EVERYTHING THAT LURKS IN MUD BY Klaus J. Gerken (June - July 1979) I Considering the price of things and not the quality the action not the purpose everything refuses to accept the ethics of whatever matters user no less than eloquence shatters mindful duties. 24 June 1979 II Write a poem any poem a thought a clear voice a smile a tear even if it might do to have an echo there or two but never falsify never say it's true when it's a lie - the poem must be clear strip its mask away no matter how much pain there is to feel - even poison much like love is very real. 24 June 1979 III Butchered bone splintered rock megalithic period piece Proust in reference pas retrieved through ignorance Clausentum Bath King Arthur round table (Camelot) and the like (Read Mallory and you will find the mythical insurgence of a conquered mind) but to get back butchered bones Louis B. Leakey Tanzania Josceaux Eshleman and the little girl discovering bison on a ceiling that's too low for an adult - straight tall homo sapiens not to be denied in CURIOSITY no more purpose of the ritual perfection's imbecility analytic instinct conditions our society (the barbarians created US (what we have) not the Romans nor the Greeks - Left to fend for ourselves through dark ages that were never dark (they were only not recorded that is all) actually we might even be in the same position today - that is - we've recorded ourselves so much that it ends up in danger of becoming very much mundane - and taken for granted that whatever is recorded will survive so easy to erase - lost forever through neglect - (is this then another dark age in retrospect?) and then will a garbage dump yield as interesting material as Hunt dug up at Oxyrhynchus? a photograph? so faded that it's hardly recognizable as such? a slice of take with no tape recorder? even if there were would there be electricity? and ruins? temples? atomic generating stations long ago forgotten to what purpose? what gods were worshipped there? what great civilization flourished there lying now in shards? what thoughts were those that "made the grade"? each and every question each and every answer still the same now as will be then just as each and every element, weather, human nature, universe continues on through time's eternal disrespect. 25 June 1979 IV There is suffering and violence upon the fragile rock - so much so that even the third day even Juhasz"s Thursday doesn't approach it we create that violence with every step we take every breath we breathe with every action that is action every action that is also non-action and of course the violence of fear... 26 June 1979 V On the bus passing the Rialto advertising films of sex before its darkened doors the girl in front of me stares intently at the posters just for a second before the traffic moves again just for a second both of us sharing the same thoughts not knowing. 26 June 1979 VI Fear is fed by doubt and doubt is fed by fear however calm the sea the waves are all you hear. 26 June 1979 VII I will tear you apart devour you in bits and pieces of flesh and blood in an atmosphere of carnival - Do you understand what a poet's going through - he tears himself apart before he's able to devour others. 26 June 1979 VIII Don't prove anything to me Prove it to yourself. 27 June 1979 IX NOTHING SPECIAL When you're at home in a crowd That's when you are one of THEM. 27 June 1979 X The way it is it isn't but it is. 27 June 1979 XI They say that this is not supposed to be the way it is I mean how more obtuse can you get - it's the way it is - but no - hold your horses - not here, not there not anywhere - ah yes, now I under- stand - it's nirvana isn't it - it's all a dream - illusion - they say that this is not supposed to be - is it? 27 June 1979 XII SHRAPNEL You criticizes me because my poems are nothing but fragments - ah yes but it's the fragments from an exploding bomb that kill. 27 June 1979 XIII You ask me how I can be so conceited That's easy: I just tell the truth. 15 July 79 XIV It was work and working all day and working hard and harder still and knowing thinking without thinking being totally automatic very much the way the world remains a part of all there is and all there will or will not be to be one within the doing joining gaining life and gaining love and gaining nothing that was everything that ever was within experience that is the work the work that's done important not except a state of mind. 28 June 79 XV What is this? if it is it can't be "nothing" that is "what it is" "what it is not" anything at all if it is but as they say nowhere's just a state of mind nowhere? that is this? is this that? well whatever this is it's here now this is it - whatever it can be it should. 28 June 79 XVI To be honest I am not one to socialize much I'm more at home between four walls with my dreams and hopes and with my poetry and all the silences that matter most connecting me with all the universe so much more important then anything we do upon this so lost world in such a vast incertitude that is the god infinity. 28 June 1979 XVII LA VITA NEUVA She was quite friendly but she knew that we were much too far apart understanding each of us and knowing that neither knew the other - our arrangement could forever only be such to partake of the beauty but never ever touch. 28 June 79 XVIII Lean as a huntress but cold as ice - can one always be certain that truth tells no lies? 28 June 79 XIX On hot days clandestine nights and fearless individuality books and records sandwiched between the inner and the outer realm of the sublime versus factual analysis therefore never perfect ever a reversal of the instinctive truth that haunts us through the insane mechanical stumbling blocks that history has thrown into our path - forked path not al all SO ratified (DANTE makes it look too easy) guiding us through hot days clandestine nights ever pushing us forward forever BE FOREWARNED forever must a circle be (more or less the way we act is just the way we are) it's not the pride but the absurdity of each and every situation cold as ICE but never dull. 29 June 79 XX You get what you unfold Whatever fits the mold Whether in or out of control. 29 June 79 XXI BLUES You used to love me you really cared but then what went wrong you just disappeared how could that happen was it hate or just fear? 30 June 79 XXII All these parties all these songs all these memories everything faded but still very clear very difficult in their conception to each and everyone who realize their meanings as no different as anything in history a slice of life nothing more freed from boredom once in a while. 30 June 79 XXIII Whatever this is whatever anything is whatever drunkenness whatever inconsequence whatever dreams that never match reality whatever books are read whatever tapes are made to hold the myth in check whatever memories are found again and then confirmed even more by age than by the myth that haunts us all relentlessly upon the pedestal we fall... 30 June 79 XXIV You knew what you were doing lady and I was lost beneath your certainty I was never certain That destroyed us both. 30 June 1979 XXV for Marion Todd To you and not to anyone else that mattered most of all that is the realm of love and caring sharing life and giving living which to which it all ascends to you through passing ages in my mind the realm of love that's everything to each of us - so long ago so very long ago... 2 July 1979 XXVI It's not the scene the violence the calm and afterwards the false alarm but anywhere and anytime the ark and not the flood (the raven not the dove) survival not the fault of technocrats or governments or TV stars or anything through Mantra sex and sky (Isle of Sky? why?) hold the lie we get by what fall extinct was history (a bullet through the head no less well fed) dead - try the crepes suzette - oysters and Chablis grand cru - even try a creaking bed (notice when the door is open how we hesitate?) How's it possible to fear what's fate? 2 July 79 XXVII Around we go again again around we go again we feel the push but feel no pain we're pragmatic as hell with every ounce of truth we lie but we're still getting by we're politicians galore the finest in the land and when we get to parliament we'll steal right from your hand so here we go around again again the way the world is built we hide behind democracy and never once feel guilt. 3 July 79 XXVIII What use and what is this a liter of Monatier and certain practices to amount to whatever... the reason for the vanity and the reason for the drunk the reason for the loving and the reason for the universal offering all the same Artaud knew the way to handle it "Shit is writing writing shit" a perfect ending to a perfect IT. 4 July 79 XXIX O lost o found o run around "virgo weather dragon teeth" what one holds beyond belief apple's poison so's the leaf bough on bough and everything "that lurks in mud..." 8 July 1979 (c) Klaus J. Gerken Ygdrasil Press