RITES by Klaus J. Gerken (1975) 1. It's a drab and dull and dirty morning. It's supposed to rain later. For me it's raining now. It's mid-april and the tree outside my window hasn't sprouted yet. Yesterday it was extremely warm and sunny. I had to work and felt rotten. Today I feel even worse. I feel bored and mad. I'm very impatient. Above the clouds I can hear a DC8. If I could be on that now I wouldn't be here. It would be good to get away from this monotonous routine. It's 9:30 now. April the eighteenth. The streets are empty. There is still some dirty snow piled up here or there, but it's melting fast and that's a relief of sorts. The winter was drab as most winters are. They do no one any good. Perhaps I'd think differently if I took up some winter sport like skiing or ice skating, but sports don't concern me much. I watch the hockey games, but that's all. But mostly out of boredom now. I always get mad when I find how how little work I've done and still I waste precious time watching a Hockey game. Last night I watched one of the most boring games in my life. I changed my room around. It's a change I guess. I figured that as long as I was going to be in there I might as well make it as interesting as I could. Four walls and a window and a door always somehow look the same. Even the landscape framed by the window strangely looks like a bad painting by that guy who paints the barns (I forget his name). Anyway, (the sky's getting darker now) it's all to relieve monotony and the mirror in my head shown me unshaven. I've just gotten up and haven't even time to take stock of myself. I turn on the news sometimes to find out if they haven't blown up the world yet. But I'm here. That's all that seems to matter (or does it?). I wonder sometimes what Leif Erickson felt like when he returned from America. It doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. (Sigh). 2. I'm shaving now. The razor looms large. (There is a purpose to everything it says). When I'm finished I will eat something. A plain piece of bread and a thick cup of coffee. I will then look outside again and feel my head throbbing. That gets my blood circulating. Looking at my right eye I suddenly realize that this is just an exercise in futility. I go back into my room and pour myself a glass of wine. I don't usually drink this early but feel that the day gives me the right to do anything I please to do. The wine feels sour as it goes down my esophagus. I drink some more. I want to get drunk. I want to conquer the world. Everything. I want to assassinate a king and take his place until I am assassinated myself. But like I said before, it's all an exercise in futility. No doubt the last chapter in this book will be the same as the first. 3. I go outside and wallow like a dog in the snow. It's all for the perfection of the cause. I take an ax and chop down a cherry tree. I chop down everything. I am a poet. I've the right. I hear laughter though I'm not certain where it's coming from--outside or inside of me? It must be my stomach. I throw a golf ball into the thrash can. I spit on the lawn. A robin pulls a worm from out of the ground and devours it. She flies off laughing. I watch it go. I feel relieved that the world is real. That means that it's a full cycle. A cycle that, granted, doesn't do much for us. But still I feel relieved. I once knew a girl who had just come out of a mental institution. She used to hum to herself. She was hauntingly beautiful. She was very frightened of the real world. Then one night she left without a word. I phoned her once but she said that she wasn't there. I thought that she had loved me but... 4. Considering everything (the day grows even darker as the sun comes up saw the Peace Tower piercing hymen of the sky -- All of us recalled an episode -- Shela, here, she likes to bathe in pink champagne -- Yoric likes to watch her and scream that he does not need to love her as much as she needs do him -- Yoric had the eyes and wrote the story of his life -- It was a fine story and I shall relate it as I walk through rain soaked streets in Frankfort -- It is completely changed -- I just bumped into a strange apartment building -- I was going to take the elevator up to the top but they said that the top of this building was the basement and as I was already farther up the ladder I decided to go into a church and recite in low monotonous ruts and grunts Yoric's tale -- He always prided himself on Shela -- He always read comic books -- He always said he did not understand and only he knew the truth -- Sometimes we used to play favorites but at other times we didn't -- Yoric eats ideas and writes his own name in the dust -- There was a cathedral somewhere and Yoric has climbed up the belfry -- He likes to think that he was in on the reincarnation of Quasimodo -- We tried to tell him that quasimodo was a fictitious character in a book by Victor Hugo and he said that it was OK that he had known all along but that if fiction were to be believe it might as well be true -- We said that we did not understand and he just smiled and went off in a dream -- He used to say that there is water in the river too -- They gave him an IQ test once when he was very young and he scored 220 which was so high the doctors refused to recognize him as human --That had a profound effect on him -- He was always known to be a genius and has tried to act accordingly --This does not endear him to most people that he has come into contact with -- In the last year he has written forty books -- No one knows what is contained in them for he refuses to show them to anyone other than his alter ego which of course is himself -- Once he like all budding young authors used to send them off to various publishers but none of them would accept the books on the pretext that the reading public would not understand them --They were only trying to cover up their own ignorance -- This made Yoric feel even more invincible -- Shela has said that he is like a tree without roots -- He is withered and torn -- He plasters over a magnificent mural by Leonardo da Vinci and extracts the gold from his own teeth because he has read Hamlet -- He has even known Hamlet himself but ran away with Shela instead and never saw the fool again -- What a time that was! The atmosphere! That was the thing! he said -- He is right -- There is no atmosphere in this world anymore -- To prove it he once tried to climb Mount Fuji but could not get to the top when the weather got too warm and melted all the snow -- He never much liked to talk about that -- He has some idea that it might have been a conspiracy and as long as he doesn't say anything we might agree with him -- But as soon as he opens his mouth we take the opposing sides -- It's very reassuring that there are still opposites in the world -- Otherwise there might be no north nor east -- Neither might there be anything else. -- Yoric just celebrated his first anniversary but refuses to tell us which anniversary it is -- It is hopeful that he never will -- mystery he has always said creates the atmosphere and that is very true -- The world is cellophane he yells and attempts to climb the walls -- Shela is all done bathing and she is getting up -- Yoric watches her as I hand her a towel -- She undresses and throws the towel out of the window -- Yoric is ecstatic and runs outside to drive a car into the ditch -- He wants to impale himself on a cross but cannot accept the finality -- Shela laughs -- Her breasts are torn open to reveal her ribs her lungs her hearts -- This is the rib she says from which Adam was not made -- Yes she says it's true all true yes she says it's true -- I try to write this down to salvage some kind of sanity from which this history might be exploited -- My pen breaks and Shela wraps her serpent self around me -- I am taken in with the radiation of her chemistry -- She understands the screaming of the sirens -- Yoric takes a photograph. 6. I walk on a tightrope blowing bubbles from my clay pipe and visit Morphene who sits at the top o Heroin Hill -- She is very lovely all of a sudden and shivers whenever the sun will not sanction her -- I think that I have fallen in love with her like with so many others -- I consult my TV Guide to see if I cannot find anything to console her --There is nothing so I give her a shining silver dollar to play with -- She climbs to the top of a cliff and throws it at the Empire State Building -- I wake up -- The rain has begun again -- There is thunder in the distance -- I go back to bed -- Morphene walks with me through a shining tunnel -- There is nothing but white light -- Endless white light -- I realize that we are all a negative print now -- None of us has the right to offer dust to write upon -- ho hum -- She leads me through sudden darkness into light again -- She takes my hand and soothes my fright -- It is strange, I say, why have you chosen me? -- She shakes her head -- No no I have not chosen you -- I have conquered you. 7. I am in a classroom -- Morphene by my side -- I draw a map upon the blackboard -- The scream of the chalk is deadly in my ears -- Yoric has entered the picture -- Yoric has entered the picture - He is nowhere near the Ivory Coast in a rubber bathtub -- There is a calm sea and he is happy -- No one worries about him -- Least of all Morphene -- She has her own private dream -- She has a child -- It is in her mind and she admires Oscar Wilde reading Salome in the original French to no one but himself. 8. Shela has a penchant for Merchant Marines...She likes the tattoos on their arm and chests...She has a photo album of everyone she has ever been with...It is one of her not too secret passions...She is also fond of GO but does not understand the principles behind it. This is poppycock she said loudly and ran out of the room upsetting the whole tournament...She is very good at disappointing...Knowing as she does Yoric...It is late at night and we are talking...I have moved the sofa closer to the closet because that is where she has locked herself ...She is talking about silence by being herself silent...I am simply there to catch her words if she happens to drop any of them...I have a flashlight ready...It is all part of my duty as night watchman...I get to carry a gun but have never shot anybody...Yoric likes to shoot everybody but then I'm not Yoric...It has been three hours that Shela has been locked in that closet...She has tried to come out twice and I have twice attempted to get in...We have forgotten that the key is ourselves and thus must find out why there is a mental block where one should never be...She seems upset right now pleading to let her into the room...At times like these I wonder which of us are sane... Or which room is really the closet and which is the room...There is a space at the bottom of the door and I slip a paper key through it ...A moment later she is out...It has been an exciting day. 9. he came in sat down and got up again he had a dialogue all ready but there was a catch Shela (as she had come to be known) she made a footprint in the cement of our mind and left it there without further deliberation sometimes this is good and sometimes it seems all wrong (the sun has tried to pass through the clouds) but! we have seen less than what we have seen Shela drinks a lot and so do all of us who are alive we are the animals and this is partly told the reason and it has now become apparent in my dream that I do not arrive at anything through understanding it this dialogue with Shela does not aim to understand anything it aims to conquer something that brings us semi-state to a table-time and clouds are there as DC8 above them tries to land or taking off Yoric snores as Morphene stuffs a Kleenex up his nose and tries a bit to balance half an orange on his head he looks funny this way she says He is dreaming about the separation on incidents he has fifty-six characters in his head for a new novel and wants to separate them he is not exactly certain how he will go about it yet he will There are certain things he can do and other things he can't the dream state holds a lot of things that make no sense and as they make no sense they form a copula and of this copula Yoric dreams He dreams in a way others might not dream he dreams a failure and a tyranny he drams about love on a sinking ship. 10. he dreams of rearranging couples for their own self interests -- he dreams of infinity -- Morphene at this -- he does not understand -- understanding is for now beyond him -- there is an expensive proposition here -- he confronts her in her own dream -- this is a mistake -- there is a feeling of tenderness between them -- he accepts her -- they dream together now -- for the thrill of it! the thrill! 11. What have you lost? I have lost the universal ocean of eternity. Do you regret that? I regret nothing least of all that which is nothing to begin with. Very interesting. Stormy. Do you read Villon? I thought he got hanged. He escaped I believe. You believe wrong! Not me sir not me. The King let him off. No no no! Yes he did he did he did ya ya. It is strange this life is it not? Very - but let one ask some questions. Go ahead. What is this work? A sheet of papers with things called letters on it. Is there any understanding? There could be - Imagine a play - there are five players all talking at once - whom do you listen to? I don't know. You see it is not as easy as you think. This is the eleventh part? Of what? If I knew I wouldn't tell you. What a day is this? I don't know - a cloudy day. Any special features? Warm wind low clouds almost oily. Rain? Not yet. Is rain good. Not as tears. Oh. Morphene. What about her? I don't know. There's a Cadillac. Where? Gone - Oh - Shela. There are certain things I don't do - I don't gossip - I don't talk. What are you doing now? Chewing gum. I'm smoking a cigarette. That's good. Let's have duel with match sticks. About what? About something I resent. What do you resent? This interview. Good then - you challenge me. Why not... En Garde... Ah! 12. yoric gets up. he gives a yell and tears his blanket apart. big deal says morphene. she is stoned today. she can see what goes on. "What do you see?" black moons white moons. red and blue ones. purple ones. screw you! it's alright it's alright! drink some Newcastle ale. drink drink drink! everything that goes in come out again. dada dada. eggs and sperms are children. food becomes a waste. everything becomes something else. water becomes water through a process in biology. water ice air water ice. it is always something different yet the same. yoric shaves yoric grows a beard yoric conquers madly all societies yoric is great he is big he is big as a grizzly bear. morphene is fragile she is very fragile she shatters easily. shela is strong she is very strong she is powerfully strong to hear yoric is weak he is very weak he colours his eyes with watercolour and kisses his own reflection in the mirror of her eyes. he is old he is very old and very young younger than almost everyone and older than the world. i am witnessing all of this i have no mind i am a phonograph record a microphone. everything i do has an ultimate purpose. to record. to record everything. i am something of a camera. i hold life in awe. i am exploding here. after getting out of bed for the second time this day i look outside. it is still dull still drab. it is a day like any other day except for what it might have been might be might not. it is a day that feels different today. it is good to feel different but not too different. yoric has a splinter in his foot. he licks his wounds. morphene has rejected him. what had he done? he proposed to her. he got down on his knees. he tore the carpet with a kitchen knife. he tore his clothes and morphene dress off. she was wearing another underneath for protection but that did not matter. it was the last straw. it was the last recorded argument. yoric wants to blow up the world. do something on a grand scale. he is in his office. lying in the dark and looking at the sunlight in his head. he is lying on his desk. he wants someone to pull the splinter from his foot. i threaten to call a doctor. it is not serious. there is good music on the radio and yoric goes next door to seduce a nun and be damned for life. his foot hurts too much. he wants to chop his foot off and try to grow it back. i think that he has suffered enough. i think that they will now consent to pull the splinter from his foot. there is a scream and then silence. the dream is a cruel awakening. yoric laughs. 13. yoric has always been cruel to everyone. he hates everything he does not love. he says that if one takes the middle path one loses too much experience. he caries with him five cigars of hash. he knows the occasion when to smoke them. he offers me one and asks me what i am writing. i tell him nothing. i know what he wants. he is a spy for shela. she is after my medulla. she is after everything i have wished so hard for. she will not get to know me. if she does it is all over. this is the poem of defense. my last expenditure to my own defense department was five cents. i think that is due to inflation it is now seven. everything goes up. so does each of our stupidity. 14. rain rain comes again. i scream i shout i wail i semi consciously exhale. i like poetry says shela. i've always had a knack for poetry and poets. the first person i loved was a poet. but tell me how do you get the idea to write a poem? i've always wondered. you just write, i say. just empty your mind. yes but sometimes i get these feeling i want to put into words and can't. like when i make love i want to write down the feelings in words and i can't. then don't, i say. seeing her cry, i say, then do. she takes in hand a pen and makes scratches on paper. it is very beautiful the white sheet with a scream of emptiness. she looks at the page and in anger tears it up. this is n the autumn. we are all sad. we count ourselves a lost generation. we account for ourselves the same as any generation before us has done. or afterward will. how do you express a smile? i ask. with a smile she says. we have covered everything i say. 15. pouring rain. 16 hours. fluorescent lighted sky. dark blue clouds. yoric sits naked on the roof praying to the sky and tarnishing his ego. there is so much flooding and i shovel thoughts from my mind as i introduce another character. MDA. MDA sits on his rocker like a bolted door. throughout the work he says nothing. he's been like this for thirty days. no one has seen him move or even take a breath. we know that he's alive because he grunted yesterday. we are trying to decipher it now but it is very hard. morphene wanted us to turn him upside f down because she believe that he swallowed the paper key i slipped her underneath the closet door. but i found it just in time and threw it out the window so it couldn't cause any damage. we are all gathered here. most of us to forget ourselves and each other. but we never really achieve this goal. we constantly observe each other's indiscretions. it is from necessity lest we lose ourselves completely and destroy all our credibility. suddenly yoric yells from the roof look at the plane! where? taking off! and the joke is on. it seems that we are all searching but do not want to find the answer. why? who knows. it is sheer insanity. the air is very refreshing. shela reads a book about the mental torture of sexual infidelity. there are tears in her eyes. she longs to have a family. i would oblige but am not in love with her. morphene captured me when i was down. yoric descends from the roof and drips water all over the carpet. he says that it was to cleanse himself. let's drown MDA, he says to shela. why, she asks. because he's useless, he says. oh, i don't think that he's useless, she smiles a secret smile. but he doesn't do anything! but he is doing something i interject. what? he's sitting in a chair. besides isn't doing nothing something? i guess it is smirks yoric standing before us nude and still dripping with water. let's have an orgy. orgy for a rainy day. why not says morphene. no says shela and gets another book. aw come on says yoric grinning like a Cheshire cat and caressing her breasts hidden under a thick woolen sweater. no and don't touch me she yells and runs into a corner and hides under a blanket. bob dylan's ballad of judas priest and frankie lee is on the stereo. some good images yoric says, but i don't believe that crap about the forty women. never! why not? i ask. are you kidding man? it just wouldn't be feasible, he says rolling on the persian carpet to dry himself. MDA falls over on his side. like a dead tree struck by lightning he lays there. it is all too horrible to watch. morphene takes my hand. let's go for a walk. but it's raining i say. so what she looks at me with purple eyes. we go for a walk. 16. I love the rain. Tearful expectation. Do you love me? What is love? Is that an answer or a question? I am incapable of knowing anything. Our lives are lived in cycles. I don't like cycles they always end at the same point where the originated. The best is a long line reading out infinities. That's heavy. It's not meant to be. I'm sorry. No - you are beautiful. I see the stars. . . Where? Look - the clouds are parting. No it was just a reflection. They will close again and we the same. To open one's mind is just like the clouds. We have no regulations over them. You are always sad. No - Then why do you speak like that? One speaks the way that one knows how. Do you want me to put on a mask? No. Alright. What kind of mask? A happy mask. Would it make you happy? No. Why? It wouldn't be me. Let's talk about something else. Alright. (Pause) Did you see MDA tonight? Yes. I didn't know what to do when I saw him. You didn't say anything. I know. He wasn't too bad. I've seen Yoric prop him on the chimney for the night and leave him there. He muttered something about wanting to see if he could do a good job conducting some lightning to a movement of Beethoven Fifth. He thought he was talking about a fifth of Chivas Regal. That's funny. Of course it is. We laugh because we try to mask something that we cannot cope with. We understand so little. I had an affair with MDA once. I see. I don't like that. Like what? So cold. . . I don't like it. . . Go on. . . I had an affair once with MDA. Before. . . when he was still a medical student. Yes. And I had a child by him. I didn't know. You don't care? Should I? No. (Pause) Let's go back. Alright. 17. It is another day. Yoric has taken his guitar and changed the strings at least forty three times until he has found the sound that he was looking for. At times the purpose of the purpose he believed for himself has escaped me. He admits that at times he does not quite understand understanding itself so watched a lot of television. Morphene does this too. They are seated on the sofa near the window while Yoric plays his guitar until the strings go out of tune and he has to change them again. Not that he is in any way an accomplished guitar player. He tries, and trying is what this is all about. -- It is three forty five some days later and the sun is shining brightly. There is a freshet (sic) breeze blowing in from somewhere and the hunchback has just finished crying because he had built a fort out of ice from the refrigerator and it has all melted. Shela is sunbathing and MDA is staring into space. I am simply holding on. Most of us have already given up. I am not about to. 18. Strong wind whiplash blowing like crackling diamonds through the screwing agony of the plastic shadow Yoric paints thick voices on the walls attempting fantasies attempting purple hues attempting nervously a procreation through faltering acceptance of and voices thank him and the VOID the crystal clear water of his own crucifixion and the rings around his eyes he has drawn (Picasso eyes and reading Appolinaire he comes upon a __________ saying much more saying less so much less than even has been said be- fore He reaps stories of Morphene he reaps grapes of Wrath he reaps agony of the universal AGON he reaps the dust of words that no one un- der- stands Shela is tender with him she does not do anything she is violent she is captured by the breeze the hurricane of craftsman ship. 19. Late night What is life what is not what is the reason for what is the flight of fancy that we crawl upon the semi- darkness growing like a cone reversed into itself and contradicting the formality of the geometry of life and colours to the paint that all that is is no more than is less than is obscurity wrote yoric in his study by the light of sun from bulbs yoric the red scribbling his mind upon the septic page upon the skepticism of an age of skeptics It is all the same he thinks all of this that slowly conquers all we have to say today to note down how our teeth are to be capped and in what colour and in what shape and how we read the meaning of a word and set in chains or lie in bed or how we might approach the woman that we need and there is all so many more that yoric hurting now attempts to understand for in understanding he will come to know only that which he will presuppose that will be false and through its falseness will be truth and truth he sees in window panes the mirror of the lines upon his face Morphene sits down near to him and in his mind attempts an epic of seduction but he does not stir he is wild with fury and begins to climb the walls and sees the room grow powerful and powerful as elastic suddenly and now through clutching fates skeletal dress he ponders nothing and finally collapses in the arms of the woman he has so seduced night shudders like a thorn thunders distance does not always show the way. 20. I am silently seated at the window and steering out across the distance to the void and seeking wisdom through the emptiness of acceptance and the fact of knowing nothing everything is still nothing moves nothing rustles in the hinterland nothing shivers in the wind I am silent as I wake to the camera and open/shut the shutter capturing cellophane reality. 21. It is raining and I walk into the room and watch Yoric being spoon-fed by the hunchback who just happened to have wandered into the house and now the painter (I) moves the canvas along the wall and hangs it from the ceiling. Morphene removes her clothes and to be understood takes my hand and puts it on her breast. Yoric looks up and is aghast! he jumps to his feet and looks around for a weapon. When he finds one, an heavy crystal ashtray, he challenges me to a duel. The hunchback tries in vain to hide under the sofa on which MDA lies paralyzed chanting something unintelligent to a dead fly plastered on the ceiling. I try to hold back my laughter as Yoric hurls the ashtray through the open window and kicks the hunchback in the side. He yells at the top of his lungs that I am afraid to fight him. I don't know what to say. In this state I might hurt him. Morphene looks at me and smiles. Let's go to my room she says. Yoric runs over to me, takes a wild swing and misses, almost flying through the window himself. I hold him back. He says that he is eternally grateful. He gives me a crucifix and even opens the door to the bedroom for Morphene and I. It is a strange turn of events but nothing special. Everything here is strange. Everything here is simply a copula. An agon. A universe contracting and expanding. A universe contradicting it's own laws as if another contradiction. Nothing is real. And everything is a part of another reality even less real than the one before. A continuation of the inner recesses of the mind. A continuation simply that might be the continuation of something other than itself. No more less than what it is. Om. 22 Revolving revolving around a spiral capturing the mind -- it is summer and Yoric is bathing in the water where no one ever bathes and Shela is riding naked on a horse that no one ever rides Morphene is making love to the woods the trees the grass MDA watches I am at my desk passing boredom and the time of day. 23 Sun in season breaks monotony as Yoric swims in green water and Shela sits on green grass composing poems as such and Morphene is painting a portrait of MDS in colours of the yellow blue parade even though the canvas is empty it is forming in her mind (the thought that counts) I am here and as I try to follow all events I sip cold beer and try to recapture a moment of uncertainty It is all very well this idyllic waste is part of an eternal play Listen to what Shela sings: "Wings that follow westward wind over fiords without ends all the same this holy game we play to tame ourselves is little more than just a dare and broken wings will never soar." She is crying now. She is waving at Yoric who is attempting to clear the air He has just done a somersault and landed on his back on the pavement Damned near killed someone he says getting up Are you alright Shela asks Of course I am he says and opens his shirt to reveal a bleeding cross This he says is the martyrdom of earth! 24 Yoric has just driven a car through a forest and is pleading innocent to charges of subversion. He did it not! he says, incite a riot for the sole purpose of getting to watch a TV show for free. He did it, he says, to understand himself better and to find out how the government will eventually be out of work. 25 THE GRAND FEAST (Censored due to over indulgence) 26 Morning comes and as the first light appears and the first light hits the retina and the floating of the head begins and Yoric does not want to be alive he does not want to get up it is enough he says to keep the bloody bed still it is enough to keep the stomach from turning inside out it is enough! it is enough! this headache this headache does not do me any good! nothing does me any good. he opens his eyes a flash of light blinds him he closes his eyes and counts the bright dots before him is the void nothing does he understand nothing does he recall with any certainty he rolls over on his side to only find that Shela's gone and he gets up and tries to scream but blows his ears and sinks below his blanket in excruciating pain pulls the pillow over his aching head to get some rest Morphene comes in trying to console him Morphene understands her brother more than anyone she has been sleeping with MDA although he has a lack of tastes and hardly ever notices anything except the unknown universe of empty space and sometimes floating werewolves in his emancipated brain she writes him notes and puts his moods in deep freeze for him when he's away - she now feeds Yoric information by trying to go to bed with him he has no response o this damned Dalmatian alcohol! he screams and throws a book through the window everything is like it was I am in the room right above him the large room and can hear his screams as I eat my breakfast of caviar and champagne it is all the same to me while MDA tries to hang himself from the apple tree in the orchard I watch a rerun of the 1936 Indianapolis 500 on the wall of my projection sure a lot of blood and mud and gore and I resume my laughter as I read the morning paper and a book by Tom Sharpe when all of a sudden the horse is extremely quiet and nothing moves except dead air and a twig brushing against the shutters there is a shadow on the wall as Shela enters She is laughing tears and has brought a live rat chocolate in a cage which she ravenously devours in front of me It is her way of asserting her authority over the animal kingdom I think that she is doing this all wrong but it doesn't matter I think that she should be eating human flesh but she has no taste for it at least so she says Outside the hunchback revels in the artificial snow while MDA is on the ground eating apples out of season It is very warm and humid and the overnight rain has varnished everything It is good - we are all happy here that is why there are so many unshed tears. 27 I have had a dream - listen I was in a restaurant and ordered a bottle of good wine There was a woman with me but I don't remember much of her except that she was blond and beautiful but suddenly I got up and threw a chair clear across the room and poured a glass of wine over the proprietor's head I guess I got mad when he aid that I would have to pay for the wine which only came to three hundred and seventy two dollars which obviously I didn't have I threw eight or ten dollars on the floor and left a few hours later I was back waiting fore something Something what for I don't know was waiting in another restaurant wondering if anyone would come (of course they did and when they did I was on the mall in Ottawa sunbathing) then I awoke Shela was yelling in her sleep Telephone! the telephone! Someone get the telephone! before I knew it I had gotten up and was beginning to talk to myself when suddenly I realized that it was me I was speaking to! I laughed. It was all another dream! at that point I fell down the stairs It was good party wasn't it? 28 YORIC: Quite myself today. MORPHENE: Alright - is that any reason to refuse my offering? YORIC: Let's have some tea. I: Is the limousine ready? YORIC: I don't know you better ask the car. I: Where is it? YORIC: Just ring the bell. I: Alright - where is the bell? YORIC: I don't know better ask the maid. I: Where is the maid? YORIC: In the kitchen Better get the butler to fetch her. I: Where is the butler? YORIC: Outside with the hunchback building a snowman. I: What? in the middle of summer? YORIC: Why not? he spent his whole life in the Sahara trying to discover iodine. I: And did he? YORIC: No he went bankrupt before he could find the right bloodhound. I: I don't see... YORIC: You don't have to. (To Morphene) Turn on the radio. MORPHENE: I won't. YORIC: Why not? MORPHENE: hat's the butler's job. YORIC: Yes, but he's not here. MORPHENE: That's none of my concern - here comes Shela - Hi. SHELA: What's going on here? Everybody looks so glum. I: It's nothing. Yoric was just telling me about the hunchback. SHELA: Oh - pretty boring isn't it? YORIC: It is not! SHELA: Oh shut up. YORIC: I will not. Besides you've got blood on your breasts. SHELA: How do you know? YORIC: Never mind. Do you want something to eat? SHELA: No - I've already had my fill. YORIC: Suit yourself. Where's the mad doctor? SHELA: I don't know - off on another one of his tangents - I hear he tried to hang himself again this morning. YORIC: Typical - he has strange effects on people. I: What has that got to do with it? YORIC: Why should I always have to explain myself? I: Because you made the statement. YORIC: Oh alright. What did I say? I: Come to think of it I can't remember (to Morphene) Do you? MORPHENE: I wasn't listening. He wouldn't respond you know. I: What does that mean? MORPHENE: Nothing. He just got too dunk last night. I: We all got too drunk last night. SHELA: I didn't... I: You weren't drinking? SHELA: Yes I was... I: I'm sorry... I didn't know. SHELA: That's alright - I think I'm pregnant. (Silence) 29 Yoric now on the roof smoking grass tries to stuff a rubber dummy down the chimney it doesn't work and he is becoming very upset the hunchback is becoming even more upset and beginning to throw temper tantrums because he is at the same time attempting to start a fire in the fireplace and the smoke doesn't seem to be drawing off anywhere this is a quiet day It is a day of recuperation a stranger visits us sometimes in our dreamscapes he does not quite realize what he has let himself in for he is presently passed out in a pool of mud with a can of Newcastle brown ale beside him he is dreaming of bridget bardot he is snoring heavily he is in the barn a horse tramples on him he feels nothing I am playing a game of chess against myself i am losing but that is alright whosoever wins gets to drink the napoleon brandy in the barrel downstairs in the cellar i have won it for the last three years but am getting bored and have let my adversary call bobby fisher about the next move he hasn't answered perhaps he won't perhaps he is in his own dream state and doesn't not want to recognize reality the same as we do here i'm in no hurry but should he answer i have my next move already planned if he doesn't it's still alright i have a secret the cask has been empty for the last thirty-five years no one knows who drank it but Yoric's grandfather died one day thirty-five years ago under very mysterious circumstances he was one hundred and eight years old he daily consumed thirty litres of wine i guess it just got to him the doctors were always after him to quit Shela thinks this is all rather silly and of course it is but we have to keep going otherwise what is left for us what is left for anyone? 30 Days pass slowly lengthy days pass and fall off the calendar like leaves Shela is not pregnant Shela was full of ideas She has given birth to a book a book that means nothing she has come to me and asked me to read it she has offered herself to me if i review it favourably it is a book about all the wounded people it is a book about sex and discrepancies it is a hollow book with five words to a page it is a book plastered with photographs the photographs are boring they are all of one hair that Shela has pulled from her eyebrow she has taken it a hundred times I want to tell her that it is not a good book but i do not say so It is not a good book it is a book of odds and ends that her mind could no longer use I read the book again out of courtesy somehow i think it is about violence when she asks me why i think so i do not answer she sheds a tear and hits the hunchback over the head with the manuscript he is still trying to light the wood in the fireplace someone should tell him the wood is wet someone should tell him that the universe bleeds lilac shela says she kisses him and he gives her a ride on his hump round and round the room they go Shela is happy again failure is her happiness she is drunk and leaves the room the hunchback lights the manuscript 31 It is a saturday morning yoric awakens in a park he has had a hard night ten women and sixteen bottles of wine he doesn't know where he is he thinks the sky is green he keeps seeing the moon reflected in the canal he picks up a bottle of wine beside him it is empty he lobs it against the wall of a building it shatters his head shatters too he longs for quiet but he cannot seem to get that wish granted a million squirrels are chattering in his ears he dreams of quiet days his unshaven face feels itchy he tries to pull it off suddenly his whole face peels off leaving only skeletal remains he hears hamlet eulogizing eulogies he is upset and throws the ace of spades at him then it is quiet again the silence deafens him he is edgy he is nervous he gets up falters falls gets up again groans he's the jolly green giant he doesn't feel good he tramples on ants just for spite he sees a police car and tries to hide his head in a groundhog burrow he looks around and can't find a groundhog burrow he wishes that he were in bed again hallucinating he pulls his skin apart blood covers the grass the sun turns into a white dwarf it's great to be alone he screams only great men can be alone he doesn't believe a word he's saying his eyes deceive him his legs his hands his head nothing is more real than this headache he has nothing is more revolting to him than this finger pointing at him from the sky YOU he screams YOU he closes his eyes and finds that in this bright darkness he can do nothing but lose his way he tells himself to think positively he does so he thinks of falling off a cliff landing on a river bed of soap landing on a three ton whore he vomits he feels better he goes home he bangs on the door no one answers we have all left for an excursion he breaks a window climbs in and passes out it is all the same he mumbles it is all the same a car passes headlights on in the daytime headlight on at night yoric gets up takes himself a beer we get home we sit down on the floor we laugh and sing we visualize a perfect innocence we visualize everything we are idealists we are the martyrs we are what we are yoric tries to stuff himself into the refrigerator he makes a lot of noise we jump up startled run into the kitchen pull him out he looks at us blankly the hunchback has tried to hang himself in the closet he says we try to be calm about it all it is like running into a herd of rampaging elephants it is like stepping out of a DC8 while at thirty thousand feet it is like a lot of unpleasant things the ice is melting in our hands as we sit by the fireplace trying to talk about this constructively yoric is in a silly mood but to be fair to the hunchback he is sad his snowman keeps melting and it didn't do him any good it did no one any good i take out a piece of paper and draw a photograph of morphene she is lying in the lap of mda they try to mix together but really can't seem to get it on it is a bright summer day we all thought it was a good day it still is and shela turns on the radio she talks about taking a bath but she does not like looking at the tattoo on her left breast she says it hangs down a bit more than the other she says she read it in a medical book yoric says that it is all a mental scar and that she should regard herself as far from perfect she is mad and tried to tear out a strand of his long light blond hair he decides not to scream out of courtesy to us the anonymous guest comes in asking what all the commotion is about we say it's nothing and tell him to go back to sleep he shakes his head no he says the rats keep gnawing at my big toe not that i mind but it gets a bit annoying when one tries to make love who do you make love to shela asks who knows he says it's all the same to me i'm going back to bed at least there i can keep my head it is a quiet evening now shela sings a song she has no words for it but none the less it is very beautiful she sings soft silence and there are tears in yoric's eyes it is the first time that we have seen him cry there is hope for him after all someone says there is hope for him after all 32. Adventures are sometimes good we all have them yoric and morphene have a human game of chess going that has no end in sight they have been at it all their adult lives i have asked them about it once but they refuse to tell me anything yoric just shrugs and points to the window and whenever i good over and look out i see shela washing mds with an old rag the hunchback plays hide and go seek and then like to hide in the tub of dirty water so the dwarf cannot find him but he always does he has read larekwist's novel and knows all the tricks the anonymous guest get into the act too he walks around and counts the leaves that are hanging from the trees it has all come about because mda has whispered something in his ear he has told him that the world will live as long as there are leaves on the trees i guess it's as true as anything these days i am at the window no reading the distance and the warm breeze that carries the bright sun with it to my teeming brain it's great a vast panorama of trees and meadow the butler is mowing the lawn and the maid does an interpretive dance behind him i go downstairs and bring a bottle of wine up from the cellar and sit down on the porch to relax a question comes to my mind what am i doing here what are we all doing here the answer also comes we are only the decorations the flora and the fauna what is beyond is the whole puzzle already put together we cannot ever comprehend the pieces that we have and are how can we understand then what the whole puzzle is about? 33. I write this poem in the bright summer sun I write this poem on a sheet of paper that reflects the sunlight and blinds my eyes I write this poem with nothing in my mind It is good to have nothing in my mind It is good to simply be another ornament And not have to worry about what we call the higher philosophies At this moment I feel sorry for those who cannot reconcile themselves to a day like this who have to attempt an explanation for everything that need not be explained All I care about right now is doing nothing Absolutely nothing It is so calm so quiet here All my being drains away What use is it now the birds and animals and even trees have no 'education' yet live better than we'll ever live We are so stupid to worry about inconsequential things that have no relevance We lose ourselves by believing that we are a race of gods Better that the trees be gods than we We have not done any great thing we have no wisdom and no knowledge We are dumb We are ignorant Better that we should know it and stop "trying" By trying we can only fail Let us sit here soaking up the sun instead let us be ourselves as best we are It is only in our minds we live It is only here and now we live It is only everything and nothing that we are 34. it is the day we all line up to have our photograph taken it is the anonymous guest who is leaving us and he wishes to take with him some kind of remembrance so we have consented to help him from the left to right we are yoric with the bagpipes shela riding bareback on a paper mache mule morphene standing in her veils mda seated in a lotus position which he cannot get out of and myself smoking a pipe with soap bubbles emerging from it then there is the butler serving a still live boar and the maid trying to devour it the maid as usual is only wearing a g string wrapped around her leg then beyond that there is the cook with his head in a guillotine and the hunchback about to cut the rope the doorman and his wife are standing on their heads they have never been photographed before so they will not be in the story it is all very well were are ready but no the photographer wants a tree in the picture yoric obliges gets an ax and chops down a tree and we all drag it over to the front porch the photographer takes the picture and leaves the guest is disappointed he thought he was also going to be in the frame we promise to send him one for christmas and this seems to satisfy him because he leaves quite suddenly the chauffeur drives him to the front gate and leaves him there we all wave goodbye it is evening now yoric has replaced the tree and we are all tires it has been a hectic day i wonder what it will be like getting back to normal. 35. yoric searches for a book he has lost it several years ago he is so intent on finding it that he throws a dish of food out the window it crashed on the patio barely missing the chauffeur's wife but killing her pet snake she has decided to sue but does not quite know how to go about it she is wanted in five countries for possession of narcotics it is all the same to her she gets up and breaks a chair over yoric's skull he is relieved that at least something is going right he has found the book but it has no writing in it he hadn't planned on this I can't read an empty page! he yells into the fireplace then runs up to the roof and throws a shingle to the ground below hitting the hunchback on the right toe of his left foot who then lets out a blood curling scream and falls over the miniature picnic table built especially for this scene this done shela gets mad and throws a pie in the butler's face he doesn't exactly laugh but simply gathers up a pail of soot and with a wide motion throws it over shela who is forced to see the humour in the situation and drops hysterically to the ground the levity is thought to be very enlightening they all laugh and roll on the artificial turf yoric by now is with morphene who was bathing in a tub of vodka he asks her to write something in his book so that he will finally be able to read it she obliges and pulls him into the tub with here he is very intoxicated with this act of aggression he seduces her he is very proud she gets up and presents him with a book about van gogh he is so enthralled with the subject of the severed ear that for the next several days we are forced to keep him locked up in a closet so to keep him away from anything sharp when he gets out he has all forgotten about van gogh's ear he thinks of li po now he is always drunk and tries to catch the moon by looking at its reflection in the mirror this is harmless fun we all have our weaknesses to forget is divine to forgive tolerable 36. NOTES FOR YORIC'S BOOK Page 1 Five million animals are nothing here to eat! This page is the progression of certain progressive individuals! Will the god fly! Blah! Page 2 Reversal of facts I am Yoric See my skull It looks hollow now But just wait One day it will also be filled with dirt. Page 3 It is in good company that we keep ourselves from going mad. But only because the others do it for us. Page 4 Quite the thing. Page 5 Yes the conversation between myself and me Yes? No. The peacock here at your side. Yes? No? The scrawny one? Yes? No? What are you talking about? One question at a time. I might have known. Do you have a ashtray? Let me see. Ah yes. Here we are. Apples are five cents a piece. Is that so? Yes? No. Alright then. Rain or snow? Possibly snow. Rain it is. Who was that? What? Talking. It could be you. I suppose to. Let's talk of something else. Alright. Good. The children at your side. Yes. No. It could be some kind of code. Perhaps. I guess not. When were you last corrected? I don't know. What for? Weak memory. Oh. Indecent exposure. I can rectify that. Yes? No. I could certainly be the same. Of course. Perhaps. I don't agree. That's alright. Thank you. Is there anymore wine? Could be. May I take a book? Suit yourself. Thank you I will. What are you doing? Putting on a new suit. What for? You said... I don't know what I said. Then you understand? Nothing. I don't think that it makes much difference. Oh but it does. Does it? Of course. I hadn't noticed. No? Well perhaps. What's better. That's better. I'm bored. Perhaps. What are you writing? Words. How interesting. Anything special? Could be. That's always good to know. I think so. I see that you have a suntan. Yes I always wanted to be black. Did you? How interesting. Why is that? I don't really know. I suppose it makes no difference. I suppose not. (Long pause - perhaps 10 minutes or longer) Did you ever find the wine? Yes it was delicious thank you. I suppose that it could be true? What year was it? What kind of bottle was it? It doesn't matter. The stomach plays no favorites. I suppose not. There's a fly on your nose. Is there? I haven't noticed. Shall I kill it? NO. As you say. Is it still there? No. It flew away then? Yes. Good. Where is Shela? Cleaning bed sheets. Oh. She and Morphene got into a fight? You don't say? But I do. I say... No need. They decided that someone must have my favours. Who won? Morphene did. Oh? How interesting? And how did she do that? She cheated. That's not very sporting. They do it at the olympics. I suppose so. Is there anything else you wish to say? Quite a bit. Are we running out of space? No. Good. Then let's get another bottle of wine. That's very kind of you. Don't mention it. I won't. In any event the cellar came with the house. That's always good to know. Here we are. What's this? A bottle of Chateau Gai Seibel? But why? It seems appropriate. It does? Where are we? In Canada. Of course! And? Canadian Wine! Piat's rare. Where did you find it? In the fridge a couple of days ago. I was looking for some place to hide. Was it there long? Couldn't really say. Besides it doesn't much matter. I suppose not. Have a chair. Don't mind if I do. Do you have any cigars? I think so. I always keep them in the fridge to keep them warm. That should good. Does it work? Of course it doesn't. It's hard on your curiosity though. It is? Not really. I see. You do? No. That's great! What is? We're back at the beginning. Are we? Yes. No. You're right. I don't think so. What? Whatever... Let's forget the whole thing. Why? I'm getting tired. Alright. No. Yes. Why not? There's nothing new to say. Then we should repeat the old things. Alright. What then? There are some good programs on TV tonight. Are you going to watch them? No. I get so tired of TV. So do I. Let's play a game of poker. That should intriguing. It is. What do we play for? Morphene. Alright. Let me get a deck of cards. That won't be necessary. But we need a deck of cards. Do we? Yes. No. What are you thinking? I was thinking about pokers. Pokers? Swords. Oh. To the death? That sounds heavy. Does it? Yes. No. Let's play cards. Alright. I'll get the deck. Good. I'll get the table. Good. I'll get the drinks. Good We'll play for keeps. Good. Let's go. Alright. Five kings. Duce. I win. Do you? Of course. That was fast. I like fast things. Do you? Of course. The faster the better. I like cars. Too slow. I had a friend once. Got into a terrible accident. Really? Fourteen broken bones. I visited him in the hospital. With a bottle of port. How did you know? He drank it all. Just saw him again the other day. Oh. Yes. No. He was feeling fine. All done up in plaster. My my. Where's Morphene? Outside I guess. Bathing? Could be. Where? By the brook. In the woods? How can I get there. Follow the undergrowth. Ok. Right. Right. END OF YORIC'S BOOK 37. The stranger has returned and is at this moment digging up the back yard because he has found an old letter from Yoric to me that is also a treasure map and shows the way to five hundred pounds of the best and purest skunk meat this side of paradise. Of course he failed to read the whole letter because if he did he would not be digging up the yard. What it actually meant was that once there was this place in the south of France where Yoric buried five ounces of hash. (We exaggerate a lot) but it is nothing really to be concerned about since we were always intent on building a swimming pool where the stranger is digging so at least we now we can begin as soon as he has dug down deep enough. We will then simply line the sides and bottom with cement and fill it full of rum for the big orgy we are about to throw. 38. Midnight and the house is asleep. I have gotten out a sharp and powerful flashlight and shown it into the spot in the yard where the strange is still digging. He has given no indication of giving up. It is strange. I have been here three years and nothing like this has ever happened. Of course the hunchback likes to dig a hole and try to bury himself every now and then but nothing much serious comes from it except perhaps one or two shattered egos when we dig him out and which are rebuilt in no time flat. Besides he usually changes his mind when he sees food on the table. I should like to explain at this point that we are a free society. That whatever we do is of our own volition. We are not subject to any rules whatsoever. I should also mention that there once were more than the fourteen of us who are here now. Some of them felt too restricted in their freedom and others could just not handle the truth. It is not easy to let go all guidelines when one has lived in a law abiding society for most of one's life. But let me explain about some of the characters I have not explained. They are here because they do not wish to be which is only logical. There are only two. The hermit who lives in a tree house disguised as a robin's net somewhere on this property. And then there's Volupine who has for the past half year locked herself in her room because she believes that she has discovered a premature wrinkle on her left toe. But they are both coming to the party next week. Perhaps we'll see them there without their disguises. It's their invisibility which bothers people. Sometimes you can hear them playing tennis on the court but whenever you look there is no one there. It is a strange world indeed. It is past midnight. Someone is trying to find a secret passage way behind the walls. They all know where it is but that is hardly any fun so we all take turns trying look for it somewhere where we know it is not. Shela is the farthest away at this point. It's the butler's turn tonight. We have hidden the maid in one of the trunks in the attic to give him initiative. He is so lazy that it takes hours to get him respond to anything. We thought of hiring a new maid and interviews begin tomorrow. Anyone interested? 39. Yoric seduced the new maid in the pumping station as an initiation rite. I don't really think that she was very enthusiastic about it because when she left she forgot to take her clothes. 40. we have cast the pool but had to dig the whole thing up again. it seems that we had forgotten all about the stranger who was still digging like a freaked-out groundhog. entertaining. when we got him out we had to chisels off the shell of cement which had hardened around him. morphene wanted to keep the shell so we tried to slit it into two halves. yoric wanted to do it with chainsaw but i stopped him saying that i didn't think the stranger would be too enthusiastic about having his skull split open by an unlicensed brain surgeon. after a brief rumble in which both yoric and i and the butler fell into the cement mixer we finally consented to do it morphene's way because we all were in no shape to do anything right. least of all argue the point. in any case morphene has now got four casts of four people to work with from which she is going to cast four bronze statues to adorn the yard. and we have our swimming pool. shela is making coffee and cakes and yoric refuses to talk to the butler who had previously fallen on top of him was satisfied that way. shela thinks the bronzes will be very interesting when displayed. in any even tomorrow is the part and everything will be forgotten. 41. it begins with someone falling into the pool the hermit laughs and smokes a big cigar yoric is sitting on the roof he is trying of catch a phantom DC8 flying overhead if he proves successful it will be the most successful bash we have ever thrown if it's not it doesn't much matter the lasso gets tangled in the chimney yoric shakes his fist and tries again someone has fallen out the window she was trying to fly shouting i am a flying fish i am a flying fish someone on another floor stuffs a cream puff in her mouth as she passes by... 42. the party was a great success although two days and a stuffed elephant were lost. yoric just laughed at this when shela told him about it. it was he who stole them and stuffed them down the chimney to make up for the DC8. I expected morphene to do something like that he snorts. i wonder. she does. what morphene asks. lose an elephant! oh i did that once. did you? yes. when? a while ago. on a safari. a cat was clawing it to death. that's despicable. could be. but i didn't stick around to find out what happened. she just shrugs her shoulders and knits herself a disguise yoric is painting the body of a woman he picked up somewhere. what was he painting on her skin? a nude body of a woman. what else? 43. yoric gets drunk. is in a car. drives far away. winter landscape in summer. he is smoking a cigar. he stops beside the road. gets out. has a piss. walks back to the car. heaves a sign. looks around the woods. finds a disrobed maiden. takes her up on her offer. gets poison ivy. feels bad. goes home. takes a bath. goes to a doctor. gets a shot. leaves. takes a hammer. smashes car. feels good. gets up and begins to dream. good to find you're still alive. 44. morphene sits before a canvas like a mirror holds her image to herself like plastic foam which she molds clay and stone into a figure captive on the surface free as her own image you see her shedding rears no less than secret fears of the years spent shopping at simpson sears for the colours that she craved in the image that she made it is simple much too late... 45. time moves shela stares at an empty page advertising her virginity. yoric laughs at her suggesting she and the hermit offer each other free advise. she does so but the hermit doesn't talk. with every question all he ever does is smile and nod his head. up and down he nods his head. finally shela seduces him. he shouts "praise to god for wisdom!" before he passes out. RITES PART II 46. MDA has taken to accounting. now he does nothing all day but count from one to six. he says that it relaxes him. morphene understand this too. yoric doesn't. I just write the whole thing down. someone might forget it. 47. "We have all gathered here to play a game what a shame no one came that's the game" yoric has written another masterpiece shela tries to drown it in the bathtub but to no avail he's used invisible ink!!! 48. "It's part of the slave trade" writes yoric seeking seven billion lost brain cells lost to alcohol or whatnot "I've been seeing people cart away a number of things but am still confused as to what they want with a part of my reality." Indeed. 49. Shela walks upon the back of yoric who conquers every need that he's amassed since time began for him as an embryonic embryo - It is getting dark and dark indeed yoric and shela are having an argument that is why yoric has a scar over his left eye - shela has spilled coffee on his leg and he has mentally stabbed her by screaming - it was a good beginning - shela hits him hard and as she for got that he still had her lipstick in his mouth kicked him in the eye - yoric who thought that he could stand a lot of things took his plastic battleship and threw it at her - now what's a lady to do with that? retaliate for sure - and so she left the room for a few seconds and came back with chains and a few accruements like handcuffs and a whip she had stolen from a tv script and tied him up that's where they are now yoric howling in a night of bliss... 50. Full moon out people sneaking through the house creaking floors everybody's on the make yoric takes an ex to the bathtub the butler is hiding in the broom closet we hope he's not alone shela throws a pillow out the window of course i see the feathers and think it's some kind of signal the hunchback thinks it's snow he has put on his winter coat and gathered up his skies I see him outside crying now and with yoric howling in the dungeon it is a night that is no different from any other. 51. It gets dull sometimes so we pass notes back and forth: listen - YORIC: We must sometimes use plastic for a sculptured horse MYSELF: Go right ahead Y: No - it's better if we opened the window first M: Sure why not I'll do my bit Y: Are you sure you know what you're doing M: Not really where are you now the dwarf is showing signs of a nervous breakdown having to run up and down the stairs so much Y: I don't know about the dwarf but I'm going crazy just trying to find what the hell is going on M: Nothing going on up here SHELA: Will you two stop making such a racket M: I'm not making any noise Where's Yoric S: How should I know M: I thought you might Y: I'm in the wine cellar M: What the hell for did you send up two notes one would have been enough now I've got to give the maid an extra tip Y: So what's wrong with that M: I've already given her two I'm too tired for another one Y: Then just look the door M: I'm trying to work Y: Oh shit I've been trying to do that for years take it from me it doesn't pay dividends where's the corkscrew? M: It's in the kitchen where it always is Y: Thanks will you do me a favour M: What? Y: Call the maid for me M: I've got the dwarf running after her with this note "The master desires you" that should do the trick Y: Got her sure you don't want some M: Some of what wine? Y: No the other thing M: Not tonight Y: Suit yourself but it might not keep too well M: I'll take my chance I think we should call a halt to this mode of communication the dwarf seems to be turning white again Y: That's because he tried to get it on with the maid M: You could have stopped him Y: And miss all the fun They always put on such a good show Wait a minute the dwarf just fell apart there...that's better I poured a bottle of Chateau Lafite 1869 over him I think he feels better now at least he's smiling... as you were saying... M: I'm getting writer's cramp Y: Ok then send him back down I want him to test another bottle of Lafite... Besides I can't seem to read my own handwriting anymore... 52. Another day no one made any contradictions without consulting anyone else it is raining again we send notes to each other listen: 9am Where's my coffee? Coming. Who woke me? What's all the noise? Nothing. Go back to sleep. I wasn't asleep. What were you doing then? Writing. About us? Why not? It's my birthday. Who's note is that? Mine. That makes a lot of sense. Me. Volupine. Would you like me to come up. The elevator's broken. There's a secret passage. Yoric is there a secret passage up to V's room? Of course there is. I told you about last year. I don't seem to recall. You say too many things. I know. Why don't you answer? I can't find out what I was trying to find out. Are you sure you know what you're saying? I don't think so. I've been here too long. I know that feeling. Indeed. The dwarf is having fits again. He's only tired. Where's the hunchback? Still crying over the snow. Yes I can see him from the window. I notice those are new skies he's got on. Yes...he was saving them for just this occasion. It was just a pillow. Make do with what you have. Sounds good to me. I'm going to stop for a while. The dwarf's after the maid again. OK. 10am Why is it so quiet here!??? One two three four five six seven sixfivefourthree twoonetwothreefoursixfour...hick. 11am Did you see that? - Shela. What? - Myself. I guess not. You're funny. - Shela. What does that mean? - Myself. You'll find out. - Shela. I'll be here. - Myself. Send up some wine. - Myself. Here you are. Send anything you don't drink back down. - Yoric. Maybe. - Myself. 12 noon o cast this universe aflame o hold hold hold this silly game! of orgasm here at play! I don't understand it. That's alright. You wrote it. I??? Uhumm. Found it in my bed. Must have been stoned. No. I don't quite think so. 1pm 2pm 3pm Yawn! Ditto. over and out. 4pm Anything good on TV? Doctor in the House. Send up the TV then. Oh where are you silent one? Still trying to find that damned passage. Try the knob behind the mirror. I did. And? It came off. Don't be too long. Where's the screwdriver? Want an ax? Tell me Yoric what's V like? Saw her once a few years back. Quite voluptuous. I've tried to get in there but she's not very agreeable. If I were you I'd go up. Trying to. But how do you get this damned door open? Ask Shela. Shela... I know I'm intercepting every message. Well then? Ask Yoric. I'm taking a bath. Yoric. I'm going to take a nap. Send me no more notes. 5pm 6pm 7pm 8pm 9pm Is anyone awake? Yes. Everybody is awake. All I need to know. Midnight Coming down hard but I'm miles above ya. What else is new? B.P. -T-U- BUQ Oh my God! instant Parthenon and blue cheese. What about the exploding ostriches??? voluptuous turnip wine. How much pollen? cubic litres of cum mangled notes from monstrous cur hymns about here can't write................any..mo.re get out of the pig sty lad does anything make sense no. that makes sense! no. alright. 53. notebook for this day uncomfortable to say the least there are more notes than cobwebs this is undeniable when will the bloody rain stop could there be anything that could not be could there be anything it rain on the whole town not just a section of it try that on for size 54. the sun is shining there are frogs in the swimming pool shela eats them one by one i have been drunk three days i have eaten paper and drank the ink i have done nothing of consequence i have tried to understand what is happening i have not i have come out this day to spread a checkered table cloth across the set table morphene is sunbathing again she has been trying to knit herself an invisible bikini she is sure she has succeeded we have all congratulated her although we are not certain that there is anything to see the hound dogs are yelping in the pen we have tied the dwarf up to a tree yoric wants to throw darts at him but i have intervened just in time the dwarf is very happy he is the conscience of us all secretly for the past five years he has been building a private war museum in it will be displayed all the scars we have amassed it will be a showcase of our souls 55. I have caught a glimpse of Volupine It was just for a moment though I was lying beside the pool when I looked toward the tower and there she was long dark hair and fair complexion dark black eyes but at that moment she turned away and closed the shutters tonight I am going to find that secret passage 56. I have been in the old library for almost two days trying to find the plans to this chateau it seems to be of little use I'll just have to give up the dwarf tried to drown himself again so we had to tie him up at six foot seven it's such a chore he keeps yelling that he's the reincarnation of antonin artaud hardly looks that way but they do say that truth is stranger than... hm, what's that word? oh well the rats have been at these books again it's a shame most of these volumes are over 300 years old I have brought some of them up to my room but there are just too many of them in one of the volumes I found a note written by Volupine but it was silent and silence are words that are either too powerful or too shallow to express I will answer it with silence silence still... 57. Warm sun bright shadows for many days it has been too hot to even breathe we do nothing we sweat drink rum no one says a word and the few notes that are passed around say even less baked bodies on the shore like seals heavy and wet when out of water less than in it's just another wasted day (isn't any day?) the postman has come with a few letters from friends in foreign places i have got one from my publisher which says in short "your journal is a maze of insanity you are not a writer anymore i refuse to publish a world as strange as this" i am really not bothered by any of it deep down i know that's the truth i am making love to morphene she interjects good dreams into my mind who can say for certain that the world without is not the world within? 58. I!!!!! The philosophy of History. Alright! (Key: YKY) 59. Yoric is sleepwalking he has walked over to the chauffeur who was asleep on the floor in the grand hall he has stepped on the cat who in a fit of rage has mutilated his big toe Shela is trying to bandage it without him being awakened it is a delicate task and we are watching attentively like serious medical students at an autopsy morphene can't help laughing and falls over a suit of armor the ensuing commotion, screams and groans wakes everybody for miles around in their nightmares except of course yoric who is now settled smugly on his favorite perch the roof we are drawing lots to see who brings the dwarf the bad news after all he is the only one adept enough to go up there and retrieve the master of the house we all should encouraging remarks to him as he ascends the ladder through the skylight but about half way up his leg begins to cramp up and he does a magnificent cartwheel to the floor getting up slowly but with infinite determination he shakes off the cramp and dashes madly up the ladder and onto the roof we all shout suggestions but the dwarf has his own ideas and i do not know whether it was desperation or revenge that made him take the next step but he takes yoric by the collar and stuffs him down the chimney the climbs back into the house with a vicious grin shela gets her camera and takes a photograph she has never seen him smile like that before after we have dusted yoric off he ambled back to bed 60. yoric none the worse for ware is taking a bath and cursing to himself shela is sitting on the floor next to the tub reading to him parts of my manuscript yoric likes to hear about himself in fact that is all he ever reads these days except Hegel's philosophy of history not that he understands a word of it he just simply like the name Hegel which he pronounces in ponderous german as hey gail it gives him a sense of importance i suppose and what about the dwarf he's still laughing his head off and drinking himself silly in the wine cellar he never had it so good 61. the cook has tried to roast the maid on a skillet she is suing for divorce although they have never been married he says it all part of the game we have begun preparations for a mock trial but no one wants to be the jury we thought of making yoric judge but he would have them all strung up and beat with tennis rackets to improve his back hand it just wouldn't be appreciated especially not in these times of peaceful strife... 62. Bloody trial nothing was resolved nothing was done and everything was SAID (SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM! BLAH!) yoric writes of course he has always tried to do his best to do his worst best he (on my account) is writing now a novel about the trial (it's a good novel for him to write because it will be a fiction made to be about nothing and nothing he does so well so let us hear and let us see and let us confuse ourselves bloody trial (writes yoric) we have wasted thirteen perfect days assuming that if someone was to blame it would be the sink which no longer has a perfect workable garbage disposal otherwise this could all have been avoided I should think -- or maybe not In any event (I'm confused I see vision of sixty naked madonnas washing dishes and eating legs and arms of every judge who ever presided over a cattle-drive) I am the judge i judge a jug of wine in my side pocket -- I'm upset the dwarf has just stolen my mallet and taken down three hours of dictation without any paper in the damned Dictaphone (It's enough to drive one sane!!!!!) I'm just going to get drunk now The world through a glass of Chambertin if not rosy is at least tolerable yoric 63. Yoric is very mixed up shela tries to quiet him she has painted his face bright red with her lipstick she has painted his eyelids bright blue and is writing love letters on the mirror to the music of a drinking dirge from la traviata she pours a bottle of rum on yoric's chest and he screams with delight they are both laughing they sing along with the music they drool on each other they have both forgotten that volupine is watching them she has covered her imaginary wrinkles with chalk mascara she looks a little pale but it is dark in the passage she watches from behind the painting of a nude by modigliani the one with the eyes cut out and she cannot see herself she is boiling over with rage she tears her hair and pounds her breasts disturbing the dwarf who was hanging upside down from the rafters in the hall his bat-like sleep disturbed he crashes violently to the floor bloody nuisance he thinks floors should be like what's that nursery rhyme "from nothingness" and proceeds to strip all the beds of their mattresses (regardless who was in them) and pile them up in the hall this obviously produces grave consequences he put the chauffeur and morphene (who were discussing the sex life of an ant) among all the mattresses as if they were just another piece of furniture he couldn't see why they would be mildly upset at this after all he was doing them a great service being his master and all the chauffeur runs into the nearest closet and lets out a muffled scream whereas morphene yawns and seduces the dwarf who is beginning to feel stranger all the time 64. Another strange has wandered into the compound (I begin to call it thus - it feels so like a zoo) It was late last night we were all soundly asleep when we heard this terrific splash which sent all of us into a frenzy it seemed the stranger who was looking for mushrooms tripped over the hunchback who still waiting for snow and had fallen asleep by the side of the swimming pool and subsequently fallen into the water he screamed something to the effect that he was being eaten alive by frogs out of season we pulled him out deposited him in the outhouse and went back to sleep in the morning he was curled up on the lawn with the hunchback and both were snoring away in unison yoric and i've decided to put him into one of the cells in the dungeon for our amusement -- shouldn't be too hard on him as the cells doors won't close and he'll be right next to the wine cellar morphene said it was a grand idea and went down to prepare the torture chamber for the grand opening she is going to put in some new cobwebs just for the effect shela is ordering the cook to prepare a sumptuous feast: porridge made from burnt whatever leftovers there are but first we must give him a trial a fair trial so that we can legally declare him guilty of whatever crime is most convenient for the hermit to dig out of his law books which he's never read i've sent the dwarf to notify him things will settle down 65. (Transcription of the trial by the dwarf) You have been... I object! You have no layer...lawyer! I refuse to recognize the court! You have that right. I don't - Listen... What the fuck!... Aw c'mon. Can't we get on with this? You will please address me as Your Honour. This is ridiculous. I agree! Shuddup. You've no right to agree with anything! I like him... You can have him later. He's been charged with corrupting the morals of a tadpole. And with trespassing. That too... Then call the cops... I wasn't speaking to you... Aw c'mon... Listen you must have respect for this court! I don't give a fuck about this court! (Loud crash) Volupine's listening. I don't like it when she's like that. Did you lock the wine cellar? I think so. You think so? I know so... Better check again. Alright. But this is the last time i'm going down there. What is this? What is what? You're all crazy!!! We know that. But we're here to decide your future. So just be calm. My future! Yes so you better say what you need to say and be quiet. I demand to see the police! You cans see them on any street corner. Let's get on with it. Your name. I don't have to give you that. You're right. Two more years. What are you blabbering about? Did I just hear him ask what I was blabbering about? (Laughter) That's a bloody laugh. What are you blabbering about? Impertinence. Two more years. You have no right! Oh but I think you're mistaken. What were you doing on my land? I told you that before. Well tell me again! I refuse! You what? I refuse. No you won't. Yes I will. No you won't! Yes! No! (Silent confusion) Sir... What is it? I left the wine cellar unlocked. You did WHAT?????? I left... I heard you. (Silence) Well? What are you going to do about it? I'll get the elephant gun right away. And make sure you don't scratch the furniture! Y..y...yes... Now where were we? But I didn't do anything. Of course you did, otherwise you wouldn't be here. Now what were you doing on my property? As I explained before. Collecting mushrooms in the dark. No need to shout? Mushrooms you say? And what for? TO EAT!!!! I see. Your honour, may I say something? Go right ahead. Well I've just been reading a book of mushrooms to pass the time. You have not! Yes I am! The poems of William Wordsworth... Oh my god! You be quiet. Go ahead with your procrastination. Thank you. I must remind the court that one does not eat mushrooms. One does not? No. It says that one eats the reproductive organs of mushrooms. Everything else is poisonous. You don't say... Well well. This certainly changes things. Eating reproductive organs now. Sir, you are now charged with gross indecency! You're crazy! Twenty years. Take him away. You can't do this! I demand to see a lawyer! Dwarf, read the last page again. (Reads the last page again) What's this? You left the bloody names out, you fool! I did? Well I demand that you at least put mine back in. Right away. Bring back the prisoner. (They drag in the prisoner) I've decided to give you another chance. Remove his shackles. Ouch! What was that? He bit me. He did not! Here look at my hand. My isn't that a pretty scar! I can see this prisoner is going to be a lot of trouble. Put a gag on him. (Prisoner growls) Now that's not very nice. I am the judge. You are the prisoner...er... accused. You shouldn't growl at your judge. (Prisoner growls again) That's better. I've decided to throw out the gross indecency charge. Because numb nuts here forgot to register your name. I object! You can't object. But I do! That is a blithe on the memory of William Wordsworth. Oh it is, is it? We'll just have to do something about that. Like what? Morphene. Yes. What has she got to do with this? Nothing. I was just trying to reestablish order. And perhaps arrange a quiet tete a tete. You've already done that. Ok then, put on your gloves. I don't have any. (Morphene goes to the cupboard and puts on an iron glove. She then plugs a cord into the electric socket and puts her forehand on the forehead of the prisoner who promptly passes out.) Very interesting, what is that suppose to prove? Helps the court to establish the prisoner's mental state. Fine fine. This inquest is now called to order. Put the prisoner in the dungeon. We will reconvene in a few years. Court is now adjourned. 66. The dwarf overnight smuggled the prisoner out of the dungeon and let him loose. The hunchback who was also his guard is still asleep hibernating through the summer. Shela is horsewhipping MDA who is trying his best to walk a tightrope over a vat of hydrochloric acid while a camera records every twitch It isn't a very pretty picture I think that we are all slowly beginning to destroy each other Morphene is gathering flowers and spreading them over the pond She wants to get as suntan but doesn't exactly know how to go about it the dwarf has just come in he is terrified what yoric might do to him I help by locking him up in an old empty trunk with no bottom it's a snug fit but yoric will never find him there yoric is afraid of the dark 67. It is another marvelous day yoric is skin diving in his bathtub and bringing up more fish than we can eat he now wants to stack the pool with piranhas bus shela won't let him she feels a lot better now after a visit to her doctor who has declared her free of any social disease she might have acquired in his office she is almost in a trance he's so stimulating she keeps chanting to herself she's invited him over to supper several times but he's heard too much about us and refuses to go near i wonder why? 68. Shela wants pickled ears for breakfast she says she's pregnant we all know what happened the last time she made this announcement yoric's going slowly mad now he wants to cut everybody's ears off we've locked up everything sharp to eat we go to the nearest restaurant a small all night joint at the outskirts of town they serve cheap wine and cheaper food we have flipped a coin to see who will starve first or die from food poisoning the coin landed on its side but I cheated I went into town and raided the local butcher's shop and devoured everything I could get my hands on this has its drawbacks the wolves on the estate seem to pick up the scent at once and I am forced to fight them off I usually end up licking my fingers Yesterday a wolf fell into the swimming pool and never came out I have a funny feeling that yoric put in those piranhas after all sometimes when he thinks that no one is looking he begins to work on the fence he's been building around the estate when we repeated confront him with this he screams that we are making all this up and stomps off in a rage 69. My god! This place isn't safe anymore! I was taking a walk between the hedges and almost got my foot severed by a large and fully operational bear trap! I showed it to shela and she promised to change the bait so as not to attract people anymore. I don't know what else to say This place is sheer madness. 70. The dwarf and the hunchback are planning a kidnapping The butler and cook are planning a feast and orgy Yoric and Shela have eloped for the hundredth time and are on their honeymoon somewhere in the attic Volupine has sent me another note urging me to find the secret passage I've just been there She has put on a mask and greeted me at the door with her incontestably voluptuous body I took off my clothes and lay down next to her on the bed Suddenly she pulls out a knife from under the pillow and makes a wild stab at my jugular I pull her off me and wrestle the knife from her trembling hands In the scuffle her mask is torn off to reveal a grotesquely painted face She is mad with distemper She orders me from the room She picks up a vase and throws it at me It shatters on the wall I gather up my clothes and leave Outside I get dressed as the dwarf shuffles past me into her room I am too perplexed to ask him how he managed to get out of the trunk I sneak up to the door and listen And for the first time I hear the dwarf speak It is a deep and soft and feminine voice I hear him repeat over and over again in a monotonous monotone "Life is transient" "Life is transient"... 71. There is a thought of the impossible none of us stirs as it has rained overnight and the frogs are out en masse devouring mosquito and flies The hunchback is amongst them screeching with joy It is a symphony of surreal echoes bursting back and forth through the ultra realistic realm we are all watching this mastery of his with full attention as he picks up a frog and squashes it between his teeth there is green blood running freely from his lips there is darkness in the sun I pick up my guitar and compose a song which consists of a high shrill and nothing more except the silence after disrespect we are all here the first time we have been gathered in one room for quite a while yoric is throwing darts at his own private fantasies Ha he says so it is so it is and again repeats the mantra morphene is drawing an imaginary portrait of volupine on the back of mda who is trying his best to sit in a lotus position but can't quite get his feet in the right order shela does needlepoint with the darts yoric has discarded she is knitting a scarf for the coming winter It will come in handy she says when we run out of rope which we can burn as incense The fumes will give us indigestion states the butler passing out liter bottles of tequila They are empty Yoric throws a fit Of course they are empty says the butler one hallucinates so much better in an empty bottle Ah 72. YORIC'S SONG Sometimes there is calm and sometimes a storm and sometimes it's warm as we wear the thorns to hold us in check and hang by our necks until they select the bold coronets to dance to the tune and prune the june moon and come back too soon to drink before noon and pass out in time top pope's dismal rhyme and try to feel fine the end of my rhyme. 73. Yoric is proud he shouts thin and loud and dances a jig upon a squashed fig It's all new to him he rolls in the sod and punches a dog who tells him he's god And when he climbs up the ladder to sup it soon becomes clear the ground is just "mere" and so he begins to climb down again and swim in the pond refreshed with a bond ain't feelin no pain. 74. It has come to our attention that shela has kept a secret journal which she has let no one see Yoric has decided that it would be worth our while to sneak into her room one day when she is gone to town and find it I am not so sure about this a person should be allowed to have secret thoughts Yes of course says yoric but once they are put on paper they are no longer secret thoughts There is truth in what he says Besides you don't have to read it just help me find it Stupid I agree I can't do otherwise I am a guest here I go with him to the room which is on the third floor and open the door for him He bows and lets me enter the room first I apologize and remind him that this is his idea and that he should lead the pack like all great generals Alright he sighs and walks in This is the first time I have ever been in Shela's private apartment which is her sacred domain and as the lipstick writing on the rococo mirror states in bold red letters she has the right to seduce any trespassers This makes me feel a bit uneasy but yoric assures me that she does no possess any kinky underwear and that once we are safely back outside she will respect the rules of the house and call a truce So we rummage through her drawers check under her bed and mattress her clothes we make an awful mess but find nothing The room which was the epitome of cleanliness and order is a pigsty now Do you think that she will know that we have been here I ask Naw never notice it yoric says throwing a hairbrush through the window to complete the devastation There he says proudly A WORK OF ART We leave the room without having found the journal and pass shela on the way down she has returned from her weekly visit to her doctor and is in an ecstatic mood she does not see us We go out and sit in the yard admiring the grass which hasn't been cut for years and is so high we can hardly see each other it is then that shela runs out and thanks yoric for cleaning up her room then she leaves again for points unknown Told you Yoric smiles I wouldn't have believed it Trust me I do 75. yoric and i are sitting in the back of a rundown limousine guzzling champagne from discarded beer cans yoric has decided to take me on a tour of the local village i do not want to disappoint him so i say i haven't when i have already seen it too many times to ever want to see it again well this is the old football field he says as we pass a swamp really i try to look alive yes it was great fun we used to kick the ball into the water and then scramble after it of course we had a lot of casualties because of the quicksand and then there was the alligator... alligator? yes we imported them to lend some excitement to the game my god i would suspect that they would never want to play again at the beginning yes but i found a remedy and how did you do that? i thought the dwarf used the elephant gun to keep the game flowing that would do it it did but every time the dwarf fired the gun he was propelled about a thousand yards in the opposite direction and since he was also the referee we couldn't have him not seeing the game and perhaps missing all those exciting penalties we tied him up to a tree with a boa constrictor o my god needless to say that didn't work either since his screams were drowning out the player's concentration so after we hacked him lose with a couple of machetes we decided to make him the ball which of course was much more pleasant at least he could now see the game first hand and not miss any penalties anyway over there is where we had our club house where we used to make the acquaintance of the finest socialites this side of second avenue and we used to have these giant orgies which we disguised as social club meeting but the local police found out that they had not been invited and closed us down there was also the story of the elephant... elephant? yes the club mascot they said he trampled on someone's head but i think they were all just a bit jealous because we could execute our deviants and they couldn't they had no respect for legitimate competition it would seem so we drove on and yoric kept talking and i kept drinking and soon we ended up at the local cafe drinking pernod and throwing glasses at the pedestrians passing by yoric scored a direct hit and dumped the postman into the sewer people just shook their heads yoric crossed his eyes and threw a chair through the window when the police appeared we rammed the limo into the policeman's bicycle and drove off in a pleasant sort of way heading back to the estate it is now the next day and i have got a slight hangover i feel great though yoric is trying to hang himself last night shela brought the policeman home and he decided to impound the staircase as evidence that yoric has frequented this place he asked to inspect the dungeon and his wish was immediately granted it is surprising how fast yoric has recovered his thirst for life as he escorts the policeman down the winding damp and shiny worn steps that is the last time we saw the policeman the story goes he was found two days later wandering naked in a vineyard and a head full of acid i don't think he'll show his face around here again 76. the wine drinking festival has come and gone yoric has surpassed his record of last year he has drank four hundred and eighty five eight ounce glasses of red wine in three days he is now in the kitchen trying to drown his aching head in the garbage disposal shela just shakes her head bloody fool she says doesn't even know how to drown himself as she leaps on his shoulders and beats two frying pans together to get his attention she can't understand why for three weeks yoric has been avoiding her when i suggest it may have something to do with with the frying pans she keeps throwing at him she gets angry and says i would rather see him drown in a vat of lard then be without him so she turns on the scolding water... i have never heard a man scream or run so fast jumping in the pool displacing thousands of frogs smeared all over the kitchen window.. I think i am going to enter him in the hog calling contest next year i leave shela to herself as he pulls out her pubic hairs with tweezers she is trying to look like madonna when he comes crawling back to her i wonder... 77. yoric and mda and i are sitting in the park across the road we are drinking wine and discussing ancient things we are discussing the way a kernel of corn lies askew to the wind and how a chair becomes a skeleton or how a car drinks alcohol or how we find the time to do nothing or how the wind settles on our noses or how a multitude of things become what they are not through the eyes of mescaline we smoke a joint and cough and see black moons in broad daylight we have a spot of target practice with empty wine bottles trying to pick off passing cars it was all in good fun we are trying to regain our youth 78. we have all gathered in a room that is completely white with no marking we have decided to finally have it out once and for all we have decided to conquer infinity in a room without windows 79. blank 80. It is the silence that speaks... that produces the subtlest of forms there is a slow process of decay but... everything is as nothing is nothing is and we have gotten control or lost it it makes no difference two three! all the garbage in our minds! three four! yes yes yes and if the negative illusion does require... one stops to stop par of a preservative what do you see? concepts are luminous! do you understand i am a fleeting... the kernel the new things we express mystic equivalent of a true phenomena identification crowned with marigold amethyst grope through the garbage grope! forty one! and a half (laughter) is the tape? plenty of time change my eyes wow the colours are magnificent my body is a river flows everything and everything what is not? i see the walls pealing? rushing ramparts jeannie d'arc isn't it? history is plastic solid pass the pipe where is yoric trying to be small i've lost my way there are too many bodies of course there are rock drill hole in roof where? it's alright sure? RAM!! The room the room is white has anything happened? everything went black i don't see a thing it doesn't matter there's this powerhouse and? we could all get on the next bus and go where? to the moon ahhhhhhh 81. does the silence sing? do women multiply? yoric is up to his neck in sand the dwarf is splashing frantically in a puddle of mud mda is floating on a rubber raft with no air in it shela wants to go skinny dipping but can't find any clothes to take off nothing she does these days seems to be going right she is wrong she can't take much more it's the frustration she says the frustration of trying to get a suntan in the shade and now the policeman who was shela's date is after yoric who has stolen some shackles and a rubber dingy from the dwarf the dwarf is crying yoric is tearing the rubber dingy to shreds they have arrested him he bites the policeman in the arm he bites the policeman in the leg he is screaming rape when he is gone we go around and collect land crabs we collect them and set them free it is funny to try to stop them from tearing each other apart they are so human but we soon get bored the sun has gone down get into the limo and drive to the police station to bail yoric out when they won't let us we knock out the policeman with a bottle of rum tie him up and escape with yoric hidden on the roof yoric is singing nursery rhymes it's good to live in a free country he says we lock him in the trunk 82. yoric waves a flag yoric tries to climb a tree and tickle the eagle feathers of the wind yoric builds a nest he sleeps in the nest morphene sleeps with yoric they are dreaming dreaming of Madeira of the ocean that is the cross between them there's a symphony of wind trees sway like husks of corn husks of corn rise and fall like waves the dwarf tends the garden the hunchback is still attempting build a snowman from the ice cubes in the refrigerator it does not work and the sun is still too hot we are crowned in perfect agony i have gone into the village to telephone myself i have read the back of a magazine and i have seen the centerfold with the vulva of the woman we all want shela to come to grips with when she sees herself she has left the compound since she has gone the winds have come i have tried to paint the sun but no matter how hard i try i cannot seem to touch it i look up i see yoric he is sitting up in his next flapping his arms as if he were a giant bird a giant pterodactyl morphene urges him on gently but he like a small bird is afraid to fall he sinks back into his nest and tears a branch apart it is a dull day without any sun we do the best we can yoric waves the flag again i think that he is ready to capitulate 83. yoric is carving up a the carcass of a moose in the living room shela has written him a note i listen to the radio morphene is lying on the couch and the dwarf is helplessly entangled in a fish net he was trying to use in snaring ostriches volupine has made a brief appearance but has disappeared again she had her mouth tinged with blood the dwarf wanted to follow her but... i am curious what the note from shela to yoric says he is very possessive of it he has seen me watching him so he takes an eraser to the note he laughs as mda smashes a bottle of tequila on the floor and goes for his throat yoric threatens him with the dagger he is holding morphene opens her eyes to the confusion then goes back to sleep we are all fighting for our lives i guess that mda and yoric now know more than all of us but they soon wear each other out and collapse on the carcass of the moose gasping for breath everything is suddenly very quiet i am very drunk and vomit out the window as i do this i see a taxi drive up and a young woman walks up the steps to the front door the cab leaves and is blown up by the land mine which the dwarf had planted a few days before the young woman begins to scream hysterically yoric runs down the hall opens the door and squirts mace into her delicate face he takes her to his room i go on drinking and refuse to accept anything this is the best way to cope while morphene falls off the sofa she is cursing softly it is i who go to her this time it is i who capitulate 84. hands in pocket i stroll down the avenue of dreams a hammer pounding on the earth the earth sinks from orbit the earth becomes a head the head become a balloon the balloon an exploding universe yoric creeps in and out of the dream spinning in a washing machine seducing whichever woman he can lay his hands on morphene screams and i jolt awake it is night there is the positive and the negative the hunchback is pacing up and down on the= creaking floor above my room the wolves howl at the full moon i go back to sleep 85. i have been caught trying to escape the compound yoric is very angry he yells into a dead telephone all the while munching on a cantaloupe i have been told nothing i have been set free for punishment morphene is crying it is alright i will stay the outside world looks cold to me i just wanted to look for something new i was going to come back yoric looks at himself in the mirror smiles with his two gaps where there are supposed to be two teeth do you understand he yells do you understand i don't but to make myself perfectly clear i nod he seems to think that everything is alright he says that he is going for a swim shela has returned she has told us tales of terror about the outside world how everything is so regulated and everyone is so nice i wanted to see for myself but i'm fine with it now i climb the tree to the eagles' nest to be alone it is a good clear day and i can see for miles and miles in the distance i see hydro poles they are a magnificent sight yoric has always wanted to mount an expedition to them and blow them up it sounds like a good plan and i come down to help him prepare by plying him with montrachet shela is knitting fifty gas masks i ask her what we need them fore she answers decoys that makes sense enough yoric has decided that the dwarf will have the honour of planting the charges since he did such a good job on the cabby the dwarf isn't all too enthusiastic but grudgingly goes along with the idea he has nowhere else to go this is his circus his paradisio 86. the whole think came off without a hitch we are having a congratulatory celebration now the plan went as follows the dwarf set the charges the police caught him he escaped set off the explosion and all the hydro poles went poof the whole village is now on candlelight very pretty it's good to know tradition still has a place in modern society 87. shela has shaved her head yoric is grooving a beard the dwarf is walking around thinking that he will be paul revere one of these days we congratulate him on his choice of historical personages i myself would have preferred for him to be napoleon but it brings a smile to his face so who are we to object yoric hits him over the head with a rubber bat and tried to stuff him into a boiling vat of marmalade we sabotage this plan by stealing the dwarf the dwarf wants to thank us for this he puts on a hat and does a fred astaire imitation morphene claps and blows him a kiss ecstatic he jumps through the window and lands in the swimming pool we marvel at his agility he marvels that he came through it all alive the hunchback is tearing up the floorboards again in the guest house he wants to find out what is below the floor shela has asked me to stop him but i haven't the heart he seems to be having so much fun it would be a crime to interfere suddenly there is a horrendous crash and the hunchback lands in the maid's bathtub where she is taking a bath she is surprised at his sudden show of affection and tears off his clothes he closes his eyes and gropes his way to the door she jumps on his back he bites hear breast she lets go of him they are ready now as they quietly prepare to bite each other to death yoric steals the limo and drives it into the pool storm clouds hang over us there is a volcano in this house "everything that we have tried has gone up in smoke" what a joke 88. there is a feeling of regret as the termites eat away the history of this place as we all sit at the long table cutting notches in the wood it is the last rite as we flood ourselves with the passion of our tormented innocence foam comes through the door we do not even bother about the maid drowning in the cellar she does not scream the hunchback is trying to save her he does so he is satisfied that he has made this commitment he returns to the box of acid lsd take a trip and leave the world fly fly fly everything today is solitude everything today is the recreation of a slaughter house what we have tried to do! well what? i ask i am met by stunned faces what they do not understand that we have not done anything they do not realize that all of this was really a mask a false really that was created to evict us from ourselves i try to explain this as best i can but i don't seem to get through to them yoric takes a saw and saws off one of the table legs this makes us feel better shela puts on some music and we dance to the frantic rhythm of a throbbing bass we sway back and forth like drunks we have found the answer it was freedom that we sought it was freedom are these the chains of freedom we have found? 89. to the backdrop of the Himalayas we dance the dance of everything the clear sky the bright sun leading us we are herds of man-beasts we herd ourselves at nature we herd ourselves at ourselves yoric has views on this but does not speak he is stretched out on his bed and his eyes are glazed over why morphene is part of him they are dreaming of torture together they are almost alive their dreams are the dreams of a lost generation a lost generation they have made themselves a dynasty faded and then blown into dust how marvelous their ingenuity they have even thought of creating their own mythology gods and everything and what we have then is a compost the mind powerful in its infinity 90. winter comes and winter goes we have been hibernating even the hunchback missed it we have now resumed our ways in the wilderness of our society yoric is spring cleaning throwing out everything that is in this house he likes doing this and everyone helps finally there is only a skeleton of the old stone walls left and it is magnificent now we clean the windows so we hoist up the dwarf he has aged a lot since a year ago we thought all that exercise would have done him good but somehow he's just grown more edgy i wonder why anyway it is good to see the spring again the wild flowers are all out in full bloom and the hunchback has once again discovered the poison ivy shela is scrubbing his backside now there is a lot of yelling going on i have asked yoric about the incident last fall the one with the young girl he told me to come and follow him this i did he led me though the secret passage going a long way underground past the wine cellar the dungeon and the rooms that no one ever enters there she is the girl has taken up housekeeping she is pregnant i ask him why he doesn't bring her up no he says it just wouldn't work we all have hidden shadows... 91. she was born beautiful from the ugliness of... she was born beautiful in utmost secrecy yoric has given her her name latoma goddess of the hunt and many years later she was to grow up and give us all a sense of importance she has exchanged the past for the future although through reminiscences we recount the 'wild' days of our youth and as old men we are still so young let us seek the right way now let us seek the way it is then that yoric wakes up in a cold sweat it is impossible he screams he tears his pillow apart he seems to throw fits about everything and tonight is no different we only become in our dreams (what are dreams?> more contentious of our dilemma (what dilemma?> we have tried for so long to repress all understanding of how things are that we have become exactly what we did not want to become a stale copy of our fears and that is what we are... 92. yoric has gone into the village the house is silent with the heavy odor of apprehension we have never come to grips with the silence between words morphene and shela are in a shouting match over a game of chess neither of them can play it is all the same they will repeat the same non-moves in their minds day after day after year after year after eon after eon they are in disagreement over who should control the elevator when there is no elevator they cannot even resolve simple problems such as these let alone what they will come up against when it is time to disperse and leave the nest the dwarf is softly crying in the corner by the fireplace missing tiny tim for the thousandth time it makes him sad that it was all in vain it can never be like that he shakes his head no yellow brick road for him he has never been given a present in his life no one recognizes him when he goes trick or treating i want to go over and console him but what words will console this emptiness i would like to tell him that all of us are just as alone as he is that we are all part of this faceless multitude that inhabits this faceless world revolving around a faceless that around a faceless galaxy in a one on an infinite of universes in... but i don't tell him anything he already knows it all he knows it all but does not want to know he is smarter than we think he smarter than he thinks if we do not understand this we will forget something else it is our truth it is no one's the dwarf will remember nothing he will read the same story again and again we cannot console him when he does not have the will to be consoled he understands this too inertly he is extremely happy inertly he has seen the light can he grasp it? 93. yoric the conqueror has returned from the village with his tale of conquest he speaks thus i have beaten up two priceless cars and desecrated half the neighborhood and he pulls from under his trench coat one hubcap and one radiator pipe plus two bottles of pernod they are both empty and it is apparent that he has drunk both of them shela leads him to his room and puts him to bed he calls her mama now and wants for her to tell him bedtime stories when she does not oblige he cries so she tells him the tale of the slaughter of the troupe of how one man murdered a multitude and sold their bodies to science for the privilege of making love to the most beautiful woman in the world it is always a favorite story with yoric (since he himself wrote it) and he always goes to sleep before the ending so that he will not lose interest when it is retold the countless of times that he demands it actually none of us knows the ending since he failed to provide one they (shela and himself) have a strange bond in this mighty ritual she becomes his guardian the sorcerers who guards his soul as jealously as a pack of hyenas devour the carcass of a dead antelope it's a matter of pride and with all the past swept away they regard each other each others property no one understands why no one understands anything the mystery that binds the two of them is the mystery that envelops all of us that keeps us together tearing each other apart that is how it will always be for how can it change are we not the pursuers of our own truth are we not our own mythology with all the obvious consequences? 94. it's hot and it's sticky and it's humid there's a revolution on without regret yoric sits at his desk smoking a cigar he's che guevara he's writing slogans which shela paints on placards they read down with cigarettes they say down with proton jets they say a lot of things yoric hasn't thought of yet yoric wants to build the world anew he has spoken to a tommy gun he has spoken to a crossbow he has shot himself he is wounded he is jesse james he is billy the kid he is everyone who thinks he is someone else he is everyone that is he is nothing we are here and humour him not as much as he does us though he says that he has the situation under control but the situation is not under control it has gotten way out of hand mda has given notice to the war which has not yet been declared he has given yoric that which may be termed an ultimatum either clean up war or we'll declare war as obsolete yoric can't believe his ears mass mutiny it's impossible it's incredible it's downright a part of inhumanity morphene wants to cry she's heard that peace is unattainable it's a hot spring morning i wipe the sweat from my brow yoric tears the last strands of hair from his head and morphene glues them on again this the picture we get now this is the picture we get every time we look into the darkness of infinity 95. i've just gotten a letter it's telling me to come to new orleans it's from an old friend he says the commune he started was built on quicksand "it was a bummer anyway" he writes so he's invited me down says the girls are pretty down there i've decided to accept his offer there's nothing left here that can be of much use but first there are things to clean up answers to explain and then perhaps a question to further mystify and through that mystery there will contradiction and through that contradiction... 96. i've just gathered together the whole clan it's difficult to tell them that i'm leaving but they seem to accept it well we are all exceedingly drunk we all have things on our minds we are all leaving they have decided that one is only entitles to so much reality well reality or not it's a relief shela falls off her chair and yoric hits mda over the head with a copy of a valasquez painting i had given him he says it's for old times' sake i wonder sometimes i really wonder if i do 97. quite the same we conquer nothing we think we conquer something but we conquer nothing 98. when are you leaving in a few days i don't know will you write of course i will 99. fragments spill out of the locked mind no one is leaving we will always be here in this old chateau overlooking a cezanne landscape as i walk down the dirt road i do not look back it is a long walk to the station yoric offered to drive me but i have declined in favour of walking slowly through the surreal landscape of my mind taking all this in one last time one last attempt to reverse progress of civilization who's? 100. it is months later now yoric has sent me a letter we are lost he tells me we are branded like cattle in a slaughter house we are all still here volupine has declined to face the world she has taken off her mask and looks quite lovely now mda is locked up in a closet no one has yet been able to find he says it is his way preventing the wind tying knots in his hair shela and morphene are in the kitchen they are horsewhipping the cook for singing the wrong opera in the shower the hermit has tried to starve himself to death as a divine offering but got hungry and gave up his holy quest for uncertainty he wants now to mary volupine they are talking about it and if it comes off they will live in a cave and raise ladybugs for export the dwarf and hunchback are playing in the yard we have bought them an artificial snow machine and they are ecstatically mucking it up in the snow shela wants to know when you are coming back she says the place is so quiet without you writing something it is now like the ghost of the past here and we are that ghost you are the only one who had the courage to escape visit us sometime we will still be here ps the dwarf is now on the roof he is playing with a skateboard the roof is the only place with an incline i guess i better help the others put up a safety net all the best then and remember keep an open head toward reality especially in dreams yoric. April - May 1975 Copyright (c) 1975 Klaus J. Gerken Published by Ygdrasil Press