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Family / Parenting

Welcome to parenting. This new journey is often filled with many questions. This site provides answers to some commonly asked questions by new parents. Additional resources and links are provided below.

Questions:

My child's behaviour has me at the end of my rope. Will spanking help?
Can experiences in early childhood affect a person's health during adulthood?
How can I help my child grow into a healthy, caring and responsible person?
What can I do if I'm being bullied and picked on?
Bullying: coping with an age-old problem
What should I know about bullying?
I'm concerned that my toddler is not eating enough. What can I do to help him enjoy mealtimes?
Let's start at the very beginning - the importance of early literacy
I'm worried about my child using computers. What should I know and what can I do?
What should I know about feeding my child peanut butter?

1. My child's behaviour has me at the end of my rope. Will spanking help?

The short answer is: "No." Physical punishment isn't an effective way to change a child's behaviour. Research has shown that it doesn't work, and it may even be harmful (Joint Statement on the Physical Punishment of Children and Youth, 2004). Even parents who don't mean to can hurt a child by spanking.

Spanking can lead to anger and resentment and can cause children to lose trust in their parents. Spanking teaches that hitting others is okay. In the long run, spanking makes children's behaviour worse, not better.

The goal of discipline should not be to punish children. Rather, it should be to change their behaviour, help them develop self-control, and foster their self-esteem. Discipline or guidance will be most effective if it's given with respect and love, and in ways that are consistent and reasonable.

Just as parents teach children how to throw a ball or ride a bike, they should also teach children what kind of behaviour is expected from them. That way they'll know how to respond and act in different situations.

So how can you discipline your child? What works will depend on a child's age, developmental stage, and of course his unique temperament. Here are some general guidelines:

Discipline doesn't begin until children are old enough
to understand it. Babies don't need discipline.

Never shake or spank a baby.

Young toddlers (1 to 2 years old)

At this stage, toddlers are experimenting with and exploring the world around them and their place in it.
The goals of discipline should be to keep the toddler safe, limit aggression and prevent destructive behaviour.
Children this age don't have enough language skills to understand long explanations of why they can't or shouldn't do something. It's much more effective to redirect them to another activity.
Try to anticipate situations that may lead to difficult behaviour. Provide a safe environment for play. Watch for signs that they are tired.
Time-out is not recommended for children under two. It's important to stay with them so they don't feel abandoned.

Older toddlers (2 to 3 years old)

As toddlers struggle for independence and begin to realize their limits, they can get frustrated. This frustration may lead to temper tantrums.
If your child has a tantrum, take him away from the situation and stay with him until he regains control. Then, offer a simple instruction and reassurance
Transitions - going from one situation or place to another - can be difficult for toddlers. Help your child prepare by talking to him about what's about to happen, and letting him express his feelings.

Preschoolers (3 to 5 years old)

Most children this age can accept limitations on their behaviour, and they want your approval. This is a good age to set up simple rules for acceptable behaviour.
Preschoolers need positive role models for good behaviour, including parents and other adults who care for them.
Praise and positive reinforcement are the best ways to get preschoolers to behave as you'd like.
When they do lose control, try redirecting them to another activity, or applying small consequences (such as taking away crayons after he uses them to draw on the wall).
If your preschooler is having a tantrum, stay close by, remain calm and quiet. When he or she is calm, use words like "you were mad." Show your child how to handle angry feelings without yelling or hitting.
Time-out may be effective with this age group. Time-out should last 1 minute for each year of your child's age. It should not last for more than 5 minutes.

School-age children (6 to 12 years old)

As children become more independent, there is more chance for conflict with parents and other adults. Parents should continue to supervise, set rules consistently and provide good role models. You can also allow your child to begin to make more decisions for himself.
Be sure to provide lots of praise and approval for good behaviour.
Techniques appropriate for this age include withdrawing or delaying privileges, time-out and consequences.

Ways to Help Your Child Behave Well:

Create a loving and respectful home.
Be a good role model.
Focus on prevention.
Decide what is truly important and have a few clear and consistent rules.
Tell your child what you expect.
Praise your child's efforts, even if they're not perfect.
Respect your child's needs to grow and explore.
Watch your child closely so that you can redirect behaviour before it gets worse.
Ignore minor misbehaviour.
Make sure that you both get enough sleep.
Make sure that you both eat nutritious food regularly.
Last but not least, have lots of fun with your child.

Despite your best efforts as a parent, there will still be times when nothing seems to work. When that happens, try to stay calm. If you can, take a few minutes away from the situation (be sure your child is somewhere safe). Take a few deep breaths. Consider calling a trusted friend, neighbour or family member for support. If you think you might lose control, call someone for support.

Where to go for support:

Family doctor or nurse
Local public health department
Child care centres
Family resource centres
Child and family service agencies
Parenting programs such as Nobody's Perfect
Native friendship centres, First Nations, Métis and Inuit organizations
Multicultural or newcomer centres

References

Effective discipline for children. Canadian Paediatric Society, Psychosocial Paediatrics Committee. Paediatrics & Child Health, 2004; 9(1): 37-41.

Joint statement on physical punishment of children and youth. Coalition on the Physical Punishment of Children and Youth. April 25, 2003. Available at: http://www.cheo.on.ca/english/pdf/joint_statement_e.pdf.

2. Can experiences in early childhood affect a person's health during adulthood?

How children grow and develop in their early years is a powerful determinant of health. More and more evidence is being found showing that prenatal and early childhood experiences have a more powerful and long-lasting effect than researchers had previously understood on:

health,
well-being
competence

Evidence also shows that these three factors are strongly linked with adults' ability to cope with problems and stress, and their sense of identity.

Birth to age 5: a crucial time for our developing brain

Optimum early childhood development also has a biological component, specifically when it comes to how the brain matures. Various studies show that the period from conception until age five is a sensitive time that is critical to how their brain develops.

During this time children develop the ability to:

communicate using language
learn
cope with stress
have healthy relationships with others
feel a sense of self

If children do not have the very best conditions for development during this time, their developing brain will be physically different from that of children who have had these conditions.

Moreover, the infant brain contains many more neurons at birth than the mature brain. Then during infancy and early childhood a very rapid process of pruning occurs. The brain is wired (or not) based on the kinds of stimulation it is or is not exposed to. Some periods during certain phases of development are especially sensitive. If these sensitive periods pass without the right kinds of stimulation, the full potential is lost.

What do babies need to develop along a healthy pathway?

Infants and young children need affectionate touching and an environment rich in stimulating experiences. These conditions will help them to grow brains that have lots of neural connections (the connections between brain cells).

Conversely, children who are exposed to insecure, violent or chaotic environments can end up with an adult brain that secretes excessive stress hormones when faced with stress. This hinders that adult's ability to cope well with difficult situations, and also makes it harder for their body to physically fight disease.

3. How can I help my child grow into a healthy, caring and responsible person?

As parents, we want to make sure that our children are healthy and safe. We also want to help them become responsible, caring, happy adults. There are many things that we can do, with the support of our families, friends and communities, to help our children make good lives for themselves. We can meet their basic needs, help them become responsible and caring, and encourage their ability to bounce back when life gets tough.

Meeting your child's basic needs

All children, and adults, have basic needs. Making sure these needs are met leads to healthy development and builds a strong foundation for adulthood. These needs include:

Good physical care - including warmth, shelter, food and a healthy environment.
Protection from danger - to both body and mind.
Love, friendship and a sense of belonging - meeting the need to love and be loved.
Self-respect, self-esteem and independence - giving them a sense of who they are and what they can do.
Reaching their full potential -helping them become the best person they can be.

Helping your child develop tools for life

Growing up surrounded by parents and other adults who are honest, respectful, tolerant, caring, enthusiastic and hard working sets an example that children can understand and copy. It also provides children with concrete, positive experiences and qualities. To become capable, responsible and caring adults, children need:

support from their families and neighbours, and from the organizations and institutions that care about them
empowerment and the opportunity to contribute and be heard by their communities
boundaries and expectations that let young people know what is expected of them and what activities and behaviours are in-bounds or out-of-bounds
constructive use of their time, including enriching activities and quality time at home
a commitment to learning that comes from being with adults show that they value education
positive values that guide their choices
social skills and the confidence needed to build relationships with peers and adults
positive identity and a sense of their own power, purpose, worth and promise
social skills and the confidence needed to build relationships with peers and adults
positive identity and a sense of their own power, purpose, worth and promise

Encouraging your child's ability to bounce back

No matter how well you meet your child's needs or give them the tools for life, they will always have to face some challenging and difficult situations. Bad things happen. But some children seem to be able to bounce back from life's difficult experiences. You can encourage your children's ability to bounce back, or be resilient, by:

building their self-esteem
building their social skills
helping them learn to solve problems on their own
building their sense of themselves and their future

Taking time to make a difference

Parents and other key adults can help children develop into caring and responsible adults with small acts of interest, support and encouragement. Here are some ideas to get you started.

Ask them about themselves, remember their names and listen to what they have to say.
Set boundaries that keep them safe.
Send them an e-mail, a letter, or a postcard.
Tell them their feelings are okay.
Praise them more and criticize less.
Talk about what you do and the things you care about.
Solve your own problems aloud and identify the steps in problem solving.
Let them solve most of their own problems.
Ask for their opinions
Don't just set rules, let children know the reason for the rules.
Tell them how much you like being with them.
Join in their adventures.
Make time to be with them.
Tell them stories in which they are the heroes.

4.What can I do if I'm being bullied and picked on?

Bullying is a common problem in many schools. Bullying happens more often in the lower grades, but it's also a big problem in high school.

Types of bullying

You may be a victim of one or more of these five types of bullying:

Verbal bullying can include name-calling, teasing and spreading rumours.
Emotional bullying is leaving people out of things (games, team sports), making fun of them or humiliating them and threatening them.
Racial bullying involves racist comments or graffiti.
Sexual bullying means unwanted contact or rude personal comments.
Physical bullying involves physical violence, hitting, pushing, stealing, etc.

All kinds of bullying are upsetting and painful. Bullying can happen in school, in your community, even on your street. It can lead to many problems, including:

You may feel mad, sad, or start to feel depressed.
You may develop low self-esteem, feel lonely and withdraw from friends and family.
You may become uncomfortable at school and start to miss classes, have trouble with school work, or drop out all together.

You should know that ...

Bullying isn't your fault.
Bullying isn't the same as teasing. It's a form of aggression against you. It's not normal and not acceptable.
Unfortunately, the problem won't go away by itself. If you ignore it, the damage can last a long time.

What can you do?

Talk to your parents or an adult you trust, like a school counsellor, the school nurse or a teacher. It's not a sign of weakness to get help. You can't solve this problem by yourself. The bully is usually not alone, and that's what makes them look powerful. The bully has an aggressive behaviour problem. Someone who bullies needs adult and professional help.
If bullying happens at school, you or your parents should talk to your teacher or the school principal. It is the school's responsibility to take action against this form of harassment.
It could be useful to talk to a counsellor or a psychologist if you're really upset or depressed or if you need to talk to someone about how you feel.

You can also “bully-proof” yourself.

Learn to walk away rather than take the abuse.
Stay with a group. Bullies prefer one-on-one contact.
Talk to the bully directly, briefly and with confidence. Role-play with a parent or another adult or friends to practice how you can look confident and assertive. But don't resort to violence against the bully; the situation will simply get worse.
You can increase your self-esteem and self-confidence by joining activities that you enjoy.

You and your parents can also make sure your school has a no-tolerance policy toward bullying and that they enforce it. It's up to the school, the adults in your life, and yourself to make sure your environment is safe.

For more information and help:

Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868)
Kids Help Phone is Canada's only toll-free, national telephone counselling service for children and youth. This site offers a forum for kids: experiencing violence, either at home or in their communities; struggling with alcohol and/or drug abuse; dealing with issues related to suicide; being bullied. Tips for parents are featured.

Let’s Talk About Bullying….

Deal
A site designed with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police that provides information on problems facing youth.

5. Bullying: coping with an age-old problem

Anyone who's ever been a victim of bullying never forgets what it feels like. And the thought that it could be happening to our own children is a huge concern to many parents. But as long as there are kids there will be bullies, so it's important for parents and children to become educated about it. Why? The effects of bullying are not just short-term. Not only does bullying put a child at risk physically, as well as for emotional problems, school anxiety, lowered self-esteem and more, but, as study after study shows, both bullies and their victims are at greater risk for problems later in life. Among the possible long-term effects: depression, anxiety, unemployment and criminal involvement.

What is bullying?

It seems obvious, but it isn't always. Bullying comes in many forms. What it's not, as parenting expert Barbara Coloroso noted in her 2002 book The bully, the bullied and the bystander, is light-hearted, well-meaning teasing by a friend who has no intention to hurt feelings (even though this might sometimes happen). True bullying can be physical, emotional, sexual and/or verbal. A victim may be excluded from games, have rumours spread about them, be called names or have racist remarks made about them. They may be physically hurt or pushed around. They may be the recipients of unwanted sexual contact. There may be Internet smear campaigns used against them. Girls may bully differently than boys. While they can be physically violent, more often girls will be verbal or emotional bullies-excluding a child or saying and doing things to make the child feel bad about herself.

How would you know if your child is being bullied?

Even in a family with good, open communication, children may feel reluctant to discuss what's happening. Why? For one thing, they may feel scared about getting into deeper troubles with the bully. Or they may feel what's happening to them is somehow their fault. Or they may feel you won't take the problem seriously. What's more likely to happen is that you'll notice your child becoming more reluctant to go to school (or to wherever the bullying is happening), developing trouble with schoolwork, becoming more withdrawn, anxious, angry or depressed.

What can parents do?

It's always good to ask a child pointed questions about his or her day (otherwise the answers are vague, at the best of times). If, over the course of conversation, you start to feel as if your child might be having trouble with bullies, don't brush off or minimize the problem. Let your child know he or she is believed and supported by you. Then you can develop your own plan and start to give your child some coping strategies.

A great deal of information exists about bullying, and about what parents and kids can do. The first step is for parents to assess the situation as much as they can by determining exactly what is happening to their child, how often, who is causing the problem, who if anyone is witnessing the actions and whether or not the child has taken action against the bullies. That way you will have all the information when you discuss the problem with school authorities or other members of your community. In addition:

To be effective, anti-bullying strategies must involve everyone: teachers, school authorities, parents, kids and the community, if necessary. Talk to your child's school about the problem and about their plan of action.
Give your children ideas for coping with bullying. Help them understand the importance of walking away from a bully if the situation allows. Give them the language and actions, through demonstrations and role-playing at home, so that they can appear more confident when confronted by the bully.
Let the child know that if they are having trouble they should go to an adult and expect to be helped.
Make sure all your children understand what bullying is - where friendly teasing stops and taunting and bullying begin - so they don't do it themselves. Teach the importance of standing up for and helping any child who is being bullied.
Talk to a health professional about next steps if your child needs help with depression or anxiety.

What can kids do?

Bullies rarely work well without an audience, and most kids don't like to see someone being picked on. Don't be the audience. If kids join together to stand up against a bully, the bully will lose his or her power and most likely stop.
If you see bullying happen and you are afraid to get involved, find an adult for help.
If you are being bullied, tell your parents, teacher or other trusted adult for help. Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868) has lots of helpful information on its website and offers telephone counselling services to kids of all ages on bullying and many other issues of importance. You can also find useful information on Family Service Canada's site.

6. What should I know about bullying?

Most likely, you've seen or been part of bullying in your own lifetime. Bullying isn't just limited to playgrounds; it can happen in the workplace, in your neighbourhood or inside a family. Unlike children, adults have more life experience to help them counter-act bullying behaviour. For this reason, it is important that we teach children how to build relationships and deal with bullying before they become adults who bully or who are victims.

What is bullying?

Bullying is "a conscious, willful and deliberate hostile activity, intended to harm". It is a serious concern that can have lasting effects on a child.
Bullying isn't just teasing on the playground. Forms of bullying can include:

physical abuse, like punching, pinching or constant physical harassment
threats of physical abuse, threatening to tell on someone or spreading false rumours or showing weapons
verbal abuse, like name calling, teasing and gossiping
social abuse, like exclusion and scapegoating.

What are some of the impacts of bullying?

If someone is being bullied, or is a bully and the situation isn't being dealt with, there can be far-reaching consequences, such as:

low self-esteem
- Bullying can have a lasting effect on a child's feeling of self-worth and can get in the way of their social skills and happiness into adult life.
guilt
- Bullies may later feel guilty for their acts. Bystanders may feel guilty that they encouraged the bully, or did nothing to stop it.
the inability to deal with problems
- The bully uses his or her aggression as a crutch to solve other problems (for example, low self-esteem). Allowing bullying behaviour to continue won't teach the child how to deal with his or her problems or how to interact properly with others.
depression and being excluded from opportunities to grow:
- Childhood is a time to learn, grow and discover activities that will help them in adult life. Bullying can seriously impair a child's ability to participate, to learn, or to enjoy school or social situations.
suicide
- In extreme cases, a child may decide that death is better than continued bullying.

Who is involved in bullying?

Surveys show that up to 30% of children in school have been bullied and 10% bullied relentlessly. Bullying peaks at the 11-12 age group, although the incidents get worse with age. Bullying usually starts off small and escalates.
There are three groups involved in most bullying incidents:

a bully
the person or people who are being bullied
the people who watch as bystanders.

Bystanders help bullies by encouraging or rewarding the bully for the behaviour by laughing, participating or acting as an audience and not trying to stop the bullying.

What can I do about bullying?

It is very important to take a proactive stance against bullying. Bullying often happens when adults aren't around. Here are some examples of things you can do to help prevent bullying:

Realize that children who are bullied often won't tell adults, because they're afraid of retaliation and because they're ashamed of themselves and what's happening.
Talk about bullying and what to do if it happens - tell children to tell an adult right away.
Help your child with solutions using role-playing and encourage them to talk to you about bullying.
Even when talking to other adults, stress how important it is to report any bullying. Bullying can only continue if no-one intervenes.
Provide effective, learning consequences for bullies. Singling out or "protecting" the child who is being bullied won't really help to solve the problem.
Parents, teachers, friends, strangers and even television and popular culture play a part in encouraging or discouraging bullying. Talk to teachers, staff and other parents about what they are doing about bullying. Community anti-bullying programs can be effective.
Let children who are bullied know that they are not alone and that you are there to help. Likewise, let children who are bullies know that you care and will help them too.

References:

Barbara Coloroso, author of The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Pre-School to High School -- How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence.
Tough talk on bullying: Best-selling author helps parents halt cycle of
violence, The StarPhoenix (Saskatoon), Sep 26 2002

Related resources:

http://www.talk-helps.com/

Kids Help Phone

1-800-668-6868
Canada Safety Council

7. I'm concerned that my toddler is not eating enough. What can I do to help him enjoy mealtimes?

Toddlers have small stomachs and they eat small portions. Your child may be getting plenty to eat, even if it doesn't look like much. And if he's eating a variety of foods from the four food groups, he's probably getting enough nutrients for growth and development. Still, there are lots of things you can do to make mealtime an experience you'll both look forward to.

Make food interesting

When your toddler begins feeding herself, start with soft finger foods, such as bananas or dry cereals. These allow for more success and less mess than foods that need a spoon.
If your child doesn't like vegetables, call them something more descriptive and fun. For example, if your toddler likes colours, let him pick the "green balls" (peas) and "orange circles" (carrots) from a bowl of mixed vegetables. If she likes numbers, count the number of peas or carrots in a spoonful before giving it to her.
If you're concerned that your toddler is not eating enough vegetables, try adding them minced to something else that he does like-such as spaghetti sauce.
Provide a variety of foods-different textures and colours make food more interesting.

Make mealtimes fun and relaxing

Encourage independence. Your toddler needs time to practise new skills like pouring and eating with utensils. When they succeed, they'll feel good about themselves.
Don't worry if your toddler seems awkward. And don't stress about the mess! It's part of the learning process. If you like, put some newspapers under your child's chair for easier cleanup.
If your toddler eats quickly, encourage him to slow down by talking to him between spoonfuls. It also helps if you eat slowly. Use a calm voice, create a relaxed setting, put small amounts of food on the table, or use gentle reminders to chew the food.
Let your toddler be involved in food preparation and decisions about food. Give her healthy choices within food groups. For example, let your child choose between two vegetables on the table, and when she makes her choice, tell her how happy you are that she's eating a vegetable.
Encourage toddlers to pick food from the serving plate, so they can determine how much and what they want to eat. This also helps reduce frustration during the "no" stage.
Try not to get angry if your child dumps and drops food over the side of a high chair: This is a normal stage of development. Once he's learned how to dump and spill, it becomes a game. Don't reward the behaviour by picking up the food over and over. After the third time, you can take away the food. Often, it is a sign that he's full.
Encourage toddlers to eat a variety of finger foods and spooning foods at a meal. This helps toddlers learn how to use utensils and having finger food makes eating easier for them.
Avoid watching expectantly while your child eats. Try not to talk constantly about eating.

Related resources

Health Canada
Canada's Food Guide

Canadian Child Care Federation
Children's Healthy Eating (Resource Sheet #54)

Dietitians of Canada
Healthy Eating for Playful Toddlers and Preschoolers

8. Let's start at the very beginning - the importance of early literacy

The importance of early literacy

Coochie, coochie, coooo!
Here's your tum tum.
Who loves you? Mama loves you!

This type of speech pattern, crooned to babies may make some people cringe. However, a parent who uses baby talk—or what experts call infant-directed speech - is giving their child a great start on the road to speaking, reading and writing.

A gradual process of emergent literacy

We used to think that children developed language and literacy skills during the first years of school. But many experts now agree with a theory called emergent literacy. According to this theory, children start to learn about language and literacy from the moment they hear their first word. They continue to build on these skills throughout their childhood and into adulthood.

From birth, infants are programmed to pay attention to the sounds of speech and to process language. "Babies are born with millions of brain cells, and those brain cells make trillions of connections," explains Dr. Alyson Shaw, a paediatric consultant with the Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario and principal author of the Canadian Paediatric Society's (CPS) position statement, "Read, speak, sing: Promoting literacy in the physician's office." "The connections that are stimulated frequently through early experiences - particularly experiences with parents - are strengthened. The connections that are not stimulated or used frequently are pruned away and lost."

Literacy is good for your health

Being able to read and understand written materials easily will have a positive impact on your child's future health and well-being. Low literacy is linked to:

using medicine incorrectly
accidents at work and in the home
school failure and drop out
teen pregnancy
delinquency
poverty
stress
unhealthy lifestyle choices (smoking, drinking, drug use)

Teaching babies to love language

That means that as you talk, listen, read and expose your child to words, language and print, you are building a strong base love their parents and they love the attention and the warm laugh and all the things that are associated with story time together."

Teaching babies to love language

As babies become toddlers and preschoolers, they begin to experiment with literacy by using nonsense words, pretending to read by holding a book and vocalising, or by pretending to write by scribbling on paper. While it may not look like it to you, they are building important literacy skills.

If you don't speak English at home, you don't have to worry that your child is losing out. Learning to read and write in a first language supports success with reading and writing in a second language. Also, continuing to use the first or home language is just as important as learning English because it strengthens a child's cultural identity and their ties with family.

Parents and caregivers plant the seeds for language and literacy

Just by looking at your child, singing to her, reading to her and listening to her stories, you can plant the seeds of future language and literacy skills. Skills that will make a big difference to her future health and quality of life.

"Parents and caregivers have such an opportunity to foster growth," says Jennifer Starcok, Managing Director of the Canadian Language and Literacy Research Network (CLLRNet). Recognizing the importance of the early years, CLLRNet and the Canadian Child Care Federation (CCCF) have created a resource kit for caregivers, early childhood educators and parents. "It is so important," says Starcok, "to get the research findings about early literacy and language development into the hands of the people who can truly make a difference with kids—every day."

Listen. Talk. Look. Read.

But where do you start? Both Dr. Shaw and Ms. Starcok agree that you start at the very beginning, by making language, words and books a natural part of playtime and daily activities.

Make books and stories a part of your daily routine. Read with your child everyday. Link it to something you are already doing, such as your naptime or bedtime routine, or making a grocery list for the week. Keep lots of books, magazines and other print material around the house.
Talk about what's going on. Talk about what you are doing when you bath or feed your child. Use words to express feelings and to label things around the house.
Listen to your child. When your baby makes sounds and babbles, see it as communication. Listen to his sounds. Try to repeat some and turn them into words. As your child starts talking, help him find the words he's looking for.
Lead by example. If she sees that you are reading, she will want to join in.
Go to the library. Even newborn babies can get a library card. Take out books and join in the many programs and activities offered by your local library.

And don't forget to sing and play!

Music, songs, rhyme games and rhythm make it easier for babies and children to join in and to remember words and sounds. And its fun! Find a family literacy program in your community that will help you learn new songs, bond with your child and meet other families in your community.

9. I'm worried about my child using computers. What should I know and what can I do?

Computers are great for learning and they're fun. They get children to think and help hand-eye coordination. They open up a whole new world and even teach skills for future work. Although there are some problems and dangers that go with using computers, especially for children, if you pay attention to what they are doing and set some rules you'll have less need for worry.

There are some problems you can watch out for when your child uses the computer, especially if they have internet access. Some possible problems are:

computer 'addiction', where your child spends so much time on the computer that he or she doesn't get involved in other healthy, learning, social and physical activities
seeing or reading 'adult' content such as violence and sex, or things that you don't want your child to learn about on their own, like religion or racism.
chances for your child to be harassed or taken advantage of sexually, financially or otherwise.

There are some things you can do to make sure your children are safe and using the computer in a healthy way.

Talk with them about using the computer

Be positive and open. It will give you a better idea of what your children are doing and they won't feel they have to hide anything if they know they can talk to you about it. It's a chance for you to learn together and maybe even a chance for your children to teach you something.
Talk about some of the problems that come with using the computer. Let them know about the dangers of some of the things they might come across online.
Set some basic rules and guidelines for making decisions about what they see. Don't forget to talk about the fun stuff like what's interesting or fun in their surfing experience.
Teach them how to know when they've been on the computer for long enough: tiredness, watery eyes, frustration, and grumpiness. Discuss how you can work together when it's time to move to another activity.

Be interested

Play the games your children play. Join in their computer activities. If you know what they are doing, you can feel more comfortable about what they are learning. It will also help you see warning signs before things become a problem.

Limit computer hours

Work out computer times and limits that you both can agree on. Using the computer too much can take away from other positive activities like playing with friends, participating in sports, reading and hobbies. Since being inactive is a huge problem for today's children, parents need to limit the amount of time their children spend in front of the computer (as well as the TV).

Put your home computer in a public room

Try not to put computers in children's rooms, particularly when they have access to the internet or e-mail.
Put the computer in a public room where other family members gather. This way, you can participate in and monitor your child's activities

Related resources:

Managing Media Use in the Home
Canada Safety Council (visit the "Internet Safety" section)
Children at Computers
Bulletin for Parents: Kids Take on the Media
Media Awareness Network (Section: for parents)

10. What should I know about feeding my child peanut butter?

Many parents are concerned about whether their child will develop a peanut allergy. A severe allergic reaction to peanuts or other nut products can be very serious, even life-threatening.

While some food allergies, like milk and eggs, are likely to disappear as children get older, peanut allergies tend to last for many years. Compared with other food allergies, peanut allergies can also be more serious.

Children who are allergic to peanut products can have a serious reaction called anaphylaxis. Anaphylaxis is when the body's systems overreact to something, in this case a food that triggers an allergy. It can involve swelling, difficulty breathing, stomach cramps, vomiting and diarrhoea. An anaphylactic reaction can cause a coma or even death.

It's important that children who have a life-threatening allergy to peanuts avoid peanut products completely. Many schools and child-care settings have banned peanut products. This is recommended when there are children who have peanut allergies.

Children most at risk of having a peanut allergy are those whose family members - parents or siblings - have food allergies. If this is the case, talk to your paediatrician or family physician about what you can do. There are tests that can tell whether or not your child has allergies. You may need to see a doctor who specializes in allergies.

There is, however, one important reason not to feed young children peanut butter: it can cause choking. Sticky foods like peanut butter can block a child's airway. Peanut butter - served alone or on a spoon - is not safe for children under 4 years. If you do serve it, spread a thin layer on a cracker or bread. Peanuts and other small, round, smooth objects can also cause choking by blocking a child's windpipe.

Related resources

Anaphylaxis Foundation of Canada & Anaphylaxis Network of Canada (merged into Anaphylaxis Canada)

Ontario Medical Association
Peanut allergy: What you need to know