! I had accomplished the ultimate! I was God! And I desired only to be those whom I had used as my stepping-stones. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- VII An Elegy ~~~~~~~~ The wholeness of a joyous time leads me to despair. I see not, nor do I feel. I hear not, nor do I speak. I am one commanded. One who seeks the night alone to go unnoticed through a life unknown. I am one like the wind. I am one like love. I am here before the eye suspects, and gone before the voice commands. I go unseen through the golden ether. I am a spirit who is neither one nor the other. I am one old, yet I appear before you young. My youth stands before you shattered by the age of a timeless song. The ageless music of a shattered love speaks for me and my name. The grandeur of my existence speaks its truth and leads me on toward my goal, toward my enmity! Behold! I am God! Yet look again: I am a beggar. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- VIII Shame ~~~~~ Madness flowed like wine. And I took my jug and snatched it from its stream. I drank it ! It was sweet! Delirious expressions! I saw angels sitting on rocks embedded in a treeless waste! I asked them what the matter was, and they said: "This is Hell." And I believed them! Like a puppet to its master. Strung up! As the hangman might have said. But I was mistaken. They never uttered one word. Not one word, when one word could have saved me! One croak! In a land where voices were all too common, and all too silent. Overjoyed at their grief, I flung myself at them. Destiny singled me out from all the other starved enigmas, and brought a silver steed and black iron sword to my command. I scattered them. And after...the desert was clearer than the waters of the distant Oise; but drink was rare. My thirst brought hallucinations to my eyes. They added to my blindness. While Destiny laughed, I commanded the winds to bring nourishment to my blistered and parched lips. The winds would not obey. With that I joined the destitute. I begged Destiny to release me. Her grip was closer than the iron chains of Captivity's and hotter than Vulcan's liquid lead. The price of freedom is high! I fought her until my body could no longer produce the energy from within. My body was weak, and I released her. For the first time I taster the bread of defeat. It was stale. I cared for no more. I took some old rags and out of them produced a banner. The banner of my voice. I had found my domain. Destiny released me, and I stumbled in the breeze of frightening freedom. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- IX Limit ~~~~~ It all became so apparent when I, and not they, executed those fractional murders, commonly referred to as attempted suicides. Death by intoxication! The wine became my salvation! I did not regret my mistakes, I only hid them. Profitable illnesses did not make me well, nor did thoughts, nor did treachery. They only released the pain. And the pain has been endured. I became immune to illness; the mind was never stable; the truth was never there! A war of nerves! The limit! The Universal! The existence! It was all so fine, but not fine enough, It was never fine enough. One day allusions toward exploration induced their wonders on my brow. The next day, grief refined my grave. The limit was forever there. The limit was everywhere. Everywhere to haunt me with boredom and slavery! Slavery to a God with no mercy! Myself! But this god was kind, but his kindness sparked anger. My grave stands as it is. Chance has not yet chosen it. The Angel of Death has not yet covered it. And Lucifer has not yet opened it. My mind was pure. Its pureness was Faustian: it's grief was Love. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- X Beauty ~~~~~~ Once I stated that all I desired was beauty, peace of mind, gentleness, pureness and truth, and most of all perfection! I now only wish beauty and truth. The others were the laws of a blindness! A smile woke me from my coma. Still I did desire. I desired her beauty and truth for myself, instead of reaching for that which was within me. I wished love to come and bind us together. I searched for distant words to express my joy. But the words were those of defeat. The thoughts were those of a starved heart. * * * A Romance Searching for love's commandments, I found love's malice. My heart was fevered, my mind robbed of its voice, only tears remained. Memory When my memories of you were swallowed by a whirlpool, I tried to laugh, yet only tears came. When I asked if anything had remained, a voice came from the deep: "Only pain, my son, only pain." * * * Then, wishing for death, a soothing wind bore my hopes upon its shoulders. Truth flared and chased desire away. And for one brief moment, I could see: I could see! Impassioned glances were no longer welcome. Her love became nourishment for my hopes. She was love and I wished for nothing other than her touch. Her eyes said no. My voice failed and in anger I sank, breathless, into the sheltered past. The primeval past; the past born to the darkest corners of time's procuring certainty. Reality I I felt you near me When the rain cast me adrift. I cried out, But you were silent upon the shore. II For a moment I was Jesus And knelt to pray. I knew no faith; Your silence had wounded my soul. III In constant anger, my mind Tore at your image. Yet you were only a ghost To a broken soul. IV I wept silently and wanted death: You whispered for the sky to fall. And between us two Stood an ocean of torrid images. V I was struck blind by your god With his eyes on fire. And as I wept, My shadow concealed your wishes. VI The sky broke the restlessness Of your thoughts and extracted, From the depths of your silence, Visions of laughter. VII The sound of your laughter Tore apart my mind. I should have known your truth Knew no distances. VIII Then I came to realize You were not a mere woman; You were a goddess: The mother of God, the daughter of Love. IX Then awareness struck like thunder From within life, And the movement of your soul Captured my eyes. X The sea scattered like fog, And left me standing here. Beneath your feet You saw the empty sea of truth. XI Your laughter broke with tears Of desperation: I stood naked, You realized that you were dead. I dedicated a song to her heart and voiced my depressions. Imperfectly! Pureness was incomprehensible. The tones were all wrong! A glimpse of passion released me from my self-inflicted avarice. I became one like all the rest: although my desires had changed. I spoke out freely, from within my prison. But for once, there could be heard a whisper. A beginning. I believe it so. FINIS DYNASTY Copyright 1968 (c) by Klaus J. Gerken Published (1997) by: Ygdrasil Press http://users.synapse.net/~kgerken kgerken@synapse.net alt.centipede