Workshop on Male/Female Relationships

Goal
This workshop will enable students to learn how to experience their relationships with the opposite sex in more harmonious ways. For information gay and lesbian relationships, students can be referred to the "youth services" section of http://www.gaycanada.com/, which contains a list of resources available in each province for young gays, lesbians and bi-sexuals.

Summary
The exercises in this workshop should bring youth to question their own perceptions of the opposite sex as well as their expectations of a partner. The students will be shown different types of communication and will thus be able to evaluate their own communication strengths and weaknesses.

Themes
Sexual stereotypes and roles; expectations of one’s partner; firm, passive or aggressive communication.

Suggested activities
Presentations, discussions, debates, exercises, work in groups.

Objectives
General Objective 1
General Objective 2
General Objective 3
Procedure
Part One:  Objective 1
Part Two:  Objective 2
Part Three:  Objective 3

Annexe 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 

Optional Exercises

Print Version

General objective 1:
The workshop will help the students become more aware of their perceptions of femininity and masculinity and of the impact this may have on their relationships (both intimate and non-intimate).

Specific objectives:  
By the end of the workshop the students will be able to:

General objective 2:
The students will be led to further analyze their concepts of expectations and sexual roles.

Specific objectives:
By the end of the workshop the students will be able to:

General objective 3:
The students will learn of three different types of communication (passive, affirmative and aggressive).

Specific objectives:
By the end of the workshop the students will be able to:

PROCEDURE

1. Teacher’s introduction
The teacher introduces himself/herself and explains the workshop’s main goals. The teacher may ask the students to introduce themselves in return and to offer some ideas on the subject of relationships between men and women.

Length: 5 minutes

Purpose: Introduction

Teacher’s role:

"I don’t have an opinion about relationships because I never had a boyfriend/girlfriend…"

"A lot of things bother me about relationships but I’m uncomfortable talking about them…"

"Boys are very different from girls, but in certain ways they’re alike…"

Required material: None  

Part One: Objective 1

2. Debate on stereotypes
The teacher asks the class to split into two groups, one male, the other female. He/she then asks the girls to list some character traits generally considered female. The teacher writes them up on the board which features a "female" and a "male" column.

Once the girls seem to have completed the exercise the teacher then asks the boys to list those character traits usually considered male and adds them onto the columns on the board.

The teacher can now begin a discussion based on these results by referring to annex #2.

Length: 15 minutes

Teacher’s role:

Required material:

3. Presentation on stereotypes
The teacher explains that the character traits listed on the board may reflect or result from what is shown on television, what we were taught early on by our parents, what we hear and what we see around us each day. He/she specifies that our education has greatly affected our perceptions of men and women. The teacher adds that this list does not necessarily represent each girl’s and each boy’s individual characteristics.

The teacher then explains the concept of a stereotype and that the character traits listed on the board may or may not constitute stereotypes. They become stereotypes once:

The teacher ends the presentation by explaining that it is important to take a closer look at our behaviours and attitudes. He/she points to the relevance of asking oneself some of the following questions:

"Am I comfortable with what I am and with what I am doing?"

"Do I do this (fight, cry, want children, compete, gentle or aggressive) because it is a reflection of my true self or am I seeking the approval of others?"

"Do I deny certain natural tendencies (aggression, sensitivity, etc.) in order to avoid criticism or does it truly represent who I am?"

The teacher wraps up the presentation by explaining that ideally we should eliminate our stereotypes. Being able to recognize which traits correspond to our true personality and which ones don’t allows us to better assess our behaviour, attitudes and stereotypical values. He/she explains that once we are aware of our behaviours we can change them.

Adopting stereotypical behaviour can only create a feeling of discomfort and frustration. The teacher explains that our perceptions of male and female have a direct influence on our relationships with the opposite sex. Stereotypes tend to portray men and women in very simplistic ways. Exhibiting and expecting stereotypical behaviour within a relationship can create several problems.

The teacher lists some of the difficulties that may arise from stereotypical expectations (or from the stereotypical perception of masculine and feminine):

The teacher asks the students to name other problems that could arise from stereotypical perceptions of men and women.

Length: 5 minutes

Purpose: Introduction to the concept of stereotypes and their impact on relationships between men and women

Teacher’s role:

Material required:
List of the difficulties that may arise from stereotypical expectations (above)

Part Two: Objective 2

4. Work in groups
The teacher asks the students to split into groups of 5 or 6 people. He/she asks the girls to create a profile of the perfect man (physically, psychologically, etc.) and the boys to do the same with their idea of the perfect woman.

Length: 5 minutes

Teacher’s role:

Required material:

5. Discussion on the perfect relationship and expectations
The teacher refers back to the answers listed on the board and shows that there may be a correlation between a stereotype and our idea of the perfect mate. He/she begins a discussion by using questions from annex #3.

Length: 10 minutes

Purpose: Introduction to the idea of expectations and sexual roles

Teacher’s role:

Required material:

6. Presentation on expectations
The teacher explains that an expectation is a wish, a hope, a desire, an anticipation. Our expectations are directly connected to our emotional, material, social and psychological needs. They are also the result of all we have learned and are therefore connected to our past.

People who were greatly validated and listened to will expect to find the same elements in their relationships. On the other hand, people who were deprived of certain things will feel a need to find them in their relationships.

It is important to pay attention to expectations stemming from stereotypes such as: "A man cannot cry or be vulnerable". The expectation that our spouse will never cry, defend us, always be strong, etc. It is perfectly normal to have expectations within our relationships, but we must become aware of them and not be afraid to evaluate and question them.

It may prove very relevant to ask ourselves certain questions regarding our expectations. The teacher provides his/her students with a list of such questions (annex #4), which they may try to answer at home so as to continue evaluating their own expectations.

The concept of the perfect couple or relationship:

Ultimately the perfect mate is nothing more than an image we have of someone who would fulfill all our needs and expectations. This, of course, is impossible. No one individual can meet all our expectations. However, awareness of one’s expectations and needs may help us better express them. In short, it is human to have expectations in our relationships. The idea is not to deny them but to try to better understand them.

Length: 5 minutes

Teacher’s role:

Required material:

Part Three: Objective 3

7. Exercise on communication
The teacher gives the students a copy of annex 5 (types of communication) and annex 6 (scenarios) and asks them to offer examples of affirmative, aggressive and passive communication. They are asked about the type of communication they use in their own relationships.

Length: 15 minutes

Teacher’s role:

Required material:

Annex #5 (one copy per student)
Annex #6 (one copy per student) 

Prepared for the Population and Public Health Branch
By Elysabeth Lacombe & Maryse Peyskens, Impacts