Morning Routines: Starting the Day Right

Mornings are a struggle in many homes as parents try to get themselves out the door on time and children seem determined to do anything but get ready. After encouragement and coaxing fail, we may resort to nagging. Sometimes we end up doing for our children what they normally do for themselves. Such a routine can leave us frustrated, exhausted and discouraged. But it doesn't have to happen.

The morning struggle

Children may resist morning routines by arguing about breakfast food or setting the table, by debating about what clothes to wear, or by playing when they should be getting ready to leave. Children often seek our attention in the morning just when we're rushed to complete tasks and leave the house on time. They soon learn that when they resist, argue or stall, they get attention when we encourage, nag or chastise them. Kids soon figure out that we spend more time focusing on them during times of resistance than during times of cooperation. These morning difficulties may arise even when we give kids lots of attention at other times.

What to do? Cover the basics

• Make sure everybody has enough sleep and rises early enough to avoid rushing. Getting up tired or waiting until the last minute is asking for trouble. Give yourselves time for some unhurried moments together before you have to leave the house.
• To save time in the morning, do things the night before. After dinner, for example, prepare lunch boxes and leave them in the fridge overnight. (Get the kids to help if they can.) And after you clear away the dinner things, set the breakfast table for the next morning.
• Ask family members to bath/shower/wash hair the night before, if possible. If a child tends to dawdle over choosing clothes, help him or her select an outfit before going to bed. Round up shoes that have gone astray to save time and possibly tears in the morning. Encourage children to prepare backpacks as well, the night before. That way, there'll be no last-minute scramble for permission forms, lunch money or notebooks.
• If a small child is prone to dawdling, you may have to keep an eye on her/him and offer frequent reminders. When you are busy in the kitchen and the child's room is on another level have her/him dress nearby where you can supervise while you work.
• When it's time to sit down to eat, turn off the radio or TV and put aside the newspaper and enjoy time with your family.

Change the routine

An effective way to spur kids to become more cooperative in the morning is to promise them time together once they are ready. That means you may have to change your routine to allow enough time to fulfill your promise before you have to leave.

• Add 10 or 15 extra minutes to your usual schedule. If the child is ready on time, spend it reading, talking or at some other activity, making sure you give her/him your undivided attention during this period.
• Set reasonable expectations: Expect your kids to do what they are capable of, for example, washing and dressing themselves if they are old enough. This may be an unreasonable expectation for a younger child. Set one task at a time to make expectations seem more attainable.
• Don't persuade, discuss, argue or nag: Tell a child specifically what you expect (eat breakfast, put on socks, etc.) and walk away if they resist. Children must learn that resistance does not earn parental attention. It may help to remind them what is expected every five minutes or so. When children cooperate, parents should immediately share their pleasure.
• When children are old enough to join in a family discussion, sit down together, perhaps the night before, to talk about ways to make the morning better.
• If a child has not been cooperative, use the extra 10-15 minutes and get her/him ready with as little fuss as possible. Do not scold or chat; just do what is necessary to leave on time.
• Don't expect miracles: It may take a few mornings before the new approach starts to work. However, when you follow these suggestions, your children will soon realize you are more available when they cooperate. Meanwhile:
  • Do not reinforce negative behaviour by giving undue attention to an uncooperative child; and
  • Promise (and follow through) to spend time together if the morning routine goes smoothly.

Based in part on an article by Gordon Bailey, a psychologist at Vancouver's Health Department, and published in the October 1993 issue of Early Childhood Educator.

Posted by: the Canadian Child Care Federation, September 1996.

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