So, as has been pointed out, one of the things guys can do is talk to other guys about things they say or things they do which are kind of creepy. Call them out, whatever you want to call it. There are lots of ways to handle this kind of thing; humor, sarcasm, logical debate, all that can be effective. But I saw a vlog which breaks out a really useful core principle to help get through these conversations, no matter what style you approach them with. The vlog is about addressing racist comments or actions, but the principle applies just as well to situations where a guy says or does something sort of creepy or a little stalker-y or just plain wrong.

Jay Smooth: How to Tell People They Sound Racist.

"...focus on the part that matters: holding each person accountable for the impact of their words and actions."

I'll be distributing Project BackUp fliers around at the Portland Zine Symposium, both via the free table and with Jen and my zines. It's a comparatively small event, but it's on a college campus, so I'm hoping these'll fly farther than the Symposium (and pique the interest of some of the comics-folk who'll be there).

Girl-Wonder.org launches the Con Anti-Harassment Project, with plenty of reference to OSWBEOU(&GA):

The Con Anti-Harassment Project is a grass-roots campaign designed to help make conventions safer for everyone. Our aims are to encourage fandom, geek community and other non-business conventions to establish, articulate and act upon anti-harassment policies, especially sexual harassment policies, and to encourage mutual respect among con-goers, guests and staff.

Feedback, assistance and volunteers welcome!

So, who else is going to be at Dragon*Con?

Is anybody else attending?

I was reading through various link roundups today, and on one of them -- I don't recall which! -- I found a link to Karen Healey's crosspost of A Serious Note From John (she links to the original in her crosspost).

Thoughts, anyone? Was anyone doing Backup Project at Comic-Con? If not, is anyone planning to go next year who would be interested in doing one?

What are some ways to approach the con organizers about this issue?

damned_colonial just announced the Geek Feminism wiki. Thought some folks here might be interested!

Hi, folks,

I'm very happy to see the progress Project Backup is making, and I think it a fantastically proactive approach to a persistent and nasty problem.

My question has to do with other arenas that might be helped by a Project Backup approach to life: specifically, professional conferences in library-IT-related areas. If you'd be interested in some of my firsthand experiences and reflections thereupon, try this or this or this or this or this (warning: they're pretty tame, but there's still a chance that one or two will be triggering).

There have recently been some blog posts in libraryland suggesting a middle-of-the-road IT con, aimed at people who have grown beyond needing to be handheld through fluffy Web 2.0 stuff but don't yet have the chops for the existing straight-up library-IT conferences. I think this is a good idea... but given my experiences, I think the point needs to be made strongly and forcefully that sexist behavior won't fly in this context. I also think Project Backup would be helpful infrastructure for such a conference.

So is it okay if I mention Project Backup in this context? Is there anything special I should say or do to avoid coloring outside the lines?

It's a one in a million chance that the woman who backed me up last week reads this comm, but here's what happened:

It's a little after noon on a bright, sunny day and I'm walking to work. As I pass a coffeeshop, with several other people sitting at outside tables, a shirtless, middle-aged, disheveled guy, mumbling something slurred, steps out to block my way. "Excuse me," I say, and try to move around him. He moves aggressively to block my way. It's a narrow sidewalk; I can't get around him without stepping out into traffic and getting hit by a car.

He says "Can I see your passport?" and reaches out for me, or possibly my purse. I am literally stunned-- it's broad daylight, there are people around, it's a busy street-- but I can't get around him, I sure as hell don't want to turn my back and walk away. I start yelling at him to get the fuck out of my way and he doesn't even blink, which is creepy in and of itself-- I mean we're in public. Most people, even aggressive panhandlers or whatever, have enough of a self-preservation instinct to back the hell off when a woman starts yelling "DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME."

And all of a sudden a black car pulls up to the curb and I see a woman in the drivers' seat. She honks her horn, but in the heat of the moment I don't realize that she's reaching over to unlock the door of her car so I can get in-- all that I see is that, since she's stopped in the street, I can step off the sidewalk, zip around the guy blocking my way, walk away *fast*, and hop on the bus waiting at the end of the block. Which I did. I didn't even realize that she was stopping for *me* until two blocks away.

So:

Dear short-haired brunette in a black car (?) --

I didn't get a very good look at you, but thank you so much for the backup. If I hadn't been so stunned about being accosted in *broad daylight* on a busy street in front of a handful of other people (none of whom did *anything* except sit there frozen like statues-- not even to pull out their cellphones-- even when I was yelling "Let me past, don't you touch me...") then I probably would have hopped in your car and accepted a ride. But I sincerely appreciate the offer. And I'm kinda impressed with you. :) You couldn't have heard me yelling for more than a few seconds, but you clearly were perceptive and decisive enough to realize I wasn't just kidding around-- you didn't think to yourself, "Well, I bet those other people will do something about it, none of my business," and you *did* something about it. And you helped me get out of a bad situation. So thanks.

I should end this by saying "I hope I'm in a situation where I can offer my help someday" but honestly, I wish we lived in a world where I'd never have to. But if I have to, I hope I can be as quick-thinking and decisive as you were. Thanks, brunette in a black car.

-- Sincerely, Tall brunette in a red top with a silver purse

Just in the vein of talking and sharing and encouraging, I thought I'd mention this.

I was on the train to a friend's house last night, and a woman got on and was crying a little. I couldn't easily get to her at the time, but when I got off the train I asked her if she was okay, thinking that if she needed I could make sure she had money for a taxi or something.

She said that she'd seen her daughter for the first time in years that day, and that the daughter's father wouldn't let his daughter go home with her mum (the woman I was talking to). She said that she was okay, just a bit upset and that her husband was picking her up at the other end.

I wished her well and said that I was sorry that it had happened, that I hoped that with her family's help they'd be able to make something work.

One of the things that I want to mention about this is that here in Australia, our racism is insidious and obvious all at once, and that if the woman I spoke to had been a white woman, I am sure others would have gone to speak to her. But because she was indigenous she was invisible. There is a strong tendency to turn a blind eye to the indigenous people in our community, and I didn't want to be one of those people. I didn't want to hesitate and not back her up if she needed it.

I heeded the backup call today. Nothing dramatic involving daring rescue while swinging in using, as for example, a chandelier. But it's mine so here I am with the sharing.
( Though we can pretend I had a heroic theme song, if that helps )

I've read through the other posts and the FAQ, and I just wanted to address a possible issue and add some encouragement: don't be afraid to back-up "tough"-looking women!

I'm a 6' tall woman with a mohawk and a leather jacket practically sewn on, and while that gives me a slight edge as back-up, it seems to rather hinder* being on the receiving end. People seem to assume that I can handle harassment better than others who are smaller or dress in a more waif-ish style, which isn't true. I've been in many uncomfortable (and some downright scary) situations where I would have loved back-up, but I either couldn't make eye-contact with or was summed up and dismissed by nearby women.

So I'm asking you, dear Back Up, to remember that strength comes in numbers, not just muscles and height. You may feel silly backing up someone bigger or more bad-ass, but I guarantee they won't think you're silly at all.




* And it's made worse, I feel, by the special breed of asshole that deliberately seeks out strong women to threaten and intimidate.

Hey Back Up girls (and gentlemen in the Auxillary)!

I have been officially instated as part of the cosplay staff for San Japan 1.5, and would love to see the Project have a presence at the convention. Unfortunately, I won't be able to do things such as man tables, since I'll be sitting at the cosplay table for most of the convention.

However, if some kind and enterprising soul is also attending San Jap and would like to drop of some flyers, buttons and other informational material, I don't think the cosplay director would mind if I set them on one corner of the table.

Anyone besides me attending?

I just want to know what others are doing at their cons. Do you have buttons, do you talk to officals, what. I'm brand new staff at Anime Detour, and I really love this, and want to support it, and thus want to know what others have done and what their experiences are.

Are we going to have a presence here? Formal or Informal?

I'm probably going to be volunteering at the PRISM Comics booth and will see if they're amenable to me leaving a few buttons and PDFs in their freebies area.

I know it's most likely too late to officially do anything (I should've spoken up sooner; I've kind of got an in with the organizers, but the date's sneaking up on me and I didn't think), but will there be a Back Up Project presence at this convention?

I mean, my partner and I'll be there, but we're only two people. I'd be willing to order and pass out buttons with the flyers, certainly, but... I'd just like to know if there'll be others there. (I'd kind of like to organize a meetup....)

Oh, right, should probably introduce myself - you can call me Molly. Not my real name, but I kind of prefer it... no jokes about me being married to Tarzan with this one. (And yeah, that should make it obvious what my real name is. XD)

Does anyone have experience with Cafe Press orders to Canada? I'm just wondering if buttons ordered today would get here in time for a convention that's a month off.

Yes, I'm concom; no, I don't think we're doing anything official to endorse this project, as I only just heard about it recently and the deadline for our program book has come and gone. As a convention-goer I'll be wearing a button, explaining it to anyone who asks, and giving buttons to anyone who wants one. I'll put out flyers on the free table too.

Heya, folks! Chiming in to let you know that our plans for A-Kon 2008 are going ahead with only minor alterations (substituting the buttons with stickers) - if you're attending, be sure to stop by telophase's booth in the Artist's Alley (you'll have to find it yourself on Friday, no one's quite sure where it's going to be) to pick up a sticker/flyer combo of your very own.


We'll probably have extra flyers (PDF version here if anyone's interested) and stickers at the end of the con - I'll be offering up surplus to the community at large so watch this space for updates, yes?

So, in response to nos4a2no9's (honestly far more impressive) backing-up story, which all of you should read and go give props to her for, vito_excalibur asked me to share mine.

Sharing it brings up another issue, however. For the purposes of this post, I have to decline to tell you what event this occurred at. For one, I am staff for that event, which brings up all kinds of other issues; for another, it's a small event, which means that for many people, outing the event would be about the same as outing the person it happened to. For purposes of setting, however, suffice it to say it was a small (250-300 people) weekend-long festival held at a state park group camp.


On the one hand, I was proud and righteous in my anger. On the other, I was sorry that we couldn't do more for her, and a little ashamed that "my" story of the backing-up was only the telling. In fairness, there's a reason we have a security team - and our security team does take harassment and violence against women seriously. However, there's little to no chance she ever would have reported it to a pack of strangers, much less strange men. So I still feel like I did my part in backing up one woman who needed it.

This raises a question, people of backupproject : how are strategies different when a domestic violence situation comes to festival or con?

nos4a2no9 is a hero of the revolution.

Read about her seriously putting her own self on the line to back another woman up. That's awesome.