HUREN by Klaus J. Gerken 1999 PROLOGUE ~~~~~~~~ There are no illusions when living on the street 40 for a blow job 80 for a lay 20 for a blow job 40 for a lay 10 for a blow job christ I need a fix From sundown to sun-up What is cruel seems human What is human seems divine Pimp beats you up Drug dealer cheats you Bad tricks Bad dates Long nights walking Empty stomach Frozen hands Cops doing a special clean-up on your street But most of all numb Numb to the world Numb to the johns Numb to the tricks Numb to everything Who will love me Who will treat me human Who will not despise the image I project in the eyes of what is "ethical" "moral" majority in the eyes of the police the "superficial" wanna-be little gods... You who should not judge Do not be the judge... You who are the judges Be human after all. 15 Dec 99 JANET ~~~~~~ Are you looking? Ok. You aren't a cop, are you? A working girl just can't be too sure. So then, what're you up to? I know what I'm up to. Yes, I live just down the street. Where are you going? Don't be so fast. Come here. There's a few things we have to discuss: like, what do you want; a blow job; a lay? A lay... well, I charge 80. No problem? Ok. It's just down the street, around the corner. Not far. My name's Janet What's yours Joe? That's Dutch isn't it? German! Close enough. I once got to London That's in England This john took me and then the fuck abandoned me almost didn't get back but had a good week while I was there So you really weren't looking Just out for a walk yeah sure tell me that one again Just around the corner Looks familiar? You been here before 373? No I don't live there 377 That's the place This whole street's full of working girls There's a whole bunch of guys who live here but they mostly leave me alone Well almost Don't mind the noise they always party this late my room's just down the hall here it's not much but I suppose you don't care I don't even call it home I'm originally from Vancouver, but also worked in Edmonton for a while Funny though when I came to Ottawa (I don't even have a key--but don't worry no one will disturb us) I ended up right in the middle of the action--how convenient can you get It's not much but it's enough to make a living You have the money Put it on the table Sorry 'bout the stretch marks I had a few kids No not with me any more Had these problems with drugs And you know... Things just get out of hand Not that I have Those problems now... But the money comes in handy Let's turn off the light Too many perverts watching through the window I know it's dark but your eyes'll get used to it in a moment or so Oh yes come lie beside me My body isn't as it used to be but I'll give you the best fuck you ever had Let me put the condom on you're not circumcised are you no but it pulls all the way back why because some men have foreskins that are so tight they hurt not yours I see pagan god you say you are... Oh yes yes one finger is enough two yes yes no not the whole hand no it just won't go Come push deep inside me yes that's it oh yes yes hmm that feels so good no don't slow down you've been drinking haven't you I can tell Doggie... I don't know if i can I've got a bad disk I hope you don't push up against my cervix That's ok I think you're getting tired Come lie beside me for a while caress my breasts hmm that feels so good Use your hand to make me come yes yes ohh that feels so good you're through then ok let's get up I have to go out again one more time I know I'm trying to get clean but what can you do the drugs just get to you what's that oh yes the last caress it's ok they all do that You're sweating There's a towel on the chair It's clean That's ok It's a pretty hot night You ready ok I'll let you out the back way there are some greeks across the street who keep watching the door It doesn't look too good to have too many men come in and out You never know when they might call the cops It's ok There's an alley which leads to the parking lot you can find the street from there Maybe when you're more relaxed we can do it again I'm always around Bye 14 Aug - 21 Sep 99 II MIKA ~~~~~ I wonder what tonight Mika is doing There is nothing for the life of me that understands what it would be like being nightly on the streets of Ottawa giving blow jobs and the occasional lay to anyone who wants to pay I saw her last at the corner of Booth and Somerset street huddling in a telephone booth beside a burnt-out building trying to keep warm Surprised to see me she called out "Carl" and turning toward me shyly asked "I guess you hate me now?" I crossed the street "Don't hate anyone" I said "But I wasn't pleased" "Can we just put it down to a bad date?" "I guess we could, but locking yourself in my bathroom for two hours and then having to scrape you off the walls wasn't exactly my idea of a date" "I'm so cold" she said "I need a hug" and I hugged her as tightly as I could dropping my umbrella in the process. I could hear her sobbing gently on my shoulder. "So what are you doing here?" "Just out for a long walk trying to clear the cobwebs from my head. Besides I'm germinating a new novel, and I need these walks to get the plot and characters straight" I picked up my umbrella and wondered why I didn't take my jacket with me. For an august morning it was exceedingly cold. Mika shivered: "My guidance counselor came by the other day and wants to put me in rehab" Tears flowed down her cheeks but she quickly recovered "I told her about you and how I wanted to turn my life around Get straightened out I said you were a journalist and very articulate and if I don't do this I know I won't have long to live" "Then I know of no better reason" I felt myself harsh and did not know why "You couldn't spare some change? Just to get me through?" I had a two dollar coin and pressed it in her palm "I have to go now" Another tear she wiped away "Need another hug" She put her arms around me and we hugged a long long time and I felt she didn't want to let go But then she did and I gently stroked her arm "take care of yourself" "I will" and turned and walked away down Somerset street not even looking back I wish she hadn't done that lost animals should flee from hunters not fall in love with targets... 15 Aug 99 III JOCELYN ~~~~~~~ It was two a.m. I called out to her Blond beauty on a starless night She turned around You looking for me Just out for a walk How is Cheryl She had been missing a few nights before and her boyfriend was running around frantic trying to locate her Had she ever done anything like this before I asked No was her reply She led me to the room I already was familiar with The blanket that served as a covering for the door the old scratched mahogany dresser with a small mirror and no other accoutrements the chair by the window in the corner shaded by a tree and the two mattresses that served as a bed and a heap of clothes in the corner I usually charge 60 but for you it's 40 I caressed her as she began to take off her clothes That's fine she said I'll do it I watched her get undressed (she had the most perfect firm and tender body) and jump on the bed waiting for me Cheryl's boyfriend said something from behind the curtain If you need anything just come in she said even if he's not finished I'm going to the store he said and I kissed her youthful breasts flat abdomen and going lower she pulled back and said that's extra and I said it's fine I know the rules and entered her But it felt as if she was empty of participation Cheryl once said, when I had them both, that she just gets fucked too much to care When we were through she walked me back to the street I tried to kiss her but she said not allowed and went home that morning feeling rather empty and not satisfied So here it is two a.m. and I am with Jocelyn going to the store and we talk a bit and she asks me to get her a coke while she nukes a sub and asks me for a twenty and I say yes Let's go this way coming from the store my boyfriend takes all my money and leaves me with nothing I need to buy some groceries You promised I need it now I hand her the twenty I'd like to have you as a regular I put my arm around her You already are She said and walked away I went back to Gladstone and resumed my morning walk 21 Sep 99 IV CHERYL ~~~~~~ Lost and like a broken child I walked the morning dank and wild and thought no more what life would be but what life's resurrection could it be False and insecure I was And knew no moment pure as loss I saw her on the street that day I passed her but returned to stay She spoke before I said a word Looking for a good time? What's love worth? Our passion forced the morning light Fast and forceful full of might You're old but fuck like you are 20 I went and left her full but went home empty. 26 Sep 99 V MARIA ~~~~~ Pure she was in face and form A con she was she knew the norm That prostitutes who take you in Refrain from knowing where you've been It's hard but somehow reasonable One face one heart one soul one breath And then one looks at what is feasible One breath one heart one face one soul And so we half embraced and half consumed The other that was perfect for the wound We tried to heal and hardly healed but opened More than should have been revealed So woman is the catalyst and man is just a man A hunter lost and lustful--where do we begin? 23 Oct 99 VI SAMANTHA ~~~~~~~~ Dress of flowers what a body How could I resist It was my duty To go with her and make an ending Of what we thought was a beginning There was no passion no caress Just sex that was more like a curse Than revelation I (the I I understand) That logs [dogs?] me as a man at hand [???] The room disheveled wooden dresser Spent condoms on the floor A crib beside the bed Is there nothing better Empty empty sex and nothing more Her breasts were ample and much better Than the scar upon her vulva that she wore. 23 Oct 99 SAMANTHA II ~~~~~~~~~~~ It's just down the road she said And brought me to this old dilapidated two-story tenement It's around the back Through this alley which was dark and filled with garbage She knocked three times It's me An old unkempt woman opened the door a crack and looked out suspiciously As we entered she said please come in sir and ran hiding behind a curtain leading to the kitchen where a television was blaring some game show or another It's upstairs she said as we ascended worn and creaky wood there was a dank smell of stale grease a torn condom wrapper and some torn clothing The room was [check this] The door did not close properly The baby crib filled with old unwashed clothes The stained mattress with no cover Dresser [check this] filled with unwashed clothes Condom wrappers all over the dirty floor I put the agreed money on the dresser she ravagely [savagely ravenously ?] took it put it in her purse Removing her dress of flowers she was wearing a black one-piece bathing suit which tightened up her body removing that she revealed the most full engaging breasts my hands had ever the pleasure to cusp lying on the bed she spread her legs revealing a bad rash near the right of her vagina watch that she said bad date got too rough the room was steaming hot and I sweated profusely on this blazing august night when it was over I caressed her once and told her again how beautiful she was asked for a towel to wipe my sweating body she gave me a sweat shirt don't worry she said it's clean I used it and got dressed she walked me down the stairs I kissed her lightly on the cheek and emerging from the alley walked on down the road back to Gladstone and followed the early morning light home. 24 Nov 99 VII ELAINE ~~~~~~ She was leaning against a lamppost I approached her You looking? Of course I was Let's take a walk she said We crossed the street What's your name I asked Elaine What's yours? Joe I said Just call me Joe Nice to meet you Joe You're not a cop are you? To show her I was not I felt her breast She felt my crotch Walk down street Should be a shortcut here No we'll have to go around the long way She held me by the arm I'm so glad you like to walk this way Most guys don't like this Why They just don't I remember introduced to prostitution at 14 married at 16 husband and her used to lie in a field look at the stars but he kept getting violent and introduced her to drugs especially heroin but I regret nothing I wdn't have it any other way have two kids I just do this because my kids need stuff They're staying at my country place Last month they needed over 3000 dollars For school stuff It's hard to be a mother It's so good to walk with a man who knows how to treat a woman VIII MIKA 2 ~~~~~~ She phoned "I'm straight" "Can I come over?" "No. I have company." "Your girlfriend?" "Yes" "Tell her to leave." "No." She seemed genuinely Shocked. That's the last time I heard from Mika That's the last time I saw her on the streets. 10 Dec 1999 IX ASHLEY I wonder what would have been If you were not a prostitute And I was just your lover Strange how things develop We had this fine sex And could not be together 11 Sep 99 SHANNON ~~~~~~~ After sex she spent an hour talking to me about her life, hopes, fears and dreams I told her she was beautiful She said "I better leave before this goes to my head" I said "it should" A month later Chance meeting She couldn't remember Who I was "Don't take it personally" she said I shrugged my shoulders-- kept on walking 28 Nov 99 Shoes of the Fisherman ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Here's the deal Mika showed Needed money I fucked her even though I had enough this Christmas day She thanked me I rubbed her back asked if she wanted to stay longer but she had to call her dealer said she wished it otherwise Told her she looked so beautiful when she was straight desperate darkness mars conditions and she wd rather be out there stoned than be comfortably with me sometimes i wonder am I saint or crook? 25 dec 99 X THE LAST WALK ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ nothing on somerset thinking how mika is doing whether she actually went to rehab or did the craving get the best of her I hoped she'd be all right but never thought I'd ever see her anywhere again ended up at Booth and Somerset and looked at the deserted building where at the phone booth i spoke to her on that cold morning where she seemed so lost and needed my so cruel and so incompetent embrace Mika and some guy on gladstone hi how are you how are you all right she looked stunning pant suit and walking normal sober straight and i just went on janet at the bus stop hi how are you fine and you and i walked past one more unknown whore but didn't talk to me (a cop car thundered past) and i walked down gladstone feeling loss and satisfaction i felt satisfaction because I knew a beautiful woman that was mika and i had had the hope she craved and prayed she will be straight one day but i did not see jocelyn nor cheryl and i worried about them but should i get involved should I get involved sometimes where cultures collide one cannot interfere no matter how difficult the temptation... I pray for them... 11 Sep 99 EPILOGUE You have to realize They are professionals Not a relationship They give you what you want Give you what you pay for 28 Nov 99 1 a.m.