Commentary

Your Cheating Heart
Do sexual dreams mean you're thinking of straying?

BY HUNEY MOCASSIN

I recently had a dream that was really disturbing. It was one of those sex dreams where you're frolicking around with someone who's not your current sweetie; not that it seems to bother you at the time. Everything is lit softly, like looking through the lens of a soft porn camera. Cliché, but true. Maybe candles are glowing; maybe you're in an exotic location. Satin sheets, a sandy beach, whatever gets you going.

It's a safe bet you're naked, or nearly naked. And then it happens, you're touching someone that is not who you usually touch. Could be an acquaintance, a co-worker, a friend's partner, a celebrity or even an invented person you've never seen in your life. Smell, touch, sound, even colour seems more vivid than anything you've experienced in real life.

Then all of a sudden your eyes pop open and your lying next to the lump of blanket that is your boyfriend. His snoring is fairly regular, so apparently you weren't moaning or groaning out loud. Whew, you can exhale now... sound familiar?

C'mon, admit it-you've had dreams like this too. But do dreams of being in the arms of someone else mean you secretly wish it would happen in the 'real world?' Does this mean you want to cheat? No, said the relationship experts I found when I googled the subject in search of answers. I love the Internet.

Here's what I came up with. There are many different types of sex dreams, that's for sure. Often people dream of ex-lovers, co-workers, celebrities, same-sex lovers, and even people they don't like!

Often the dream of the ex-lover isn't a cry to run back into his or her arms, it's just you trying to figure out an aspect of your current relationship using a template from the past.

Think of it this way-remember the first time you tasted cheesecake? It was an amazing experience, right? Now, think of that in terms of love. Your last relationship may not have worked out, but it may have been your most intense relationship before you met your current sweetie. And even when you think you've gotten over a bad relationship and in a new healthy relationship, sometimes dreams of an ex-love remind you not to react as you did then to what's going on now. Learn from the past, then you don't keep making the same mistakes.

For people like me, who've had a really awful relationship, dreaming about that ex-monster is just your way of taking out the shrapnel leftover from the battlefield of love. You're healing!

The co-worker sex dream is another common problem that many people find themselves in, but it isn't a problem because it doesn't mean you want to get busy with them in real life. Dreaming of someone you hang out with just means you're creating a bond with that person, or appreciate a quality you've noticed in that person that you'd like to have as well. Say 'Mike' at work has an outgoing personality. Your dream might mean you secretly wish you could be as outgoing as 'Mike.'

The sex dream with a person of the same sex doesn't mean you're gay. Actually, it means you're getting in touch with some aspect of yourself-you're growing and maturing!

Celebrity sex dreams are innocent, enough. They usually mean you'd like to attain the aspect that celeb represents. Say you dream about comedian Don Burnstick -not that I have, but it could happen-maybe you would just like to be a funnier person.

And, yes, sometimes celeb dreams are sexual, but it's not something to freak out about.

Dreams about people you don't like are often a warning that you're getting involved in something that you really don't want to. If the person is a liar-and you've fibbed to someone, maybe you feel like you're turning into the same type of person.

When you dream about your partner cheating that's a little different, but don't start throwing their clothes out of the closest window just yet. Usually it means you're feeling ignored by your partner, maybe they've been spending more time with hobbies or their job than you'd like. Time to talk.

Take dreams for what they are. Don't ignore them but learn from them, and by all means if you meet up with Adam Beach on some deserted beach do not, I repeat, do not wake up.