"At my vampire carnival, the torture exhibit will put the 'die' in 'dioramas.'" Elsa Schiaparelli is a vampire and a fashion designer.

"Freak fashion. Geek chic. It inspired my new haute couture collection for humans? the Carnival Collection! Soon Schiaparelli clients will dress like the Half-Man, Half-Woman and the Mule-Faced Lady. Ostrich girls in ostrich plumes. Lobster ladies in lobster gowns.

"It's like I always say: 'Clothes make the inhuman.'"

Garlic and crosses don't bother her? just spray some Chanel No.5. Coco Chanel? playing herself? is a vampire hunter and bitter Schiaparelli rival, who shows up occasionally to save the day. Lon Chaney is one of Schiaparelli's henchmen, and is constantly getting sprayed with Chanel No.5 so that his face falls off. "He's a master at makeup." Jimmie Rodgers, country singer, has tuberculosis and Carrie Rodgers sells her soul? and body? to Schiaparelli for a cure.

The story unfolds in a mirror maze at the carnival. Humans are reflected back a thousand times and vampires don't show up at all.

"The Mirror Maze is my milieu. My smokescreen. A vampire Versailles. It could be crawling with vampires as we speak. You would never know. Until it was too late."

Derek McCormack, who appears as himself, playing a reporter, writes with energy. Short sentences punctuated with exclamation marks and names repeated in mirrors. Pages of parentheses as sequins, and bats as capital Vs.

Like Schiaparelli's latest scent, The Show That Smells is shocking! But McCormack carries it off without hesitation? in fact, with a flourish.

The reader may end up feeling a little seasick, but will be swept up and engrossed to the bitter end.