uncertainty

my father was born
with a heart
that was not beating.

the doctor said
to the midwife
put the baby in a shoebox
we will try to save
the mother.

and while the doctor
pushed inside my grandmother
with sweaty hands
that shook with uncertainty
my great aunt rose
an old cowlitz woman

who chain-smoked
and had emphysema
pulled my father out of the shoebox
and pressed her lips
against his breathless mouth
and gave him what little air
she had

my father lived
to watch two of his children
born with hearts
that were not beating.
he put them in a shoebox
and buried them
himself.

and my father lived
to kill one hundred japanese soldiers
with a big gun
called a howitzer
at the battle of leyte gulf--

one hundred hearts
that were not beating
brought back to life
by tokyo rose
with her propaganda lies
about their victory

and a kamikaze 
pushed his airplane
inside the ocean
missing the hull
of the ship
that carried my father
away from the battle of leyte gulf
the kamikaze
sparing the lives
of all
but himself
his sweaty hands
shaking
with uncertainty.