War

by Steven J. Gerhardt


Every breath sucks in more dirt
Every exhale kills my friends
Why am I here
When do I go home
Where did those men come from
And are they as sick as I

I try not to think
And just kill the beast
Try and not associate
All the basters I now create

I raise my gun
Over the top
Only seeing all the faces
Faces who had names
Names that did not matter
But only to those who had to hold their death

Whaling up
I fire and scream
Trying not to care
Trying not hit anything
For I can not live with this anymore

Just when the paper hits my shoulder
That fell from the plane I didn't hear
Not knowing what it was
I duck back down with fear

It lyeÕs face down in my lap
And dose not explode
All the ear shattering noise
Begins to slow
And I turn the paper over
Simple sweet words
Call in. The war is over
Looking up at the man who cups the receiver
And nods his head tells me it is true
They all stair at me in disbelieve
I only mirror that they show me

Turing away slowly I crawl and peak over the top
Only to see all the beast standing on top in a line
The greatest one out front
The rest standing behind him
I slowly stand and walk up
All my friends join me in the same stance
We stood there for a lifetime or so
Before he mustered up more strength than me

Slowly following suit
I begin to walk towards him
He is a great deal older
And I now can respect
His eyes look through me
His hands as strong as love
His heart black as death
His mind screams to be free

We stop just feet from each other
Studding, tension, stress and fear
Unwilling to move on
Unable to run back to the hole

I hold out my now empty hand
On my palms is the blood of my brothers
Under my nails is the dirt of why I'm here
And a wedding band of callus from the trigger

He steps forward
Battered as I am
Eyes blacked from crying for the end
Lips that screamed to save his family
Only words that killed his friends
Words that sold out his morals
And frightened his god

He takes my hand and we freeze in time
All his pain rushes out his feet
And his face opens up to the truth
Betraying his cold front with a smile
Thinking I will do the same
I wait for the joy
The fire in my body to go out
Anger in my head to leave

I stair at his smile
He looks happy to be going home
Happy to soon be with his loved
Happy to not to want to kill
Happy seeing my face and not my gun
I yurn to be done with all this
Wanting to go home
Soon to hug my brother
Kiss my mother and love my wife

His face starts to slow
He stairs at me
I think he wonders
Knowing I can't let it be
Smelling the death on my breath
Hoping I have mercy in my heart

All I can see is the devil
Who killed my family
The butcher who killed my friends
The animal who screamed for my death
The beast who needs to pay
The corps that will die

I don't remember firing the shot in to his head
Just the look of surprise
As he feel to the ground
Dead and I do not feel better

A howl and a shot
My body spins and hits the ground
I look into the sky and watch the bullets fly
My breath slows and my world begins to fade
The fighting is so thick
That when I raise a hand to God
It is shredded to a stump
What have I done
Nothing and now I die

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Page created by Dave A. Law
Last update: June 17, 1998