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uncertainty my father was born with a heart that was not beating. the doctor said to the midwife put the baby in a shoebox we will try to save the mother. and while the doctor pushed inside my grandmother with sweaty hands that shook with uncertainty my great aunt rose an old cowlitz woman who chain-smoked and had emphysema pulled my father out of the shoebox and pressed her lips against his breathless mouth and gave him what little air she had my father lived to watch two of his children born with hearts that were not beating. he put them in a shoebox and buried them himself. and my father lived |