Kidstress

If you care for children for a living, you have chosen one of the most stressful careers. It is, therefore, important for you to understand where stress comes from, how to minimize it for yourself and the children in your care, and how to manage the stresses that will inevitably arise. I hope this article teaches you some new stress management techniques, both for yourself and the children. I also hope that it validates the many techniques you are already using.

Before you read any further, take about two minutes to think of as many techniques for reducing stress as you can and write them down. After reading the article, go back to your list and add any new techniques that you have learned.

Causes of Stress

Both adults and children experience stress for a number of reasons. The causes can be loosely grouped into four categories:

• Physical stressors are caused by factors such as poor nutrition, inadequate sleep, temperature extremes, illness/disease, lack of light, growth spurts and ability leaps.
• Changes in a child's life, such as a new routine, different caregiver, unfamiliar environment, disruption in home life or entry into a new developmental stage, can also be stressful. Any change, no matter how positive, will create stress.
• Feelings, both positive and negative, can be stressful. Extreme emotions of joy or excitement can be just as difficult to cope with as feelings of fear, confusion or anger.
• Too much of anything can be stressful. For example, an over-abundance of activity, freedom, stimulation, structure, challenge or boredom can be difficult for a child to handle.

Allen Mendler, in his book Smiling at Yourself (1990), identifies some of the stressful events that children experience:

• Stress is when your brother or sister teases you by calling you names. You may feel angry.
• Stress is when you want something very badly and your mom or dad won't buy it for you. You may feel unloved.
• Stress is when you can't find someone with whom to play or talk. You may feel lonely.

Stressors can also be grouped in three categories: chronic, situational and crisis:

• Chronic stress for some children is a result of a difficult home or care environment, including one in which there is abuse or violence. It can also be caused by unrealistic expectations, emotional or physical trauma or unresolved family issues.
• Situational stress is present for a limited period of time and can be connected to a particular event or occurrence (e.g. moving, divorce, birth of a sibling, illness, holidays, birthdays).
• Crisis stress can often be resolved more quickly. It may be caused by an accident, a sudden loss, a nightmare, sudden sickness of a favourite caregiver, and so on.

Understanding the causes of stress can lead us to effective techniques for stress reduction and can help us respond to the real issue, rather than the stress-induced behaviour. Take a minute to think about how you act when you are feeling stressed. What does it feel like? What is the worst part about it? What do you wish the people around you would do or not do? Keep these questions and answers in mind as we look at the general concepts about stress.

The Stress Experience

Children experience stress differently than adults and the same child may experience it differently at different times. Some children will have physical complaints (e.g. stomach aches, rashes, headaches). My youngest daughter gets what she calls "the cramps" when she is under stress. When I ask her to tell me what they are like, she says, "There are these little dots floating around in my stomach."

Some children get really crabby (my older daughter). Some will "act out" in aggressive interactions (e.g. yelling, hitting, throwing) and some will "act in" (e.g. withdrawing, being destructive to themselves, their art or constructions).

The body knows! If we learn to pay attention to our bodies, we can find out all about our own stress. We can discover where it is located in our bodies; and if we focus on where and how it is stored, we can get at the source. Then we can take steps towards reducing or removing it completely. It's a good idea to do the following exercise with children on a regular basis. You can call it a "health check," "stress thermometer" or "body check."

Exercise:
Close your eyes and relax as much as possible. Now, mentally travel all over your body and identify any pockets of stress. You will recognize these by muscular tightness and the inability of your body to relax in a particular area. Start with your toes and go slowly up your legs, back, chest and shoulders, all the way to your face and head.

If you identify any stress, focus on it for 20 seconds. Ask yourself, "What does this feel like? Where is it coming from? What needs to happen for this feeling to go away?"

If you find you can do something (e.g. stretch, rotate your neck or shoulders), go ahead and do it. If not, remember to give yourself permission and time to do it later.

Stress reactions are gifts. Our bodies are sending us a message that we need to do something differently. Children who have developed skills to handle stress are able to find ways to make themselves feel better without hurting themselves or others. Stress management skills can be taught at an early age. Like any other skill, they take time and practice. Stress is related to conflict. There is a well-established body of skills called conflict resolution skills that are highly useful in reducing stress.

Exercise:
Take a moment and ask yourself, "Who taught me to manage stress?" Do you get a picture of any one person or group of people? Was it a book or a course? How did you learn it? If you haven't learned many skills ask, "What would a person who effectively manages stress look like?" Then ask yourself, "How often do I practice my own stress management? How often do I teach the children in my care about stress management?"

Stress accumulates. The feeling of being "stressed out" may be the result of a whole series of small things, which on their own would be manageable. Acknowledging the causes of stress and expressing feelings about them are probably the most powerful tools we have to reduce stress. How many times have you felt better for having expressed your feelings of anger or frustration about something to a trusted friend or colleague? Most people (children included) prefer feelings of harmony and peacefulness to feelings of being out of control. The challenge of reducing stress and the challenge of creating harmony or peacefulness -- these can guide us to a whole different set of solutions. Of course, not all stress is bad. When stress is manageable, it can propel us to action, give us motivation and keep us rolling.

Ways to Achieve Peacefulness and Harmony

The Environment

• Colours -- Don't underestimate the impact of colour on moods, feelings or stress levels. Notice how green can promote a sense of well-being, soft non-glare blue can calm nerves and black can be depressing.

• Light -- Natural light in large quantities is better than inadequate amounts of artificial light. Darkness or gloominess can be depressing.

• Noise -- Examine your centre or home for noise. Are there loud noises most of the time? Do you provide quiet times so that the children can experience peace and tranquillity on a regular basis throughout the day. Noise should be evaluated for its purposefulness and value.

• Music -- Certain music can stir up the children (e.g. marches and dance music can help them blow off steam). Other music can inspire thought, dreams or pictures (useful for helping children get in touch with their feelings). Check the imagery in the music you use. Encourage warmth, love, nature, gentle fantasy, harmony and safety.
  
  The higher the quality of music you use, the more positive the impact. Children can enjoy instrumental music and adult songs of any type. For a while, my children's favourite tape was Stan Rogers, especially The Apple Song. None of us have ever been able to figure out all the words, but we love it and it makes us laugh. If possible, invest in a good sound system. Make your own tapes to suit the children in your care. Let them help! Pick and choose songs from different sources.

  Smells -- Use environmental oils, natural smells (e.g. pine boughs, wild flowers), fresh air, the aroma of freshly baked bread or familiar spices.

  Living Things -- Plants and animals are good influences on children and adults. However, you must be careful about allergies and safety issues. The judicious placement of a variety of plants and living creatures in the child care centre can relieve stress just by their presence. I have a friend who works with children with learning and behaviour challenges and he swears that there isn't an upset child who can't be calmed down by holding a hamster.

  Imagery/Metaphors -- Close your eyes and visualize your centre. It is early morning when no one else is there. Take a minute and get settled in. What do you see on the walls? What pictures or symbols are there? Do they represent familiar and loving objects and values? Are they representative of harmony through the eyes of different cultures? Is there art? Poetry? Sculpture?
  And what about you as a caregiver? Do you speak in metaphors of peacefulness? Do you phrase your comments and conversations with the children in a positive and nurturing way? Do you help them understand themselves and their feelings by reflecting the attempts they make and the skills they demonstrate? Give them the language they need to make their own attempts at problem-solving and assertiveness (e.g. "I bet you felt as strong as a bear when you were able to get that big stick out of your way!").

  Room Arrangement -- The physical arrangement of play centres, furniture, quiet spaces, areas for changing clothes, toileting and eating should promote smooth transitions and ease of use. The more that children can do for themselves and the less crowding and confusion of activities, the more control and self-reliance the children can practice and the less stressful these activities will become.

The Program

The keys to good programming for children include developmental appropriateness, variety, balance and respectful routines. Developmental appropriateness means that the activities included in a child's day are those that support their developmental needs and abilities and offer them a chance to expand their repertoire of skills.

You can assess variety and balance from a number of frameworks. I like to use the medicine wheel, an idea I have borrowed from First Nations culture. The medicine wheel is divided into four areas: physical, mental, spiritual and emotional. Good programming looks after the children's needs in all of these areas. Children should have a balance of activities that encourage growth in each area. In my view, we in the western culture are much better at focusing on growth in the physical and mental areas, but not in the emotional and spiritual realms.

Take a moment and ask yourself, "How many activities do I plan for in an average day that encourage spiritual or emotional growth?" You may not have thought about activities in these terms. Some activities that might encourage growth in these areas include: practising peacefulness by setting aside a regular time for meditating (Popov); expressing anger by doing a pillow scream (Mendler); artwork for pure expression; respecting nature; and performing the "stress thermometer" exercise.

We know that children thrive on predictability and routine. They need enough time to dress, eat, sleep, play, talk, dream and relax. They need to know what comes next and how much time they have left. For example, letting kids know when they have five minutes left to complete artwork can allow them closure for the activity.

Routines should be established for problem-solving too. Children should learn that any time they turn to you for help in sorting out an interpersonal conflict, you will respond by helping them work it out. You will not take sides or punish, but will help mediate.

After the Onset of Stress

In spite of our best planning, devoted attention to the needs of our children, careful programming, well structured environment and respectful routines, our children will still experiences stress. These two approaches are useful for managing stress: "calm it down" and "blow it out."

In the "calm it down" mode, I recommend the following strategies:

• Physical -- relaxation exercises, deep breathing, slow dancing to peaceful music, resting quietly and art activities that soothe (e.g. water, sand);
• Mental -- cognitive restructuring or self-talk, affirmations, reading or telling stories (in a special place);
• Spiritual -- nature walks, music (especially instrumental pieces that are combined with sounds from nature), relaxation exercises and meditation;
• Emotional -- music, art activities that involve free expression and are done without talking (better with music), and storytelling.

For the "blow it out" mode, here are some strategies:

• Physical -- the greater the stress, the larger the movement (e.g. dancing, marching, rolling, calisthenics, stomping, creeping, throwing safe things, hitting safe things, or making faces). Other good strategies for "blowing it out" are singing (start out as loud as possible and gradually become quieter) and chanting.
• Mental -- expressing feelings verbally (yelling is also good, if it is practical), and fantasizing problem-solving.
• Spiritual -- praying, singing and chanting.
• Emotional -- crying, laughing, breathing and snorting. Art is also a great stress reliever (the wilder, the better). Let children rip things up (such as old catalogues, newspapers or scraps of cloth), splash paint on large areas (such as the wall or floor), or stomp their feet in trays of paint outside. Choose loud colours at first and then change to more peaceful ones. Turn the music volume lower as children work out their feelings. Guide their experience.

Conclusion

Stress is normal and is to be expected. The better our programs, the less stress we will generate. We need to teach ourselves and the children skills to deal with stress before it happens. When it does happen, we need to reach into our bag of tricks and pull out something that we think will help. We need to learn from our mistakes. We have great resources that we can access. Stress reactions are gifts. Let's be thankful for them.

Pat Bragg is coordinator of the Child Care Training Project and the Early Childhood Development Program at Yukon College in Whitehorse.

References

Treleaven, Lorrie (1990). A Special Place: Self Esteem & Relaxation Techniques for Children Ages 5-10. Lordawn Enterprises. (Audiotape distributed by Marvin Melnyk Associates, Queenston, Ontario.)

This article appeared in Interaction (Summer 1995), published by the Canadian Child Care Federation.

Posted by the Canadian Child Care Federation, August 1997.

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