Children and Anger
by Betsy Mann
"You're mean! I hate you!"
The parent who is tenderly cradling a newborn baby never expects that some
day those words may be pronounced in anger by that little innocent mouth. It
is even harder to imagine that one might feel like saying them oneself to this
darling child. In fact, strong emotions, including anger, are normal within
the intimate relationships of a family.
Many adults have learned that anger is bad and should be eliminated. However, anger is just a feeling. It signals us that something is going wrong. Separate the feeling from the action: the feeling is neither good nor bad, but the action may be constructive or destructive. It's what we say or do when we are angry that can cause damage to ourselves or others.
To help children manage their anger, it is important first to acknowledge it: "I can see that you're really, really mad!" Follow that up with some suggestions for burning off the anger energy without hurting anyone or damaging anything. A few ideas: rip up scrap paper, run up and down the stairs, punch a big cushion, throw a ball against the wall (outside!), or make a drawing of the anger.
Children learn how to deal with their emotions by watching the people around them, particularly their parents and caregivers. Here are some suggestions for adults who want to provide a healthy model:
Betsy Mann is editor of "Play and Parenting Connections".
Additional reading:
Lerner, Harriet The Dance of Anger;
Samalin, Nancy Love and Anger: The Parental Dilemma.
This article was published by the Canadian Association of Family Resource Programs. |
![]() |
|
![]() | ![]() | ![]() |