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Morning Routines: Starting the Day Right
Mornings are a struggle in many homes as parents try to get themselves out the
door on time and children seem determined to do anything but get ready. After
encouragement and coaxing fail, we may resort to nagging. Sometimes we end up
doing for our children what they normally do for themselves. Such a routine
can leave us frustrated, exhausted and discouraged. But it doesn't have to
happen.
The morning struggle
Children may resist morning routines by arguing about breakfast food or setting
the table, by debating about what clothes to wear, or by playing when they should
be getting ready to leave. Children often seek our attention in the morning
just when we're rushed to complete tasks and leave the house on time. They
soon learn that when they resist, argue or stall, they get attention when we
encourage, nag or chastise them. Kids soon figure out that we spend more time
focusing on them during times of resistance than during times of cooperation.
These morning difficulties may arise even when we give kids lots of attention
at other times.
What to do? Cover the basics
- Make sure everybody has enough sleep and rises early enough to avoid rushing.
Getting up tired or waiting until the last minute is asking for trouble. Give
yourselves time for some unhurried moments together before you have to leave
the house.
- To save time in the morning, do things the night before. After dinner,
for example, prepare lunch boxes and leave them in the fridge overnight.
(Get the kids to help if they can.) And after you clear away the dinner things,
set the breakfast table for the next morning.
- Ask family members to bath/shower/wash hair the night before, if possible.
If a child tends to dawdle over choosing clothes, help him or her select an
outfit before going to bed. Round up shoes that have gone astray to save time
and possibly tears in the morning. Encourage children to prepare backpacks
as well, the night before. That way, there'll be no last-minute scramble for
permission forms, lunch money or notebooks.
- If a small child is prone to dawdling, you may have to keep an eye on her/him
and offer frequent reminders. When you are busy in the kitchen and the child's
room is on another level have her/him dress nearby where you can supervise while
you work.
- When it's time to sit down to eat, turn off the radio or TV and put aside
the newspaper and enjoy time with your family.
Change the routine
An effective way to spur kids to become more cooperative in the morning is to
promise them time together once they are ready. That means you may have to
change your routine to allow enough time to fulfill your promise before you
have to leave.
- Add 10 or 15 extra minutes to your usual schedule. If the child is ready
on time, spend it reading, talking or at some other activity, making sure you
give her/him your undivided attention during this period.
- Set reasonable expectations: Expect your kids to do what they are capable
of, for example, washing and dressing themselves if they are old enough. This
may be an unreasonable expectation for a younger child. Set one task
at a time to make expectations seem more attainable.
- Don't persuade, discuss, argue or nag: Tell a child specifically what you
expect (eat breakfast, put on socks, etc.) and walk away if they resist. Children
must learn that resistance does not earn parental attention. It may
help to remind them what is expected every five minutes or so. When children
cooperate, parents should immediately share their pleasure.
- When children are old enough to join in a family discussion, sit down together,
perhaps the night before, to talk about ways to make the morning better.
- If a child has not been cooperative, use the extra 10-15 minutes and get
her/him ready with as little fuss as possible. Do not scold or chat; just do
what is necessary to leave on time.
- Don't expect miracles: It may take a few mornings before the new approach
starts to work. However, when you follow these suggestions, your children will
soon realize you are more available when they cooperate. Meanwhile:
- Do not reinforce negative behaviour by giving undue attention to an uncooperative
child; and
- Promise (and follow through) to spend time together if the morning routine
goes smoothly.
Based in part on an article by Gordon Bailey, a psychologist
at Vancouver's Health Department, and published in the October 1993 issue of
Early Childhood Educator.
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Posted by:
the Canadian Child Care Federation, September 1996.
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