Kathleen to Peter - Aug. 27, 1892

BC Archives MS02894 Box 36 File 34

Point Ellice
Victoria, B. C.
27th August, 1892

My darling Father,

I don't know how to begin to write you. I did not see the letter that Mother sent last Saturday, but she told you that Mr. Stanhope had asked me to marry him, & that I did not say 'No', though of course nothing was final until you heard about it and said whether you could allow such at thing. Now I feel that I did wrong in encouraging Mr. Stanhope after he had spokien [sic] to me & before he left for England. And this has made me very miserable & worse still I have given a great deal of trouble to dear Mother. She has been very good to me but naturally despises my conducts I do myself. I never thought I could have behaved so. She cannot understand what I mean and I cannot understand myself all I know is that I have been very unhappy for the last week.

Dear Father I don't think you can make head or tail of this letter & I feel I deserve your displeasure but do try to forgive me and help me if you can. I have never felt that I wanted you so much before. There is no one to blame, but myself entirely. Of course I do not know if you have answered Mr. Stanhope's letter to you, or what you may have said. I did not actually promise to marry him, but when I knew that he wanted it to be so, I ought not to have let him think that I really liked him unless I was quite decided. I did not want to be married, I love being here with you all & though you think that I am discontented, I am not I don't believe any one has ever had a happier house & life than I have. After Mr. Stanhope had left I thought of writing & telling him all of this & making an end of it regardless of what he might think of me, but dear Mother advised me not to do so & now I am very glad that I did not, as in any case it is better to wait & think shows more regard for his feelings. I have shewn what I have written to mother.

I am not happy about what took place between us, that I am so afraid in thinking I loved him enough to marry him. After he had gone I was so frightened of being bound to him as I seemed to know so little of him & it would be so awful if in learning to know him I liked him less instead of better… (end of letter)