Children - Adolescents 7 -18 Years

School Health Questions

1. How can I help my child who is being picked on by his peers at school?

1. How can I help my child who is being picked on by his peers at school?

Ah teenagers! They sleep, they eat, they hang out with friends, they play, not even the slightest of worries and adults envy them for their happiness and youthfulness. But life isn't always that simple. What if one day your young adolescent returns home sad faced and tells you that someone at school or on the street is bullying him or her? Worry comes first, and then fear follows. Worries about the negative effect on your child; fear for his/her safety. What can you do?

First, you should know that bullying is a common problem in many communities. Although more often seen in the lower grades it is also a problem in school where about 5% of teenagers report being bullied.

Your kid may be a victim of one or more of these five types of bullying:

1. Verbal bullying can include calling names, teasing and spreading rumours.
2. Emotional bullying is leaving someone out of things (games, team sports), making fun of them or humiliating them.
3. Racial bullying is about racist taunts or graffiti.
4. Sexual bullying means unwanted contact or rude personal comments.
5. Physical bullying is related to physical violence, hitting, pushing.

All types of bullying are upsetting and painful. They can happen in school, the community, or even on your street. Bullying has many consequences.

• Your adolescent may feel mad, sad, or start to feel depressed.
• They may develop low self-esteem which could encourage them to withdraw from friends and family, making them feel isolated and lonely.
• They may become uncomfortable at school which could cause them to miss classes, have trouble with school work, or make them drop out all together.

If you suspect your adolescent is being bullied, try to get them to talk about their problems and fears. Let them know you believe them and that it is not their fault. Support their feelings; do not diminish them by saying the bully is only teasing. Remember that chances are the bullying will not go away by itself.

You can also "bully proof" your adolescent.

• You can teach kids to walk away rather than take abuse.
• Teach them to talk directly, briefly and with confidence to the bully. Role play with them to demonstrate how they can appear confident and assertive. But tell them not to resort to violence against the bully; the situation could simply get worse.
• You can increase their self-esteem by encouraging them to participate in activities around their talents and interests. Drama clubs are good to help them express themselves.

It could be useful to consult a psychologist if your adolescent is really upset or depressed or if they want to talk about how they feel.

You should also report the problem to the school if the bullying takes place at school. Make sure the school has a no-tolerance policy toward bullying and that they enforce it. Organize your school to get a conflict resolution project going. Increase supervision over your adolescent. It is up to the school and the adults in a teen's life to make sure the environment is safe.

For more information or help:

• Deal

A site designed in collaboration with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and that provide information on problems facing youth.

• Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868)

Kids Help Phone is Canada's only toll-free, national telephone counselling service for children and youth. This site offers a forum for kids: experiencing violence, either at home or in their communities; struggling with alcohol and/or drug abuse; dealing with issues related to suicide. Tips for parents and others, common warning signs, and advice on what to do if you suspect someone you know is at risk of committing suicide are featured. On the Kids Help Phone web site, you'll fine some great videos developed by youth on ideas on how to deal with being bullied. There's also links to support networks for young people being bullied.