Have you ever
been told
you’re:

too smart

TOO LOUD

too opinionated

TOO TALL

too short

TOO FAT

too thin

too brash

too sexy

too plain

TOO BITCHY

too nice

too needy

too aloof

too weak

TOO STRONG

too sensitive

TOO SERIOUS

too fickle

too cute

too silly

too demanding

too much

too anything?

too everything?

What goes on inside the NrrdGrrl! page comes from the thousands of women from around the world who have said yes to any (sometimes all!) of these questions. NrrdGrrl! is an online haven for women who have been told that they don’t fit in, that they are too much of too many things- none of them proper or becoming according to the contradictory standards of ideal feminine behavior.

I wrote this "list of toos" and the NrrdGrrl! Manifesto one evening in a fit of frustration, and posted it to my personal web site. Much to my surprise, women began to respond to it. Then more women came. And more. I was touched, relieved, and saddened all at the same time—I had no idea that so many other women felt the same way I did. And this was just the beginning. Over the last year, literally thousands of women from dozens of nations have visited NrrdGrrl! and written to me with their stories. Students, stay-at-home-moms, teachers, lawyers, scientists, police officers, mine workers, engineers, artists-all colors, all flavors of sexuality, all manner of political and religious belief-all with one thing in common-they all felt like oddballs.

One of the near-miraculous aspects of the development of the Internet as a communications medium, is the way it has allowed like-minded people to find one another. I cannot think of any other way I could have gotten the NrrdGrrl! idea across to so many women in so many places. The other beauty of the Net is the purity of its voice. Even oddballs like me (and the rest of the NrrdGrrl! gang) find the freedom out here online to speak our minds and leave only our words and ideas by which to be judged. For women who, like me, sat in the back of the classroom and never raised their hands— the Internet has been a truly liberating development.

What this has led to with NrrdGrrl!, is an attempt to try and provide a forum that lets oddball women know that they're not alone-to know that there are many, many other women who share these feelings of frustration, isolation and anger at the impossibility of measuring up to an ideal that is so contradictory as to not really even exist. Various parts of the site serve to address different aspects of this community life

The backbone of the NrrdGrrl! page is the Directory, which lists hundreds of personal homepages and e-mail addresses of women who have signed up and have something to say. Looking through these lists, the hope is that a visitor will find not only one or two, but dozens of other women who express feelings that sound familiar. Visitors are encouraged to strike up correspondences with Directory members—its a great way to find a pen-pal or two. For women who wish to create a personal homepage but don't have the know-how, or the money (or both), there's also a section that gives a brief tutorial on web page creation, and information on services that offer free web page server space.

Other sections of the site offer lists of links to women's resources and a special listing of grrl zines, because the grrl movement was so inspiring to me, and I feel it is the lifeblood of young, modern feminism. (Grrl, for those of you who aren't familiar with the term- is a movement in alternative music of women starting their own bands and writing their own songs. The hallmark of a grrl band is a strong, independent voice both musically and lyrically. Examples of grrl bands include Hole and Bikini Kill).

The latest NrrdGrrl! project, is the monthly e-zine Grrowl! which is written entirely by NrrdGrrls. Poetry, fiction, art, rants, essays, anything and everything that expresses a nrrdgrrls-eye view of the world. Submissions are always welcome, and new or beginning writers are strongly encouraged to participate. Grrowl! is very willing to edit and work with new writers to ready their ideas for publication.

My hopes for NrrdGrrls future include reaching an ever increasing number of women and encouraging them to use their energies in a creative and productive manner. When I think of all the time I spent in my own life simply wishing that I were something other than what I was-pining away for an ideal that was presented to me in a movie or on the glossy pages of a magazine-I am both saddened and angered at the waste. If the NrrdGrrl! site can encourage women to accept/ignore/embrace their oddness and help them to see that MOST people are ODD and FEW people are NORMAL in the way that society has painted the picture of "normal", then I will feel that the project is a success. As we say on the web site, "normal does not mean the same as everyone else".

NrrdGrrl! email: ameliaw@winternet.com

URL: http://www.nrrdgrrl.com

Amelia Wilson is a website designer and writer from New York City. She shares her life and her teeny Manhattan apartment with her husband David and her cats Toby and Ms. Pickles. When she’s not working, Amelia can probably be found enjoying a cold bowl of Cap’n Crunch.

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